07-18-2015, 07:26 PM
“Good morning.” I heard Gideon’s voice say as I kneeled in my garden.
I hadn’t seen him the day before, except during dinner where he had remained quiet. Juliska seemed to be lost with him for most of the day and never gave me the opportunity to inform her about Maita. Something suspicious was occurring, but I just couldn’t put my finger on it.
“Good morning.” I chimed and smiled as I stood up to meet him at the gate.
Kerani stood guard of the gate as always, but walked towards the house as we began to speak. Since she was learning the language, she was also well aware of her need to sense when conversations should not include her. There were some things that a loyal servant need not know about her mistress. I didn’t know if she thought I was having an affair with Gideon or if the plot was obvious to her. Either way, she was smart enough to know that it was important for her to know nothing of it.
“Jul and you seem to be unsociable during this visit. Not at all like her.” I laid my hand on one of the fence posts.
He nodded, “Much has been on our minds. Forgive us for being inconsiderate guests, milady.” Reaching out his hand, he placed it over mine.
I was uncomfortable with his touch, but was afraid of upsetting him. Juliska and he needed to be on my side, and I didn’t want to anger them in anyway. They knew too much and I couldn’t afford to let them leave me now.
“What has been on your minds?” I asked.
“Your situation, of course. We fear for you, but for ourselves as well.”
“Yes, I feel the same. Perhaps it would be best for the two of you to walk away now. Cut all ties with me so there is no link.”
He coughed, but didn’t respond.
“This isn’t your affair, and if something were to go wrong, I wouldn’t want you two to take the fall with me.”
Gideon lifted his hand from mine, and touched my chin with his index finger’s knuckle. He grinned before placing his hand back on top of my own. “I am glad to hear you say that. Our fear wasn’t that we would be caught, but instead that you may lay the blame on us if the time came. We, of course, would never abandon you. Not when you need us the most.”
I swallowed and looked down at my hand as Gideon squeezed it. “It is strange that a knight, such as yourself, would aid a woman in the murder of her husband. No matter what you believe you owe her from the past.” I looked up into his light eyes, “I am still not certain what you think you owe me.”
“A life lesson was taught to me. It may seem irrelevant and small, but it was an important moment in my life. You don’t have to understand my reasons, but I hope you can appreciate that they exist.”
I didn’t trust Gideon and with that lack of trust for him, I was beginning not to trust Juliska either. If she held trust for him where I did not, then it may prove that treachery was afoot. Though, I wasn’t certain which one could have been the traitor or even if both were. I knew that I needed allies in times like this, and I couldn’t afford to keep them at arms length.
“I almost forgot.” Gideon reached into a small bag around his belt and pulled out a necklace. He offered it to me and I allowed him to drop the small silver chain into my hand.
I inspected the charm which looked like a tear drop of glass, but inside was a small daisy, which I assumed was fake due to its size. “Thank you, but what is this for?”
“So, you can carry a daisy with you as a reminder of the days that changed your life.” He patted my hand under his and leaned forward to kiss my cheek.
I was distracted by the necklace that I didn’t notice that he had kissed me until after the fact. I knew that Kerani had seen his action, and could only hope that none of the other servants had noticed.
“You can tell everyone that Juliska gave the necklace to you as a gift for your coming motherhood. This way no one is suspicious of anything indecent between us.”
“Well, thank you… this is very kind of you.”
Gideon grinned and bowed his head, “I shall take my leave of you now. Best that we are not seen together too often without Juliska at my side.”
As soon as he began towards the house, Kerani ran towards me. I knew she was about to throw a fit about the kiss. When she reached the gate, she opened her mouth as if to say something then closed it.
“What?” I asked after a moment of watching her debate herself on whether she was going to say something or not.
“Your husband is ill, and another man kisses you for the whole household to see. That brings foul play to mind.” Her eyes fell to my hands as I wrapped the necklace’s chain around my finger. “Did he give you that? Did you accept a gift from another man?”
“Juliska gave it to me. I left it in her room earlier and he just brought it out to me.” I knew that she didn’t believe me, but Kerani would never call me a liar.
“You play a dangerous game, Valora.”
“You have no idea.” I mumbled under my breath as I returned to my gardening.
I heard the gate open and Kerani entered. She kneeled down beside me with a dark frown upon her face. “Why do you poison him? Is it for the love of that knight?”
I didn’t know what to say to that. I was shocked that Kerani even knew that he was being poisoned. “I beg your pardon?”
She cleared her throat, “All the servants know that his sickness is your work. They whisper of an affair between the knight and yourself, but they also whisper of Blaine’s. One said she even over heard Maita and Blaine discussing your death. So, I must know what is true and what is not. I need to ensure that I can protect you when they speak ill of you.”
“I am not having an affair.” I snapped, but tried to keep my voice low.
“And the rest?”
I nodded my head slowly.
“He seeks to have you killed, but why?”
“Maita is attempting to murder her husband, while he does so to me. They want to be together.”
Kerani stared at me for a moment, “My heart breaks that you didn’t trust me enough…”
“I didn’t want to get you involved. If I were to be caught, I wanted you to be innocent in all this.” I wrapped my arms around her neck and she returned my embrace.
“I need to know everything.” She whispered. “I will help you.”
Kerani took on the task on switching the vials of medicine with the poison. I hadn’t done so before because the medicine had been a light brown, and the poison was clear. She swore that she knew how to color the poison so no one would notice the difference. I didn’t want to put her in such a position, but she refused to have it any other way.
That night Juliska didn’t join us for dinner, so I was left with Gideon and Durril. Both men were vying for my attention. Telling me stories about their lives as they tried to compete with each other. Of course, Durril didn’t have the stories that a knight of the order did, but he was able to tell quite a few exciting tales. For a brief moment, I forgot that he was helping his brother to kill me, and I remembered the man that I had begun to fall in love with.
After dinner, I went for a walk with Kerani and Endre. They walked behind me as I walked towards the lake. The cold breeze that was blown off the water was telling me that winter was ahead, and my oleander bush would soon die for the season. I could smell leaves that were burning in the distance, and as I grew closer to the lake, I could see the fire. Four servants stood around the controlled fire that was nothing but a small orange spot to me from where I stood across the lake. The smell reminded me of home, as they often burnt the leaves near my bedroom window.
“Go back inside, I will watch Lady Valora.” I heard Durril’s voice order.
I looked behind me to see the two servants begin their walk towards the manor. Kerani was in no position to argue with him, but I knew she would watch from a window. I could see the apology in her eyes as Endre lead her away.
Durril approached me, his hair was being tossed about in the wind. My own hair was in a tight bun atop of my head and was holding up well to the power of nature. He noticed this and laughed as he tried to brush the hair from his eyes. “I should grow my hair out and allow Kerani to dress it.”
“Perhaps.” I responded and turned my eyes back to the lake. I was nervous, but I didn’t want him to know that I held any fear for him.
“Valora…”
“If this is going to be another one of your attempts to gain my favor, then you should leave my presence now. I love your brother, and you can not change that.” I lied, but I felt it may have shock value for him.
“Love him?” He said with surprise.
I nodded.
“How can you love him? He is disrespectful towards you. He lies to you. He…”
“Is my husband and I will love no other. Now, if you will excuse me, I should return to his side.” I began towards the house, then turned back to him. “If you bother me once more about this issue, then I will inform Blaine.” I knew that threat was not only empty, but meaningless. I just wanted Durril to believe that I was unaware of their plans.
Walking away from Durril, I tried to stop myself from shivering from the fear I felt deep within. Making my way back up to the manor, I looked back at Durril as I passed the guards. He stood by the lake with his arms folded. I could only make out his shadow, but I was aware that he was watching me.
Inside the house, I was greeted by another of whom I didn’t feel comfortable speaking with. Gideon seemed to be waiting by the stairs for me, and motioned me up them when I entered. I followed him if only to humor him. I had wanted to inform him and Juliska of Kerani’s involvement, but I had decided against it. It was best that only I knew that she had become aware of our plans.
Stepping into Gideon’s room, I wasn’t sure that I wanted to be alone in a bedroom with him. My better judgment told me not to, but I barely gave it any notice as I stepped in. The guest room was rather dark except for the lantern on the desk and the burning fireplace. I noticed that Gideon’s bed was not made, but he was completely dressed. It made me suspect that either the servants had cleaned his room or he had used it during the day.
“This could be seen as inappropriate if I was caught in here, Gideon. Please make this quick.” I said as he closed the door behind me.
“I have talked to some of the servants and it seems that Blaine is very ill now. Most do not believe he will survive another month.”
“Yes, it does seem that way.”
His hand touched my face and his lips covered mine. I immediately stepped back and into the door.
“What is the meaning of this?” I snapped.
“I know you share feelings for me, Valora. You find me attractive just as I find you to be.” He grabbed my hand, “With Blaine gone, you and I can be together.”
“I am with child.” I mumbled even though I was attempting to sound firm.
“It doesn’t bother me. I will care for the child as my own. We can be wed a year after Blaine is buried, and no one will suspect…”
I shook my head, “I did find you handsome, but I will not marry you. I do not hold feelings for you, and…”
“You know that I will care for you far better then Blaine. It will put an end to the feud, and unite many families that are trapped on both sides.” He tightened his hand around mine when I tried to pull it away. “Think of it as not only ensuring a man for the house and a father for your child, but as a service to all those imprisoned by this hate.”
I swallowed, “I’ll… I’ll think about it.”
He nodded and the shadow of himself that was cast upon the door danced with him. “That is all I ask, that you do not reject me until you have given it some thought.” He opened the door to let me out, but first checked to ensure that the hall was empty.
Without further hesitation, I escaped his room and went into my own. I could hear Blaine moaning, and prepared myself to meet with his sickly form. He was a pitiful person now and I felt such sorrow for his condition. My sorrow was only amplified by my knowledge that I could end his suffering.
Maita and Lord Bernal arrived the next morning. I was there to answer the door, and I believe that Bernal was aware of what was occurring. He didn’t say anything to me but a formal greeting. It was best that no one saw anything between us. Any familiarity could be seen as suspicious considering that Bernal and I were not close. I had thought to tell him of the situation with Juliska and Gideon, but decided to leave our conversations to Bernal. If he had anything to say to me then he would find a way, and I would inform him of the circumstances.
Maita had giggled over my pregnancy, and even informed me of how happy she was for Blaine and myself. I had wanted to choke her as she stood so close to me and patted my belly. Barely touching the child within me that she had plans to kill. Yet, I smiled and thanked her instead. I even held her hand briefly and informed her of my journey into motherhood thus far.
I do not understand why I hated Maita more then I did Blaine. Perhaps I wanted to believe that Blaine was actually a good person and it was Maita that had corrupted him. When I came to that conclusion, I had looked briefly over to Bernal. I remembered him telling me that it was Blaine that had control over Maita. That Maita was a victim in all this, and I realized that was how I viewed Blaine. I believed Maita to be at fault, but I was punishing Blaine for all of it. I didn’t understand why I should let Maita live if Blaine was to die.
“You are such a kind woman, Lady Valora.” Maita’s dark red lips moved so elegantly when she spoke, and not one lock of her dark hair was out of place. “You shall be an excellent mother.”
We were all sitting around the dinner table. Juliska and Gideon had joined us, but they sat at the opposite end.
“Thank you, Lady Maita. I hope to say the same to you one day.” I patted her hand and she smiled.
“It is good that Sir Gideon and Lady Juliska watch over you.” Bernal announced and looked down to the end. “I had feared you to be all alone with servants while your husband was ill.”
“Lady Juliska and Sir Gideon have looked over me since it began. They are wonderful friends.” I said the words looking at Juliska.
She smiled, but there was a sadness in her smile. “You are too kind to say that, milady. We gladly offer our services in such dire circumstances.”
There was a silence and I noticed that Juliska briefly looked at her brother. He shook his head and returned to his food.
“Has there been any improvement?” Maita asked. “In Blaine’s condition, I mean.”
I shook my head, “I fear the worse and hope for the best. Each day that passes he falls deeper into his sickness.”
“And the doctors have not been much help?” Bernal asked.
Again, I shook my head, “I am afraid not.”
Another long and uncomfortable pause occurred in the conversation. My heart was beating quickly, I feared Maita discovering what I was doing. I wondered if Bernal would be able to stop her from reporting me, if that dreaded moment arose.
“I hear that you are up with Blaine for most of your nights. That can not be good for the baby.” Maita finally spoke. I think she was just as uncomfortable in my presence as I was in hers.
“It is my duty to care for him.”
“I will gladly trade evenings with you. For the baby, of course.” She squeezed my hand.
I didn’t know how to say no without sounding suspicious, so I agreed with a nod. “That would be kind of you.”
We returned to our meal in silence. I imagined Maita feeding Blaine the “medication” in the vial. It was sadistic of me to smile as I thought of that image. Of the woman he loved so much feeding Blaine the poison that was killing him. It was beautiful to imagine the woman who would have killed me and my child for my husband instead killing my husband.
“Did you think of something humorous, Lady Valora?” Maita asked me.
I realized that I sat with a large smile on my face, “I didn’t realize I was smiling. Forgive me.”
Kerani was standing in the corner and she came to my side, before Maita could respond. Touching my forehead, she nodded and had me stand. “You have placed too much stress on yourself, milady. Let’s place you in a bath.” She helped me out of the room.
As I walked up the stairs with her, I put my head on her shoulder. “Thank you.” I said in her language.
Kerani had known that I put myself in an awkward position. “She will get hers.”
“When she feeds Blaine her medicine, she does. Even if it is silently and she is unaware.”
She put her arm around me and giggled. “I was curious as to why you had allowed her to take over those responsibilities.” She giggled again.
Maita remained at the manor even when her husband had to return home for a short time. Bernal and I never spoke to each other, and I had even questioned if he remembered the task he had set before me. The only thing that eased my mind was when he called Maita away from me, when I was visiting with Blaine. I wondered if Bernal believed those were the instances that I was poisoning my husband.
Juliska and Gideon left the manor shortly after Bernal did, and it left me alone with Maita. Had I not known what Maita had planned with Blaine and Durril, I would have liked her very much. There were moments when I would forget exactly who she was, until I saw Durril make an appearance. He would always greet her and then spend all his time in our presence near me. Touching my arms and hand, offering to do things for me, and at one point had kissed my forehead.
He had not been around often when Juliska and Gideon were at the manor. I had almost forgotten his existence in the whole mess. The moment my friends left, he returned and had not been afraid to show affection towards me. I think he wanted to prove to Maita that he was doing as he had been ordered to do.
After two weeks of dodging his advances, I was forced to write to Juliska. Something about her last visit had made me suspicious of both her and her brother, but Durril was becoming too determined. I begged her to return in words that sounded like I was having a difficult time with my sick husband. I didn’t want to put anything on paper that would point to me as his killer.
I received her letter a week later then informed me she would make the trip within three weeks. So, I had to fight off Durril for a month and a half. The last week became too much for me when he had attempted to kiss me in the hall. When I ordered him off me, he pushed me into his bedroom and locked the door.
With my upper arms in his hands, he seemed to try to calm himself with deep breathes. “Valora, I will not be denied any longer. I know that you love me, and I refuse to allow you to continue lying to yourself.”
“You disgust me. You are nothing more then a boy trapped within a man’s body. I have not given you what you want, so you have a temper tantrum.” I could feel his hands tightening around my arms. “I do not love you. I grow to despise you more as you continue to push your love on me.”
It was dark in the bedroom. The only light came from the fireplace which Durril always had lit in his bedroom. I was afraid of being caught alone with him in a dark room, but I was more afraid of what his desperation may do. He wanted to please his brother so desperately that I feared he may choose to rape me. It would be his word against my own then, and with all the touching and kissing that he had done in front of others, I knew I would be called the liar.
“There was a point when you kissed me in return, do you not remember? You play with my emotions and…”
“I made a mistake. I told you that it was a mistake and I demanded that you stay away from me. If you do not stop doing this, I will inform Blaine.”
I heard him chuckle, “You would inform him that you kissed me? You would tell him of our affair? And who do you think he would believe was at fault? Certainly not his baby brother. He would see it as a means to getting rid of you. He wants you dead, so he can be with Maita. He would do anything to remove you from his side.”
“I already know of the plot to end my life, Durril.” Suddenly his tight grip released.
“I… I didn’t mean… You know?” His hands dropped to his side and I heard him exhale. “Thank the gods.” He mumbled.
“What?”
“Don’t you see? Now, you can just run away. Escape from all this.” He ran to his writing desk and began to dig through it. “I have money, you can take it. With this you can start a new life somewhere.” He came back to me and held out a small brown pouch. “It won’t be the life that you are use to, but I’ll continue to send you money. That is until you are wed again or some other…”
“No.” I said sternly.
“Valora, I don’t think you understand the circumstances here. The order will never believe Blaine tried to kill his own wife. You have to run away. This money can purchase you a voyage across the sea. They will never think to look for you there.”
“I said no.”
There was desperation in his voice, “Valora, please.”
“No.”
His arm dropped to his side, “There is no talking him out of this. He sees no other way. Once he gets better, he’ll…” He stopped speaking and I could barely make out the horror on his face, “You… you are the cause of his sickness.”
“Yes, I am.”
“You won’t get away with this.” He hissed.
I crossed my arms and stood in front of the door, “Durril, I don’t think you understand the situation. You see, I have been a loving, caring wife. I sit at his bedside. I get hardly any sleep. I care for him everyday. I have everything I could possibly want being his wife.” I could see the curiosity in his face as to where I was going with this. “You, on the other hand, are never around. You are a duke’s son, who is nothing more then a guard. Not even a knight like he should be. The only thing standing in the way of your title and riches is that older brother of yours. Do you understand where this is heading?”
I heard him swallow, “Yes, I believe I do. You will blame me and a crying widow who stayed at her husband’s side until the end will tug at more hearts then my own crazed version of events.”
“Exactly.” My stance eased. “So, which shall it be?”
“Please, don’t kill my brother.” He suddenly dropped to his knees. “He has done so much for me, and I just can’t be forced to choose between myself and him. Valora, I… I’ll convince him to leave you be. I’ll do anything you ask, just don’t kill him.” I could hear him sobbing.
I stood in silence for a moment as I tried to decide what to do. “Kill Maita.”
His crying stopped and he looked up to me, “What?”
“It’s obvious that in order for this to end, someone has to die. I refuse for it to be me. Therefore, Maita or Blaine. The choice is yours.”
“How should I kill her?”
I shrugged, “I don’t care. If you get caught, you will not put this on me or I will give him an over dose of poison. Until Maita is dead I will continue to give the poison to him. I suggest you work quickly.” With that I spun around and exited into the hall.
I was afraid of the coldness that I had just shown to Durril. I didn’t like that I had become that person not even for a moment, but I knew that it wasn’t only my life at risk here. I touched my swollen abdomen and tried to remember that my child’s life was at stake as well.
Stepping into the bedroom, Leora sat at the bedside. Blaine was having one of his conscience moments and turned his head slowly as I entered. Leora mouthed something to me as she stood up and left the room. I couldn’t make out what she said, but I assumed it was something about leaving us alone.
Making my way around the bed, I sat in the chair that was still warm from Leora’s heat. I gave Blaine a smile and took his hand into my own. It was hot as if I was touching a man that had caught fire. His nose and ears were bright red, and dark bags weighed down his eyes.
I couldn’t believe that Blaine had survived this long. We had all thought he would have died months ago, but he was a fighter. I respected him in some warped way for it. He didn’t talk much, it was too strenuous for him. However, as I sat next to him, he seemed interested in speaking with me.
“How… how is the… how are you?” He asked, but his eyes were fixed on my stomach.
“I am fine, as is our child.” I patted his hand.
He took a couple breathes before trying to speak again, “I don’t mean to worry… you. It can not… not be good for your condition.”
I smiled pitifully, “You needn’t worry about me. It is you that your thoughts should center around. It is sweet of you to care.”
His eyes closed and I thought briefly that he may have died, but his breathes began. He had fallen asleep or so I decided, when I went to stand, his hand grabbed mine and his eyes opened. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“Letting… Maita spend time here.”
I sat down in the chair, “She has been a great deal of help.”
His sad eyes watched me, “I’m sorry, Valora. I was selfish to… to put you through… all this.”
“You couldn’t help getting sick.”
“I meant… Maita and me.” He cleared his throat. “Had I not been so blinded by love, I may… I may have seen how truly… lucky I was. I see it now, but I fear it is too late.”
I could feel my eyes beginning to water, “Don’t say that, Blaine. This is the way of all sickness. You have to get worse before you can get better.”
His smiled weakly, “You are kind to say so.”
I kissed his hot hand. “You’ll see, I’m right.”
His pillow was covered in sweat and I stood to fetch him a cool cloth from the basin. As I ringed the water out, he began to speak again.
“Vaughn for a son.” He said as I came back to his side. “Was… was my grandfather’s name.”
“Vaughn is a wonderful name.” I told him as I sat down and began to wiped the sweat away. “And for a girl?”
“Navia.”
“Why that name?”
He coughed, “My sister’s name.”
I stopped wiping the sweat from his face, a little stunned. “I didn’t know you had a sister.”
“She died when… she was thirteen years old.” He placed his hand on my knee as I had sat on the bed next to him.
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“She and Maita were close.” He coughed to clear his throat, “She asked me to take care… of Maita. I never meant to fall in love… just protect.”
“Never meant to fall in love?”
He nodded slowly, “I always knew you would be my wife.” The was a long pause before he began again. “I wanted to be happy… like father and mother.”
I was trying my hardest not to cry in front of him.
“I should have sent her away when… I realized my feelings. I was weak. I am sorry.”
Leaning forward I kissed his lips gently, “You have nothing to apologize for. We all make mistakes.”
He grinned sadly as his eyes slowly closed, “I wanted you to know. I needed you to know.” A long sigh escaped his lips, “For when the baby is born, so you could tell him about me without… with no hate.”
“I would never tell our child horrible things about you, Blaine.” I leaned back and squeezed his hand.
“Remember our day by the creek?”
“Yes.”
“I really enjoyed that day. My only… fond memory without… Maita.” His voice grew weaker and I knew he was falling asleep. “I should have known then… that I would fall in… love… with you.”
My heart felt as if it had stopped beating. None of that could have been true. It was just the rants of a dying man. I wanted to scream that he was a liar and a would be murderer. I wanted to tell him that I knew all about his plans and that he would suffer for it all. Instead, I decided to wet the cloth again as I stood Leora was watching me. I didn’t know when she entered or how much she heard.
“I didn’t hear you enter.” I told her as I wet the rag.
She locked the door and came over to my bedside, “He speaks the truth.” She said to me and offered me a letter. It was addressed to Maita and had been sent several weeks after our return from Mureal.
“Where did you get that?”
“Lady Maita brought it with her. I think she wanted to argue it’s contents, but Blaine is in no condition.”
She motioned for me to read it. Opening up the letter, I began to read. “My dearest love. Please forgive me for what I am about to say. After much deliberation, I have come to the conclusion that it would be impossible to take the life of my child. Not only the child but the life of my wife as well. I have lied to you when I said I held no feelings for her. We spent a day together long before our plot began and I realized it was then when my feelings began to grow. I tried to deny them, to lie to myself, all for you. I can not any longer.
I know as you read these words your heart breaks, but I speak with honesty and in hopes that you will understand. I would never be able to forgive myself for the death of my own child and for such selfish reasons.
I have no doubt that Durril will continue in his attempts to seduce my wife. Even if I have asked him to stop this madness. It seems my dear brother has fallen in love and wishes nothing more then to run away with her. It was something that he offered to do, but I declined. I must deal with him now, therefore I can not argue this matter with you. I forbid you to enter my estate.
She carries my child, and I carry my guilt. What I planned to do was nothing short of evil and I should be punished by my order to the fullest extent of the law. However, that would leave my wife and child without a provider. So, I will spend the rest of my life making up for what I have done. I only wish I could do the same for you.
I am a terrible man to set such plans in motion. Valora may not know of our deceit, but I have damaged her trust and love for me. After her visitors leave, I will begin to make amends. Again, I apologize for all the anguish you must feel. We shall not speak again.
My sincerest apologies, Lord Blaine Stavros.
PS. Please burn this letter. It contains too much information that could put us both on the chopping block.”
I looked over my shoulder at Leora as I tossed the letter into the fire. It was the evidence that I needed to prove Blaine’s guilt, but I realized that it was I that had done the wrong. Blaine had called the murder to an end and I continued to punish him. I didn’t know what to do, so I chose to wait for Juliska and see what she thought of the situation. With that decision, I watched the letter burn and with it Blaine’s legal punishment.
It felt like years had passed since I had last seen Juliska, and I couldn’t wait to get her upstairs to speak to her about what had occurred in her absence. It didn’t surprise me that Gideon was at her side as their carriage pulled up to the manor. I waited inside, even though I watched through the window.
I had continued to poison Blaine even after reading his letter. I had lessened the dosage, because I didn’t want to kill him. Stopping completely would had been too obvious, especially if Juliska convinced me to continue. I was too confused to make my own decision and I desperately needed someone to talk to. I had Kerani, but I knew what her answer would be. Her people had a ruthless belief in kill or be killed, and to make no apologies for it.
Juliska hugged me when she entered into the house, and Gideon bowed. I had feared that Maita would appear, but she was content to wait with Blaine. In the past weeks, Blaine had become more coherent from the minor poisonings, and the two were constantly talking. Whenever I entered the room, they would immediately silence themselves and pretend to be speaking about the manor or Blaine’s father.
I grew suspicious from their activities, but I decided that Maita was arguing with Blaine about the contents of the letter. One that she had to miss by that point as Leora hadn’t been able to return it to her. Every time I entered the room and saw Maita standing there with my husband, I remembered Durril’s promise to rid me of her. It was the only thing that kept me from showing any anger.
“What is the matter?” Juliska asked.
I realized that I had pulled her up the stairs and into the bedroom. “Blaine…” I was out of breath. I knew that I must have caused a scene downstairs in front of the servants, but at that moment it didn’t matter to me. “He wrote a letter to Maita right before we began this. He told her that he was in love with me and didn’t want to see her any longer.”
Juliska covered her lips with her fingers and sat down on the bed. “Oh, dear.” She sat for a moment, while I remained with my back pushed against the door. “Didn’t they decide to try with their spouses once before?”
“I believe so.”
She folded her hands into her lap, “Valora, I know that you want this all to come to a peaceful end, but do you really think he can be trusted? He seems to change his mind so often, and…”
“But what if this is real? What if he really loves me? For heaven’s sake, Juliska, he picked out names for our baby.” I ran my hand over my face briefly, “I just can’t do this without being certain. I will spend the rest of my life wondering if I did this to an innocent man.”
“He plotted to kill you, he is not innocent.” She hissed. “And what if he kills you? Do you really want to take that chance? You have the control right now, you…”
A knock came to the door and I opened it slowly. Gideon grinned and asked to come in to which I obliged him. He looked between us, and I knew immediately that he saw concern on our faces. Taking my hand, he squeezed it gently.
“What seems to be the matter, ladies?” He asked as the door closed behind me.
“Valora found a letter where Blaine announced his love for her to Maita. She doesn’t want to do this anymore.” Juliska told him.
Gideon’s eyes widened and he looked at me briefly, before he returned his eyes back to his sister. “Did you inform her that he is not to be trusted?”
“She doesn’t want to run the risk of guilt and wonder.” Juliska sighed, “I doubt we can convince her. She seems to have made up her mind.”
Turning his attention to me, “Are you certain?”
“I have to know.”
He nodded, then with one swift motion he grabbed my upper arm and flung me towards Juliska. Locking the door, he stood in front of it like a guardian golem. “This is what is going to come to pass, Valora. You are going to finish poisoning him, afterwards you will mourn your husband for the proper year. During this time, you will find a reason to have Durril removed from the estate. It doesn’t matter how, just utilize whatever opportunity comes your way. After the year comes to an end, you and I will be seen together in Mureal and other gatherings. Where rumors will begin to spread of our growing fondness for each other, and how Juliska and I helped you through the death of your husband. Six months later, we shall be wed.”
I had fallen on the bed, next to Juliska. “I told you…”
“If you don’t, Juliska and I will be witnesses at your trial. Two knights against you, and a knight’s sister? We have letters, servants who can be tortured to become witnesses if need be, and even Lord Bernal has agreed to these terms.”
My mouth dropped open as I looked over to the woman I thought was my friend. She looked down immediately in shame. “Why do you do this?” I asked her, but Gideon responded.
“Too much blood has been shed over this silly family feud.” He looked at his sister who had begun to cry, “In all honesty, I wish the title of duke for myself and to help my family’s standing within the order. I tried to be nice to you, and to make you see me as a kind and giving man… but you are such a foolish woman.”
“How long did you plan this, Juliska? Were we ever friends?” I asked her.
Lifting her head up, she tried to wipe the tears away. “I am so very sorry. Please forgive me, but this is what is for the best. We knew that Maita and Blaine were having the affair. It was just a matter of time before you would be willing to…”
Gideon raced forward as I began to beat upon Juliska with my fists. She fell to the bed and I had jumped atop of her. Both my hands pummeled her until Gideon gained control and pulled me off of her. Blood slowly dripped from her nose and one of my rings had cut her left cheek.
My emotional barrier broke at that moment and I began to sob. Gideon held me and even though I wished to beat on him as well, I just needed someone to hold me. It didn’t matter at that time that it was a friend who had become my enemy. I fell to my knees and he came down with me, my wrists still being held tightly in his grip. Perhaps, he wasn’t holding me, but instead just ensuring that I didn’t become violent again.
I pressed my face into his chest and after a moment, he released my wrists and pet my hair. Juliska slid down off the bed and began to rub my back.
“Forgive me.” Juliska mumbled again, “I did grow to care for you, but… forgive me.”
It was then that I realized I had never had any allies, and I was alone in all this. There was no one to confide in, and I had been tricked into doing all this evil. Juliska and Gideon had always planned to do this to me. Durril and Blaine had made plans to get rid of me. I was either a stepping stone or an obstacle. And it looked as if being a stepping stone would be the only way I could survive.
Shoving Gideon off me, I stood up and looked at a woman I formerly called friend. “I give to your demands, but let it be known that if you ever expose a weakness, I will be there to exploit it.” With that I spat at Juliska and pushed past Gideon into the hallway.
As I exited Durril stood in the hall. “We should talk.” He said to me and pointed down the hall to his bedroom.
Inside Durril’s bedroom, he locked the door and took a seat next to the fireplace. His room was the second largest in the house next to Blaine’s. He motioned for me to have a seat, and I did so in silence. I already knew that he had over heard my conversation with Gideon and Juliska. I just wasn’t sure if he was going to help me or use it against me.
As I sat down, I held my swollen abdomen. Durril noticed this and his eyes were fixed on my stomach as he watched me take my seat. I swallowed when I became nervous of his eyes upon me.
“And thus you were tricked, yet you were not, and even still you had no other option.” He stared upon my face.
“If you are going to use this information to somehow blackmail me, save me the lecture and just turn me over to the authorities.” I snapped, but my voice fell to a low mumble. “I can’t take much more of this.”
He took a deep breath as he turned his eyes to the fireplace, “It’s hard to believe that it’s almost been a year since you arrived. So much has happened. At times it feels like years have passed by and other times it feels like days.”
I didn’t understand exactly what he was talking about, so I sat quietly and waited for him to speak again.
“Blaine and Maita have always argued about your coming. Even when it was years before your arrival, your name was commonly used in their conversations. Our father knew of their love for one another, but refused his own son’s love for a woman because of a debt he owed another.” Durril turned his eyes back to me. “Do you think that is fair?”
“No.” Was my reply and even though I wanted to mention that I had no say in this either, I left it at that.
He nodded, “Blaine loves Maita. He always will. No matter if she dies or if she never speaks to him again. She will always be the first love of his heart.” Setting the wine glass down on the table between us, he folded his hands on his lap. “Maita, however, she just wants power and money.”
I rose an eyebrow to question his statement.
“It’s true. Blaine knows it just as well as I do. Yet, his love for her forces him to continue on doing what he has always done.”
“And what has he always done?”
“Loved Maita, of course. He believes deep down in her heart she holds some form of love for him.” Durril bit his lower lip, “Or should I say he hopes that she does, as we all know that she does not.”
“And even with this doubt, he was willing to kill me and his child.” I spoke mockingly.
“I know my brother. He would never have seen it through. If you would just speak to him about what has occurred these past few months, I know he would be able to help you.”
I snorted, “Yes, I should confess so he has adequate evidence to have me beheaded.”
“You’ve dug this hole, Valora.” Durril swallowed, “You chose revenge over justice. There is no doubt in my mind that you could have found the evidence you needed to have Maita, Blaine, and myself punished for our conspiracy. All you needed to do was use your intelligence and there would have been no way the order could have tossed your accusations aside.”
Durril’s words stunned me, because they were true. Leora had come across a letter so easily that proved their guilt. All that I needed to do was be patient and I would have been able to prove all my allegations. Instead, I chose to level myself with them and play their own game.
“So, tell me. Don’t you deserve punishment for your crimes as much as we do?” He turned his eyes back to the fire, “Even still. I know my brother. He may not appear so to you, but he is fair and just. Recently, he has allowed his love for Maita to rule his heart, but I know he will understand why you have done this.”
“Then I will be put to death, and the three of you will spend your lives as you always wanted it to be. You with a title and Blaine with his love.” I stood from my chair. “I will not turn myself over. If you wish to inform Blaine then do so, but know that my plans will not end when I have left the estate. Only I know what the poison is and how Blaine comes into contact with it. Which means that only I know how to cure him.”
As I turned to exit the room, Durril moved quickly to catch my arm. “I would never harm you.”
“Is that why you tried to seduce me into having an affair?” I kept my eyes on the door as I didn’t want to look at Durril.
His hand eased the pressure on my arm, “Valora, allow me the time to dig through Gideon and Juliska’s past. I know that I shall find something to put an end to all this. Until that time don’t do anything drastic. This can forever be between us, and your child can grow up with both its parents.”
“Do as you wish.” I looked over my shoulder, “That still does not release you from your pledge to kill Maita. As long as she lives, I will not be able to trust Blaine.” I ripped my arm from his grasp and headed towards the door.
“I will ensure she will bother you no longer.” I heard him say as I stepped out into the hall.
Days passed by and Durril brought me nothing of Juliska or Gideon, and Maita continued to plague my life. Dinners were long and the tension in the air was thick enough to choke on. I could also sense tension between Maita and Gideon, I believed that Blaine had told her not to trust him. Or perhaps she was all too aware of the feud between the families, and her own family had taken a side.
I constantly felt sick to my stomach and my body never relaxed. I knew that I must have looked a nervous wreck to others, though I tried my best to hide it. There was so much that had happened these past few days that I wasn’t even certain which path to take. It wasn’t long ago that the path was so clear and looked to be my own way. Now it branched in every direction and all I could do is stand at the fork in the road. People called for me down each one, asking me to come with them, and I know that I’ll never be able to travel the others. I have one choice and I can’t go back after it’s made.
My nights were long as I never slept for more then a half hour before I woke up for just as long. I would turn my head and look at my sleeping husband, who at times was also awake from the pain. That night was no different then any other.
“Have you slept at all?” I asked when I awake to Blaine sitting up in our bed. His eyes stared out the window towards the lake.
He didn’t respond to me, so I sat up and scooted closer to him. As I touched his back to rub it, Blaine then noticed me. He turned to look at me in the darkness, before dropping his head on my shoulder.
“I am in a constant state of anticipation, Valora.” Blaine mumbled. “Will I die today? Will I die tonight? When I close my eyes will I awake? Will I survive this and be a better man for it? What will happen to you and the child if I do die? What will happen to Durril? Why am I cursed with this sickness?” He cleared his throat, “No, I know the answer to the last one.”
My heart began to race when I heard those words, “You do?”
“My betrayal against you. I have wronged you and now the gods see fit to punish me.” His arm wrapped around my shoulder, “Will you ever forgive me? Could you possibly be that benevolent?”
“Whatever are you talking about?”
He looked up at me, both his hands grabbed my face and his own face was inches away from my own. “I plotted to have you killed, Valora. With Maita, we planned to kill you and the child, but I changed my mind. I couldn’t go through with it. You are innocent in all this. None of it was your fault. How could I punish someone else for my own greed and lust?”
I didn’t know what to say to him, but I felt the tears swelling up in my eyes. I remembered Durril telling me to inform Blaine of what I had done. Even though I knew this would be the moment to do so, I was afraid. The consequences would be too great if Blaine didn’t react the way his brother said he would.
“Don’t cry, Valora.” Blaine whispered. “It is over. None of the plans are in motion any longer, and I will never betray your trust again. Of this, I swear. Perhaps, if you could forgive me the gods wouldn’t see fit to punish me any further.”
“I…” The tears began to flow down my cheeks and onto Blaine’s hands that held my face. “I don’t know!” I cried out, “I’m so confused.”
Blaine believed that I was confused by his confession, but the truth was I was confused by my options once more. His apology and declaration of guilt only made it harder for me to continue to poison him, and I felt more weight being placed upon my shoulders.
He wrapped his arms around me and held me tightly to his chest, “You don’t have to say you forgive me now. Think about what I have said and know that I am deeply mournful for what I have done.” He kissed my cheek for several seconds, “Bernal will be taking Maita home tomorrow. I have commanded it and she will never afflict our home again.”
Blaine’s words continue to break my heart, because I heard what I hoped was sincerity within them. I knew then that I would not be able to kill this man. I hated him so much for what he had done, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do this. I know that there was still Juliska and Gideon to deal with. If I told Blaine what had happened he may be able to send them away. Yet, even though he wanted me to forgive him for a murder plot, I didn’t think he would be able to forgive me.
That evening, I had much to think about and as Blaine laid down beside me, it was the first time that he ever held me while we slept. It wasn’t comfortable simply because of the anguish of my situation and I felt like I was betraying him by laying there. I wanted everything to just go away.
I wish that somehow this could have all been a nightmare. That I would wake up in the carriage on the way to Lord Blaine’s manor. Kerani would be sitting beside me telling me to get more sleep. Then when we arrived, Blaine would greet me with a friendly smile and talk to me as a friend. There would be no Maita and there would be no Durril between us. It would only be the moments before a love formed between us. The rest of our lives would be filled with friendship, love, and a growing family.
It was a silly fantasy to want such perfection, but as I laid there in the dark I wished that was the way it had begun. I knew this was all real and I would have to suffer it until the end. I just wanted a few moments were it was perfect, even if it was only in my imagination.
I remembered the girl that came here on that carriage and I longed to be her again. She had died long ago, when she was forced to become what I am. I couldn’t find the right word for what I was, but I didn’t want to be this anymore. I didn’t want secrets and deceit. I didn’t want blood on my hands.
By morning I had made up my mind, and had Kerani remove the poison from the medicine vial. Luckily, she had kept the medicine for her own purposes and was able to replace it. I was well aware of the consequences of doing this, and I knew Juliska and Gideon would soon become aware of Blaine’s recovery. It didn’t matter to me anymore.
The only thing that I cared about was that my child lived on. It seemed to me that Blaine would keep the child, even if I were to be executed. I was willing to make such a sacrifice if it came to that, though I prayed that it wouldn’t.
I cleared my throat as I knocked on Durril’s bedroom door. It took a moment for him to answer, but I could hear him rustling around in the room. I suspected that he was looking for clothing as it was still early in the morning, and he had most likely still been asleep.
He opened the door, and I think he immediately knew what I was going to say. Stepping aside, he allowed me entrance. As the door shut, I took a deep breath as I tried to decide how I would discuss this with him.
“I don’t want Blaine to know, but we have to get rid of Juliska and Gideon.” I folded my hands in front of me, and kept my back to him.
“Meet me in the hallway tonight after everyone has gone to sleep.” His calm voice spoke and he walked over to his wardrobe to finish dressing.
“What for?”
He looked over his shoulder, a blank look upon his face. “We will both need to be witnesses to what has been occurring. I just didn’t want you to know about this unless you were certain to choose Blaine. Otherwise there would have been no punishment for you.”
I raised my eyebrow questioningly, “I beg your pardon?”
“They will be out of this house by morning. Just do as I ask of you and we can bring this all to an end.”
“Maita leaves today and with Juliska and Gideon out of the house, I believe the healing can begin.” I tried to comfort him, as I could see the uncertainty in his eyes. “I’ve gotten rid of all the poison. Blaine will drink no more.”
Durril stood up straight, a frown played upon his lips.
“Are you certain this plan of yours will rid us of those two?” I asked after a moment.
“Without any doubts, they will be gone by morning. However, don’t expect Maita to give up just yet. She is fighting to stay here in the dining hall with her husband, and she will eventually ask Blaine. He could never turn her down when she cried. So expect the worst when it comes to her.”
I gave a gentle nod, “Then I shall ensure her departure.”
“Don’t hurt her.”
“I will bring no physical harm upon her. Though I can not say that she won’t suffer.” I couldn’t believe the words that were pouring from my mouth, but I knew that certain things had to be done.
Durril returned to dressing and I opened the door behind me only to close it again.
“Durril?”
He looked over at me.
“If Blaine does find out and I am to be executed. Convince him to keep the child, please. I don’t care what happens to me, as long as the child’s safety is secure.”
When he didn’t answer, I stepped forward, my hand gently touched his upper arm. He remained silent as his eyes stared down at me.
“The child doesn’t have to live here, but I just don’t want my baby to die with me. None of this is my child’s fault… please.”
Durril’s features softened, “I will ensure the child is born and is with parents in some form.”
I dropped my hand from his arm and gave a soft smile, “Thank you.”
With that said, I turned back to the door and made my way out into the hallway. I knew what had to be done now. I needed to have a conversation with Maita. She needed to know that I was aware of everything that she had done. She needed to understand that I would not sit idly by while she attempted to take everything from me, including my child and my life.
This house was not big enough for all the secrets that it contained, and when I was done only one would remain. My secret, my sin, something that I should have never done. I had to keep it though, if I ever wanted to see my child grow up, it had to remain hidden. My secret would destroy everything. I was willing to forgive everything, but I was certain that Blaine would not be so forgiving.
I made my way down the stairs towards the yelling I could hear coming from the dining hall. In the next few moments, everything would come to an end.
I hadn’t seen him the day before, except during dinner where he had remained quiet. Juliska seemed to be lost with him for most of the day and never gave me the opportunity to inform her about Maita. Something suspicious was occurring, but I just couldn’t put my finger on it.
“Good morning.” I chimed and smiled as I stood up to meet him at the gate.
Kerani stood guard of the gate as always, but walked towards the house as we began to speak. Since she was learning the language, she was also well aware of her need to sense when conversations should not include her. There were some things that a loyal servant need not know about her mistress. I didn’t know if she thought I was having an affair with Gideon or if the plot was obvious to her. Either way, she was smart enough to know that it was important for her to know nothing of it.
“Jul and you seem to be unsociable during this visit. Not at all like her.” I laid my hand on one of the fence posts.
He nodded, “Much has been on our minds. Forgive us for being inconsiderate guests, milady.” Reaching out his hand, he placed it over mine.
I was uncomfortable with his touch, but was afraid of upsetting him. Juliska and he needed to be on my side, and I didn’t want to anger them in anyway. They knew too much and I couldn’t afford to let them leave me now.
“What has been on your minds?” I asked.
“Your situation, of course. We fear for you, but for ourselves as well.”
“Yes, I feel the same. Perhaps it would be best for the two of you to walk away now. Cut all ties with me so there is no link.”
He coughed, but didn’t respond.
“This isn’t your affair, and if something were to go wrong, I wouldn’t want you two to take the fall with me.”
Gideon lifted his hand from mine, and touched my chin with his index finger’s knuckle. He grinned before placing his hand back on top of my own. “I am glad to hear you say that. Our fear wasn’t that we would be caught, but instead that you may lay the blame on us if the time came. We, of course, would never abandon you. Not when you need us the most.”
I swallowed and looked down at my hand as Gideon squeezed it. “It is strange that a knight, such as yourself, would aid a woman in the murder of her husband. No matter what you believe you owe her from the past.” I looked up into his light eyes, “I am still not certain what you think you owe me.”
“A life lesson was taught to me. It may seem irrelevant and small, but it was an important moment in my life. You don’t have to understand my reasons, but I hope you can appreciate that they exist.”
I didn’t trust Gideon and with that lack of trust for him, I was beginning not to trust Juliska either. If she held trust for him where I did not, then it may prove that treachery was afoot. Though, I wasn’t certain which one could have been the traitor or even if both were. I knew that I needed allies in times like this, and I couldn’t afford to keep them at arms length.
“I almost forgot.” Gideon reached into a small bag around his belt and pulled out a necklace. He offered it to me and I allowed him to drop the small silver chain into my hand.
I inspected the charm which looked like a tear drop of glass, but inside was a small daisy, which I assumed was fake due to its size. “Thank you, but what is this for?”
“So, you can carry a daisy with you as a reminder of the days that changed your life.” He patted my hand under his and leaned forward to kiss my cheek.
I was distracted by the necklace that I didn’t notice that he had kissed me until after the fact. I knew that Kerani had seen his action, and could only hope that none of the other servants had noticed.
“You can tell everyone that Juliska gave the necklace to you as a gift for your coming motherhood. This way no one is suspicious of anything indecent between us.”
“Well, thank you… this is very kind of you.”
Gideon grinned and bowed his head, “I shall take my leave of you now. Best that we are not seen together too often without Juliska at my side.”
As soon as he began towards the house, Kerani ran towards me. I knew she was about to throw a fit about the kiss. When she reached the gate, she opened her mouth as if to say something then closed it.
“What?” I asked after a moment of watching her debate herself on whether she was going to say something or not.
“Your husband is ill, and another man kisses you for the whole household to see. That brings foul play to mind.” Her eyes fell to my hands as I wrapped the necklace’s chain around my finger. “Did he give you that? Did you accept a gift from another man?”
“Juliska gave it to me. I left it in her room earlier and he just brought it out to me.” I knew that she didn’t believe me, but Kerani would never call me a liar.
“You play a dangerous game, Valora.”
“You have no idea.” I mumbled under my breath as I returned to my gardening.
I heard the gate open and Kerani entered. She kneeled down beside me with a dark frown upon her face. “Why do you poison him? Is it for the love of that knight?”
I didn’t know what to say to that. I was shocked that Kerani even knew that he was being poisoned. “I beg your pardon?”
She cleared her throat, “All the servants know that his sickness is your work. They whisper of an affair between the knight and yourself, but they also whisper of Blaine’s. One said she even over heard Maita and Blaine discussing your death. So, I must know what is true and what is not. I need to ensure that I can protect you when they speak ill of you.”
“I am not having an affair.” I snapped, but tried to keep my voice low.
“And the rest?”
I nodded my head slowly.
“He seeks to have you killed, but why?”
“Maita is attempting to murder her husband, while he does so to me. They want to be together.”
Kerani stared at me for a moment, “My heart breaks that you didn’t trust me enough…”
“I didn’t want to get you involved. If I were to be caught, I wanted you to be innocent in all this.” I wrapped my arms around her neck and she returned my embrace.
“I need to know everything.” She whispered. “I will help you.”
---***---
Kerani took on the task on switching the vials of medicine with the poison. I hadn’t done so before because the medicine had been a light brown, and the poison was clear. She swore that she knew how to color the poison so no one would notice the difference. I didn’t want to put her in such a position, but she refused to have it any other way.
That night Juliska didn’t join us for dinner, so I was left with Gideon and Durril. Both men were vying for my attention. Telling me stories about their lives as they tried to compete with each other. Of course, Durril didn’t have the stories that a knight of the order did, but he was able to tell quite a few exciting tales. For a brief moment, I forgot that he was helping his brother to kill me, and I remembered the man that I had begun to fall in love with.
After dinner, I went for a walk with Kerani and Endre. They walked behind me as I walked towards the lake. The cold breeze that was blown off the water was telling me that winter was ahead, and my oleander bush would soon die for the season. I could smell leaves that were burning in the distance, and as I grew closer to the lake, I could see the fire. Four servants stood around the controlled fire that was nothing but a small orange spot to me from where I stood across the lake. The smell reminded me of home, as they often burnt the leaves near my bedroom window.
“Go back inside, I will watch Lady Valora.” I heard Durril’s voice order.
I looked behind me to see the two servants begin their walk towards the manor. Kerani was in no position to argue with him, but I knew she would watch from a window. I could see the apology in her eyes as Endre lead her away.
Durril approached me, his hair was being tossed about in the wind. My own hair was in a tight bun atop of my head and was holding up well to the power of nature. He noticed this and laughed as he tried to brush the hair from his eyes. “I should grow my hair out and allow Kerani to dress it.”
“Perhaps.” I responded and turned my eyes back to the lake. I was nervous, but I didn’t want him to know that I held any fear for him.
“Valora…”
“If this is going to be another one of your attempts to gain my favor, then you should leave my presence now. I love your brother, and you can not change that.” I lied, but I felt it may have shock value for him.
“Love him?” He said with surprise.
I nodded.
“How can you love him? He is disrespectful towards you. He lies to you. He…”
“Is my husband and I will love no other. Now, if you will excuse me, I should return to his side.” I began towards the house, then turned back to him. “If you bother me once more about this issue, then I will inform Blaine.” I knew that threat was not only empty, but meaningless. I just wanted Durril to believe that I was unaware of their plans.
Walking away from Durril, I tried to stop myself from shivering from the fear I felt deep within. Making my way back up to the manor, I looked back at Durril as I passed the guards. He stood by the lake with his arms folded. I could only make out his shadow, but I was aware that he was watching me.
Inside the house, I was greeted by another of whom I didn’t feel comfortable speaking with. Gideon seemed to be waiting by the stairs for me, and motioned me up them when I entered. I followed him if only to humor him. I had wanted to inform him and Juliska of Kerani’s involvement, but I had decided against it. It was best that only I knew that she had become aware of our plans.
Stepping into Gideon’s room, I wasn’t sure that I wanted to be alone in a bedroom with him. My better judgment told me not to, but I barely gave it any notice as I stepped in. The guest room was rather dark except for the lantern on the desk and the burning fireplace. I noticed that Gideon’s bed was not made, but he was completely dressed. It made me suspect that either the servants had cleaned his room or he had used it during the day.
“This could be seen as inappropriate if I was caught in here, Gideon. Please make this quick.” I said as he closed the door behind me.
“I have talked to some of the servants and it seems that Blaine is very ill now. Most do not believe he will survive another month.”
“Yes, it does seem that way.”
His hand touched my face and his lips covered mine. I immediately stepped back and into the door.
“What is the meaning of this?” I snapped.
“I know you share feelings for me, Valora. You find me attractive just as I find you to be.” He grabbed my hand, “With Blaine gone, you and I can be together.”
“I am with child.” I mumbled even though I was attempting to sound firm.
“It doesn’t bother me. I will care for the child as my own. We can be wed a year after Blaine is buried, and no one will suspect…”
I shook my head, “I did find you handsome, but I will not marry you. I do not hold feelings for you, and…”
“You know that I will care for you far better then Blaine. It will put an end to the feud, and unite many families that are trapped on both sides.” He tightened his hand around mine when I tried to pull it away. “Think of it as not only ensuring a man for the house and a father for your child, but as a service to all those imprisoned by this hate.”
I swallowed, “I’ll… I’ll think about it.”
He nodded and the shadow of himself that was cast upon the door danced with him. “That is all I ask, that you do not reject me until you have given it some thought.” He opened the door to let me out, but first checked to ensure that the hall was empty.
Without further hesitation, I escaped his room and went into my own. I could hear Blaine moaning, and prepared myself to meet with his sickly form. He was a pitiful person now and I felt such sorrow for his condition. My sorrow was only amplified by my knowledge that I could end his suffering.
---***---
Maita and Lord Bernal arrived the next morning. I was there to answer the door, and I believe that Bernal was aware of what was occurring. He didn’t say anything to me but a formal greeting. It was best that no one saw anything between us. Any familiarity could be seen as suspicious considering that Bernal and I were not close. I had thought to tell him of the situation with Juliska and Gideon, but decided to leave our conversations to Bernal. If he had anything to say to me then he would find a way, and I would inform him of the circumstances.
Maita had giggled over my pregnancy, and even informed me of how happy she was for Blaine and myself. I had wanted to choke her as she stood so close to me and patted my belly. Barely touching the child within me that she had plans to kill. Yet, I smiled and thanked her instead. I even held her hand briefly and informed her of my journey into motherhood thus far.
I do not understand why I hated Maita more then I did Blaine. Perhaps I wanted to believe that Blaine was actually a good person and it was Maita that had corrupted him. When I came to that conclusion, I had looked briefly over to Bernal. I remembered him telling me that it was Blaine that had control over Maita. That Maita was a victim in all this, and I realized that was how I viewed Blaine. I believed Maita to be at fault, but I was punishing Blaine for all of it. I didn’t understand why I should let Maita live if Blaine was to die.
“You are such a kind woman, Lady Valora.” Maita’s dark red lips moved so elegantly when she spoke, and not one lock of her dark hair was out of place. “You shall be an excellent mother.”
We were all sitting around the dinner table. Juliska and Gideon had joined us, but they sat at the opposite end.
“Thank you, Lady Maita. I hope to say the same to you one day.” I patted her hand and she smiled.
“It is good that Sir Gideon and Lady Juliska watch over you.” Bernal announced and looked down to the end. “I had feared you to be all alone with servants while your husband was ill.”
“Lady Juliska and Sir Gideon have looked over me since it began. They are wonderful friends.” I said the words looking at Juliska.
She smiled, but there was a sadness in her smile. “You are too kind to say that, milady. We gladly offer our services in such dire circumstances.”
There was a silence and I noticed that Juliska briefly looked at her brother. He shook his head and returned to his food.
“Has there been any improvement?” Maita asked. “In Blaine’s condition, I mean.”
I shook my head, “I fear the worse and hope for the best. Each day that passes he falls deeper into his sickness.”
“And the doctors have not been much help?” Bernal asked.
Again, I shook my head, “I am afraid not.”
Another long and uncomfortable pause occurred in the conversation. My heart was beating quickly, I feared Maita discovering what I was doing. I wondered if Bernal would be able to stop her from reporting me, if that dreaded moment arose.
“I hear that you are up with Blaine for most of your nights. That can not be good for the baby.” Maita finally spoke. I think she was just as uncomfortable in my presence as I was in hers.
“It is my duty to care for him.”
“I will gladly trade evenings with you. For the baby, of course.” She squeezed my hand.
I didn’t know how to say no without sounding suspicious, so I agreed with a nod. “That would be kind of you.”
We returned to our meal in silence. I imagined Maita feeding Blaine the “medication” in the vial. It was sadistic of me to smile as I thought of that image. Of the woman he loved so much feeding Blaine the poison that was killing him. It was beautiful to imagine the woman who would have killed me and my child for my husband instead killing my husband.
“Did you think of something humorous, Lady Valora?” Maita asked me.
I realized that I sat with a large smile on my face, “I didn’t realize I was smiling. Forgive me.”
Kerani was standing in the corner and she came to my side, before Maita could respond. Touching my forehead, she nodded and had me stand. “You have placed too much stress on yourself, milady. Let’s place you in a bath.” She helped me out of the room.
As I walked up the stairs with her, I put my head on her shoulder. “Thank you.” I said in her language.
Kerani had known that I put myself in an awkward position. “She will get hers.”
“When she feeds Blaine her medicine, she does. Even if it is silently and she is unaware.”
She put her arm around me and giggled. “I was curious as to why you had allowed her to take over those responsibilities.” She giggled again.
Maita remained at the manor even when her husband had to return home for a short time. Bernal and I never spoke to each other, and I had even questioned if he remembered the task he had set before me. The only thing that eased my mind was when he called Maita away from me, when I was visiting with Blaine. I wondered if Bernal believed those were the instances that I was poisoning my husband.
Juliska and Gideon left the manor shortly after Bernal did, and it left me alone with Maita. Had I not known what Maita had planned with Blaine and Durril, I would have liked her very much. There were moments when I would forget exactly who she was, until I saw Durril make an appearance. He would always greet her and then spend all his time in our presence near me. Touching my arms and hand, offering to do things for me, and at one point had kissed my forehead.
He had not been around often when Juliska and Gideon were at the manor. I had almost forgotten his existence in the whole mess. The moment my friends left, he returned and had not been afraid to show affection towards me. I think he wanted to prove to Maita that he was doing as he had been ordered to do.
After two weeks of dodging his advances, I was forced to write to Juliska. Something about her last visit had made me suspicious of both her and her brother, but Durril was becoming too determined. I begged her to return in words that sounded like I was having a difficult time with my sick husband. I didn’t want to put anything on paper that would point to me as his killer.
I received her letter a week later then informed me she would make the trip within three weeks. So, I had to fight off Durril for a month and a half. The last week became too much for me when he had attempted to kiss me in the hall. When I ordered him off me, he pushed me into his bedroom and locked the door.
With my upper arms in his hands, he seemed to try to calm himself with deep breathes. “Valora, I will not be denied any longer. I know that you love me, and I refuse to allow you to continue lying to yourself.”
“You disgust me. You are nothing more then a boy trapped within a man’s body. I have not given you what you want, so you have a temper tantrum.” I could feel his hands tightening around my arms. “I do not love you. I grow to despise you more as you continue to push your love on me.”
It was dark in the bedroom. The only light came from the fireplace which Durril always had lit in his bedroom. I was afraid of being caught alone with him in a dark room, but I was more afraid of what his desperation may do. He wanted to please his brother so desperately that I feared he may choose to rape me. It would be his word against my own then, and with all the touching and kissing that he had done in front of others, I knew I would be called the liar.
“There was a point when you kissed me in return, do you not remember? You play with my emotions and…”
“I made a mistake. I told you that it was a mistake and I demanded that you stay away from me. If you do not stop doing this, I will inform Blaine.”
I heard him chuckle, “You would inform him that you kissed me? You would tell him of our affair? And who do you think he would believe was at fault? Certainly not his baby brother. He would see it as a means to getting rid of you. He wants you dead, so he can be with Maita. He would do anything to remove you from his side.”
“I already know of the plot to end my life, Durril.” Suddenly his tight grip released.
“I… I didn’t mean… You know?” His hands dropped to his side and I heard him exhale. “Thank the gods.” He mumbled.
“What?”
“Don’t you see? Now, you can just run away. Escape from all this.” He ran to his writing desk and began to dig through it. “I have money, you can take it. With this you can start a new life somewhere.” He came back to me and held out a small brown pouch. “It won’t be the life that you are use to, but I’ll continue to send you money. That is until you are wed again or some other…”
“No.” I said sternly.
“Valora, I don’t think you understand the circumstances here. The order will never believe Blaine tried to kill his own wife. You have to run away. This money can purchase you a voyage across the sea. They will never think to look for you there.”
“I said no.”
There was desperation in his voice, “Valora, please.”
“No.”
His arm dropped to his side, “There is no talking him out of this. He sees no other way. Once he gets better, he’ll…” He stopped speaking and I could barely make out the horror on his face, “You… you are the cause of his sickness.”
“Yes, I am.”
“You won’t get away with this.” He hissed.
I crossed my arms and stood in front of the door, “Durril, I don’t think you understand the situation. You see, I have been a loving, caring wife. I sit at his bedside. I get hardly any sleep. I care for him everyday. I have everything I could possibly want being his wife.” I could see the curiosity in his face as to where I was going with this. “You, on the other hand, are never around. You are a duke’s son, who is nothing more then a guard. Not even a knight like he should be. The only thing standing in the way of your title and riches is that older brother of yours. Do you understand where this is heading?”
I heard him swallow, “Yes, I believe I do. You will blame me and a crying widow who stayed at her husband’s side until the end will tug at more hearts then my own crazed version of events.”
“Exactly.” My stance eased. “So, which shall it be?”
“Please, don’t kill my brother.” He suddenly dropped to his knees. “He has done so much for me, and I just can’t be forced to choose between myself and him. Valora, I… I’ll convince him to leave you be. I’ll do anything you ask, just don’t kill him.” I could hear him sobbing.
I stood in silence for a moment as I tried to decide what to do. “Kill Maita.”
His crying stopped and he looked up to me, “What?”
“It’s obvious that in order for this to end, someone has to die. I refuse for it to be me. Therefore, Maita or Blaine. The choice is yours.”
“How should I kill her?”
I shrugged, “I don’t care. If you get caught, you will not put this on me or I will give him an over dose of poison. Until Maita is dead I will continue to give the poison to him. I suggest you work quickly.” With that I spun around and exited into the hall.
I was afraid of the coldness that I had just shown to Durril. I didn’t like that I had become that person not even for a moment, but I knew that it wasn’t only my life at risk here. I touched my swollen abdomen and tried to remember that my child’s life was at stake as well.
---***---
Stepping into the bedroom, Leora sat at the bedside. Blaine was having one of his conscience moments and turned his head slowly as I entered. Leora mouthed something to me as she stood up and left the room. I couldn’t make out what she said, but I assumed it was something about leaving us alone.
Making my way around the bed, I sat in the chair that was still warm from Leora’s heat. I gave Blaine a smile and took his hand into my own. It was hot as if I was touching a man that had caught fire. His nose and ears were bright red, and dark bags weighed down his eyes.
I couldn’t believe that Blaine had survived this long. We had all thought he would have died months ago, but he was a fighter. I respected him in some warped way for it. He didn’t talk much, it was too strenuous for him. However, as I sat next to him, he seemed interested in speaking with me.
“How… how is the… how are you?” He asked, but his eyes were fixed on my stomach.
“I am fine, as is our child.” I patted his hand.
He took a couple breathes before trying to speak again, “I don’t mean to worry… you. It can not… not be good for your condition.”
I smiled pitifully, “You needn’t worry about me. It is you that your thoughts should center around. It is sweet of you to care.”
His eyes closed and I thought briefly that he may have died, but his breathes began. He had fallen asleep or so I decided, when I went to stand, his hand grabbed mine and his eyes opened. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“Letting… Maita spend time here.”
I sat down in the chair, “She has been a great deal of help.”
His sad eyes watched me, “I’m sorry, Valora. I was selfish to… to put you through… all this.”
“You couldn’t help getting sick.”
“I meant… Maita and me.” He cleared his throat. “Had I not been so blinded by love, I may… I may have seen how truly… lucky I was. I see it now, but I fear it is too late.”
I could feel my eyes beginning to water, “Don’t say that, Blaine. This is the way of all sickness. You have to get worse before you can get better.”
His smiled weakly, “You are kind to say so.”
I kissed his hot hand. “You’ll see, I’m right.”
His pillow was covered in sweat and I stood to fetch him a cool cloth from the basin. As I ringed the water out, he began to speak again.
“Vaughn for a son.” He said as I came back to his side. “Was… was my grandfather’s name.”
“Vaughn is a wonderful name.” I told him as I sat down and began to wiped the sweat away. “And for a girl?”
“Navia.”
“Why that name?”
He coughed, “My sister’s name.”
I stopped wiping the sweat from his face, a little stunned. “I didn’t know you had a sister.”
“She died when… she was thirteen years old.” He placed his hand on my knee as I had sat on the bed next to him.
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“She and Maita were close.” He coughed to clear his throat, “She asked me to take care… of Maita. I never meant to fall in love… just protect.”
“Never meant to fall in love?”
He nodded slowly, “I always knew you would be my wife.” The was a long pause before he began again. “I wanted to be happy… like father and mother.”
I was trying my hardest not to cry in front of him.
“I should have sent her away when… I realized my feelings. I was weak. I am sorry.”
Leaning forward I kissed his lips gently, “You have nothing to apologize for. We all make mistakes.”
He grinned sadly as his eyes slowly closed, “I wanted you to know. I needed you to know.” A long sigh escaped his lips, “For when the baby is born, so you could tell him about me without… with no hate.”
“I would never tell our child horrible things about you, Blaine.” I leaned back and squeezed his hand.
“Remember our day by the creek?”
“Yes.”
“I really enjoyed that day. My only… fond memory without… Maita.” His voice grew weaker and I knew he was falling asleep. “I should have known then… that I would fall in… love… with you.”
My heart felt as if it had stopped beating. None of that could have been true. It was just the rants of a dying man. I wanted to scream that he was a liar and a would be murderer. I wanted to tell him that I knew all about his plans and that he would suffer for it all. Instead, I decided to wet the cloth again as I stood Leora was watching me. I didn’t know when she entered or how much she heard.
“I didn’t hear you enter.” I told her as I wet the rag.
She locked the door and came over to my bedside, “He speaks the truth.” She said to me and offered me a letter. It was addressed to Maita and had been sent several weeks after our return from Mureal.
“Where did you get that?”
“Lady Maita brought it with her. I think she wanted to argue it’s contents, but Blaine is in no condition.”
She motioned for me to read it. Opening up the letter, I began to read. “My dearest love. Please forgive me for what I am about to say. After much deliberation, I have come to the conclusion that it would be impossible to take the life of my child. Not only the child but the life of my wife as well. I have lied to you when I said I held no feelings for her. We spent a day together long before our plot began and I realized it was then when my feelings began to grow. I tried to deny them, to lie to myself, all for you. I can not any longer.
I know as you read these words your heart breaks, but I speak with honesty and in hopes that you will understand. I would never be able to forgive myself for the death of my own child and for such selfish reasons.
I have no doubt that Durril will continue in his attempts to seduce my wife. Even if I have asked him to stop this madness. It seems my dear brother has fallen in love and wishes nothing more then to run away with her. It was something that he offered to do, but I declined. I must deal with him now, therefore I can not argue this matter with you. I forbid you to enter my estate.
She carries my child, and I carry my guilt. What I planned to do was nothing short of evil and I should be punished by my order to the fullest extent of the law. However, that would leave my wife and child without a provider. So, I will spend the rest of my life making up for what I have done. I only wish I could do the same for you.
I am a terrible man to set such plans in motion. Valora may not know of our deceit, but I have damaged her trust and love for me. After her visitors leave, I will begin to make amends. Again, I apologize for all the anguish you must feel. We shall not speak again.
My sincerest apologies, Lord Blaine Stavros.
PS. Please burn this letter. It contains too much information that could put us both on the chopping block.”
I looked over my shoulder at Leora as I tossed the letter into the fire. It was the evidence that I needed to prove Blaine’s guilt, but I realized that it was I that had done the wrong. Blaine had called the murder to an end and I continued to punish him. I didn’t know what to do, so I chose to wait for Juliska and see what she thought of the situation. With that decision, I watched the letter burn and with it Blaine’s legal punishment.
---***---
It felt like years had passed since I had last seen Juliska, and I couldn’t wait to get her upstairs to speak to her about what had occurred in her absence. It didn’t surprise me that Gideon was at her side as their carriage pulled up to the manor. I waited inside, even though I watched through the window.
I had continued to poison Blaine even after reading his letter. I had lessened the dosage, because I didn’t want to kill him. Stopping completely would had been too obvious, especially if Juliska convinced me to continue. I was too confused to make my own decision and I desperately needed someone to talk to. I had Kerani, but I knew what her answer would be. Her people had a ruthless belief in kill or be killed, and to make no apologies for it.
Juliska hugged me when she entered into the house, and Gideon bowed. I had feared that Maita would appear, but she was content to wait with Blaine. In the past weeks, Blaine had become more coherent from the minor poisonings, and the two were constantly talking. Whenever I entered the room, they would immediately silence themselves and pretend to be speaking about the manor or Blaine’s father.
I grew suspicious from their activities, but I decided that Maita was arguing with Blaine about the contents of the letter. One that she had to miss by that point as Leora hadn’t been able to return it to her. Every time I entered the room and saw Maita standing there with my husband, I remembered Durril’s promise to rid me of her. It was the only thing that kept me from showing any anger.
“What is the matter?” Juliska asked.
I realized that I had pulled her up the stairs and into the bedroom. “Blaine…” I was out of breath. I knew that I must have caused a scene downstairs in front of the servants, but at that moment it didn’t matter to me. “He wrote a letter to Maita right before we began this. He told her that he was in love with me and didn’t want to see her any longer.”
Juliska covered her lips with her fingers and sat down on the bed. “Oh, dear.” She sat for a moment, while I remained with my back pushed against the door. “Didn’t they decide to try with their spouses once before?”
“I believe so.”
She folded her hands into her lap, “Valora, I know that you want this all to come to a peaceful end, but do you really think he can be trusted? He seems to change his mind so often, and…”
“But what if this is real? What if he really loves me? For heaven’s sake, Juliska, he picked out names for our baby.” I ran my hand over my face briefly, “I just can’t do this without being certain. I will spend the rest of my life wondering if I did this to an innocent man.”
“He plotted to kill you, he is not innocent.” She hissed. “And what if he kills you? Do you really want to take that chance? You have the control right now, you…”
A knock came to the door and I opened it slowly. Gideon grinned and asked to come in to which I obliged him. He looked between us, and I knew immediately that he saw concern on our faces. Taking my hand, he squeezed it gently.
“What seems to be the matter, ladies?” He asked as the door closed behind me.
“Valora found a letter where Blaine announced his love for her to Maita. She doesn’t want to do this anymore.” Juliska told him.
Gideon’s eyes widened and he looked at me briefly, before he returned his eyes back to his sister. “Did you inform her that he is not to be trusted?”
“She doesn’t want to run the risk of guilt and wonder.” Juliska sighed, “I doubt we can convince her. She seems to have made up her mind.”
Turning his attention to me, “Are you certain?”
“I have to know.”
He nodded, then with one swift motion he grabbed my upper arm and flung me towards Juliska. Locking the door, he stood in front of it like a guardian golem. “This is what is going to come to pass, Valora. You are going to finish poisoning him, afterwards you will mourn your husband for the proper year. During this time, you will find a reason to have Durril removed from the estate. It doesn’t matter how, just utilize whatever opportunity comes your way. After the year comes to an end, you and I will be seen together in Mureal and other gatherings. Where rumors will begin to spread of our growing fondness for each other, and how Juliska and I helped you through the death of your husband. Six months later, we shall be wed.”
I had fallen on the bed, next to Juliska. “I told you…”
“If you don’t, Juliska and I will be witnesses at your trial. Two knights against you, and a knight’s sister? We have letters, servants who can be tortured to become witnesses if need be, and even Lord Bernal has agreed to these terms.”
My mouth dropped open as I looked over to the woman I thought was my friend. She looked down immediately in shame. “Why do you do this?” I asked her, but Gideon responded.
“Too much blood has been shed over this silly family feud.” He looked at his sister who had begun to cry, “In all honesty, I wish the title of duke for myself and to help my family’s standing within the order. I tried to be nice to you, and to make you see me as a kind and giving man… but you are such a foolish woman.”
“How long did you plan this, Juliska? Were we ever friends?” I asked her.
Lifting her head up, she tried to wipe the tears away. “I am so very sorry. Please forgive me, but this is what is for the best. We knew that Maita and Blaine were having the affair. It was just a matter of time before you would be willing to…”
Gideon raced forward as I began to beat upon Juliska with my fists. She fell to the bed and I had jumped atop of her. Both my hands pummeled her until Gideon gained control and pulled me off of her. Blood slowly dripped from her nose and one of my rings had cut her left cheek.
My emotional barrier broke at that moment and I began to sob. Gideon held me and even though I wished to beat on him as well, I just needed someone to hold me. It didn’t matter at that time that it was a friend who had become my enemy. I fell to my knees and he came down with me, my wrists still being held tightly in his grip. Perhaps, he wasn’t holding me, but instead just ensuring that I didn’t become violent again.
I pressed my face into his chest and after a moment, he released my wrists and pet my hair. Juliska slid down off the bed and began to rub my back.
“Forgive me.” Juliska mumbled again, “I did grow to care for you, but… forgive me.”
It was then that I realized I had never had any allies, and I was alone in all this. There was no one to confide in, and I had been tricked into doing all this evil. Juliska and Gideon had always planned to do this to me. Durril and Blaine had made plans to get rid of me. I was either a stepping stone or an obstacle. And it looked as if being a stepping stone would be the only way I could survive.
Shoving Gideon off me, I stood up and looked at a woman I formerly called friend. “I give to your demands, but let it be known that if you ever expose a weakness, I will be there to exploit it.” With that I spat at Juliska and pushed past Gideon into the hallway.
As I exited Durril stood in the hall. “We should talk.” He said to me and pointed down the hall to his bedroom.
---***---
Inside Durril’s bedroom, he locked the door and took a seat next to the fireplace. His room was the second largest in the house next to Blaine’s. He motioned for me to have a seat, and I did so in silence. I already knew that he had over heard my conversation with Gideon and Juliska. I just wasn’t sure if he was going to help me or use it against me.
As I sat down, I held my swollen abdomen. Durril noticed this and his eyes were fixed on my stomach as he watched me take my seat. I swallowed when I became nervous of his eyes upon me.
“And thus you were tricked, yet you were not, and even still you had no other option.” He stared upon my face.
“If you are going to use this information to somehow blackmail me, save me the lecture and just turn me over to the authorities.” I snapped, but my voice fell to a low mumble. “I can’t take much more of this.”
He took a deep breath as he turned his eyes to the fireplace, “It’s hard to believe that it’s almost been a year since you arrived. So much has happened. At times it feels like years have passed by and other times it feels like days.”
I didn’t understand exactly what he was talking about, so I sat quietly and waited for him to speak again.
“Blaine and Maita have always argued about your coming. Even when it was years before your arrival, your name was commonly used in their conversations. Our father knew of their love for one another, but refused his own son’s love for a woman because of a debt he owed another.” Durril turned his eyes back to me. “Do you think that is fair?”
“No.” Was my reply and even though I wanted to mention that I had no say in this either, I left it at that.
He nodded, “Blaine loves Maita. He always will. No matter if she dies or if she never speaks to him again. She will always be the first love of his heart.” Setting the wine glass down on the table between us, he folded his hands on his lap. “Maita, however, she just wants power and money.”
I rose an eyebrow to question his statement.
“It’s true. Blaine knows it just as well as I do. Yet, his love for her forces him to continue on doing what he has always done.”
“And what has he always done?”
“Loved Maita, of course. He believes deep down in her heart she holds some form of love for him.” Durril bit his lower lip, “Or should I say he hopes that she does, as we all know that she does not.”
“And even with this doubt, he was willing to kill me and his child.” I spoke mockingly.
“I know my brother. He would never have seen it through. If you would just speak to him about what has occurred these past few months, I know he would be able to help you.”
I snorted, “Yes, I should confess so he has adequate evidence to have me beheaded.”
“You’ve dug this hole, Valora.” Durril swallowed, “You chose revenge over justice. There is no doubt in my mind that you could have found the evidence you needed to have Maita, Blaine, and myself punished for our conspiracy. All you needed to do was use your intelligence and there would have been no way the order could have tossed your accusations aside.”
Durril’s words stunned me, because they were true. Leora had come across a letter so easily that proved their guilt. All that I needed to do was be patient and I would have been able to prove all my allegations. Instead, I chose to level myself with them and play their own game.
“So, tell me. Don’t you deserve punishment for your crimes as much as we do?” He turned his eyes back to the fire, “Even still. I know my brother. He may not appear so to you, but he is fair and just. Recently, he has allowed his love for Maita to rule his heart, but I know he will understand why you have done this.”
“Then I will be put to death, and the three of you will spend your lives as you always wanted it to be. You with a title and Blaine with his love.” I stood from my chair. “I will not turn myself over. If you wish to inform Blaine then do so, but know that my plans will not end when I have left the estate. Only I know what the poison is and how Blaine comes into contact with it. Which means that only I know how to cure him.”
As I turned to exit the room, Durril moved quickly to catch my arm. “I would never harm you.”
“Is that why you tried to seduce me into having an affair?” I kept my eyes on the door as I didn’t want to look at Durril.
His hand eased the pressure on my arm, “Valora, allow me the time to dig through Gideon and Juliska’s past. I know that I shall find something to put an end to all this. Until that time don’t do anything drastic. This can forever be between us, and your child can grow up with both its parents.”
“Do as you wish.” I looked over my shoulder, “That still does not release you from your pledge to kill Maita. As long as she lives, I will not be able to trust Blaine.” I ripped my arm from his grasp and headed towards the door.
“I will ensure she will bother you no longer.” I heard him say as I stepped out into the hall.
---***---
Days passed by and Durril brought me nothing of Juliska or Gideon, and Maita continued to plague my life. Dinners were long and the tension in the air was thick enough to choke on. I could also sense tension between Maita and Gideon, I believed that Blaine had told her not to trust him. Or perhaps she was all too aware of the feud between the families, and her own family had taken a side.
I constantly felt sick to my stomach and my body never relaxed. I knew that I must have looked a nervous wreck to others, though I tried my best to hide it. There was so much that had happened these past few days that I wasn’t even certain which path to take. It wasn’t long ago that the path was so clear and looked to be my own way. Now it branched in every direction and all I could do is stand at the fork in the road. People called for me down each one, asking me to come with them, and I know that I’ll never be able to travel the others. I have one choice and I can’t go back after it’s made.
My nights were long as I never slept for more then a half hour before I woke up for just as long. I would turn my head and look at my sleeping husband, who at times was also awake from the pain. That night was no different then any other.
“Have you slept at all?” I asked when I awake to Blaine sitting up in our bed. His eyes stared out the window towards the lake.
He didn’t respond to me, so I sat up and scooted closer to him. As I touched his back to rub it, Blaine then noticed me. He turned to look at me in the darkness, before dropping his head on my shoulder.
“I am in a constant state of anticipation, Valora.” Blaine mumbled. “Will I die today? Will I die tonight? When I close my eyes will I awake? Will I survive this and be a better man for it? What will happen to you and the child if I do die? What will happen to Durril? Why am I cursed with this sickness?” He cleared his throat, “No, I know the answer to the last one.”
My heart began to race when I heard those words, “You do?”
“My betrayal against you. I have wronged you and now the gods see fit to punish me.” His arm wrapped around my shoulder, “Will you ever forgive me? Could you possibly be that benevolent?”
“Whatever are you talking about?”
He looked up at me, both his hands grabbed my face and his own face was inches away from my own. “I plotted to have you killed, Valora. With Maita, we planned to kill you and the child, but I changed my mind. I couldn’t go through with it. You are innocent in all this. None of it was your fault. How could I punish someone else for my own greed and lust?”
I didn’t know what to say to him, but I felt the tears swelling up in my eyes. I remembered Durril telling me to inform Blaine of what I had done. Even though I knew this would be the moment to do so, I was afraid. The consequences would be too great if Blaine didn’t react the way his brother said he would.
“Don’t cry, Valora.” Blaine whispered. “It is over. None of the plans are in motion any longer, and I will never betray your trust again. Of this, I swear. Perhaps, if you could forgive me the gods wouldn’t see fit to punish me any further.”
“I…” The tears began to flow down my cheeks and onto Blaine’s hands that held my face. “I don’t know!” I cried out, “I’m so confused.”
Blaine believed that I was confused by his confession, but the truth was I was confused by my options once more. His apology and declaration of guilt only made it harder for me to continue to poison him, and I felt more weight being placed upon my shoulders.
He wrapped his arms around me and held me tightly to his chest, “You don’t have to say you forgive me now. Think about what I have said and know that I am deeply mournful for what I have done.” He kissed my cheek for several seconds, “Bernal will be taking Maita home tomorrow. I have commanded it and she will never afflict our home again.”
Blaine’s words continue to break my heart, because I heard what I hoped was sincerity within them. I knew then that I would not be able to kill this man. I hated him so much for what he had done, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do this. I know that there was still Juliska and Gideon to deal with. If I told Blaine what had happened he may be able to send them away. Yet, even though he wanted me to forgive him for a murder plot, I didn’t think he would be able to forgive me.
That evening, I had much to think about and as Blaine laid down beside me, it was the first time that he ever held me while we slept. It wasn’t comfortable simply because of the anguish of my situation and I felt like I was betraying him by laying there. I wanted everything to just go away.
I wish that somehow this could have all been a nightmare. That I would wake up in the carriage on the way to Lord Blaine’s manor. Kerani would be sitting beside me telling me to get more sleep. Then when we arrived, Blaine would greet me with a friendly smile and talk to me as a friend. There would be no Maita and there would be no Durril between us. It would only be the moments before a love formed between us. The rest of our lives would be filled with friendship, love, and a growing family.
It was a silly fantasy to want such perfection, but as I laid there in the dark I wished that was the way it had begun. I knew this was all real and I would have to suffer it until the end. I just wanted a few moments were it was perfect, even if it was only in my imagination.
I remembered the girl that came here on that carriage and I longed to be her again. She had died long ago, when she was forced to become what I am. I couldn’t find the right word for what I was, but I didn’t want to be this anymore. I didn’t want secrets and deceit. I didn’t want blood on my hands.
---***---
By morning I had made up my mind, and had Kerani remove the poison from the medicine vial. Luckily, she had kept the medicine for her own purposes and was able to replace it. I was well aware of the consequences of doing this, and I knew Juliska and Gideon would soon become aware of Blaine’s recovery. It didn’t matter to me anymore.
The only thing that I cared about was that my child lived on. It seemed to me that Blaine would keep the child, even if I were to be executed. I was willing to make such a sacrifice if it came to that, though I prayed that it wouldn’t.
I cleared my throat as I knocked on Durril’s bedroom door. It took a moment for him to answer, but I could hear him rustling around in the room. I suspected that he was looking for clothing as it was still early in the morning, and he had most likely still been asleep.
He opened the door, and I think he immediately knew what I was going to say. Stepping aside, he allowed me entrance. As the door shut, I took a deep breath as I tried to decide how I would discuss this with him.
“I don’t want Blaine to know, but we have to get rid of Juliska and Gideon.” I folded my hands in front of me, and kept my back to him.
“Meet me in the hallway tonight after everyone has gone to sleep.” His calm voice spoke and he walked over to his wardrobe to finish dressing.
“What for?”
He looked over his shoulder, a blank look upon his face. “We will both need to be witnesses to what has been occurring. I just didn’t want you to know about this unless you were certain to choose Blaine. Otherwise there would have been no punishment for you.”
I raised my eyebrow questioningly, “I beg your pardon?”
“They will be out of this house by morning. Just do as I ask of you and we can bring this all to an end.”
“Maita leaves today and with Juliska and Gideon out of the house, I believe the healing can begin.” I tried to comfort him, as I could see the uncertainty in his eyes. “I’ve gotten rid of all the poison. Blaine will drink no more.”
Durril stood up straight, a frown played upon his lips.
“Are you certain this plan of yours will rid us of those two?” I asked after a moment.
“Without any doubts, they will be gone by morning. However, don’t expect Maita to give up just yet. She is fighting to stay here in the dining hall with her husband, and she will eventually ask Blaine. He could never turn her down when she cried. So expect the worst when it comes to her.”
I gave a gentle nod, “Then I shall ensure her departure.”
“Don’t hurt her.”
“I will bring no physical harm upon her. Though I can not say that she won’t suffer.” I couldn’t believe the words that were pouring from my mouth, but I knew that certain things had to be done.
Durril returned to dressing and I opened the door behind me only to close it again.
“Durril?”
He looked over at me.
“If Blaine does find out and I am to be executed. Convince him to keep the child, please. I don’t care what happens to me, as long as the child’s safety is secure.”
When he didn’t answer, I stepped forward, my hand gently touched his upper arm. He remained silent as his eyes stared down at me.
“The child doesn’t have to live here, but I just don’t want my baby to die with me. None of this is my child’s fault… please.”
Durril’s features softened, “I will ensure the child is born and is with parents in some form.”
I dropped my hand from his arm and gave a soft smile, “Thank you.”
With that said, I turned back to the door and made my way out into the hallway. I knew what had to be done now. I needed to have a conversation with Maita. She needed to know that I was aware of everything that she had done. She needed to understand that I would not sit idly by while she attempted to take everything from me, including my child and my life.
This house was not big enough for all the secrets that it contained, and when I was done only one would remain. My secret, my sin, something that I should have never done. I had to keep it though, if I ever wanted to see my child grow up, it had to remain hidden. My secret would destroy everything. I was willing to forgive everything, but I was certain that Blaine would not be so forgiving.
I made my way down the stairs towards the yelling I could hear coming from the dining hall. In the next few moments, everything would come to an end.