07-18-2015, 07:08 PM
A month passed and I was still sleeping in the guest room. Maita had left, but not after I had caught Blaine and her alone together on four separate occasions. Both times it looked like one of them had been crying, and the other was trying to hold strong.
A week after she left, I found one of Blaine's letters that he was sending to her everyday. I do not know what came over me, but I picked one up and took it to my room. I read the entire love letter. It spoke about how he would only ever love her and that his heart would remain broken until they could be together again. How he couldn't even touch me and that the kiss had only been an experiment to see if his love was true to her.
After that I spoke to Leora about the letters and discovered that she was as disgusted with them as I was. Since she controlled all the mail that came into the household, she promised to burn any letters that Blaine gave to her or any that Maita sent. Since the letters came daily, I knew that it would be a hard task for her to hide from Blaine. I do not know why I had done such a thing and I should have spoken to Blaine about it. Admitted that I had read his private mail to another and demanded that he told me what the meaning of all this was. I was not the type of person to act behind another's back, but he was lying to either me or Maita. Since I was his wife, then I had rights to him.
He never invited me into his bed even after a month had passed since our wedding. Kerani had accidentally told me that the servants were speaking on the matter, and some believed our marriage to be a scam. It was common knowledge that our marriage could be absolved at anytime as long as Blaine didn't take me into his bed. I wondered what it was that he was planning and it had begun to make me slightly paranoid.
"If you knew something you would tell me, wouldn't you?" I asked Durril as we sat on a blanket next to the lake.
"Such as?"
I was laying down on the blanket and looking up at the stars, "If he was planning something? Like a way to get Maita back and to absolve our marriage."
He nodded, "If I knew anything like that, you would be told." Durril was sitting cross legged beside me. "Do you honestly believe that he would do that?"
"I do not know him well enough to judge." I lied. The letters were proof enough for me, but Durril didn't know that I was withholding them. "Why would he keep me in the guest room? He's never touched me."
Durril shrugged and looked out over the lake, "I have told you that he is a romantic. Perhaps, he doesn't want a woman in his bed that he doesn't love."
I sighed audibly and sat up to look over the lake with him. My infatuation with Durril had not passed like I had hoped it would. I found that it was only becoming stronger. Everyday I told myself that I would not spend time with him, and everyday I found myself doing just that. It seemed to me that Durril was more interested in helping me with Blaine, so I rationalized that nothing would happen between us. I would never attempt to initiate any passionate contact and knew he never would either. He just didn't feel the same way for me, at least that was what I told myself.
He was the only friend that I had here. Blaine was always too busy to do much with me and Durril filled that void. He didn't seem to have many other friends besides the guards and Blaine. So, we spent our time together doing as we pleased. I think that Blaine was becoming suspicious that there was more between us, though he didn't seem to mind. He caught Durril tickling me. He stared at us with Durril above me, but said nothing and left the room.
I laid back down and shut my eyes, "Give it more time, I suppose. That's what Kerani keeps telling me. She says that I am too impatient."
"She is right and wrong. A wife should share the same bed as her husband on the night of their wedding. Blaine should not be forcing you to stay in another room." He shuffled around on the blanket, but I kept my eyes shut and didn't see what he was doing. "You should give the situation more time. He still needs to mend his heart."
"It's strange. He told me that I would have his children, and yet he does not touch me."
"He said that?"
I nodded. "I told him that he didn't have to love me either. He seemed to be relieved to hear that." I was going to add that he mentioned he was going to try to love me, but I felt Durril's hand run across my arm. The touch surprised me and made the skin he touched quiver. I kept my eyes closed afraid that if I opened them he might remove his hand from my arm.
There was a long silence before Durril answered, "I love you enough for the both of us."
My eyes opened and I found Durril on his side next to me. His face was inches away from my own. I told myself to sit up, but my body refused. He kissed my lips gently and then looked at me.
"I hate myself because of you, Valora. I betray my brother every time my heart pounds wildly because you've entered the room. Every time I reach to hold your hand. Every time I allow myself to think we could ever have more then a relationship like siblings do." He laid his hand on my abdomen, "I know that I kill our friendship by admitting this to you tonight. I just can't make excuses for the way that my brother treats you anymore. I am sorry."
I didn't know what to say so I remained silent.
"He's a blind, ignorant bastard. What kind of man can't see a beautiful gem right in front of him? What if he absolves the marriage? You once said you would marry me if you could." He bowed his head, "I can not believe that I am speaking these words to you. I just can not defend my brother's actions or hide what I feel for you."
My hand grew a mind of its own then and touched his cheek. Durril looked up to me briefly before rushing my lips. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he kissed me with all the passion that he had kept hidden and I did the same. Our tongues mingled with one another's and Durril would moan deep within his throat every time I sucked on his tongue. I wanted him to do everything that I had dreamt of him doing to me, but I knew that we had already gone too far.
I released my hands from around his neck and pressed his shoulders back. He opened his eyes and seemed to understand what I was trying to communicate. Rolling off me, he groaned in frustration as I stood and headed back to the manor. I don't know how long Durril remained outside on the blanket, but he hadn't come in when I went to bed.
My biggest fear would be that Durril would tell him. Blaine may be able to forgive him, but I could be killed for adultery. I knew that I needed to do something to get my mind off the problem at hand. So, I went to the manor's library to find myself a book to read. I had exhausted the three poetry books that my father had allowed me to take. I needed new reading material.
Apparently, Blaine's mother was quite the reader and she had a wide collection of books for women. Some were romantic tales, others poetry, and some carried ideas for what a lady could do around the house to waste her hours. I picked up a gardening book and started to read it. After about the thirtieth page, I started to believe that I could actually care for a garden of my own. It sounded relaxing and I definitely needed something to keep my mind off the drama in the house.
As I was reading further in, I heard the sounds of people arguing. With my book in hand, I went to investigate. The yells came from Blaine's study and it took me a moment to realize he was arguing with Durril. I felt a hard lump in my throat when the thought of Durril telling him what happened between us crossed my mind.
"She hasn't written me in three weeks! He may have harmed her!" I heard Blaine say as he came close to the door.
"I doubt it. She probably realizes that you are both married now. You should focus your attentions on Valora." Durril was also standing near the door.
I knew that if either of them opened the door that I would be caught, but I didn't care in those moments.
Something was knocked over and made a loud crashing noise. "I love Maita!"
"You are married to Valora!" Durril yelled back, "Maita is also married to another! Are you blind or stupid?"
There was a long silence, I knew that Blaine was trying to stare his brother into submission. "If it weren't for Valora, I…"
"Do not speak as if this is her fault, Blaine! She was practically a newborn when this engagement was arranged. She has nothing to do with it."
"Yes, you would defend her! You, who has been courting my wife! Do not think I am blind to it!"
"Courting your wife?" Durril snorted, "Are you insane? I am merely spending time with her like you should be doing. Acting like her friend, doing the job of her husband."
"Doing the job of her husband? And does that include taking her into your bed?" Blaine barked.
He began to laugh, "What if I have? You aren't."
I almost fainted when I heard Durril speak those words and I imagined the silence afterwards was Blaine's face filling with enraged blood.
"Do not jest about such things." Blaine warned.
"Why would you care? You obviously won't touch her. She's your wife. You have the rights to her and yet you lust after another man's wife."
A hand touched my shoulder and I looked over at Leora. My face flushed with embarrassment. She whispered, "Don't listen here. They will catch you. Come." She took my hand and pulled me to the stairs and opened a small door. We walked into the servants quarters and pressed our ears against the wall. Though we hardly had to as we could hear what they were saying rather clearly.
"I have to travel north to ensure that Maita is in good health." Blaine said.
"I won't let you do that. If someone must go, it will be me. You harm your wife with the way you lust for another woman." Durril sighed.
"You would go to ease my mind?"
"No, I would go to ensure you don't harm Valora anymore then you already have. She knows about the love letters that you send to Maita. And the way you behaved during your wedding ceremony was barbaric!" Durril hissed.
Nothing was said for several moments. "Here is where she lives." I assumed that Blaine had written something down for him.
"I will go under one condition." He paused, "When I return, you and Valora must be at the very minimum close friends. You must make an effort to love your wife, since she is the one that will be with you for all your life. She is the one that vowed to care for and love you, not Maita."
"Maita would have if…" He sighed, "Very well."
I heard the door slam and I knew that I had to tell Durril the truth. If he went all the way up to visit Maita, she would tell him that she wasn't the one receiving letters from Blaine. I looked at Leora who looked just as shocked and scared as I was.
"I'll take care of it." I whispered and ran out of the room to find Durril.
I found him in the dining hall. He was asking a servant to pack him some food for travel. "Durril."
He turned to me and gave only a partial grin, "Valora. I am going to leave for a while. I will be back in two weeks."
"There is something I have to tell you."
He rose an eyebrow, "Alright."
"Maita has been writing him letters." He kept the same expression, "I've been burning both his and her letters, so they couldn't communicate." I wasn't going to tell him that Leora was part of the scheme. She didn't need to be punished for my idea.
Durril swallowed and placed his hand over his face.
"What did you say?" My heart felt like it stopped when I heard Blaine's voice behind me.
I turned to face him. His eyes were enraged and the flesh on his face was red. Taking a step back, I tried to put some space between us.
"What did you say?" He asked again. He took a step towards me.
"Blaine, stop." Durril demanded and stepped between us.
He continued to charge me and shoved his brother off his feet. Grabbing both my upper arms, he shook me. "What have you done?" He screamed and shook me again.
My arms started to ache and I knew he would leave bruises. "I am sorry." I cried when he shook me again.
Durril ran towards him and tried to pull him off me. Endre and another male servant entered into the dining hall and peeled him away. They pulled him towards the kitchen door and I ran to the dining room doors.
"How dare you destroy my letters!" Blaine yelled in anger which caused more servants to come flooding in. "You are nothing! Just a glorified servant girl! Your duty is to bare my children and nothing more! You were lucky that your father saved my father's life! Now, I have to pay his debt by being wed to you!" He was still trying to break free of them and attack me.
"Silence yourself." Durril ordered him.
"How dare I? How dare I?" I squeaked. Durril said something about not making it worse, but I ignored him. "You had your chance to take Maita as your wife, you greedy little gnome! All you had to do was give up everything and you chose not to! This manor is yours because of me! This land is yours because of me! Your title is yours because of me!" I stomped my foot whenever I said me. "Your position as the king's advisor is because of me! I am everything that you have and love! I am everything that you wouldn't give up in order to be with her!"
I saw Blaine's muscle's relax and the servants and Durril didn't have to hold him back as much.
"Did you think for even one second that I enjoyed spending my entire life being trained to be your wife? A man that I didn't know! Did you think that I enjoyed just being an object in my father's eyes? Something he could trade for a meager amount of status in his community?" I slammed my hand on the serving table, "No! No! No! I am not an obstacle in the way of your life, Blaine! This is your life! This is all that you get! You need to accept it or you will be miserable for the rest of your days! I am not an object to give birth to your children! I have been one all my life and it ends today!" With that I spun around and headed up the stairs.
Blaine had been completely released from their holds and was standing still on his own accord. The dining hall had servants looking around the corners to hear what was being said, but I didn't care. He needed a dose of humiliation as well as reality.
In my room, I was quickly accompanied by Kerani, who said nothing of what had happened down stairs. Not that she would have been able to understand the argument, but she knew something had happened. I had seen her watching from the stairway.
Blaine left the next day when he received a summons from the king. Leora stopped burning Maita's letters which still came everyday. Durril and I were still not speaking to each other, but I did manage to convince Endre to go into town and purchase me some seeds. He had some other servants build me a small fence behind the manor for my flower garden.
I immediately went to work. Kerani was always with me as I tried to get the seeds to grow. The book had said this was the right time to start planting them. By the end of the month, I had several sprouts and was feeling proud of myself.
"I don't see why you didn't plant vegetables or strawberries. At least you can eat those. What can you do with flowers?" Kerani asked me as I sat in the middle of the garden. No one was allowed in because they didn't know where I planted the seeds, so she stood near the gate.
I smiled at her, "I'll plant strawberries next year, I promise." She had been nagging me about strawberries since I started the garden.
With a grin, she leaned against one of the fence posts. "You seem happier then before."
"Before what?" I asked as I created another hole.
"Before you showed Blaine his place. I think that you gave him quite a bit to think about."
I glared up at her, "And who told you what I said?" I knew the answer, but the question purchased me time to be stunned from her gull.
"Endre." She sighed and looked towards the manor, "Lord Durril has been rather quiet since that day, I wonder if he was offended by your words."
Wiping my forehead with my wrist, I turned my eyes back to Kerani. "It doesn't matter if he is or not. We couldn't possibly go on the way we were. Blaine loves another woman, but I am his wife." There was a little frustration apparent in my voice, but she didn't seem alarmed by it. "I will be treated with honesty as any wife should be, and I refuse to be seen as a burden."
"I would hardly think that Lord Blaine thinks that you are a burden. There are times when we all must do that which we would prefer not to. Sometimes those decisions are life altering and you can never take them back." She stood from her leaning position, but her hands remained on the fence post. "When I was taken from my homeland, I could have acted out and not accepted my slavery. I was told by another slave that if I continued my behavior they would send me to the colosseum where I would be killed by either an angry beast or a blood thirsty gladiator."
I stopped what I was doing and applied all my attention to Kerani. She had never spoken of her capture before and would become upset if anyone mentioned that she was a slave.
"I had to make a decision to either fight for my freedom and most likely die a horrid death, or become gentle and hope that I would someday become a servant for a noble woman." She tapped her fingers on the fence post as she spoke, "I was told that would be the best task I could hope for. So, you see, Valora, one must accept life as it comes. If we fight it when there is no hope for change, then we only make ourselves miserable."
"Blaine wouldn't have died had he not married me."
She nodded, "Correct, but he would of lost everything he thought was his life. Isn't that the same as dying?"
"No, it's not. He wouldn't have died, Kerani. There would have been Maita, the very woman that he has allowed to destroy his life now. He won't accept that they will never be now. He made that decision, not his father and certainly not me."
Crossing her arms, she stared at me for several moments. It was a look that I was all too familiar with. The cold but caring eyes told me that she had seen something in my words and in my voice that I was trying to hide. "Why?" She finally asked, before I could ask what she meant, she continued. "Why did you have those letters burned? Why didn't you just speak to him on the matter first? Why did you confront him when others were present? That was not like you."
I swallowed, "I don't know. With Blaine I am never sure how I should approach these matters. His personality changes so drastically that…"
"What is it you fear, Valora? Tell me."
I looked across the garden into her eyes for several long moments as I tried to come up with a lie of some sort. The thoughts that I was trying to hide only caused my eyes to tear up. "I fear he may be planning to kill me and to kill Maita's husband, so they can be together."
Kerani's arms dropped to her side. I could tell by the way she looked at the gate that she wanted to enter into the garden and sit with me, but I had told her to stay out. "That can not be true. Why would you think of such a thing?"
"Don't you see, Kerani? He's sending her letters, he invited her to the wedding, and she stayed here after the wedding. He wouldn't allow me to even speak with her. Something does not bode well with me. I can't…" I pressed my lips together as I watched Durril exit the manor and approach the garden.
He smiled at Kerani before looking over my patch of dirt, "I heard that you started a garden, what type of flowers are you planting?"
I pointed to the small bag of seeds, "I told Endre to mix them up so I could be surprised when they grow."
Durril chuckled, "My mother often talked about starting her own garden, but father kept her busy with other matters. It would have been nice to have this early. Not that we would have given it any upkeep after she past on. Father could barely tolerate the bushes around the manor."
I nodded and stood from my position. I hoped that he didn't realize that I had been crying.
"I'll wait by the manor door." Kerani bowed to me, before giving Durril and myself some time to talk privately.
I wished that Kerani had stayed, she couldn't understand what Durril was saying to me, so it didn't really matter if she was there.
"I thought perhaps we could go for a walk and speak on what happened the other day." He pointed towards the lake.
Slowly I shook my head then turned my eyes towards the dirt beneath my feet, "No, Durril, I think it would be best if that was placed behind us now."
"Let's not allow the matters between you and Blaine come between us."
"And what exactly are we, Durril?" I folded my arms, "I think you are far too involved with your brother's wife."
For a brief moment, I thought his jaw would drop. "What have I done to cause you to say such words to me?"
I shook my head, "Nothing, I apologize."
He nodded, "Yes, I will see you at dinner then." With that he spun around and headed back towards the manor. He looked over his shoulder briefly at me before he disappeared inside.
"Endre told me that you have been out here all day." I sat down beside Durril with a blanket wrapped around my shoulders.
He was staring out over the lake that had a soft glow from the full moon. When I sat down he looked at me out of the corner of his eye, before turning his attentions back to the lake.
"I am sorry if I offended you earlier today, Durril. Everything that has happened recently has been causing me nothing but worry. I lashed out at you, when I knew that you are only trying to be kind to me." I sighed, "I did not mean to insinuate anything."
He began to shake his head, "No, you were right. I have implemented myself improperly in your life. Blaine has seen it and so have you. Things have happened between us that betray my brother's trust."
"It is rather lonely here. Blaine is gone quite often, all we have is each other and the servants. We couldn't help but become friends, we just allowed ourselves to come too close."
Durril shook his head, "No, that's not it. The moment I saw you I did not act as a brother should. I acted as if I had some chance of winning your heart, even though I knew you were here to wed my brother. I am the one at fault not you, Valora."
"Do not act as if I had no say in this matter, I…"
"Stop, Valora. You just don't understand. Not even now can I tell myself that you belong to my brother. I am being a fool, I need to leave before I cause anymore trouble." Durril turned his head so he could see me. "If my love for you is plain enough for you and Blaine to see, then it won't be long before the servants start rumors in town."
The word love startled me for a moment, but I tried pretend that it did not bother me. "Durril, please, do not leave. We are both strong people and can ignore such childish feelings. It's not as if…"
"Childish feelings? Did you not hear me when I said that I loved you?" He sighed and ran his hands over his face, "Every time I see Blaine treat you poorly, my heart fills with a rage. I know that he has a treasure, another thing in his life that I want, but will never have. He is too much of a child, himself, to understand their beauty and importance. He doesn't deserve you or anything that he has. I wish that he would have married Maita, then…" He shook his head, "I do not know."
"You only want me because I belong to your brother." I said the words as if I were shocked and indeed I was. It never occurred to me that Durril was a jealous little brother, who thought that his elder brother got everything he ever wanted.
"No. No." He turned his body to face me and placed his hands on my cheeks. "I swear that is not true. Blaine always gets the best of life has to offer, and treats it as if it were worthless. I have worked hard for everything that I have, and discover the one thing that I truly want Blaine already owns."
I stared into his eyes and he returned the stare. Before I could speak, Durril engulfed my mouth with his own. At first it was a hungry kiss, but it became sweeter as the moments ticked by. He kissed my bottom lip gently before pulling away to look at me and I could see the pain in his eyes.
"I told myself this wouldn't happen again!" He growled and stood up. His back to me, he seemed to be waiting for me to say something.
Standing up, I positioned the blanket on my shoulders, "You are right, I can never be yours. As much as either of us want this to be, adultery could get us both killed. Perhaps it would be best if you did leave." I tried to hide the sorrow that was growing in my voice.
Durril nodded, "I will make arrangements once Blaine returns."
With that said, I began the short journey back to the manor. My heart felt as if it were on fire, and I realized then that I had just lost my only friend. I didn't want Durril to leave, but if what he said was true, then we would only cause ourselves more harm if he stayed. Neither of us wanted to suffer the consequences that would lie ahead of us.
"Tonight, then." She blew a kiss to Endre and he blushed before walking towards the manor.
"It seems your love has sprouted." I said happily when I was certain he was out of hearing distance.
A wide smile bloomed on her lips, "Is it so obvious?" Her cheeks grew red, "I never thought that I would meet a Gyosian that I could ever have feelings for." Her smile faded when she saw the look of envy in my eyes, "Love will be born between you and Blaine, Valora, just give it time. Be friendly and try not to disagree too often."
I nodded and was glad she didn't know the truth behind my envy, "I know."
"Lord Blaine is home!" Endre yelled from the manor's back door.
My head popped up and a look of worry came over my face.
Kerani turned her attention to Endre, then back to me. With a frown, she spoke, "Are you going to behave yourself this time?"
I shrugged, "It all depends on him."
"Valora, please!" She whined loudly.
We were in the garden for a half hour before Blaine walked around the manor and saw the nearly erected fence. Kerani bowed to him and made her way to the back door to give us some privacy.
"You have been busy." He said as he started to walk into the garden.
"No!" I yelled and jumped to my feet, "Don't come in here. You don't know where I planted the flowers."
He stepped back out, "My apologies."
"I am going to build some stone paths. I ordered the stone, but they said it won't arrive until next month." I wiped my hands on my apron.
Blaine nodded, "Flowers?"
"Yes. I promised Kerani that I would grow strawberries next year."
He grinned, "I brought you something back from Mureal." Mureal was the capitol of Seria. He offered out his hand and I walked to the front. "They are just sugar candies, but I thought you may like them."
I looked at the little brown cubes. "Thank you. I would take them from you, but my hands are dirty."
"I'll… I'll put them on the nightstand beside our bed." He put them in the pouch on his belt.
His words shocked me.
"I have ordered the servants to move your things into my room. You will start sleeping in our shared bed tonight. It is only right, you are, after all, my wife."
My eyes dropped down to my feet and I nodded.
"You were right. I had time to think on it and you are my life. I can't pretend that this is just a predicament that I have to live through, before I can be with her. You were also right about me not wanting to give up my inheritance and title for her. If I had truly loved her then I would of done so without hesitation." He smirked, "Hell, my father probably would have seen that I was willing and just apologized to your father. He might have offered to allow you to marry Durril."
I cleared my throat.
"Which would have been better for you. Since he obviously loves you and I am so focused on what I would like to happen that I am not watching what is happening. My wife and my brother are falling in love and I am just ignoring it. Telling myself that Maita is meant to be my wife, so it doesn't matter." He was biting the inside of his lip.
"We never meant for it to happen, Blaine. And nothing has occurred between us." I tried to comfort him even though I lied.
"I know. Otherwise my brother wouldn't be trying so hard to make me be a husband to you. He would welcome the chance to send me away to see Maita when I thought she was in trouble." He sighed, "I thought a lot about what you said while I was gone. My father once told me that a knight fights with the sword he has. Not the magical sword that is hidden away in some dragon's hoard. You can not protect yourself with a dream."
He took my hand and looked at my face, though I kept my eyes to the ground. "I never knew what he meant until now. Maita's that dream sword that I will never have, because the dragon is life and society. You are the sword that I carry in my sheath. The one that parries the blows against me and cuts down my enemies. You are the sword that was given to me by another great knight and I spit upon it, because I thought it wasn't as good as my dream sword. But I never had the courage to fight the dragon, so I can never have that sword."
He was only telling me that I was good enough even though he knew there was better out there. At least, that's what I understood from his words.
"And if you'll allow me to keep this metaphor going for another moment. I didn't realize how truly wonderful and magical my own sword was, until my own brother coveted it." He squeezed my hand, "I want to be able to see you through my brother's eyes. To look at you the way he does and to long to be with you. That will never happen if I just keep dreaming of another life… another woman." When I didn't say anything, he continued, "I understand why you fell in love with my brother. He was there for you, cared for you, and wanted you while I locked myself away writing love letters to another. If you could just forgive me for all this, I know that I can make you see me for who I truly am."
"And who are you truly?" I looked up at him for the first time.
"From this day forward, I am truly your husband. That is all I ever want to be and that can be whatever you desire." He opened the gate so he could kneel down before me and kept a firm grasp of my hand. "It is the duty of every knight to see when he is wrong and acknowledge it. Then his duty is to remedy the problem and beg for forgiveness from whom he has wronged." He overlapped his hands so that mine was stuck between them. "This knight humbly begs for your forgiveness, milady. If you can not forgive me now, tell me and I will do whatever it takes to ensure that one day you do."
I shook my head, "From the day I arrived, you have been inconsistent. Telling me on the day of your wedding that you would have no more contact with your lover and then continuing to writing to her. You spent more time with her the first week of our union then you did with me. I will not believe your words this time."
Blaine looked up at me. "You believe that I have lied to you?" His eyes dropped, "I suppose that is true. As a knight, there is no excuse for me to lie. I have vowed never to speak untruths. Yet, even though when I said those things to you I meant them, I did not do as I said I would." He stood up, "I will gain your trust back and prove to you that I am as good as my word. I shall prove it to you even now!"
Keeping my hand in his, he pulled me towards the manor and we sought out Leora. She was helping the others move my items.
"Leora, burn any letters that I receive from Maita." He ordered as soon as she was in sight.
She seemed startled by his outburst as we appeared on the stairs. Covering her arms were some of my dresses that she was moving from my old room. "Even the ones that I received while you were away, milord?"
"All of them." He went to turn around, "No, take those to my room. I want to burn them myself."
I wanted to roll my eyes as I believed that he would read them, but I said and did nothing as he walked down the stairs. Leora gave me a questioning look, but did not ask anything of me.
"What has happened?" Durril asked me. "Is he still upset? He hasn't said two words to me." There was now worry in his eyes mixed with his heartbrokenness.
I shook my head, "No, he has assured me that he will be a better husband and will no longer have contact with Maita."
He nodded his head and took a sip of his wine, "That is a start, I suppose."
My hands were laying in my lap and I felt nervous. It was that Blaine knew there was more between Durril and myself, and I felt uncomfortable in his presence now more then ever. "He told me that he knows about our feelings toward one another."
"I know. I told him." He cleared his throat, "He already had his suspicions. I thought he would throw me from the house, but he didn't seem to mind. He just told me to not let the servants catch us."
"What did you tell him?"
"Just that we had shared feelings. Nothing more." Durril looked down at his empty plate, "I suppose he felt that if he had a lover then you were entitled to one as well."
"When did you inform him of this?"
"Before you threw your temper tantrum."
I was about to tell him that it was hardly a temper tantrum, but the sounds of Blaine's study door shutting made me look into the hall. Blaine exited the study and smiled at me, before heading up the stairs. "It seems things are going to be set right between us, now."
"Good. You deserve to be the center of a man's world, even if it isn't mine." He looked back up to me, "We should never speak on this again. Let it be forever forgotten."
I nodded my head when I heard Blaine coming back down the stairs. He entered the room with a smile and took his seat at the head of the table.
"I thought I would show Valora the tree house today, unless you have already done so." Blaine was speaking to his brother.
"No, that must have slipped my mind."
My husband's eyes turned to me, "Durril and I built a tree house after my fourteenth birthday. I haven't checked on it in years and might not be in very good condition, but Durril tells me that you enjoyed climbing trees back home."
"When there was something in the tree worth getting."
Both men laughed. The servants came from the kitchen and began to serve us some ham and biscuits. It apparently was Blaine's favorite meal as they always served it for lunch when he returned home. After we ate Blaine excused himself to change into his riding pants and order two horses to be prepared for us.
Durril came around to help pull out my chair. When I stood up we were inches apart. I could smell his musky scent and feel the heat from his body. He didn't move away from me, only stood in wait for me to step around him. I don't know what came over me, but I kissed him. As hard and passionately as I could. It surprised me even more that he reciprocated the act. He ended it as quickly as I had started it, though he added two small kisses to both corners of my mouth to finish it.
I went to wait for Blaine at the end of the stairway and Durril went out on his rounds. We didn't speak on the matter as I think we both understood the situation clearly enough. I promised myself that it would be the last time that I kissed my husband's brother and that I had to turn any passion I carried for him to Blaine. Not only could an adulterer wife and her lover be put to death, but I felt even worse that it was his brother.
I knew the bond that I had with my brothers and I couldn't image any of them doing anything like this to me. The heartbreak I would feel would devastate me, even if I did not care for the person I was wed to. Besides, Blaine knew about our feelings and he would ensure there were watchful eyes on us. There was nothing that we could do even if we wanted to.
"Are you prepared?" Blaine asked as he came down the stairs.
"I thought I would ride in this dress, since I already dirtied it in the garden." I told him and he gave a nod of approval.
A week after she left, I found one of Blaine's letters that he was sending to her everyday. I do not know what came over me, but I picked one up and took it to my room. I read the entire love letter. It spoke about how he would only ever love her and that his heart would remain broken until they could be together again. How he couldn't even touch me and that the kiss had only been an experiment to see if his love was true to her.
After that I spoke to Leora about the letters and discovered that she was as disgusted with them as I was. Since she controlled all the mail that came into the household, she promised to burn any letters that Blaine gave to her or any that Maita sent. Since the letters came daily, I knew that it would be a hard task for her to hide from Blaine. I do not know why I had done such a thing and I should have spoken to Blaine about it. Admitted that I had read his private mail to another and demanded that he told me what the meaning of all this was. I was not the type of person to act behind another's back, but he was lying to either me or Maita. Since I was his wife, then I had rights to him.
He never invited me into his bed even after a month had passed since our wedding. Kerani had accidentally told me that the servants were speaking on the matter, and some believed our marriage to be a scam. It was common knowledge that our marriage could be absolved at anytime as long as Blaine didn't take me into his bed. I wondered what it was that he was planning and it had begun to make me slightly paranoid.
"If you knew something you would tell me, wouldn't you?" I asked Durril as we sat on a blanket next to the lake.
"Such as?"
I was laying down on the blanket and looking up at the stars, "If he was planning something? Like a way to get Maita back and to absolve our marriage."
He nodded, "If I knew anything like that, you would be told." Durril was sitting cross legged beside me. "Do you honestly believe that he would do that?"
"I do not know him well enough to judge." I lied. The letters were proof enough for me, but Durril didn't know that I was withholding them. "Why would he keep me in the guest room? He's never touched me."
Durril shrugged and looked out over the lake, "I have told you that he is a romantic. Perhaps, he doesn't want a woman in his bed that he doesn't love."
I sighed audibly and sat up to look over the lake with him. My infatuation with Durril had not passed like I had hoped it would. I found that it was only becoming stronger. Everyday I told myself that I would not spend time with him, and everyday I found myself doing just that. It seemed to me that Durril was more interested in helping me with Blaine, so I rationalized that nothing would happen between us. I would never attempt to initiate any passionate contact and knew he never would either. He just didn't feel the same way for me, at least that was what I told myself.
He was the only friend that I had here. Blaine was always too busy to do much with me and Durril filled that void. He didn't seem to have many other friends besides the guards and Blaine. So, we spent our time together doing as we pleased. I think that Blaine was becoming suspicious that there was more between us, though he didn't seem to mind. He caught Durril tickling me. He stared at us with Durril above me, but said nothing and left the room.
I laid back down and shut my eyes, "Give it more time, I suppose. That's what Kerani keeps telling me. She says that I am too impatient."
"She is right and wrong. A wife should share the same bed as her husband on the night of their wedding. Blaine should not be forcing you to stay in another room." He shuffled around on the blanket, but I kept my eyes shut and didn't see what he was doing. "You should give the situation more time. He still needs to mend his heart."
"It's strange. He told me that I would have his children, and yet he does not touch me."
"He said that?"
I nodded. "I told him that he didn't have to love me either. He seemed to be relieved to hear that." I was going to add that he mentioned he was going to try to love me, but I felt Durril's hand run across my arm. The touch surprised me and made the skin he touched quiver. I kept my eyes closed afraid that if I opened them he might remove his hand from my arm.
There was a long silence before Durril answered, "I love you enough for the both of us."
My eyes opened and I found Durril on his side next to me. His face was inches away from my own. I told myself to sit up, but my body refused. He kissed my lips gently and then looked at me.
"I hate myself because of you, Valora. I betray my brother every time my heart pounds wildly because you've entered the room. Every time I reach to hold your hand. Every time I allow myself to think we could ever have more then a relationship like siblings do." He laid his hand on my abdomen, "I know that I kill our friendship by admitting this to you tonight. I just can't make excuses for the way that my brother treats you anymore. I am sorry."
I didn't know what to say so I remained silent.
"He's a blind, ignorant bastard. What kind of man can't see a beautiful gem right in front of him? What if he absolves the marriage? You once said you would marry me if you could." He bowed his head, "I can not believe that I am speaking these words to you. I just can not defend my brother's actions or hide what I feel for you."
My hand grew a mind of its own then and touched his cheek. Durril looked up to me briefly before rushing my lips. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he kissed me with all the passion that he had kept hidden and I did the same. Our tongues mingled with one another's and Durril would moan deep within his throat every time I sucked on his tongue. I wanted him to do everything that I had dreamt of him doing to me, but I knew that we had already gone too far.
I released my hands from around his neck and pressed his shoulders back. He opened his eyes and seemed to understand what I was trying to communicate. Rolling off me, he groaned in frustration as I stood and headed back to the manor. I don't know how long Durril remained outside on the blanket, but he hadn't come in when I went to bed.
---***---
The next morning, I was feeling more than a little guilty about my encounter with Durril. I think he felt the same way as he didn't come to breakfast nor had I seen him and it was nearly lunch time. I felt like a hypocrite after stealing Blaine's letters and being offended that he was cheating on me through the mail. I actually kissed a man of flesh and blood and it was his brother, no less.My biggest fear would be that Durril would tell him. Blaine may be able to forgive him, but I could be killed for adultery. I knew that I needed to do something to get my mind off the problem at hand. So, I went to the manor's library to find myself a book to read. I had exhausted the three poetry books that my father had allowed me to take. I needed new reading material.
Apparently, Blaine's mother was quite the reader and she had a wide collection of books for women. Some were romantic tales, others poetry, and some carried ideas for what a lady could do around the house to waste her hours. I picked up a gardening book and started to read it. After about the thirtieth page, I started to believe that I could actually care for a garden of my own. It sounded relaxing and I definitely needed something to keep my mind off the drama in the house.
As I was reading further in, I heard the sounds of people arguing. With my book in hand, I went to investigate. The yells came from Blaine's study and it took me a moment to realize he was arguing with Durril. I felt a hard lump in my throat when the thought of Durril telling him what happened between us crossed my mind.
"She hasn't written me in three weeks! He may have harmed her!" I heard Blaine say as he came close to the door.
"I doubt it. She probably realizes that you are both married now. You should focus your attentions on Valora." Durril was also standing near the door.
I knew that if either of them opened the door that I would be caught, but I didn't care in those moments.
Something was knocked over and made a loud crashing noise. "I love Maita!"
"You are married to Valora!" Durril yelled back, "Maita is also married to another! Are you blind or stupid?"
There was a long silence, I knew that Blaine was trying to stare his brother into submission. "If it weren't for Valora, I…"
"Do not speak as if this is her fault, Blaine! She was practically a newborn when this engagement was arranged. She has nothing to do with it."
"Yes, you would defend her! You, who has been courting my wife! Do not think I am blind to it!"
"Courting your wife?" Durril snorted, "Are you insane? I am merely spending time with her like you should be doing. Acting like her friend, doing the job of her husband."
"Doing the job of her husband? And does that include taking her into your bed?" Blaine barked.
He began to laugh, "What if I have? You aren't."
I almost fainted when I heard Durril speak those words and I imagined the silence afterwards was Blaine's face filling with enraged blood.
"Do not jest about such things." Blaine warned.
"Why would you care? You obviously won't touch her. She's your wife. You have the rights to her and yet you lust after another man's wife."
A hand touched my shoulder and I looked over at Leora. My face flushed with embarrassment. She whispered, "Don't listen here. They will catch you. Come." She took my hand and pulled me to the stairs and opened a small door. We walked into the servants quarters and pressed our ears against the wall. Though we hardly had to as we could hear what they were saying rather clearly.
"I have to travel north to ensure that Maita is in good health." Blaine said.
"I won't let you do that. If someone must go, it will be me. You harm your wife with the way you lust for another woman." Durril sighed.
"You would go to ease my mind?"
"No, I would go to ensure you don't harm Valora anymore then you already have. She knows about the love letters that you send to Maita. And the way you behaved during your wedding ceremony was barbaric!" Durril hissed.
Nothing was said for several moments. "Here is where she lives." I assumed that Blaine had written something down for him.
"I will go under one condition." He paused, "When I return, you and Valora must be at the very minimum close friends. You must make an effort to love your wife, since she is the one that will be with you for all your life. She is the one that vowed to care for and love you, not Maita."
"Maita would have if…" He sighed, "Very well."
I heard the door slam and I knew that I had to tell Durril the truth. If he went all the way up to visit Maita, she would tell him that she wasn't the one receiving letters from Blaine. I looked at Leora who looked just as shocked and scared as I was.
"I'll take care of it." I whispered and ran out of the room to find Durril.
I found him in the dining hall. He was asking a servant to pack him some food for travel. "Durril."
He turned to me and gave only a partial grin, "Valora. I am going to leave for a while. I will be back in two weeks."
"There is something I have to tell you."
He rose an eyebrow, "Alright."
"Maita has been writing him letters." He kept the same expression, "I've been burning both his and her letters, so they couldn't communicate." I wasn't going to tell him that Leora was part of the scheme. She didn't need to be punished for my idea.
Durril swallowed and placed his hand over his face.
"What did you say?" My heart felt like it stopped when I heard Blaine's voice behind me.
I turned to face him. His eyes were enraged and the flesh on his face was red. Taking a step back, I tried to put some space between us.
"What did you say?" He asked again. He took a step towards me.
"Blaine, stop." Durril demanded and stepped between us.
He continued to charge me and shoved his brother off his feet. Grabbing both my upper arms, he shook me. "What have you done?" He screamed and shook me again.
My arms started to ache and I knew he would leave bruises. "I am sorry." I cried when he shook me again.
Durril ran towards him and tried to pull him off me. Endre and another male servant entered into the dining hall and peeled him away. They pulled him towards the kitchen door and I ran to the dining room doors.
"How dare you destroy my letters!" Blaine yelled in anger which caused more servants to come flooding in. "You are nothing! Just a glorified servant girl! Your duty is to bare my children and nothing more! You were lucky that your father saved my father's life! Now, I have to pay his debt by being wed to you!" He was still trying to break free of them and attack me.
"Silence yourself." Durril ordered him.
"How dare I? How dare I?" I squeaked. Durril said something about not making it worse, but I ignored him. "You had your chance to take Maita as your wife, you greedy little gnome! All you had to do was give up everything and you chose not to! This manor is yours because of me! This land is yours because of me! Your title is yours because of me!" I stomped my foot whenever I said me. "Your position as the king's advisor is because of me! I am everything that you have and love! I am everything that you wouldn't give up in order to be with her!"
I saw Blaine's muscle's relax and the servants and Durril didn't have to hold him back as much.
"Did you think for even one second that I enjoyed spending my entire life being trained to be your wife? A man that I didn't know! Did you think that I enjoyed just being an object in my father's eyes? Something he could trade for a meager amount of status in his community?" I slammed my hand on the serving table, "No! No! No! I am not an obstacle in the way of your life, Blaine! This is your life! This is all that you get! You need to accept it or you will be miserable for the rest of your days! I am not an object to give birth to your children! I have been one all my life and it ends today!" With that I spun around and headed up the stairs.
Blaine had been completely released from their holds and was standing still on his own accord. The dining hall had servants looking around the corners to hear what was being said, but I didn't care. He needed a dose of humiliation as well as reality.
In my room, I was quickly accompanied by Kerani, who said nothing of what had happened down stairs. Not that she would have been able to understand the argument, but she knew something had happened. I had seen her watching from the stairway.
---***---
Blaine left the next day when he received a summons from the king. Leora stopped burning Maita's letters which still came everyday. Durril and I were still not speaking to each other, but I did manage to convince Endre to go into town and purchase me some seeds. He had some other servants build me a small fence behind the manor for my flower garden.
I immediately went to work. Kerani was always with me as I tried to get the seeds to grow. The book had said this was the right time to start planting them. By the end of the month, I had several sprouts and was feeling proud of myself.
"I don't see why you didn't plant vegetables or strawberries. At least you can eat those. What can you do with flowers?" Kerani asked me as I sat in the middle of the garden. No one was allowed in because they didn't know where I planted the seeds, so she stood near the gate.
I smiled at her, "I'll plant strawberries next year, I promise." She had been nagging me about strawberries since I started the garden.
With a grin, she leaned against one of the fence posts. "You seem happier then before."
"Before what?" I asked as I created another hole.
"Before you showed Blaine his place. I think that you gave him quite a bit to think about."
I glared up at her, "And who told you what I said?" I knew the answer, but the question purchased me time to be stunned from her gull.
"Endre." She sighed and looked towards the manor, "Lord Durril has been rather quiet since that day, I wonder if he was offended by your words."
Wiping my forehead with my wrist, I turned my eyes back to Kerani. "It doesn't matter if he is or not. We couldn't possibly go on the way we were. Blaine loves another woman, but I am his wife." There was a little frustration apparent in my voice, but she didn't seem alarmed by it. "I will be treated with honesty as any wife should be, and I refuse to be seen as a burden."
"I would hardly think that Lord Blaine thinks that you are a burden. There are times when we all must do that which we would prefer not to. Sometimes those decisions are life altering and you can never take them back." She stood from her leaning position, but her hands remained on the fence post. "When I was taken from my homeland, I could have acted out and not accepted my slavery. I was told by another slave that if I continued my behavior they would send me to the colosseum where I would be killed by either an angry beast or a blood thirsty gladiator."
I stopped what I was doing and applied all my attention to Kerani. She had never spoken of her capture before and would become upset if anyone mentioned that she was a slave.
"I had to make a decision to either fight for my freedom and most likely die a horrid death, or become gentle and hope that I would someday become a servant for a noble woman." She tapped her fingers on the fence post as she spoke, "I was told that would be the best task I could hope for. So, you see, Valora, one must accept life as it comes. If we fight it when there is no hope for change, then we only make ourselves miserable."
"Blaine wouldn't have died had he not married me."
She nodded, "Correct, but he would of lost everything he thought was his life. Isn't that the same as dying?"
"No, it's not. He wouldn't have died, Kerani. There would have been Maita, the very woman that he has allowed to destroy his life now. He won't accept that they will never be now. He made that decision, not his father and certainly not me."
Crossing her arms, she stared at me for several moments. It was a look that I was all too familiar with. The cold but caring eyes told me that she had seen something in my words and in my voice that I was trying to hide. "Why?" She finally asked, before I could ask what she meant, she continued. "Why did you have those letters burned? Why didn't you just speak to him on the matter first? Why did you confront him when others were present? That was not like you."
I swallowed, "I don't know. With Blaine I am never sure how I should approach these matters. His personality changes so drastically that…"
"What is it you fear, Valora? Tell me."
I looked across the garden into her eyes for several long moments as I tried to come up with a lie of some sort. The thoughts that I was trying to hide only caused my eyes to tear up. "I fear he may be planning to kill me and to kill Maita's husband, so they can be together."
Kerani's arms dropped to her side. I could tell by the way she looked at the gate that she wanted to enter into the garden and sit with me, but I had told her to stay out. "That can not be true. Why would you think of such a thing?"
"Don't you see, Kerani? He's sending her letters, he invited her to the wedding, and she stayed here after the wedding. He wouldn't allow me to even speak with her. Something does not bode well with me. I can't…" I pressed my lips together as I watched Durril exit the manor and approach the garden.
He smiled at Kerani before looking over my patch of dirt, "I heard that you started a garden, what type of flowers are you planting?"
I pointed to the small bag of seeds, "I told Endre to mix them up so I could be surprised when they grow."
Durril chuckled, "My mother often talked about starting her own garden, but father kept her busy with other matters. It would have been nice to have this early. Not that we would have given it any upkeep after she past on. Father could barely tolerate the bushes around the manor."
I nodded and stood from my position. I hoped that he didn't realize that I had been crying.
"I'll wait by the manor door." Kerani bowed to me, before giving Durril and myself some time to talk privately.
I wished that Kerani had stayed, she couldn't understand what Durril was saying to me, so it didn't really matter if she was there.
"I thought perhaps we could go for a walk and speak on what happened the other day." He pointed towards the lake.
Slowly I shook my head then turned my eyes towards the dirt beneath my feet, "No, Durril, I think it would be best if that was placed behind us now."
"Let's not allow the matters between you and Blaine come between us."
"And what exactly are we, Durril?" I folded my arms, "I think you are far too involved with your brother's wife."
For a brief moment, I thought his jaw would drop. "What have I done to cause you to say such words to me?"
I shook my head, "Nothing, I apologize."
He nodded, "Yes, I will see you at dinner then." With that he spun around and headed back towards the manor. He looked over his shoulder briefly at me before he disappeared inside.
"Endre told me that you have been out here all day." I sat down beside Durril with a blanket wrapped around my shoulders.
He was staring out over the lake that had a soft glow from the full moon. When I sat down he looked at me out of the corner of his eye, before turning his attentions back to the lake.
"I am sorry if I offended you earlier today, Durril. Everything that has happened recently has been causing me nothing but worry. I lashed out at you, when I knew that you are only trying to be kind to me." I sighed, "I did not mean to insinuate anything."
He began to shake his head, "No, you were right. I have implemented myself improperly in your life. Blaine has seen it and so have you. Things have happened between us that betray my brother's trust."
"It is rather lonely here. Blaine is gone quite often, all we have is each other and the servants. We couldn't help but become friends, we just allowed ourselves to come too close."
Durril shook his head, "No, that's not it. The moment I saw you I did not act as a brother should. I acted as if I had some chance of winning your heart, even though I knew you were here to wed my brother. I am the one at fault not you, Valora."
"Do not act as if I had no say in this matter, I…"
"Stop, Valora. You just don't understand. Not even now can I tell myself that you belong to my brother. I am being a fool, I need to leave before I cause anymore trouble." Durril turned his head so he could see me. "If my love for you is plain enough for you and Blaine to see, then it won't be long before the servants start rumors in town."
The word love startled me for a moment, but I tried pretend that it did not bother me. "Durril, please, do not leave. We are both strong people and can ignore such childish feelings. It's not as if…"
"Childish feelings? Did you not hear me when I said that I loved you?" He sighed and ran his hands over his face, "Every time I see Blaine treat you poorly, my heart fills with a rage. I know that he has a treasure, another thing in his life that I want, but will never have. He is too much of a child, himself, to understand their beauty and importance. He doesn't deserve you or anything that he has. I wish that he would have married Maita, then…" He shook his head, "I do not know."
"You only want me because I belong to your brother." I said the words as if I were shocked and indeed I was. It never occurred to me that Durril was a jealous little brother, who thought that his elder brother got everything he ever wanted.
"No. No." He turned his body to face me and placed his hands on my cheeks. "I swear that is not true. Blaine always gets the best of life has to offer, and treats it as if it were worthless. I have worked hard for everything that I have, and discover the one thing that I truly want Blaine already owns."
I stared into his eyes and he returned the stare. Before I could speak, Durril engulfed my mouth with his own. At first it was a hungry kiss, but it became sweeter as the moments ticked by. He kissed my bottom lip gently before pulling away to look at me and I could see the pain in his eyes.
"I told myself this wouldn't happen again!" He growled and stood up. His back to me, he seemed to be waiting for me to say something.
Standing up, I positioned the blanket on my shoulders, "You are right, I can never be yours. As much as either of us want this to be, adultery could get us both killed. Perhaps it would be best if you did leave." I tried to hide the sorrow that was growing in my voice.
Durril nodded, "I will make arrangements once Blaine returns."
With that said, I began the short journey back to the manor. My heart felt as if it were on fire, and I realized then that I had just lost my only friend. I didn't want Durril to leave, but if what he said was true, then we would only cause ourselves more harm if he stayed. Neither of us wanted to suffer the consequences that would lie ahead of us.
---***---
Kneeled in my garden, Kerani giggled as Endre and her spoke at the gate. I hadn't spoken to Durril for nearly a month, and found my companionship with the servants. Kerani seemed to be understanding of my desire to be with her, though she had no idea why Durril and I weren't speaking any longer."Tonight, then." She blew a kiss to Endre and he blushed before walking towards the manor.
"It seems your love has sprouted." I said happily when I was certain he was out of hearing distance.
A wide smile bloomed on her lips, "Is it so obvious?" Her cheeks grew red, "I never thought that I would meet a Gyosian that I could ever have feelings for." Her smile faded when she saw the look of envy in my eyes, "Love will be born between you and Blaine, Valora, just give it time. Be friendly and try not to disagree too often."
I nodded and was glad she didn't know the truth behind my envy, "I know."
"Lord Blaine is home!" Endre yelled from the manor's back door.
My head popped up and a look of worry came over my face.
Kerani turned her attention to Endre, then back to me. With a frown, she spoke, "Are you going to behave yourself this time?"
I shrugged, "It all depends on him."
"Valora, please!" She whined loudly.
We were in the garden for a half hour before Blaine walked around the manor and saw the nearly erected fence. Kerani bowed to him and made her way to the back door to give us some privacy.
"You have been busy." He said as he started to walk into the garden.
"No!" I yelled and jumped to my feet, "Don't come in here. You don't know where I planted the flowers."
He stepped back out, "My apologies."
"I am going to build some stone paths. I ordered the stone, but they said it won't arrive until next month." I wiped my hands on my apron.
Blaine nodded, "Flowers?"
"Yes. I promised Kerani that I would grow strawberries next year."
He grinned, "I brought you something back from Mureal." Mureal was the capitol of Seria. He offered out his hand and I walked to the front. "They are just sugar candies, but I thought you may like them."
I looked at the little brown cubes. "Thank you. I would take them from you, but my hands are dirty."
"I'll… I'll put them on the nightstand beside our bed." He put them in the pouch on his belt.
His words shocked me.
"I have ordered the servants to move your things into my room. You will start sleeping in our shared bed tonight. It is only right, you are, after all, my wife."
My eyes dropped down to my feet and I nodded.
"You were right. I had time to think on it and you are my life. I can't pretend that this is just a predicament that I have to live through, before I can be with her. You were also right about me not wanting to give up my inheritance and title for her. If I had truly loved her then I would of done so without hesitation." He smirked, "Hell, my father probably would have seen that I was willing and just apologized to your father. He might have offered to allow you to marry Durril."
I cleared my throat.
"Which would have been better for you. Since he obviously loves you and I am so focused on what I would like to happen that I am not watching what is happening. My wife and my brother are falling in love and I am just ignoring it. Telling myself that Maita is meant to be my wife, so it doesn't matter." He was biting the inside of his lip.
"We never meant for it to happen, Blaine. And nothing has occurred between us." I tried to comfort him even though I lied.
"I know. Otherwise my brother wouldn't be trying so hard to make me be a husband to you. He would welcome the chance to send me away to see Maita when I thought she was in trouble." He sighed, "I thought a lot about what you said while I was gone. My father once told me that a knight fights with the sword he has. Not the magical sword that is hidden away in some dragon's hoard. You can not protect yourself with a dream."
He took my hand and looked at my face, though I kept my eyes to the ground. "I never knew what he meant until now. Maita's that dream sword that I will never have, because the dragon is life and society. You are the sword that I carry in my sheath. The one that parries the blows against me and cuts down my enemies. You are the sword that was given to me by another great knight and I spit upon it, because I thought it wasn't as good as my dream sword. But I never had the courage to fight the dragon, so I can never have that sword."
He was only telling me that I was good enough even though he knew there was better out there. At least, that's what I understood from his words.
"And if you'll allow me to keep this metaphor going for another moment. I didn't realize how truly wonderful and magical my own sword was, until my own brother coveted it." He squeezed my hand, "I want to be able to see you through my brother's eyes. To look at you the way he does and to long to be with you. That will never happen if I just keep dreaming of another life… another woman." When I didn't say anything, he continued, "I understand why you fell in love with my brother. He was there for you, cared for you, and wanted you while I locked myself away writing love letters to another. If you could just forgive me for all this, I know that I can make you see me for who I truly am."
"And who are you truly?" I looked up at him for the first time.
"From this day forward, I am truly your husband. That is all I ever want to be and that can be whatever you desire." He opened the gate so he could kneel down before me and kept a firm grasp of my hand. "It is the duty of every knight to see when he is wrong and acknowledge it. Then his duty is to remedy the problem and beg for forgiveness from whom he has wronged." He overlapped his hands so that mine was stuck between them. "This knight humbly begs for your forgiveness, milady. If you can not forgive me now, tell me and I will do whatever it takes to ensure that one day you do."
I shook my head, "From the day I arrived, you have been inconsistent. Telling me on the day of your wedding that you would have no more contact with your lover and then continuing to writing to her. You spent more time with her the first week of our union then you did with me. I will not believe your words this time."
Blaine looked up at me. "You believe that I have lied to you?" His eyes dropped, "I suppose that is true. As a knight, there is no excuse for me to lie. I have vowed never to speak untruths. Yet, even though when I said those things to you I meant them, I did not do as I said I would." He stood up, "I will gain your trust back and prove to you that I am as good as my word. I shall prove it to you even now!"
Keeping my hand in his, he pulled me towards the manor and we sought out Leora. She was helping the others move my items.
"Leora, burn any letters that I receive from Maita." He ordered as soon as she was in sight.
She seemed startled by his outburst as we appeared on the stairs. Covering her arms were some of my dresses that she was moving from my old room. "Even the ones that I received while you were away, milord?"
"All of them." He went to turn around, "No, take those to my room. I want to burn them myself."
I wanted to roll my eyes as I believed that he would read them, but I said and did nothing as he walked down the stairs. Leora gave me a questioning look, but did not ask anything of me.
---***---
I didn't know where Blaine went to and so I decided to have lunch. Durril was in the dining room when I entered and he stood from the table to greet me. Pulling out my seat, we waited to be served."What has happened?" Durril asked me. "Is he still upset? He hasn't said two words to me." There was now worry in his eyes mixed with his heartbrokenness.
I shook my head, "No, he has assured me that he will be a better husband and will no longer have contact with Maita."
He nodded his head and took a sip of his wine, "That is a start, I suppose."
My hands were laying in my lap and I felt nervous. It was that Blaine knew there was more between Durril and myself, and I felt uncomfortable in his presence now more then ever. "He told me that he knows about our feelings toward one another."
"I know. I told him." He cleared his throat, "He already had his suspicions. I thought he would throw me from the house, but he didn't seem to mind. He just told me to not let the servants catch us."
"What did you tell him?"
"Just that we had shared feelings. Nothing more." Durril looked down at his empty plate, "I suppose he felt that if he had a lover then you were entitled to one as well."
"When did you inform him of this?"
"Before you threw your temper tantrum."
I was about to tell him that it was hardly a temper tantrum, but the sounds of Blaine's study door shutting made me look into the hall. Blaine exited the study and smiled at me, before heading up the stairs. "It seems things are going to be set right between us, now."
"Good. You deserve to be the center of a man's world, even if it isn't mine." He looked back up to me, "We should never speak on this again. Let it be forever forgotten."
I nodded my head when I heard Blaine coming back down the stairs. He entered the room with a smile and took his seat at the head of the table.
"I thought I would show Valora the tree house today, unless you have already done so." Blaine was speaking to his brother.
"No, that must have slipped my mind."
My husband's eyes turned to me, "Durril and I built a tree house after my fourteenth birthday. I haven't checked on it in years and might not be in very good condition, but Durril tells me that you enjoyed climbing trees back home."
"When there was something in the tree worth getting."
Both men laughed. The servants came from the kitchen and began to serve us some ham and biscuits. It apparently was Blaine's favorite meal as they always served it for lunch when he returned home. After we ate Blaine excused himself to change into his riding pants and order two horses to be prepared for us.
Durril came around to help pull out my chair. When I stood up we were inches apart. I could smell his musky scent and feel the heat from his body. He didn't move away from me, only stood in wait for me to step around him. I don't know what came over me, but I kissed him. As hard and passionately as I could. It surprised me even more that he reciprocated the act. He ended it as quickly as I had started it, though he added two small kisses to both corners of my mouth to finish it.
I went to wait for Blaine at the end of the stairway and Durril went out on his rounds. We didn't speak on the matter as I think we both understood the situation clearly enough. I promised myself that it would be the last time that I kissed my husband's brother and that I had to turn any passion I carried for him to Blaine. Not only could an adulterer wife and her lover be put to death, but I felt even worse that it was his brother.
I knew the bond that I had with my brothers and I couldn't image any of them doing anything like this to me. The heartbreak I would feel would devastate me, even if I did not care for the person I was wed to. Besides, Blaine knew about our feelings and he would ensure there were watchful eyes on us. There was nothing that we could do even if we wanted to.
"Are you prepared?" Blaine asked as he came down the stairs.
"I thought I would ride in this dress, since I already dirtied it in the garden." I told him and he gave a nod of approval.