(EOO) Chapter 9

“I will not leave while Blaine is still ill!” Maita screamed.

Bernal stood calmly in front of the frantic woman, who was desperately trying to cling to her former lover. I could never be certain, but I saw the hurt in Bernal’s eyes as she fought so hard for this. Tears were running down her face, her arms flailed about as she spoke, and she looked like all her energy would be released in a faint at any moment.

She slammed her fist into Bernal’s chest four times, until he grabbed her upper arms and shook her. “Enough, Maita. Blaine has given his orders, we are to leave today.”

“No!” The scream was so blood curdling that my own heart stopped for a moment.

Neither of them saw me standing in the doorway as I watched their dispute. I was giving myself a moment of hesitation and a last moment to live within the secrets, before I could step forward.

“I refuse! He can’t be left to her hands! She doesn’t know what he needs like I do!” Maita yelled.

I was surprised to see how forthright she was about her feelings for Blaine in front of her husband.

“I should be her!” Maita screamed. “I hate you! You are a disgusting old man! I love him, not you! You don’t deserve me! She doesn’t deserve him!”

Maita didn’t seem to care who heard her, not even me. Her voice was so loud I was almost certain that Blaine could hear her upstairs. I suddenly stepped forward and into their sights. I had enough of this woman bad mouthing me in my own home. Before they could acknowledge me with a greeting, my hand whipped across her face as hard as I could force it. She stumbled to the side with her hand on her cheek. She looked shocked, though I don’t know why if I had just said all those things in her home, I would have expected her to slap me.

I began to speak, my voice was calm as I could muster. “This is my home. The man upstairs is my husband.” I placed my hand over my abdomen, “This is our child. You have your own home, your own husband, and I’m certain you can make your own child. You can’t have anything of mine, and I do not welcome you into my home ever again.”

Maita bit her lower lip as she continued to rub her face.

“Blaine has chosen me, despite your best efforts to rid him of me.” That brought another spark of surprise to her face. Bernal stood stoically beside me, as if he was sided with me. “You have lost this war. Like you, I had no choice in my husband. I didn’t want to come here. I didn’t want this life. All this was shoved upon me, and I was mature enough to accept it. It’s time that you grew up and accepted your fate as well. Bernal is your husband. Blaine will never be yours. You had your moment in time with him. You should look back on that fondly, instead of destroying everything that was between you two.”

Suddenly, Maita slapped me. Bernal caught my upper arm so I didn’t stumble. Maita raised her hand to hit me again, and the sound of flesh meeting flesh echoed within the room. However, it was not Maita’s flesh that met my own, it was Bernal’s flesh that made contact with hers. He had slapped her hard as well, the corner of her lip bled as she stumbled backwards and fell onto her behind.

She looked up at him with anger and a touch of betrayal in her eyes. It was obvious that she couldn’t form any words to express herself in those moments.

“Lady Valora is with child. How dare you strike her in that condition. She only asked you to accept reality.” Bernal’s voice remained calm.

Maita started to giggle, it was unnerving to see a woman laugh as she licked up the blood on the corner of her lip. “Bernal, you’ll regret what you have done.” She stood up and glared at me, “As for you, don’t get too attached to that child. Once it’s born, Blaine will get rid of you, and I will step in as it’s mother.” She twisted her eyes back to Bernal, “And you will do nothing, but watch. I am tired of bowing down before your wants and desires. I will have what is owed to me.”

“Nothing in this house is owed to you.” I snapped back. “All this is mine. You get nothing.”

Maita moved quickly towards me, ready to attack. When I felt her hands on my shoulders, I shoved her with all the force I could muster. She flew backwards unable to get a grasp of my shoulders. It was as if it all played out slowly before me. She lost her balance, and as she fell her head collided with the corner of the serving table. Her body fell limp on the ground as a puddle of blood began to pool under her head.

Gideon seemed to step out of no where and checked on her. “Dead.” He mumbled as he stood up.

My horrified eyes turned to Bernal, who still remained with that stoic look upon his face.

“Put her in the carriage.” He ordered Gideon, who lifted her body up.

Leora then appeared and began to clean up the blood. As Gideon walked by me, I could see the large divot on the side of Maita’s head. Her skull had caved in under the force of the strong wood table. I was left in shocked as I had never seen such a thing happen before. Playing with my brothers rather roughly my whole life, I had often hit my head on things. There would be a lump or a bruise, once my brother cut his forehead above his upper eye, but never had I thought such a thing could kill a person.

I tried to keep calm, but I knew that my body had begun to shake in fear. I waited for Bernal to finally say something to me.

Bernal finally spoke, but it was to Leora. “This never happened.”

Leora looked up at him, “I know.”

With that he patted my shoulder, and walked out of the dining hall. Several other servants had watched the whole thing, but they all returned to what they were doing previously. None of them spoke a word about it, not even amongst each other.

“Leora?” I asked my voice trembling with fear.

She looked up at me with a smile, “I swear no matter how many times I clean this floor, there is always a missed spot.” She returned her eyes back to the floor.

“It was just a table…” I mumbled, still in shock over all that had just occurred.

Leora looked up with a frown, “Solid wood with a sharp corner, and she hit the corner very hard. Don’t worry about it, it wasn’t your fault. Even Lord Bernal knows that.” She returned to cleaning up the mess. “Go upstairs, and get some rest. After arguing with Maita, you are probably tired.”

I said nothing, just made my way back up the stairs to where I knew my husband was. Durril met me in the hallway, but said nothing as I entered into my bedroom. I was afraid that Blaine would come to know what I had done to his love. This was worse then poisoning him, I reasoned, and with a swallow I knew it wouldn’t be long before I was punished.

“Is everything alright?” Blaine asked as I entered into the bedroom.

I gave a nod and sat down on the bed beside him. Quickly, I checked his forehead to see if he was running a fever, when I felt none I smiled. “Maita was throwing a fit about leaving. She wanted to stay, but Bernal was dead set on leaving.” I smirked in nervousness as I lied.

He sighed as he laid back down on the bed, “I regret all the words I spoke to her that I can not keep.” Running her hand over his forehead and hair, he looked towards the window.

“She’ll learn to accept reality. You needn’t worry about her. Bernal is a good man and he will take good care of her.”

Blaine turned his attentions back to me as he rested his hand atop of my own. “Do you really think that about him?”

I gave a firm nod, “I have come to know him, and he is a caring person. She will be safe.” I felt sick to my stomach saying these things. “I know you feel you have a responsibility to her, and perhaps in a few years we can invite them back. When feelings have fallen to the wayside, we can all be friends then.” I gave a smile.

Blaine did not return my happy gesture, instead his face seemed to darken. “You would be able to do that? Forgot that we plotted your death and willingly accept her back into our home?” He shook his head as he sat up, his hand slid into my hair as he pulled my head forward. Our foreheads touched and he looked down at my stomach. “I can not express my regret properly. I know that I grow stronger because I have admitted my wrong doings to you, and you have begun to forgive me. That can be the only reason I am getting well. Your heart is too good and too pure for this world, and you are too good and too pure for this man to call his wife.”

“Don’t say such things.” I tried to hold back my tears. I know Blaine thought I was touched by his words, but it was really guilt that made me want to cry. He thought I was such a good and forgiving person, but I was neither of those things. I was just as evil in plotting murder as he was.

He kissed my forehead. “Everyday for the rest of my life, I will ask for your forgiveness and perhaps one day I will receive it. When I do, I will still continue to ask, because only when you have forgiven me as much as I regret will I be able to forgive myself. Since my regret is infinite, it will be for the rest of my days that I beg you to pardon me.”

“Please don’t do that. Please don’t remind me everyday of my life of these horrible events.” I looked up into his eyes.

“Then I will ask without words and you may forgive without words, perhaps without even knowing.”

I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and pulled him into my embrace. It was my own private apology for everything I had done. If he would forever ask me for forgiveness without word, then I too would do the same. I just prayed that the rest of our lives would be years instead of the months that I suspected.

There was no way to hide Maita’s death and as calm as Bernal was, I knew it had to be shock. It had to be his inability to cope with what had happened in those moments. I would be punished very shortly, and everything would be revealed. I wanted my child to be safe and instead I placed the child in danger. I was too rash and I didn’t investigate enough. I allowed myself to listen to comforting words that were coated in poison instead of my own logic.

I felt Blaine wrap his arms around my chest and his face pressed into my neck. “I will never break another vow made unto you again, Valora. Together we will rebuild what had been destroyed.”

I sighed, “You should lay down.” I pushed him away and watched him place his head on his pillow. I laid down beside him and allowed him to wrap me in his arms.

With my head on his shoulder, I watched as he slowly fell asleep. As moments passed by, my own eyes became heavy. I looked towards the window and grinned at the memory of our dance by the pond and our first meal together out there. I hoped that pond would bring with it more memories.

My eyes continued to grow heavy until they closed. For the first time in a long while, I had dreams of my future. Of actually having a good life and I hoped that it would be a good omen for me. Guilt rattled my heart still and I knew it would always be there, but for that evening my mind was without guilt. I enjoyed one evening without sorrow or guilt for I knew that it was never that far behind.

---***---

When I awoke the next morning, Blaine was already awake and sitting up in bed. His eyes were focused out the window as he looked over the lake, but he left a wandered and laid on top of one of my own. When I stirred, he directed his attentions back to me.

“Juliska and Gideon have been asked to leave today. I don’t want them around while I am recuperating and trying to know my wife. They will be a distraction.”

I swallowed when I heard his words. The brother and sister pair couldn’t know that Blaine was getting better, not yet. Then I remembered that I had completely forgotten to meet Durril in the hallway last night.

I jumped out of bed and quickly got dressed, “I’m really hungry.” I told him as he watched me hurry my morning ritual.

“Do not be upset, Valora. They can return in two weeks, but after that I want to see less of them. Understand? I grow weary of their constant presence.”

I nodded, and hurried out the door before he could continue. As I stepped out, a hand grabbed my arm and pulled me down the hall. It was Durril, “Where were you? Blaine has them set to leave today.”

“I’m sorry, I was exhausted and fell asleep.” As I spoke I remembered the dreadful thing that I had done the day before. My face lost all color as I thought of Maita’s body being carried out of the manor. I didn’t know if Durril was aware of what had happened.

“Is something the matter?” He asked.

“No, I just feel unwell.” I pulled my arm from his grasp. “I need to eat breakfast.” I rubbed my stomach as I spoke.

Durril must have thought my motion towards my stomach was about the baby within, as he jumped aside immediately. “Do you need help?” He took my hand and helped me down the stairs as if I was a fragile glass doll.

“I’m fine. Just hungry, I think.” I told him as we made our way into the dining room.

“Too much worry is harmful to a pregnant woman. Leave things as they are for now, and we’ll deal with the rest later.” He kissed the top of my head. “I need to talk to Blaine, I’ll be back shortly.”

I gave a nod, and as luck would have it Gideon entered the room as Durril was leaving. He took a seat next to me at the dining table. “Bernal says not to worry.” He whispered to be. “Everything is under control.”

I looked at him with wide eyes, I knew pain was written across my face.

“In a week, you will understand.” He added before Leora entered the hall with my breakfast plate.

“Is your sister joining, milord?” Leora asked.

“Yes, she’ll be down shortly.” Gideon answered her.

Leora put her hand on my forehead, “You don’t look well this morning, milady. Please rest after breakfast.”

I gave a weak nod before turning to my breakfast. Nothing on my plate sparked my appetite, but I began to chew on my eggs. Gideon watched me as I ate with a look that carried a mixture of concern and suspicion.

“Everything will be alright once this is all over. You’ll see that I will take very good care of you and your child.” He patted my shoulder briefly. “Do you think you’ll be able to finish this in the two weeks we are gone?”

He meant if I would be able to kill Blaine in the next two weeks. I shook my head in response, “It’s impossible. He seems to be becoming immune.” I whispered to him. “Let me deal with it.”

My response seemed to relax whatever suspicions he had.

“Morning.” Juliska mumbled as she entered into the dining hall. She took a seat across from her brother.

“Did you sleep well?” Gideon asked her.

“Yes, thank you.” Her eyes turned to me, “Lord Blaine has asked us to vacate for a time, but we will be returning in two weeks.” She patted my hand that rested on the table.

“I see.” I mumbled in between bites of egg.

“Are you alright, Lady Valora? You don’t look well.” She asked with concern.

“I’m fine, I just don’t feel well this morning.” I told her. As I went to take another bite of eggs I gagged when I tried to swallow them.

Gideon stood up and grabbed my glass of water. He offered it to me and I attempted to drink some, but I wasn’t choking on anything. I just couldn’t swallow my own meal. I spit the food in my mouth onto my plate and stood up. “I’m done.” I snapped and pushed past him.

Stepping outside the dining hall, I leaned against the wall. I could hear them talking to each other in the room.

“She isn’t taking this well.” Gideon told his sister.

“All this can not be good for the baby.” Juliska said, it sounded like she was holding back tears.

---***---

A week passed since Gideon and Juliska had left the manor, and I continued to feel ill. It would only be a matter of time before they realized that Blaine was getting better and Durril had yet to explain his plan to me. I decided to take the two weeks they would be gone to relax as best I could. There was no sense in causing myself undue stress when nothing could be done.

Most of my time was spent at Blaine’s side. The guilt for what I had done to him was almost too much to bear and I felt as if I had to somehow make it up to him. I never wanted him to know what I had done, but that didn’t mean that I couldn’t make myself feel better by atoning for my sins.

“You didn’t eat all your soup.” I looked down at the small table between our two chairs.

Blaine enjoyed having his dinner by the bedroom window and away from the servants. He wasn’t strong enough to have dinner in the dining room, or rather I didn’t feel he was ready and Blaine humored me by not pushing himself too hard.

He looked down at the broth in his bowl, “I don’t like drinking broth. I ate everything else.”

“The broth is the most important part.” I grinned and picked up the bowl. Standing up from my chair, I stood in front of him and held a spoonful of broth up.

Blaine chuckled and took the bowl from me, “Alright, I surrender.” He teased as he brought the bowl to his lips and drank down the broth.

I sat back down in my chair and sighed as I looked over the lake, “Soon, we should have a picnic out by the lake again.”

He gave a nod, “It won’t be long before we will be taking our child down there for picnics and learning how to swim.”

“Let her learn how to walk first.”

“Her? Have you decided the gender?”

I continued to grin, “No, I sometimes say her and other times him. I just don’t feel comfortable saying the child or it. A daughter wouldn’t be the end of the world though.”

“I said no such thing. I want a son, but it is not as if we only get one chance to have a child. We will have more, I’m sure of it.”

“That depends on how this one goes.”

Blaine frowned, “Are you afraid?”

I looked over at him with curiosity in my eyes.

“Of childbirth I mean.”

Gently, I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t think about it often right now, but as it nears I think I will be. I knew several women who died during childbirth while I was growing up.”

“Have you sent word to your family?”

“No, there are not many messengers going from here to there lately. The war has put far more distance between my family and myself then any amount of land could.”

“I’ll ensure they receive word. Write your letter and hand it to me. I don’t know how long it will be before I can send it out, but when I return to Mureal, I’m certain that someone will be heading that way.”

I smiled, “Thank you. I’ll write it tonight.” My smiled faded, “You do not think you will be visiting Mureal soon, do you?”

“My sickness already took me away from my duties for far too long. I will have to return once I am fit to travel and tend to the mounds of work that no doubt await me.”

“Why couldn’t someone else do them while you were away?”

He looked back out the window, “Someone may have attended to the smaller tasks, but there are some that need my attention.” His eyes turned back to me with a smile, “If you just can’t bear to stay away, you can come with me. I know you don’t trust that I will keep my distance from Maita, but you have my word that I will. I know my word hasn’t amounted to much in these recent months, so if becoming my shadow is the only way you can learn to trust…”

I shook my head, “I do not worry about that.” I told him as I tried not to pale and become ill at the memory of Maita’s death. The blood from her wound haunted my sleep every night. I sat nervously awaiting to see what Bernal had planned.

Blaine’s face softened, “I don’t know how you could muster so much trust in me, after all that I have done.”

“When one forgives they must set aside all the pain and mistrust, or else they may never move forward.”

Reaching out his hand, I placed my hand within his grip. “Our child has been blessed with such a wonderful woman to teach him the ways of decency and kindness.”

“You give me too much credit.”

“I am not always a man fit to be a knight of the order, but you are always a woman fit to be a knight’s wife. It does my heart good to know that the old saying of a man’s misdeeds rubbing off on his wife does not hold true.”

I squeezed his hand as I tried not to react to his words. Anything I could think to do or say made me feel as if I was admitting to my crimes. I prayed that I would someday be able to live without them haunting my every waking moment.

I awoke to the sounds of people arguing and knew immediately that it was Durril and Blaine. They weren’t trying to hide their argument, so I suspected that I could investigate without worry of being caught. I quickly threw on a dress that would allow me to present myself to others and stepped out into the hall.

Durril and Blaine stood at the end of the staircase and in Blaine’s hand was a letter. “He killed her!” Blaine screamed, “I know it within my soul!”

“You can’t accuse Lord Bernal of murdering his wife without proof, Blaine. It just doesn’t work that way!”

“I am going to Mureal and I am reporting this! You will see what I can and cannot accuse someone of!”

“What is the matter?” I asked as if I hadn’t been listening to their conversation.

Blaine looked up at me and his face paled. He turned his back to me, I believe in embarrassment, and stroked his chin. With a wave of his hand, he ordered Durril to explain.

“Lord Bernal sent word that they were attacked by bandits on their way home last we saw them. Maita was attacked and killed. However, Lord Bernal escaped unscathed.”

I placed my fingers over my mouth, “Oh my, how terrible.”

“Don’t act as if you care about Maita!” Blaine barked.

“Blaine, that is no way to speak to your wife.” Durril corrected.

He nodded, “Forgive me, Valora. I am upset right now. I did not mean those hurtful words.”

“I understand.”

Blaine turned his attention to his brother, “You are also correct. I can’t very well accuse Bernal without proof, and since I doubt his servants will say anything against him…” He swallowed. “This was murder. How could a man of his age such as himself escape bandits when a young woman could not?”

“I don’t mean to offend but they more than likely wanted more from her.” Durril frowned, “Forgive my crudeness, Valora.”

“You mean to say they wished to use her, and so the man was of no consequence?” Blaine asked seeming to ignore my presence.

“That is what I am suggesting, yes.”

I didn’t think it was possible, but Blaine paled further. “Maita told me not long ago that she was suspicious of Bernal. He never touched her and seemed to ignore her, when before he had been actively courting her.”

“Of course, when a woman continues to turn you down though she is your wife, you get dissuaded.”

I didn’t know if I should remain in this conversation as I had no first hand experience with either Maita or Bernal. I also knew who the real killer was, she was standing before them as they tried to blame an innocent man. The very man who was attempting to cover up my sin by lying. I prayed that this wouldn’t back fire and that Blaine would not accuse him of anything.

“I will find out the truth. Bernal will not have freedom when Maita lies cold in the ground.”

“Blaine, you must let it go.” I snapped.

He turned his attention to me as if he had forgotten I was there. “I know how this must look to you, but Maita was a childhood friend. I can’t allow her murder…”

“Then deal with the bandits and stop accusing Bernal of such atrocities. After all, he was in my position as well. His wife cheating on him with you and so blatantly in front of him. Do you think he would kill her after he allowed those happenings to continue in his presence?” I took a step down on the stairs, but decided not to go any further.

Blaine swallowed.

“She’s right.” Durril added, “This is not your issue anymore. You must let these things go. Maita’s death is a surprise to all of us and a tragedy. I mourn her loss as well, but you must accept Bernal’s reason. The order could have you punished if you accuse him of something he is not guilty of. If you continue to obsess about this, you will get yourself into trouble.”

Blaine said nothing more, instead he turned to his study. As he disappeared behind the door, I looked down at Durril. I was curious to know if he was aware of what I had done, but I could not ask him directly. As if he had read my mind, he looked up at me.

“We should discuss this.”

---***---

Durril took me to his bedroom and locked the door, an action that I was uncomfortable with but I didn’t want Blaine to throw open the door and see me in his brother’s room either. I took a seat in the overstuffed chair and Durril did the same on the other. There was a long pause as I attempted to decide how to approach this subject.

Did I want Durril to know what happened? It wasn’t really my fault, but the less people that knew the better. However, if it came out that I had been the one to push her, it would look suspicious that I didn’t say anything.

“I find it strange that Maita’s death was so sudden after she left.” Durril began. “I heard her arguing with Bernal about wanting to stay, now suddenly she’s dead.”

“Bandits don’t care about their victims’ personal lives.” I responded confidently, “Any number of things could have been occurring in her life that would cast suspicion on someone.”

“And yet only one thing was occurring for Maita. She was losing her lover and her husband was aware of her infidelity.”

I turned my head to stare at Durril for a moment, “Are you accusing me of something?”

He shook his head, “No, I am accusing Bernal of something, but I am curious if you had any part in this.”

I stood from my chair, “It is appalling that you would even suspect me..”

Durril stood from his chair and grabbed my wrist, pulling me closer to him. “Why is it appalling? Were you not the one poisoning my brother? Were you not the one that asked me to rid the world of Maita? Do you honestly believe that I could know such things about you and not cast doubt on you when one of those people dies?”

I tried to control a shiver that flew up my spine, and I managed to only when Durril’s lips connected with my own. I tried to push him away but he wrapped his arms around me, forcing the kiss to become longer.

“Tell me what you did and I can help protect you.” He said as he rested his forehead against mine, his arms still wrapped tightly around me.

“I have done nothing, let me go.” I shoved my hands against him, and this time he released me.

“Valora, let’s leave this place.”

I wiped my lips with my wrist and glared up at him, “I am a pregnant, married women, how dare you suggest such a thing!”

“Do you think your husband will believe that you had nothing to do with Maita’s murder? The truth will eventually be revealed, and what will happen to you? He’ll be scorned and angry. He’ll take your child and possibly your life.” Durril reached for my hand, but I pulled it away.

“I told you, I had nothing to do with her death.” I lied, but I was certain I sounded confident in my response.

“Run away with me, and we can put distance between us and this problem. I’ll raise and care for the child as my own. Blaine can remarry the one that he wants and you and I…”

“Stop!” Tears filled my eyes, “Don’t you see that I have had enough of this already? Please, just help me deal with Gideon and Juliska so I can move on. I don’t want to run, I just want the life that I was told I would have. Don’t do this to me.”

I collapsed in the chair beside me as Durril stood silently in front of his own chair. I cried into my hands for what seemed like eternity, the more I tried to remove my burden the heavier it got. After a few moments, he began to move to light a fire. The smell of freshly burning wood filled my nostrils and seemed to have a calming effect on me.

“You should go to your own room.” Durril said as he touched my shoulder, “Blaine would be suspicious if he caught you in here.”

I gave a nod and headed to the bedroom door. Durril opened it for me and I stepped into the hall with tears still in my eyes. As I looked up at my own bedroom door, I found Blaine staring back at me. He had witnessed my exit from Durril’s bedroom. Durril stood silently in the doorway.

Blaine said nothing to me as he opened the bedroom door for me to enter. Slowly, I stepped in and sat myself down on the bed. I waited for him to say something to me, but he only lit the fire and sat down in the chair.

“Are you alright?” I asked when he seemed to be comfortable.

“No, but you are right and I will abide by your wishes.”

I nodded.

“Do you love Durril?”

The question came so quickly that even though I was prepared for it, my heart raced. “No, we were only discussing Maita and you. We needed to know how we should go about this.”

“He loves you, and you seem more open with him.”

I stood from the bed and walked over to stand beside him. My hand reached out slowly as I touched his shoulder. “I will stop speaking so openly to him if it bothers you so.”

Blaine took my hand and stood up, pulling me into an embrace. “No, but simply offering to makes me feel better.”

---***---

I awoke when I heard the sounds of sobbing beside me. The window near me showed the coloring sky of dawn, and I knew that I would be getting up soon. However, it sounded as if Blaine had not slept much at all. He seemed to be attempting to keep his cries as silent as possible, and I had never really expected him to cry over much.

The man was still ill from the poisoning, he felt guilt over his plans to kill his wife, and now the woman he had loved for years was dead. Two of these things were of my own fault, and I didn’t know how to comfort him. How could the guilty party be of any assistance? Anything I say now would seem like a lie if I was ever discovered.

Rolling onto my side, I touched his back. “Blaine.”

He didn’t respond.

“Blaine, turn over and I’ll hold you.”

There was a pause in his movements, before he began to turn over to face me. I sat up and allowed him to lay his head on my chest. My fingers stroked through his hair and I hummed gently.

He wrapped the arm he wasn’t laying on around me and held me tightly. “Here I cry over another woman in the presence of my wife and child.” He touched my stomach. “I am a pathetic man, Valora. Lying to you, attempting to harm you and my child, and causing you so much pain. I continue to do so by acting this way. I do not know how you could ever forgive me.”

“Maita was your first love and your friend, of course you should feel grief. I am in no way upset or jealous over this.” I continued to stroke his hair.

“How could you not be?”

I didn’t respond to him, but wrapped my other arm around him and squeezed him once. Kissing the top of his head, I did my best to console him without using words. My actions couldn’t be seen as lies, could they? I had hoped not. I made up my mind in those moments as we laid together to spend my life making up for what I had done. No matter what Blaine did in the future, I would always forgive him. I would always be there to help him, to fix everything as best I could. I would forever stand by his side, because what I had done was so awful that I felt sick just looking into the mirror.

I hated myself knowing that I had nearly killed a man over a plan that was never put into action. I wanted desperately to justify my actions, but I knew there was no justice in what I had done. I could never tell Blaine of my sins, but I would do my best to make amends. If Durril’s plan worked, I would be rid of Gideon and Juliska soon, and I would put all of my devotion into Blaine. He would never feel lonely or want for anything. I promised myself that in those moments.

Blaine began to run his hand over my stomach, after his tears subsided. “What do you hope for?”

“A healthy child.”

He chuckled, “I meant boy or girl.”

“It does not matter to me. If it’s a boy this time, then we can have a girl next time.”

He looked up at me, there were still tears drying on his cheeks. “Next time?”

“Yes, we will have more than one, won’t we?”

Blaine sat up and stared at me for a moment. I worried over what he could possibly be thinking in those moments. His hand reached out and cupped my cheek, before he gently kissed my lips. When I didn’t shy away, it seemed to give him more confidence, because he returned with several more kisses.

Sitting up on the bed, he smirked. “How many do you want?”

“How ever many you give me.”

My heart ached when I saw the disbelief in his eyes. He couldn’t believe that I was this forgiving, I knew it in my own heart that I wouldn’t be. Had I not done such evil acts unto him, I might have wrote home to my parents. I would have begged them to allow me to return. It was something that I should have done to begin with. I should have had Blaine send me home, after the birth of our child. Then he and Maita could have lived out their lives together. I could have lived my life with my brothers and my child, if born a son, would have become a duke. Even if I would have never known my own child, but at least he would have grown up without the terrible drama that would occur now.

One day I may be caught and what would happen if that day was when my child knew me and had grown attached. I knew that I was wrong, but admitting my mistakes would only put me in the position I had tried so hard to stay out of.

He laid his head down in my lap, “When you are this agreeable and kind, you make me feel even more guilty. I wish you wouldn’t do this.”

“Don’t ever think of your sins again.” I began to stroke his hair again. My sentence wasn’t finished but I knew I could never tell him the end of it. In truth, I didn’t want him to think of his sins again, because my sins were far more evil. I hoped that he would never discover the wicked woman that I had become.

“How can I not think of them? I am reminded of them whenever I look at you.”

“Is it that painful to see me?”

He looked up at me for a moment, “I can’t explain what I feel when I look into your eyes. All I see in there is sadness and I know that you did not come here that way. There was once hope in those eyes, but I have destroyed it.”

“Put the hope back then. Stop reminding me of what has happened, so we can move forward.”

“Can we move forward?”

“Of course.” I grinned, “If both parties are willing, why not? We have time on our sides, and there is no more plotting. Let’s forgive and forget.”

Blaine didn’t look like he had a response for that, so he stared at me for what seemed to be an eternity. He ran his hand over his face and sighed, but that eventually turned into a deep yawn.

“Did you sleep much last night?”

“No.” He shook his head lightly on my lap.

“Sleep now.” I said as I continued to run my fingers through his hair.

Leaning forward, I kissed his lips when he closed his eyes. The touch of our lips made his eyes open and he looked at me when I pulled my head up. “Do that again.”

With a chuckle, I granted his wish.

---***---

I found Durril in the dining hall after a week had passed and I had received a letter from Juliska explaining that she would be arriving in less then a week. I placed the letter in front of Durril as I sat down. Looking up from his soup, he pulled it closer to him before opening it.

“This does put us in a terrible position.”

I gave a nod, “If they see how well Blaine is doing, they will know that I am no longer…” I cut myself short afraid that I would be overheard.

Durril seemed to suspect my hesitancy and sipped more of his soup from his spoon. “You don’t have to worry. Blaine will be leaving for Mureal before then.”

“Mureal? Why hasn’t he told me?”

He shrugged, “The king discovered his better health and desperately needs him. Blaine didn’t look too thrilled to be leaving. I suspect he didn’t want to tell you. It seems the two of you have gotten along rather well this past week.”

I was afraid to respond after Durril had admitted his feelings for me only a week before. “If he is healthy enough to travel then Juliska and Gideon will also know… I can’t let them find out.”

“We only need one night and everything will be cleared up. Send Kerani along with Blaine so the two siblings think you have sent along someone to administer the poison. You can then tell them that there is a doctor in Mureal that the king demanded Blaine see. We had no choice but to load him up and send him to the city.”

“Why didn’t I go?”

“You received their letter and knew that you had to stay. Say that you told Blaine that you just couldn’t travel during your pregnancy.”

I lowered my eyes to the table and sighed. “This has become an awful mess.”

“Indeed it has. No doubt we have all made mistakes that are likely to haunt us until the end of our days.” He returned to his soup.

Leaning back in my chair, I looked over Durril’s features for a moment. “I wish that your father had never made this promise to mine. Our lives could have turned out so much more simply had those few words never been spoken.”

Durril looked up at me, but didn’t say a word.

“Strange, isn’t it? Before we were ever born, before our fathers even knew what they would name us or what we would be like, we were destined to meet and know each other. All because your father felt he owed something to my own, and my greedy father desired it and never allowed him to forget the promise. If that promise would have never been made then Blaine would be wed to Maita, and I probably would have wed that sweet knight I met a couple years back.” I smiled at the memory.

“There was someone you wished to wed?”

I shook my head, “I never wished it, but had I not been engaged he would have continued to court me and I could see myself in love with him.”

“It is a shame then.”

I looked up at him with curiosity in my eyes, “Why is that?”

“That the promise was ever made. Those few words spoken between our fathers stopped many people from being happy. It even affected me, and had those words never been offered then I would have never known you.”

I swallowed, “You don’t have any prospects, do you?”

“No.”

I grinned, “When all this is said and done, I’ll charge myself with finding you a suitable wife, Durril. Just you wait and see, I’ll find the woman that will make you the happiest.”

“Why?”

“After what I have done, I want to ensure that both you and Blaine are happy.” I patted his hand that laid on the table. “Let me do this for you, please?”

He looked down at his soup, “You’ll never find someone to replace you. If that is what you are looking…”

“No, I just want to find someone to whom you can offer all that I can not accept. Please?”

He gave a brief nod, before pulling his hand from me and finishing his soup.

“I should see to Blaine.” I stood from the table and gently kissed Durril on his forehead, “From today onward we are brother and sister, and I will treat you well, I swear to the Gods.”

---***---

Rushing through the hallway as I chuckled because I had finally gotten Blaine to agree to take Kerani with him. It had taken me a couple of days, but he seemed to understand that I desperately desired this. I told him I could only trust his health to Kerani since I was unable to go.

Throwing open the servant’s room door, I felt as if I had turned to stone as Endre jumped from the bed. He stood naked for a moment before he grabbed a blanket from another bed and wrapped it around himself. Kerani remained in the bed and had pulled her blanket over her chest. She grinned and started to giggle once she realized it was me.

“Don’t worry, she won’t be mad.” Kerani told Endre in their common language.

He continued to stare at me as if he were waiting for me to pull out a whip.

“She doesn’t care about slave breeding, Endre.” She touched his wrist and pulled him to sit on the bed next to her.

I shook my head to remove the images from my mind, “Endre, can you please dress yourself? I need to speak with Kerani.”

He nodded and gathered his clothing from the floor, before disappearing out into the hallway. I had no idea where he was going to put his clothing on or how the other servants would react to him walking around in the nude. I decided that the questions were unimportant.

I ignored the scent of mold that was beginning to appear in the servant’s quarters. Even though I had been in the room many times, this time it felt strange. Perhaps it was because I had never before seen Kerani in the room as she had never truly been a servant in my eyes. It could have also been that I had just caught her sleeping with a man. Both thoughts made me uncomfortable.

Kerani shook her head as I came to sit down beside her. “Poor man was beat into fearing your kind when he was a child. His last master only allowed certain slaves to mate with each other and he still fears such in this house. Even though Lord Blaine doesn’t seem to bother himself with the affairs of his servants.”

I spoke in Gyosian so she could understand me clearly. Even though Kerani had recently versed herself in the common tongue, she still had trouble understanding it. “I will speak with Blaine about setting Endre’s fears at ease, but I need you to do something for me first.”

She sat up more fully as she nodded, “Anything.” I suspected she heard the urgency in my voice.

“Blaine is leaving for Mureal soon. I want you to go with him and care for him. Treat him like he is still deathly ill, and say it is my orders. Understand?”

“Why?”

I lowered my voice so only she could hear me. “Juliska and Gideon will be returning and with Blaine gone I need an alibi. I will say that you are continuing to poison him, by the time you return Durril assures me that Gideon and Juliska will have been taken care of.”

Kerani nodded her head, “I will do as you ask.”

“Endre will be going as well, but you need to keep your attention on Blaine. I am afraid that Juliska may have spies in Mureal, so you must look vigilante. Understand?”

“You can count on me, you know that.”

I hugged her as tightly as possible, which made her a little uncomfortable. “I’m terribly sorry for all this, Kerani. It will be fixed upon your return.” I sat back and looked at her, “I’ll also convince Blaine to allow you and Endre to wed, if you so wish.”

She nodded her head almost wildly, “You do not know how much that will put Endre’s mind to ease. I would appreciate it so much.”

“Do not tell Endre…”

“Milady! I am sworn to withhold your secrets from all, even from the man of my heart. You are above all in importance in my life.”

I hugged her again. “Thank you, Kerani.”

---***---

Juliska and Gideon arrived shortly after Blaine left. I greeted them with my usual fake smile, and gave Juliska a hug as if I was trying to prove to the servants that we were still good friends. We immediately went to the dining hall to have lunch, since I was about to eat before they arrived.

“How is Blaine?” Gideon asked as we began to eat our soup.

“The king wanted him to go to Mureal to see one of his personal healers. Even though he isn’t fit to travel, the king demanded it and we just couldn’t say no.” I told them.

Juliska and Gideon looked at each other with a brief moment of suspicion in their eyes.

“Who is taking care of him, if you are here?” Juliska asked.

“I sent my trusted servant along.” I told her with a smile as I set my spoon to the side of my bowl. “Kerani will ensure that he keeps receiving his medicine and that he is well taken care of. I assure you.”

Durril entered into the dining hall at that moment. “Good afternoon.” He bowed gently towards them before sitting at the head of the table. “I trust all is well?”

“Everything is fine, Lord Durril.” Gideon told him.

“You seem to be visiting with your sister quite often. Don’t you have business to attend to with your knighthood?”

He shook his head, “Things are rather slow at the moment. They normally send those with nothing to investigate home for short periods of time.”

“Hmm.” Durril pressed his lips together, “My father nor Blaine ever have a spare moment, but I suppose that might be due to their higher positions.”

Gideon’s jaw clenched as he was obviously offended by Durril’s words. I had often wondered what Gideon thought he would do against Durril. The brother would surely want to take over his brother’s estate. It wouldn’t be as if I could remain in control, especially if I gave birth to a daughter. Common practice was that the younger brother would marry his brother’s wife, though it wasn’t forced upon them.

“I hear that your brother was sent to Mureal to be looked at by a healer.” Juliska interrupted Gideon’s and Durril’s glares.

“Yes, we are hoping that he will be able to shine some answers on my brother’s sudden sickness. He has always been strong, I can hardly remember a time when he was sick. For him to suddenly become bedridden, well it seems out of sorts. Doesn’t it?”

“I wouldn’t know, but if what you say is true, then yes it seems odd. It would have to be something terrible to make him this ill.” Juliska responded before turning her attention back to her soup.

“It must be a stressful time for you, Lady Valora.” Gideon said from across the table. “My heart goes out to you whenever Blaine is brought up in topic.”

“Thank you that’s very kind.” I told him. “We are hoping this healer will be able to help us.”

“He will.” Durril reached across the table and took my hand. “You needn’t worry. Everything will be taken care of and life will return to the way it should be.”

I squeezed Durril’s hand, “Your certainty gives me hope.” Looking in front of Durril, I noticed that there was no food set out for him. “Oh, you don’t have anything to eat. Let me get Leora.” I stood from my chair.

“It’s quite alright, Valora.” He pulled my hand down so I would sit back down. “I told Leora that I wasn’t hungry. Don’t stress yourself over trivial matters, it’s not good for the child.”

I sat back down, “You worry too much for me.”

“One can never worry enough for those they care for, dear sister.”

The conversation between the four of us seemed so fake and pushed that I wondered if anyone was fooled at all. Of course, Gideon and Juliska were the only ones who we were attempting to fool. After all, they didn’t know that Durril was aware of their plans or that he had his own plan to get rid of them this very evening. I still had no idea what was going to happen this eve, but Durril had assured me time and time again that they would be gone by morning.

As we continued to eat our meals, Durril and Gideon threw out sly insults that seemed to attempt to compliment the other person. My heart raced as I couldn’t help but wonder if this made Gideon more suspicious towards us. I also worried what Durril would do once the threat of the siblings was gone. Would he tell on me or force me to leave? I would no longer have them over his head, so he would be free to ruin me.

It really didn’t matter to me anymore. I had done all I could to save the life of my child and myself, if just the child survived then I would be content. I knew that Durril cared for me, and it was the only thing that gave me hope that he would not destroy me in the end.