07-18-2015, 07:28 PM
I found my way to Gideon’s room later that day, he had asked me to visit him so we could discuss our plans. When I was certain that everyone was busy going around with their daily routine, I went up the stairs and found him in his bedroom. He was sitting by the fire, reading a book that I couldn’t read the title of. He looked up at me with a frown, as I stepped into the room, and shut the door behind me.
“I would have knocked, but I didn’t want to draw attention.” I told him when he put the book down on the chair after he stood up.
His tall muscular body was dressed in normal day to day wear, when he usual wore that of a knight. Normally, it was armor or the heavy cloth clothing that revealed his status. At this moment, it was a thin shirt that showed some of the hair on his chest and a pair of pants that looked a little loose on him.
“Are you certain that Kerani is to be trusted with Blaine’s medicine?” He asked as he walked toward me.
“I am certain.” I responded when he grabbed my arm and walked me toward the other side of the room. I decided he didn’t want anyone walking by in the hallway to overhear our conversation.
He opened the window on the far side of the room and sat down on the windowsill. “A minor recovery could bring suspicion, if he were to suddenly fall ill again.”
I nodded my head and sat down on the windowsill with him when he patted the spot across from him. My hand was on my stomach and I rubbed it gentle as if to soothe the child within, when I was actually trying to remind myself why I was doing this.
“With these sorts of plans surprises can mean certain death, why did you not fight his leaving?”
“He wouldn’t hear it. The king demanded that he go to Mureal for medical treatment.”
“And if the king discovers his poisoning?”
I swallowed, “Kerani says that she will take full blame. She will say that she didn’t like the way that he treated me. We have nothing to worry about.”
He arched an eyebrow as he looked over me, “Seems awfully convenient.”
“Trust me as I am forced to trust you. I wish not to be caught either, and if you are then I shall fall with you. I know this.”
Gideon stared at me for several moments, before he slid closer to me. He gently rubbed his knuckles over my cheek, before his fingers found his way into my hair.
“What are you doing?”
He didn’t answer me, but instead leaned forward and softly brushed his lips against mine. I jerked my head back at the sensation, but he tightened his grasp in my hair. He shushed me when I tried to speak again and scooted closer.
“You’ll be my wife someday.” His lips mumbled closed to my own. “I only want to know what it’s like. You are such a beautiful woman.” His eyes turned from my lips to my own eyes.
“Please, don’t.” I whimpered. “The gods are watching us.”
He grinned, “They are watching as you kill your husband too, but that doesn’t stop you.”
“I’m just protecting my child.”
Gideon didn’t answer me with words, his lips covered my own and I felt him move closer to me. Even though I knew this was terribly wrong, I didn’t fight him off. I had to make him believe that I was still part of their plans, and that I feared him and what he could do to me. Even though Durril promised that it would all end tonight, I couldn’t reveal anything too soon.
His other hand cupped my cheek as he deepened the kiss and I could feel him exhale from his nose onto my cheek. I didn’t wish to respond back, but I knew that by doing so I would further bring him into the arms of trust. It was only a few more hours, but I had to make sure he felt secure or he might flee. Durril had told me that my answers will only come during the evening, but I still had no idea what the veil of night would offer me.
The hand that held my hair released and fell to my lap. He began to bundle up my dress until my thigh was showing and he ran his hand up my thigh. When his venturing hand grew too close to my crotch, I stood up and backed away from him.
“Don’t do that. Not in the middle of the day and not while I am with child.” I said in a soft voice. “Please?” I added to make it sound like I was begging instead of ordering him.
Gideon stood from the windowsill and grabbed my wrist, pulling me close to him. He began to kiss me again, this time parting my lips with his tongue. I fought the urge to back away, and instead surrendered to him. I didn’t know what he hoped to accomplish in these moments, but I believed he had some sinister plan for them. His hand ran over my breast, before he pulled his lips away.
“I think we will enjoy our time together as husband and wife.” He kissed my cheek. “You hate me now, I can tell. However, when you are my bride, I promise I’ll do every thing within my power to make you love me.”
“I should go. Durril was told to watch me, and if he misses me too long…”
He kissed my lips briefly, “Go.”
I felt my body being shook gentle as I slowly awoke from my slumber. Durril stood over me, and offered out his hand to help me stand from the bed. Once I was up, he offered me a lit candle.
“They have fallen into the trap.” He told me as I took the candle from him. “Promise me that you’ll stop poisoning my brother.”
“You have my word.” I touched his upper arm.
He watched me for several moments as if he was trying to decide whether to believe me or not. With a nod, he motioned for me to enter the hallway. I was afraid of what Durril’s plans were, I feared that he might have us attack them. The last thing I wanted was to hurt someone else. In a whisper, Durril began to speak to me when we stopped in front of Juliska’s room.
“As soon as you see this, you must confront them and force them to leave. Understand? Don’t back down to their threats, they are powerless. I am sorry to expose you to this.”
I nodded my head in reply as Durril slowly opened the door so it wouldn’t squeak. As he did so I entered into the room, my eyes fell on the bed almost immediately. Juliska’s face was closed and her own hand covered her mouth to stop her from making noise. On top of her was her very own brother. Gideon had sweat on his brow as he moved as one would during the moments of love making. They both seemed too engrossed in what they were doing to notice my small candle had slightly lightened the room.
Juliska’s eyes opened as her brother groaned in an announcement that he had finished. She gasped when her eyes fell upon me and she sat up as quickly as she could with her brother’s weight on her. Gideon turned his eyes toward me and jumped from the bed with the blanket wrapped around his waist. With her blankets stolen, Juliska was left nude and she began to rummage around for her clothing. When she found her dress on the floor, she covered herself with it, but didn’t put it on.
“Va… Valora, what are you doing in here?” Juliska asked as if I had invaded her privacy.
“I should be asking you that.” I smirked and looked toward Gideon. “It seems the two of you have a dark secret. A knight taking to bed a married woman could get you killed, as can a woman cheating on her husband. However, you two have taken this to another step entirely. Incest.” I grinned. “Well, that means you are damned to the hells during execution.”
“If… if you tell on us, then we… we tell on you.” Juliska could barely contain herself in those moments. I was almost certain that she would vomit at any more or at the very least break down into tears.
“She’s right.” Gideon growled. “Besides, you have no proof of this.”
“She has me.” Durril entered into the bedroom beside me. “Also, I’m certain that Lord Blaine is aware of your intimate relationship as well. Plus, the servants of this household, and countless others at your own estates.”
“What have you done, Valora?” Gideon snapped the question.
“She’s chosen to let her husband live and get rid of two leeches that have tricked her from the beginning.” Durril spoke before I had the chance. “Now, I think that Valora’s mistakes against her husband can be forgotten by the four of us. In doing so, Valora and I will also lose our memories of this night’s events.”
Juliska looked toward her brother for the answer, but Gideon seemed to hold stubbornness in his eyes.
“You two will leave this very eve, and we will never hear from you again.” He waited for Gideon to speak, but he seemed to be frozen. “Do we have a deal, Gideon? Or shall your sister die for your lust toward your own blood.”
Gideon’s eyes turned toward his sister, then back at Durril. “We shall leave immediately.”
“See that you do.” Durril growled.
Durril bowed his head and pulled me from the room into my own bedroom. He sat me down on the bed then shut the door behind him. Kneeling down in front of me, he grabbed both my hands. “It’s been done, and you will now follow through with your end of the bargain. Blaine has been getting better, but…”
I threw my arms around Durril’s shoulder and squeezed him tightly. “Thank you so very much, Durril.” I sobbed. “I was so lost. You have no idea how much weight you have removed from my shoulders. I will not betray you in this I swear.”
He stroked my hair before he kissed my cheek and stood up. “You will tell Blaine that you and Juliska had an argument about the feud. You asked her to leave and have decided to break off contact with her. Understand?”
I nodded.
“When they are gone, we have more to discuss. Until then, get some sleep.”
Durril never did come to explain anything else to me after that first week. I believe he had attempted to start a conversation with me about whatever else he had in mind several times, but he would suddenly pull himself away.
Juliska and Gideon left quietly in the middle of the night, and I felt more free than I had been since I arrived at Blaine’s estate. It had seemed too easy and I constantly worried that there was something that we over looked. Yet, incest especially for a knight was deeply frowned upon. I had no idea how Durril had discovered their secret and in all honesty I never wanted to know. I was just glad to be rid of them, and prayed that I would never look upon their faces again.
Durril, however, had become more strange. He looked like there was something constantly on his mind. I thought at first that he still didn’t trust me, but as time went on it seemed to be more. The familiar looks that he had given me when they first arrived had begun to appear. I had spent a great deal of time with him in Blaine’s absence, and I was beginning to understand that I had made an terrible error in judgment.
That morning I had purposefully kept myself at a distance from the man, and he continue to pressure me into being with him. I always had an excuse, but I believed that I had made him suspicious or even worried about me. Neither of which I wanted.
It was the night before Blaine was supposed to arrive that Durril came to my bedroom. I had just washed and slipped into my warm bed, when I saw the door open and he slid inside. I recognized his form immediately, but couldn’t have known what he wanted. I sat up and he seemed to freeze for a moment, before he made his way over to my bed and sat down.
“We can leave tonight. It would still be a day head start, and I think we would be able to make it to the harbor in Evevule in four days. Blaine wouldn’t suspect us to head into enemy territory.”
I cocked my head to the side a little confused by what he was trying to say. “What… I don’t understand.”
“I want you to run away with me tonight, Valora.” He moved his body closer to me. “Even Blaine knows the feelings that we have for one another. I know that we have been done wrong to each other these past months, but that can’t be changed. I have felt close to you, and I have loved you for all these months.”
“Stop, Durril.” I silenced him by holding up my hand. “I am married to Blaine and I am pregnant with his child. I.. I am sorry, Durril, but you and I could never be anything more then brother and sister. I long ago gave up any hope for us. It’s not meant to be.”
“Then you force my hand.” He stood from the bed. “Valora, you bind yourself with rituals and honor that simply mean nothing in this life. If you don’t run away with me, then I will inform Blaine of what you have done. You will be killed.”
I shook my head, “No, I don’t believe that you would do that.”
“You’re right, I wouldn’t allow him to kill you. It would only force you to sneak away before the knights arrived to take you to a Mureal cell.”
“Durril, please don’t do this to me. Do you understand all the heartache that I have been through since my arrival? This… this is ridiculous, it’s crazy.”
He shook his head, “Leaving this place is the only way to end the pain, as it is the place that began it.” He sat back down on the bed and took my hands. “Don’t you remember what it was like in the beginning for us? I can love the child as much, no, more than Blaine ever would. All he cares about is his title and his heir, that much was obvious when he refused to give it up for Maita.”
“Stop, Durril.”
“I am willing to give it all up, even become a criminal for you.” He grabbed my upper arms. “Please, Valora.”
“No!” I shoved him away. “Stop, Durril, it’s too much. Leave me be!”
He glared at me before he stood from the bed, “I will give you until Blaine leaves for Mureal next to think it over, after which I will tell him everything. I’m sorry to do this to you, but I honestly believe it’s for your own good.”
I watched Durril leave the room and as he did so that weight that had finally lifted the past week had returned, and this time it was more heavy then it had ever been.
Blaine returned the next day as planned and I was immediately pulled into his office. He looked a hundred times better then the last time I had seen him. It was almost as if he hadn’t been poisoned at all, except he began to act slightly weak once we were alone together. He breathed a heavily as he made his way to the chair to sit down.
“Are you alright?” I asked walking over to help him, but Blaine shrugged me off.
“A woman with child should not be helping a man to sit.” He told me as he made his way to his chair. He motioned for me to sit in the other chair and I did as I was commanded. “I spoke with Endre while I was in Mureal, he seems to be quite taken with your servant girl.”
“Yes.” I nodded. Kerani and Endre were not with him when he entered the manor, and I suspected that they were helping with the carriage.
“He asked me about bonding.”
“Bonding?” I raised my eyebrow.
“Marriage, I suppose. Apparently, he has had owners that forbid their servants to wed. I didn’t want to agree to the arrangement unless you granted permission for Kerani.”
“Oh, of course.” I smiled, “That’s actually something I wanted to talk to you about. Kerani had asked me the same thing, but I wanted to wait until you were feeling better.”
“No time better then the present.” Blaine looked down at several letters that had come for him while he was away. “You should return to your guests.”
“Juliska and Gideon are no longer with us.”
His eyes shot up to me, “They left early?”
“I told them not to come here anymore. It seems…” I sighed, “you were right, Blaine. They are not to be trusted.”
“Why do you say this?”
I began to play with my fingers as I tried to remember exactly what Durril had told me to say. My eyes flashed back up to my husband who still wore his traveling gear. “Juliska and I got into an argument about the feud. She was saying dreadful things about the family, you and Durril included. Things that just weren’t true like taking women’s honor and other terrible lies. Gideon began to argue that I should remain silent and not speak of things I knew nothing about.”
Blaine held a frown on his face, “I see.”
“Of course, I told him that I knew Blaine and Durril and none of those things could ever be true. I demanded that they leave and never return.” Standing up, I walked around the desk to Blaine and fell to my knees. Laying my head in his lap, I sobbed without any tears. “I am so sorry, I should have listened to you.”
He stroked my hair, “You needn’t worry. At the time, you had need of such friends and I cannot hold you accountable for taking what you can find.” He stood up and helped me to my feet, “Don’t fall on your knees in such a state again. There is much that I must gain forgiveness for, and your sins are nothing compared to my own.”
If Blaine only knew how much forgiveness I truly needed to earn, he would have never said that. I could feel the guilt in my heart mounding every time he said that he owed me where I owed him nothing. Of course, it only worsened knowing that Durril wanted to kidnap me and make it where I could never earn that pardon. Even if Blaine never knew that he was slowly allowing me to make up for my own sins.
There was a soft kiss to my lips before Blaine fell to his knees. He wrapped his arms around me and placed his ear to my stomach. “Does the baby whisper any of his secrets to you?”
I giggled, “Healthy and a boy, I think.”
Blaine looked up at me with a smile, “Son or daughter, it matters not. There will be many more to come to fill our lives, I’m certain.”
“As am I.” I agreed though I wasn’t certain in the least.
I went for a walk after dinner to clear my head. Laying out the blanket, I lowered myself slowly onto it before I looked over the lake waters. I remembered the moments I had spent on the water’s edge both with Durril and Blaine. It had seemed like such a normal beginning for a husband and wife, though I held feelings for the brother. I knew from the moment my heart first fluttered at Durril’s approach that it would never be between us.
I couldn’t possibly love a man that was not my betrothed and when I discovered that they both sought my death, my heart broke a thousand times over. I never imagined that I would be the center of a murder plot, and even in those moments now, I still wished I had wed a knight or anyone of my own stature. There would always be drama, but at least then I would be in my place.
My life would never be the same as I was not only a victim of a murder plot, but the creator of one as well. Both my husband and myself had made plans to kill each other. The only difference was that I had actually gone through with it, where he had not.
It made things worse to know that I had in some way seduced Durril. He was so loving and loyal toward his brother, how I could make him so willing to betray him was unknown to me. I gave him some reason to want to not only steal his brother’s wife, but his brother’s child as well.
My presence alone destroyed so much. Durril’s loyalty, Blaine and Maita’s love, Maita’s life, and so much more. People’s lives were destroyed simply due to my birth, how I wish I had been born male. My father could have never had his promise fulfilled then.
A person sat down beside me and I looked toward Durril with a frown. “I hate you.” I whispered.
“Do you?” He pulled a piece of grass from the ground and threw it into the gentle wind. “I love you. How awkward is it that we feel opposite emotions for each other.” He chuckled, “Or perhaps, it isn’t hate that you feel for me, but love as well. However, you hate what this love is making you do?”
“What happened to you Durril? You love your brother so much, why would you take his wife and child? What would possess you to force me to do this?”
He took my hand into his own and looked at my fingers before he kissed them. “If my brother hadn’t been so selfish and chosen to marry Maita, whose father would have left him his own estate, I might add, then you and I would be wed.” His eyes fell to my swollen stomach. “That would be my child, and the heartache that we went through would never have been.”
“But the heartache has happened and there is nothing that can change that. I am marry to your brother and I carry his child. You… you used to look at him with such innocence and loyalty.”
“And then I saw him for what he really was!” Durril snapped and dropped my hands. “A brat who instead of taking the consequences of one choice wanted to have everything!”
“I don’t want to leave with you.”
“Then I will tell Blaine of your deception and force you to run away with me.” He leaned toward me and attempted to kiss me.
Pushing him away, I slapped his cheek. There was no shock on his face that he had been hit nor did he even touch his cheek to care for it. “Don’t do this to yourself, Durril. From the moment of my birth we were fated to be brother and sister nothing more. If you force me away from this place, my home, I will never care for you even as a sibling. I don’t love you and I never will.”
“You have and you will again.” He told me.
Grabbing my wrist in one hand, he leaned forward to kiss me. “Please, no.” I begged.
“Valora?” A voice called from the distance.
Durril dropped my hands as Blaine run up to us. I could see the look of suspicion on Blaine’s face and he looked between us. He was right to worry, after all what woman sits with her brother over looking a romantic sunset on the lake. Of course, there was more to it beside Durril’s plans to make us run away together. I didn’t tell anyone that I was leaving the manor, so it looked more like I had snuck away to be with Durril.
Blaine didn’t say anything to let us know the truth behind his stare. “Let us go inside. You shouldn’t be out here.” He walked over to me and helped me to stand. “Durril, bring in the blanket when you are done.”
“I will.”
As we were heading to bed that evening, I noticed that Blaine had been unusually quiet. He was trying to brew up some sort of conversation between us, but I think he was having a hard time finding the words. After what he saw at the lake, I couldn’t say that I blamed him.
The night air was crisp and cold. Blaine had closed all the windows and blinds before he started a fire. He had mumbled something about telling the servants to start one. Normally, he would have called one in to do as he had asked, but I think he didn’t want to disturb the moment between us with a third person.
I sat on the bed as I was already dressed for sleeping and had the blanket over my legs. Blaine was still fully dressed, but started to change once the fire was lit.
“Are you cold?” He asked as he removed his clothing.
“It’s slightly chilly, but I’ll be fine once the fire starts to warm the room.” I crossed my cold arms to warm them as I watched Blaine. There was something on his mind that much was obvious.
He began to pull on his warm sleeping bottoms, and he looked more pained with each passing moment.
“Are you upset over something?” I asked offering him a way to begin the conversation.
His eyes wandered up toward me, then back down to his clothing. “No, yes.” He answered, then sighed. “You seem to be close to my brother.” He finally said as he changed into his sleeping clothing.
“We spend a good deal of time together, especially when you are gone.” I tried to think of way that wouldn’t make that sound like we had any romantic feelings. “Durril watches over me and the baby while you are gone, he’s a devoted brother.” I still didn’t know what I was going to do about Durril’s threat, but I didn’t want to drag Blaine into it just yet.
Blaine sat down on the bed beside me, but didn’t say anything for several long moments. “I forced him to get close to you, and now he seems to have kept the attachment.”
“I’m sure it’s not like that at all. His nephew or niece grows within me, and I am sure he’s just being protective.” I didn’t like lying, not after all that Blaine and I had gone through. Besides what would Blaine think if I told him, and worse yet what if Durril told him about the poisoning. It would be over for me, and Blaine… well, I didn’t want to think about it.
Leaning forward, he placed his head on my abdomen, “I wish I could believe it was him simply being an uncle, but I fear that it is more. If you are truly unaware of his intentions then I am sorry for bringing it up. However, it is better that you know and keep your distance. His feelings for you are my own fault, and I won’t have him punished for them. Just allow him some time.”
“I’ll do my best.” I ran my fingers through his hair.
As I did so I could hear Blaine’s breaths growing heavy and soon his head was pressing against me with too much force. I gently pushed him off me and kissed his cheek when he rolled over willingly. When I turned to lay myself down on the bed, I saw Durril standing in the doorway. It was cracked slightly and he glared at me. I couldn’t know for certain how long he had stood there or how much he had overheard, but I said nothing. I laid myself down and closed my eyes as tightly as they could go.
When I opened them back up, Durril was gone almost like it had been a nightmare all along. He may have wanted me to come out to speak with him, but I rejected the invitation. The last thing I wanted was Blaine finding me sneaking out of the bedroom to be with his brother in the hallway, or worst yet his bedroom.
In the morning, I didn’t find Blaine laying beside me. Kerani entered the room and helped me dress as was our morning ritual. She told me that Blaine was down in his study and had gotten up earlier than most of the servants. As I finished dressing, there was a light knock on the door to which Kerani answered.
Durril stood in the hall and glared down at Kerani with a frown, “I need to speak with your mistress alone.”
I could tell by the way that Kerani stiffened that she didn’t like the idea too much, and I couldn’t blame her. I had never kept much from her and she knew that Durril was trouble for me, even if I hadn’t explained everything to her in detail.
“I will speak with you downstairs in the dining room, Durril.” I told him as I slipped my last shoe on.
“No, it must be now and in private.” He said as he shoved his way into the room.
Kerani was pushed backwards by the door and frowned when Durril grabbed her arm and shoved her out into the hall. He slammed the door, but not before I saw Kerani begin to run down the hall. Presumably, she went to get Blaine, but I prayed that she didn’t. Now was not the time for everything to be told and for Blaine to discover what my dark heart had done.
“We need to leave soon. I believe Blaine has become suspicious about this whole mess.”
I raised my eyebrow, “He has never given me that suspicion.”
“I left a book about poisoning on his desk with a bookmark on the page about the oleander.” Durril crossed his arms defiantly.
“You wouldn’t dare.”
“I told you that if you wouldn’t go willingly that I would force your hand, Valora.”
I swallowed as I slowly sat down on the bed, “Why would you do this to me? Everything has finally settled, Durril. There is no reason to get greedy as all of our sins have been buried.”
Walking over to me, he kneeled down in front of me and rested his hands on my knees. “I have made myself the villain in this, I am fully aware of this. However, I mean it from a good place. You don’t want to raise your child with a man that plotted to kill you, nor do you want to face him everyday.” He lifted his hand and cupped my cheek as a tear slipped down to my chin.
“Please, Durril, I beg of you.”
He slowly shook his head and seemed to release a sigh of annoyance. “I do this for your own good, I swear it. You may not see it now, but in the future you will understand.”
Leaning up, his lips touched my own and I wanted so badly to pull away, so badly to slap him, but I did not. I didn’t want to risk insulting him in these moments. Of course, had I known the storm that was about to proceed after our kiss, I might have done just that.
Durril was yanked away from me and I heard him crash into the wall before I opened my eyes and saw it. A hand came down upon my own face as I turned to look at Blaine.
“You unfaithful whore!” He snapped.
“No, milord, it is not like this!” Kerani cried, “Lord Durril pushes himself upon her!”
“Silence!” Blaine snapped back at her. Even though he didn’t seem to acknowledge her words at first, he turned to Durril who was still lying on the floor. “Get up and go to my office now.” He pointed to the hall, and Durril did as he was told. Blaine eyes turned to me, “You are not to leave this room.” He ordered before following his brother out.
Kerani raced over to me, holding a rag in her hands and began to touch the reddening skin on my cheek. “Forgive me, I did not know.”
I feared for my life that day. I wondered what awful secrets Durril would reveal to his brother as the two spent the entire day in the office together. Only the servants who brought with them food were allowed to enter, and I was locked away in my bedroom. I barely moved from my position on the bed as I held my stomach and prayed for my child’s safety. If Blaine desired to have me punished, I only wanted my child to remain unharmed. This baby had nothing to do with the sins of it’s mother.
Kerani was on her knees in front of me with a bowl of soup. I didn’t want to eat any of it, but she continued to force spoonful after spoonful into my mouth. I suppose I could have allowed it to run down my dress and send a message of my desire to her, but I didn’t want to cause a mess or look insane when Blaine returned to me.
The bowl with my soup in it was placed on the ground and Kerani sighed audibly. “You should not worry yourself over this. I doubt Durril is… saying things that he should not. He wants you alive.”
“He wants me for himself and he doesn’t care how he comes by me.” I sniffled, then turned my eyes to Kerani. “No matter what happens, don’t let them hurt my baby.”
“Don’t say…” She seemed to stop herself from speaking. I think she might have realized the probability of my death and that optimism wasn’t what I needed right now. With a firm nod, she looked up into my eyes. “If I have to kidnap him and take him to Gyose then I will. I swear on my life. I will abandon everything that I have here to ensure the child’s health and happiness.”
I placed my hand on her head and began to cry. Kerani reached up to hug me close to her and began to sing a popular Gyosian lullaby. It was a song about a beautiful woman who stood up for her people and saved them against an army. She fell in love with a man who was on her enemy’s side and eventually gave birth to a child. In the end the woman died, but she knew that her son would become the leader among the two tribes and bring them to peace so she died without any regrets. Her son did become the chieftain who ended the war of the two tribes and brought them under the same banner.
It was my favorite lullaby and I used to have her sing it to me over and over when we were children. At times, she would sing until her throat was dry, but Kerani always sang the song gladly. It took me back into my childhood and allowed me to forget my worries for a short amount of time.
As I began to fall asleep on her shoulder, there was another light knock at the door. Kerani got up to answer it and found one of the younger servant girls standing behind it. She offered out a small piece of paper to Kerani, before quickly walking away.
She brought the paper over and offered it to me with a look of weariness in her eyes. I too was afraid of what the note would say, and rightfully so as I read the letter.
We leave tonight. Be ready when I come for you at midnight.
The note said no more, but I knew who wrote it without a doubt in my mind. When Kerani saw the look of dread in my eyes, she snatched up the note to read it. Her common was still uneven when she read and spoke, but she understood what the note wanted from me.
“What should I do?” I asked as she looked between the note and myself.
She offered the note back to me, “Do you think that you and he could escape alive?”
I shook my head, “Blaine is a vengeful man. We would need more resources than he has.”
She nodded her head, “Then take the note to Blaine.”
“But Durril…”
“Has betrayed his brother and needs to be punished for it. This is not about you or Durril, all your worries should be with the child. What is best for the babe?”
“To stay here. I don’t believe Blaine would hurt the child, at least I hope not. He may know about me, but…”
“Go then.” She walked over to the door and opened it. “Wait, let me find out where Durril is first, then you can go.” She said as she snuck out of the room.
Kerani had returned a half hour later and led me down to Blaine’s office. I knocked before I entered and saw my husband sitting behind his desk. He was writing a letter to someone. His eyes glanced up at me and they were not those of happiness, but instead anger. I shivered in fear briefly as I continued to walk into the office to stand in front of his desk.
“I told you to stay in your room.” His snarled under his breath.
“I know, but I received this.” I held up the note and placed it on the desk. In those moments I wondered if I had just sealed Durril’s fate, would he kill his own brother? I feared that he just might. It was the last thing that I wanted to do to him, but I feared what would happen to us if we were caught running away together. As Kerani had said, my child was the only important thing in these moments.
Reaching out, Blaine picked up the note and read it over. It was obvious that he read it over a couple times and that anger was inflamed in his cheeks. I don’t know what the two brothers discussed, but this note didn’t sit well with Blaine immediately. “And this is from?”
I was shocked to hear him ask me such a thing, he had to know who it was from. “Durril.” I barely spoke his name. “I believe he sent it after he left his discussion with you.” I was merely guessing, but I wanted to sound believable even if I was telling the truth.
Blaine threw the note down on his desk and glared up at me. My heart pounded violently in my chest from his look. I knew he didn’t trust me. “Are you trying to incur my wrath upon my brother?”
I slowly shook my head in response, “No, I… I had to tell you. He wants me to run away… Blaine, do you not… do you not believe me?”
“Durril explained to me about your seduction. I am willing to forgive you for this trespass as you have forgiven me of my own, but I will not allow you to do this to my brother.”
“Do what?”
He stood up and slammed his hands on his desk, “Are you looking to hide your infidelity by having my brother put to death? You realize that this is a crime punishable by such, don’t you?”
“Yes, but I… he wants to kidnap me and make me leave with him. Blaine, please you must believe me. I do not want to leave, this is my home now. I want my children to be born here to live here. You have no idea the hardships I have been through and I want us to grow old together. I would never attempt to lie about your brother in order to remove him from my life.” I was trying my best not to cry in front of him. “You must believe me. Don’t let him take me from here.”
He sat back down and looked up at me slowly. I knew that if he discussed this with Durril that he might tell my husband of my sins. I wasn’t prepared to die, but I would rather die speaking the truth than die running away with a man that I didn’t love. In the end, this was what was best for my child as well. After several moments of silence, Blaine folded his hands together.
“Go back to your room.” He told me, “I will forget that we ever had this discussion.”
“Durril plans to accuse me of horrible things if I refuse to go with him! He is the one that wishes to spread lies, Blaine, please help me!”
“Go to your room, Valora! Now!” He screamed.
I opened my mouth to speak, but thought better of it. With my head down, I left the study and walked back up to my room. Kerani was curious as to what happened, but I just laid down on my bed. I knew Durril would come in the night for me, and I was forced to await my fate on that mattress in the dark.
I laid there for several hours with my eyes open just waiting for the worst to come. I wanted to cry but no matter how hard I tried the tears wouldn’t come. I desperately wanted to release my pain, but it felt as if my emotions had all run dry.
Blaine came to bed not much later. He tried to be quiet while he got ready so as not to wake me. I didn’t bother to tell him that I wasn’t asleep. When he laid down beside me, he kissed my forehead and soon fell asleep. I listened to his subtle breaths for what seemed like an eternity, before I found sleep of my own.
I was roughly shaken awake to find Kerani standing over me and light coming in through the bedroom windows. Blaine was no longer laying beside me and I, at first, wondered where he had gotten to. Then I was reminded that Durril was meant to come for me that night. Had I not woken and he abandoned the plan or was he telling Blaine everything?
“Come quickly.” Kerani told me as she yanked on my arm and I tried to awaken myself from the sleep induced state that I was in.
Standing from the bed, Kerani pulled me from the room and into the hall. We walked to Durril’s bedroom door and she opened it without knocking. My jaw dropped at what I witnessed.
It was bare. His clothing and all of his personal items were gone. It looked like nothing more then a guest room. Slowly, I turned my eyes to Kerani to find out what had happened.
“They came before Lord Blaine went to bed. They packed up his things and Durril was ushered out of the manor.” She had a tight hold on my hand and I could feel her nails digging into my skin. “They were extremely quiet and I heard them tell Durril that if he wished to keep his life, he would utter not one word.”
Turning around, I hiked up the edge of my nightgown and ran down the stairs as quickly as my feet would carry me. I found Blaine in the dining room and he stood as I entered into the room.
“What are you doing wandering the halls dressed like that?” He asked me as he threw down his napkin on the table and walked toward me.
“Durril, what happen to him?”
Blaine frowned at my question, “That is none of your concern. Go upstairs and dress yourself properly.”
“You didn’t have him killed, did you?” I didn’t want Durril to die, I just wanted everything that he was doing to stop. I had prayed the entire run down the stairs that this wasn’t sure.
“He is alive and well. If he behaves himself, he will remain that way for some time to come.” The harshness in his face suddenly released and he grinned down at me. “You are a silly woman to think I would bring harm to my brother. You needn’t worry, all is well. Now, go back upstairs and get dressed. I don’t want the servants to start rumors about the lady of the house running around in the nude.”
I was hardly nude and back home my mother and I walked around in our nightgown in the morning all the time. We even ate breakfast in them, but here it was not allowed. We weren’t suppose to leave our rooms without being properly dressed. I gave a nod to my husband as I worriedly walked from the room.
“Everything is fine.” Blaine assured me again when I looked back at him.
Walking back up the stairs, I looked at Kerani who was standing by the bedroom door. “Is Lord Durril alright?” She asked as I walked into the bedroom.
“He says that he will be.” I told her as I sat down on the bed.
She shut the door behind me and came to stand in front of me. “What is wrong? Why do you look like you have been sentenced to death?”
“It can’t be that easy can it?” I asked.
“What can’t be?”
My eyes slowly lifted to look up at her. “To almost kill my husband and then to have all my problems solved by others. It can’t be that easy. I should be caught and killed, shouldn’t I? That’s what the god of justice does, doesn’t he?”
Kerani nodded, “He does, but perhaps justice has been served and he sees no need to go further. He is a god after all, he knows better then we do.”
My eyes dropped to the hands that rest on my lap. “It’s not possible. This can not be over. I have done something atrocious and it can not end as if I have done nothing at all.”
Kerani stroked the top of my head before she went to gather my clothing for the day. I turned to stare out the window and frowned. There had to be more coming. It could not be this easy, it just couldn’t be. There had to be another storm coming, one that would engulf and drown me.
That storm never came for me, though I waited for it everyday of my life afterward. Vaughn was born a healthy and happy baby a few months later. He seemed no worse for wear over the troubles and tribulations that I had been through during my pregnancy. I often joked to Kerani that the entire ordeal had made him a stronger person, as he grew up to be the type of boy who could break bones without shedding a tear. He eventually became a knight like his father and worked closely with the king.
Navia, my daughter, was born two years after my son. She was a delicate child that her older brother doted over and ensured no one bothered. They were the first of six children that Blaine and I would have together. All our sons became knights and our daughters were married to high standing members of society.
Juliska and Gideon never troubled me again. Eventually I joined my husband on his many trips to the capital, where I joined the snobby women who looked down upon Juliska and her husband. Of course, the other women did so in order to seem better than they were, while I did it as a small victory over them. Juliska became pregnant after a couple years and many rumors speculated that her husband was not the father. Of course, I suspected it from the beginning, but kept my lips tight. My silence for their silence was the deal that was made between us.
Lord Bernal remarried a year after Maita’s death. I think to this day that Blaine believed that he murdered his wife, but he knew there was nothing that could be done. Maita’s death had to be nothing to him, though I know he struggled with it from time to time when he brought up memories of her. Considering that his sister had asked him to take care of her, I didn’t get angry over the emotional attachment that he had to the woman. Though it could have been my own guilt for what I had done to her, but I kept the guilt to myself.
To this day, I do not know what happened to Durril. I know that he wrote my husband from time to time, but I was never allowed to read the letters. I had heard a couple rumors of what became of him. The most common was that he was sent to the port city where he became the captain of the guards and eventually married a well-to-do woman. Though she had no title, she was a merchant’s daughter and there was plenty of money for the both of them. I will never know if it was true, but I decided long ago that I did not care.
My entire life I waited for the truth of what I had done to be revealed, but it never was. I always suspected that Durril had told Blaine everything, but Blaine had been willing to forget. My suspicious were slightly confirmed when Blaine demanded that I have the oleanders removed from my garden shortly after our son was born. He said that they were poisonous and when the boy got older he might eat it, but I suspected it just reminded him of memories he wished forgotten. In truth, they were memories I wished buried as well.
We spent the majority of our days traveling from Mureal to the manor and back again. Blaine and I were close in our own way, but I don’t believe we ever trusted each other completely. There were plenty of reasons not to, so I never pushed the issue.
I tried to be the best wife I could possibly be for him, just in case one day the truth was revealed. There was also the guilt that I felt in my heart for what I had done. Not only had I tried to kill my husband, but I had taken part in killing a woman even if it were an accident.
From the day Durril left, my life had been unremarkable and completely average to any woman in a similar station. I met with my family several times after the war ended, and didn’t inform them of any of the drama that they were unaware of. I was almost glad that the war had occurred so I was unable to send them messages, though at the same time during those horrific events I had wanted them to come and rescue me from it all.
I never could believe that it all ended so quickly and without my death, but I took it as the gods helping to save me from myself. I took joy out of everything from that point on, because in my mind I was living on borrowed time.
“I would have knocked, but I didn’t want to draw attention.” I told him when he put the book down on the chair after he stood up.
His tall muscular body was dressed in normal day to day wear, when he usual wore that of a knight. Normally, it was armor or the heavy cloth clothing that revealed his status. At this moment, it was a thin shirt that showed some of the hair on his chest and a pair of pants that looked a little loose on him.
“Are you certain that Kerani is to be trusted with Blaine’s medicine?” He asked as he walked toward me.
“I am certain.” I responded when he grabbed my arm and walked me toward the other side of the room. I decided he didn’t want anyone walking by in the hallway to overhear our conversation.
He opened the window on the far side of the room and sat down on the windowsill. “A minor recovery could bring suspicion, if he were to suddenly fall ill again.”
I nodded my head and sat down on the windowsill with him when he patted the spot across from him. My hand was on my stomach and I rubbed it gentle as if to soothe the child within, when I was actually trying to remind myself why I was doing this.
“With these sorts of plans surprises can mean certain death, why did you not fight his leaving?”
“He wouldn’t hear it. The king demanded that he go to Mureal for medical treatment.”
“And if the king discovers his poisoning?”
I swallowed, “Kerani says that she will take full blame. She will say that she didn’t like the way that he treated me. We have nothing to worry about.”
He arched an eyebrow as he looked over me, “Seems awfully convenient.”
“Trust me as I am forced to trust you. I wish not to be caught either, and if you are then I shall fall with you. I know this.”
Gideon stared at me for several moments, before he slid closer to me. He gently rubbed his knuckles over my cheek, before his fingers found his way into my hair.
“What are you doing?”
He didn’t answer me, but instead leaned forward and softly brushed his lips against mine. I jerked my head back at the sensation, but he tightened his grasp in my hair. He shushed me when I tried to speak again and scooted closer.
“You’ll be my wife someday.” His lips mumbled closed to my own. “I only want to know what it’s like. You are such a beautiful woman.” His eyes turned from my lips to my own eyes.
“Please, don’t.” I whimpered. “The gods are watching us.”
He grinned, “They are watching as you kill your husband too, but that doesn’t stop you.”
“I’m just protecting my child.”
Gideon didn’t answer me with words, his lips covered my own and I felt him move closer to me. Even though I knew this was terribly wrong, I didn’t fight him off. I had to make him believe that I was still part of their plans, and that I feared him and what he could do to me. Even though Durril promised that it would all end tonight, I couldn’t reveal anything too soon.
His other hand cupped my cheek as he deepened the kiss and I could feel him exhale from his nose onto my cheek. I didn’t wish to respond back, but I knew that by doing so I would further bring him into the arms of trust. It was only a few more hours, but I had to make sure he felt secure or he might flee. Durril had told me that my answers will only come during the evening, but I still had no idea what the veil of night would offer me.
The hand that held my hair released and fell to my lap. He began to bundle up my dress until my thigh was showing and he ran his hand up my thigh. When his venturing hand grew too close to my crotch, I stood up and backed away from him.
“Don’t do that. Not in the middle of the day and not while I am with child.” I said in a soft voice. “Please?” I added to make it sound like I was begging instead of ordering him.
Gideon stood from the windowsill and grabbed my wrist, pulling me close to him. He began to kiss me again, this time parting my lips with his tongue. I fought the urge to back away, and instead surrendered to him. I didn’t know what he hoped to accomplish in these moments, but I believed he had some sinister plan for them. His hand ran over my breast, before he pulled his lips away.
“I think we will enjoy our time together as husband and wife.” He kissed my cheek. “You hate me now, I can tell. However, when you are my bride, I promise I’ll do every thing within my power to make you love me.”
“I should go. Durril was told to watch me, and if he misses me too long…”
He kissed my lips briefly, “Go.”
---***---
I felt my body being shook gentle as I slowly awoke from my slumber. Durril stood over me, and offered out his hand to help me stand from the bed. Once I was up, he offered me a lit candle.
“They have fallen into the trap.” He told me as I took the candle from him. “Promise me that you’ll stop poisoning my brother.”
“You have my word.” I touched his upper arm.
He watched me for several moments as if he was trying to decide whether to believe me or not. With a nod, he motioned for me to enter the hallway. I was afraid of what Durril’s plans were, I feared that he might have us attack them. The last thing I wanted was to hurt someone else. In a whisper, Durril began to speak to me when we stopped in front of Juliska’s room.
“As soon as you see this, you must confront them and force them to leave. Understand? Don’t back down to their threats, they are powerless. I am sorry to expose you to this.”
I nodded my head in reply as Durril slowly opened the door so it wouldn’t squeak. As he did so I entered into the room, my eyes fell on the bed almost immediately. Juliska’s face was closed and her own hand covered her mouth to stop her from making noise. On top of her was her very own brother. Gideon had sweat on his brow as he moved as one would during the moments of love making. They both seemed too engrossed in what they were doing to notice my small candle had slightly lightened the room.
Juliska’s eyes opened as her brother groaned in an announcement that he had finished. She gasped when her eyes fell upon me and she sat up as quickly as she could with her brother’s weight on her. Gideon turned his eyes toward me and jumped from the bed with the blanket wrapped around his waist. With her blankets stolen, Juliska was left nude and she began to rummage around for her clothing. When she found her dress on the floor, she covered herself with it, but didn’t put it on.
“Va… Valora, what are you doing in here?” Juliska asked as if I had invaded her privacy.
“I should be asking you that.” I smirked and looked toward Gideon. “It seems the two of you have a dark secret. A knight taking to bed a married woman could get you killed, as can a woman cheating on her husband. However, you two have taken this to another step entirely. Incest.” I grinned. “Well, that means you are damned to the hells during execution.”
“If… if you tell on us, then we… we tell on you.” Juliska could barely contain herself in those moments. I was almost certain that she would vomit at any more or at the very least break down into tears.
“She’s right.” Gideon growled. “Besides, you have no proof of this.”
“She has me.” Durril entered into the bedroom beside me. “Also, I’m certain that Lord Blaine is aware of your intimate relationship as well. Plus, the servants of this household, and countless others at your own estates.”
“What have you done, Valora?” Gideon snapped the question.
“She’s chosen to let her husband live and get rid of two leeches that have tricked her from the beginning.” Durril spoke before I had the chance. “Now, I think that Valora’s mistakes against her husband can be forgotten by the four of us. In doing so, Valora and I will also lose our memories of this night’s events.”
Juliska looked toward her brother for the answer, but Gideon seemed to hold stubbornness in his eyes.
“You two will leave this very eve, and we will never hear from you again.” He waited for Gideon to speak, but he seemed to be frozen. “Do we have a deal, Gideon? Or shall your sister die for your lust toward your own blood.”
Gideon’s eyes turned toward his sister, then back at Durril. “We shall leave immediately.”
“See that you do.” Durril growled.
Durril bowed his head and pulled me from the room into my own bedroom. He sat me down on the bed then shut the door behind him. Kneeling down in front of me, he grabbed both my hands. “It’s been done, and you will now follow through with your end of the bargain. Blaine has been getting better, but…”
I threw my arms around Durril’s shoulder and squeezed him tightly. “Thank you so very much, Durril.” I sobbed. “I was so lost. You have no idea how much weight you have removed from my shoulders. I will not betray you in this I swear.”
He stroked my hair before he kissed my cheek and stood up. “You will tell Blaine that you and Juliska had an argument about the feud. You asked her to leave and have decided to break off contact with her. Understand?”
I nodded.
“When they are gone, we have more to discuss. Until then, get some sleep.”
---***---
Durril never did come to explain anything else to me after that first week. I believe he had attempted to start a conversation with me about whatever else he had in mind several times, but he would suddenly pull himself away.
Juliska and Gideon left quietly in the middle of the night, and I felt more free than I had been since I arrived at Blaine’s estate. It had seemed too easy and I constantly worried that there was something that we over looked. Yet, incest especially for a knight was deeply frowned upon. I had no idea how Durril had discovered their secret and in all honesty I never wanted to know. I was just glad to be rid of them, and prayed that I would never look upon their faces again.
Durril, however, had become more strange. He looked like there was something constantly on his mind. I thought at first that he still didn’t trust me, but as time went on it seemed to be more. The familiar looks that he had given me when they first arrived had begun to appear. I had spent a great deal of time with him in Blaine’s absence, and I was beginning to understand that I had made an terrible error in judgment.
That morning I had purposefully kept myself at a distance from the man, and he continue to pressure me into being with him. I always had an excuse, but I believed that I had made him suspicious or even worried about me. Neither of which I wanted.
It was the night before Blaine was supposed to arrive that Durril came to my bedroom. I had just washed and slipped into my warm bed, when I saw the door open and he slid inside. I recognized his form immediately, but couldn’t have known what he wanted. I sat up and he seemed to freeze for a moment, before he made his way over to my bed and sat down.
“We can leave tonight. It would still be a day head start, and I think we would be able to make it to the harbor in Evevule in four days. Blaine wouldn’t suspect us to head into enemy territory.”
I cocked my head to the side a little confused by what he was trying to say. “What… I don’t understand.”
“I want you to run away with me tonight, Valora.” He moved his body closer to me. “Even Blaine knows the feelings that we have for one another. I know that we have been done wrong to each other these past months, but that can’t be changed. I have felt close to you, and I have loved you for all these months.”
“Stop, Durril.” I silenced him by holding up my hand. “I am married to Blaine and I am pregnant with his child. I.. I am sorry, Durril, but you and I could never be anything more then brother and sister. I long ago gave up any hope for us. It’s not meant to be.”
“Then you force my hand.” He stood from the bed. “Valora, you bind yourself with rituals and honor that simply mean nothing in this life. If you don’t run away with me, then I will inform Blaine of what you have done. You will be killed.”
I shook my head, “No, I don’t believe that you would do that.”
“You’re right, I wouldn’t allow him to kill you. It would only force you to sneak away before the knights arrived to take you to a Mureal cell.”
“Durril, please don’t do this to me. Do you understand all the heartache that I have been through since my arrival? This… this is ridiculous, it’s crazy.”
He shook his head, “Leaving this place is the only way to end the pain, as it is the place that began it.” He sat back down on the bed and took my hands. “Don’t you remember what it was like in the beginning for us? I can love the child as much, no, more than Blaine ever would. All he cares about is his title and his heir, that much was obvious when he refused to give it up for Maita.”
“Stop, Durril.”
“I am willing to give it all up, even become a criminal for you.” He grabbed my upper arms. “Please, Valora.”
“No!” I shoved him away. “Stop, Durril, it’s too much. Leave me be!”
He glared at me before he stood from the bed, “I will give you until Blaine leaves for Mureal next to think it over, after which I will tell him everything. I’m sorry to do this to you, but I honestly believe it’s for your own good.”
I watched Durril leave the room and as he did so that weight that had finally lifted the past week had returned, and this time it was more heavy then it had ever been.
---***---
Blaine returned the next day as planned and I was immediately pulled into his office. He looked a hundred times better then the last time I had seen him. It was almost as if he hadn’t been poisoned at all, except he began to act slightly weak once we were alone together. He breathed a heavily as he made his way to the chair to sit down.
“Are you alright?” I asked walking over to help him, but Blaine shrugged me off.
“A woman with child should not be helping a man to sit.” He told me as he made his way to his chair. He motioned for me to sit in the other chair and I did as I was commanded. “I spoke with Endre while I was in Mureal, he seems to be quite taken with your servant girl.”
“Yes.” I nodded. Kerani and Endre were not with him when he entered the manor, and I suspected that they were helping with the carriage.
“He asked me about bonding.”
“Bonding?” I raised my eyebrow.
“Marriage, I suppose. Apparently, he has had owners that forbid their servants to wed. I didn’t want to agree to the arrangement unless you granted permission for Kerani.”
“Oh, of course.” I smiled, “That’s actually something I wanted to talk to you about. Kerani had asked me the same thing, but I wanted to wait until you were feeling better.”
“No time better then the present.” Blaine looked down at several letters that had come for him while he was away. “You should return to your guests.”
“Juliska and Gideon are no longer with us.”
His eyes shot up to me, “They left early?”
“I told them not to come here anymore. It seems…” I sighed, “you were right, Blaine. They are not to be trusted.”
“Why do you say this?”
I began to play with my fingers as I tried to remember exactly what Durril had told me to say. My eyes flashed back up to my husband who still wore his traveling gear. “Juliska and I got into an argument about the feud. She was saying dreadful things about the family, you and Durril included. Things that just weren’t true like taking women’s honor and other terrible lies. Gideon began to argue that I should remain silent and not speak of things I knew nothing about.”
Blaine held a frown on his face, “I see.”
“Of course, I told him that I knew Blaine and Durril and none of those things could ever be true. I demanded that they leave and never return.” Standing up, I walked around the desk to Blaine and fell to my knees. Laying my head in his lap, I sobbed without any tears. “I am so sorry, I should have listened to you.”
He stroked my hair, “You needn’t worry. At the time, you had need of such friends and I cannot hold you accountable for taking what you can find.” He stood up and helped me to my feet, “Don’t fall on your knees in such a state again. There is much that I must gain forgiveness for, and your sins are nothing compared to my own.”
If Blaine only knew how much forgiveness I truly needed to earn, he would have never said that. I could feel the guilt in my heart mounding every time he said that he owed me where I owed him nothing. Of course, it only worsened knowing that Durril wanted to kidnap me and make it where I could never earn that pardon. Even if Blaine never knew that he was slowly allowing me to make up for my own sins.
There was a soft kiss to my lips before Blaine fell to his knees. He wrapped his arms around me and placed his ear to my stomach. “Does the baby whisper any of his secrets to you?”
I giggled, “Healthy and a boy, I think.”
Blaine looked up at me with a smile, “Son or daughter, it matters not. There will be many more to come to fill our lives, I’m certain.”
“As am I.” I agreed though I wasn’t certain in the least.
I went for a walk after dinner to clear my head. Laying out the blanket, I lowered myself slowly onto it before I looked over the lake waters. I remembered the moments I had spent on the water’s edge both with Durril and Blaine. It had seemed like such a normal beginning for a husband and wife, though I held feelings for the brother. I knew from the moment my heart first fluttered at Durril’s approach that it would never be between us.
I couldn’t possibly love a man that was not my betrothed and when I discovered that they both sought my death, my heart broke a thousand times over. I never imagined that I would be the center of a murder plot, and even in those moments now, I still wished I had wed a knight or anyone of my own stature. There would always be drama, but at least then I would be in my place.
My life would never be the same as I was not only a victim of a murder plot, but the creator of one as well. Both my husband and myself had made plans to kill each other. The only difference was that I had actually gone through with it, where he had not.
It made things worse to know that I had in some way seduced Durril. He was so loving and loyal toward his brother, how I could make him so willing to betray him was unknown to me. I gave him some reason to want to not only steal his brother’s wife, but his brother’s child as well.
My presence alone destroyed so much. Durril’s loyalty, Blaine and Maita’s love, Maita’s life, and so much more. People’s lives were destroyed simply due to my birth, how I wish I had been born male. My father could have never had his promise fulfilled then.
A person sat down beside me and I looked toward Durril with a frown. “I hate you.” I whispered.
“Do you?” He pulled a piece of grass from the ground and threw it into the gentle wind. “I love you. How awkward is it that we feel opposite emotions for each other.” He chuckled, “Or perhaps, it isn’t hate that you feel for me, but love as well. However, you hate what this love is making you do?”
“What happened to you Durril? You love your brother so much, why would you take his wife and child? What would possess you to force me to do this?”
He took my hand into his own and looked at my fingers before he kissed them. “If my brother hadn’t been so selfish and chosen to marry Maita, whose father would have left him his own estate, I might add, then you and I would be wed.” His eyes fell to my swollen stomach. “That would be my child, and the heartache that we went through would never have been.”
“But the heartache has happened and there is nothing that can change that. I am marry to your brother and I carry his child. You… you used to look at him with such innocence and loyalty.”
“And then I saw him for what he really was!” Durril snapped and dropped my hands. “A brat who instead of taking the consequences of one choice wanted to have everything!”
“I don’t want to leave with you.”
“Then I will tell Blaine of your deception and force you to run away with me.” He leaned toward me and attempted to kiss me.
Pushing him away, I slapped his cheek. There was no shock on his face that he had been hit nor did he even touch his cheek to care for it. “Don’t do this to yourself, Durril. From the moment of my birth we were fated to be brother and sister nothing more. If you force me away from this place, my home, I will never care for you even as a sibling. I don’t love you and I never will.”
“You have and you will again.” He told me.
Grabbing my wrist in one hand, he leaned forward to kiss me. “Please, no.” I begged.
“Valora?” A voice called from the distance.
Durril dropped my hands as Blaine run up to us. I could see the look of suspicion on Blaine’s face and he looked between us. He was right to worry, after all what woman sits with her brother over looking a romantic sunset on the lake. Of course, there was more to it beside Durril’s plans to make us run away together. I didn’t tell anyone that I was leaving the manor, so it looked more like I had snuck away to be with Durril.
Blaine didn’t say anything to let us know the truth behind his stare. “Let us go inside. You shouldn’t be out here.” He walked over to me and helped me to stand. “Durril, bring in the blanket when you are done.”
“I will.”
---***---
As we were heading to bed that evening, I noticed that Blaine had been unusually quiet. He was trying to brew up some sort of conversation between us, but I think he was having a hard time finding the words. After what he saw at the lake, I couldn’t say that I blamed him.
The night air was crisp and cold. Blaine had closed all the windows and blinds before he started a fire. He had mumbled something about telling the servants to start one. Normally, he would have called one in to do as he had asked, but I think he didn’t want to disturb the moment between us with a third person.
I sat on the bed as I was already dressed for sleeping and had the blanket over my legs. Blaine was still fully dressed, but started to change once the fire was lit.
“Are you cold?” He asked as he removed his clothing.
“It’s slightly chilly, but I’ll be fine once the fire starts to warm the room.” I crossed my cold arms to warm them as I watched Blaine. There was something on his mind that much was obvious.
He began to pull on his warm sleeping bottoms, and he looked more pained with each passing moment.
“Are you upset over something?” I asked offering him a way to begin the conversation.
His eyes wandered up toward me, then back down to his clothing. “No, yes.” He answered, then sighed. “You seem to be close to my brother.” He finally said as he changed into his sleeping clothing.
“We spend a good deal of time together, especially when you are gone.” I tried to think of way that wouldn’t make that sound like we had any romantic feelings. “Durril watches over me and the baby while you are gone, he’s a devoted brother.” I still didn’t know what I was going to do about Durril’s threat, but I didn’t want to drag Blaine into it just yet.
Blaine sat down on the bed beside me, but didn’t say anything for several long moments. “I forced him to get close to you, and now he seems to have kept the attachment.”
“I’m sure it’s not like that at all. His nephew or niece grows within me, and I am sure he’s just being protective.” I didn’t like lying, not after all that Blaine and I had gone through. Besides what would Blaine think if I told him, and worse yet what if Durril told him about the poisoning. It would be over for me, and Blaine… well, I didn’t want to think about it.
Leaning forward, he placed his head on my abdomen, “I wish I could believe it was him simply being an uncle, but I fear that it is more. If you are truly unaware of his intentions then I am sorry for bringing it up. However, it is better that you know and keep your distance. His feelings for you are my own fault, and I won’t have him punished for them. Just allow him some time.”
“I’ll do my best.” I ran my fingers through his hair.
As I did so I could hear Blaine’s breaths growing heavy and soon his head was pressing against me with too much force. I gently pushed him off me and kissed his cheek when he rolled over willingly. When I turned to lay myself down on the bed, I saw Durril standing in the doorway. It was cracked slightly and he glared at me. I couldn’t know for certain how long he had stood there or how much he had overheard, but I said nothing. I laid myself down and closed my eyes as tightly as they could go.
When I opened them back up, Durril was gone almost like it had been a nightmare all along. He may have wanted me to come out to speak with him, but I rejected the invitation. The last thing I wanted was Blaine finding me sneaking out of the bedroom to be with his brother in the hallway, or worst yet his bedroom.
---***---
In the morning, I didn’t find Blaine laying beside me. Kerani entered the room and helped me dress as was our morning ritual. She told me that Blaine was down in his study and had gotten up earlier than most of the servants. As I finished dressing, there was a light knock on the door to which Kerani answered.
Durril stood in the hall and glared down at Kerani with a frown, “I need to speak with your mistress alone.”
I could tell by the way that Kerani stiffened that she didn’t like the idea too much, and I couldn’t blame her. I had never kept much from her and she knew that Durril was trouble for me, even if I hadn’t explained everything to her in detail.
“I will speak with you downstairs in the dining room, Durril.” I told him as I slipped my last shoe on.
“No, it must be now and in private.” He said as he shoved his way into the room.
Kerani was pushed backwards by the door and frowned when Durril grabbed her arm and shoved her out into the hall. He slammed the door, but not before I saw Kerani begin to run down the hall. Presumably, she went to get Blaine, but I prayed that she didn’t. Now was not the time for everything to be told and for Blaine to discover what my dark heart had done.
“We need to leave soon. I believe Blaine has become suspicious about this whole mess.”
I raised my eyebrow, “He has never given me that suspicion.”
“I left a book about poisoning on his desk with a bookmark on the page about the oleander.” Durril crossed his arms defiantly.
“You wouldn’t dare.”
“I told you that if you wouldn’t go willingly that I would force your hand, Valora.”
I swallowed as I slowly sat down on the bed, “Why would you do this to me? Everything has finally settled, Durril. There is no reason to get greedy as all of our sins have been buried.”
Walking over to me, he kneeled down in front of me and rested his hands on my knees. “I have made myself the villain in this, I am fully aware of this. However, I mean it from a good place. You don’t want to raise your child with a man that plotted to kill you, nor do you want to face him everyday.” He lifted his hand and cupped my cheek as a tear slipped down to my chin.
“Please, Durril, I beg of you.”
He slowly shook his head and seemed to release a sigh of annoyance. “I do this for your own good, I swear it. You may not see it now, but in the future you will understand.”
Leaning up, his lips touched my own and I wanted so badly to pull away, so badly to slap him, but I did not. I didn’t want to risk insulting him in these moments. Of course, had I known the storm that was about to proceed after our kiss, I might have done just that.
Durril was yanked away from me and I heard him crash into the wall before I opened my eyes and saw it. A hand came down upon my own face as I turned to look at Blaine.
“You unfaithful whore!” He snapped.
“No, milord, it is not like this!” Kerani cried, “Lord Durril pushes himself upon her!”
“Silence!” Blaine snapped back at her. Even though he didn’t seem to acknowledge her words at first, he turned to Durril who was still lying on the floor. “Get up and go to my office now.” He pointed to the hall, and Durril did as he was told. Blaine eyes turned to me, “You are not to leave this room.” He ordered before following his brother out.
Kerani raced over to me, holding a rag in her hands and began to touch the reddening skin on my cheek. “Forgive me, I did not know.”
---***---
I feared for my life that day. I wondered what awful secrets Durril would reveal to his brother as the two spent the entire day in the office together. Only the servants who brought with them food were allowed to enter, and I was locked away in my bedroom. I barely moved from my position on the bed as I held my stomach and prayed for my child’s safety. If Blaine desired to have me punished, I only wanted my child to remain unharmed. This baby had nothing to do with the sins of it’s mother.
Kerani was on her knees in front of me with a bowl of soup. I didn’t want to eat any of it, but she continued to force spoonful after spoonful into my mouth. I suppose I could have allowed it to run down my dress and send a message of my desire to her, but I didn’t want to cause a mess or look insane when Blaine returned to me.
The bowl with my soup in it was placed on the ground and Kerani sighed audibly. “You should not worry yourself over this. I doubt Durril is… saying things that he should not. He wants you alive.”
“He wants me for himself and he doesn’t care how he comes by me.” I sniffled, then turned my eyes to Kerani. “No matter what happens, don’t let them hurt my baby.”
“Don’t say…” She seemed to stop herself from speaking. I think she might have realized the probability of my death and that optimism wasn’t what I needed right now. With a firm nod, she looked up into my eyes. “If I have to kidnap him and take him to Gyose then I will. I swear on my life. I will abandon everything that I have here to ensure the child’s health and happiness.”
I placed my hand on her head and began to cry. Kerani reached up to hug me close to her and began to sing a popular Gyosian lullaby. It was a song about a beautiful woman who stood up for her people and saved them against an army. She fell in love with a man who was on her enemy’s side and eventually gave birth to a child. In the end the woman died, but she knew that her son would become the leader among the two tribes and bring them to peace so she died without any regrets. Her son did become the chieftain who ended the war of the two tribes and brought them under the same banner.
It was my favorite lullaby and I used to have her sing it to me over and over when we were children. At times, she would sing until her throat was dry, but Kerani always sang the song gladly. It took me back into my childhood and allowed me to forget my worries for a short amount of time.
As I began to fall asleep on her shoulder, there was another light knock at the door. Kerani got up to answer it and found one of the younger servant girls standing behind it. She offered out a small piece of paper to Kerani, before quickly walking away.
She brought the paper over and offered it to me with a look of weariness in her eyes. I too was afraid of what the note would say, and rightfully so as I read the letter.
We leave tonight. Be ready when I come for you at midnight.
The note said no more, but I knew who wrote it without a doubt in my mind. When Kerani saw the look of dread in my eyes, she snatched up the note to read it. Her common was still uneven when she read and spoke, but she understood what the note wanted from me.
“What should I do?” I asked as she looked between the note and myself.
She offered the note back to me, “Do you think that you and he could escape alive?”
I shook my head, “Blaine is a vengeful man. We would need more resources than he has.”
She nodded her head, “Then take the note to Blaine.”
“But Durril…”
“Has betrayed his brother and needs to be punished for it. This is not about you or Durril, all your worries should be with the child. What is best for the babe?”
“To stay here. I don’t believe Blaine would hurt the child, at least I hope not. He may know about me, but…”
“Go then.” She walked over to the door and opened it. “Wait, let me find out where Durril is first, then you can go.” She said as she snuck out of the room.
---***---
Kerani had returned a half hour later and led me down to Blaine’s office. I knocked before I entered and saw my husband sitting behind his desk. He was writing a letter to someone. His eyes glanced up at me and they were not those of happiness, but instead anger. I shivered in fear briefly as I continued to walk into the office to stand in front of his desk.
“I told you to stay in your room.” His snarled under his breath.
“I know, but I received this.” I held up the note and placed it on the desk. In those moments I wondered if I had just sealed Durril’s fate, would he kill his own brother? I feared that he just might. It was the last thing that I wanted to do to him, but I feared what would happen to us if we were caught running away together. As Kerani had said, my child was the only important thing in these moments.
Reaching out, Blaine picked up the note and read it over. It was obvious that he read it over a couple times and that anger was inflamed in his cheeks. I don’t know what the two brothers discussed, but this note didn’t sit well with Blaine immediately. “And this is from?”
I was shocked to hear him ask me such a thing, he had to know who it was from. “Durril.” I barely spoke his name. “I believe he sent it after he left his discussion with you.” I was merely guessing, but I wanted to sound believable even if I was telling the truth.
Blaine threw the note down on his desk and glared up at me. My heart pounded violently in my chest from his look. I knew he didn’t trust me. “Are you trying to incur my wrath upon my brother?”
I slowly shook my head in response, “No, I… I had to tell you. He wants me to run away… Blaine, do you not… do you not believe me?”
“Durril explained to me about your seduction. I am willing to forgive you for this trespass as you have forgiven me of my own, but I will not allow you to do this to my brother.”
“Do what?”
He stood up and slammed his hands on his desk, “Are you looking to hide your infidelity by having my brother put to death? You realize that this is a crime punishable by such, don’t you?”
“Yes, but I… he wants to kidnap me and make me leave with him. Blaine, please you must believe me. I do not want to leave, this is my home now. I want my children to be born here to live here. You have no idea the hardships I have been through and I want us to grow old together. I would never attempt to lie about your brother in order to remove him from my life.” I was trying my best not to cry in front of him. “You must believe me. Don’t let him take me from here.”
He sat back down and looked up at me slowly. I knew that if he discussed this with Durril that he might tell my husband of my sins. I wasn’t prepared to die, but I would rather die speaking the truth than die running away with a man that I didn’t love. In the end, this was what was best for my child as well. After several moments of silence, Blaine folded his hands together.
“Go back to your room.” He told me, “I will forget that we ever had this discussion.”
“Durril plans to accuse me of horrible things if I refuse to go with him! He is the one that wishes to spread lies, Blaine, please help me!”
“Go to your room, Valora! Now!” He screamed.
I opened my mouth to speak, but thought better of it. With my head down, I left the study and walked back up to my room. Kerani was curious as to what happened, but I just laid down on my bed. I knew Durril would come in the night for me, and I was forced to await my fate on that mattress in the dark.
---***---
I laid there for several hours with my eyes open just waiting for the worst to come. I wanted to cry but no matter how hard I tried the tears wouldn’t come. I desperately wanted to release my pain, but it felt as if my emotions had all run dry.
Blaine came to bed not much later. He tried to be quiet while he got ready so as not to wake me. I didn’t bother to tell him that I wasn’t asleep. When he laid down beside me, he kissed my forehead and soon fell asleep. I listened to his subtle breaths for what seemed like an eternity, before I found sleep of my own.
I was roughly shaken awake to find Kerani standing over me and light coming in through the bedroom windows. Blaine was no longer laying beside me and I, at first, wondered where he had gotten to. Then I was reminded that Durril was meant to come for me that night. Had I not woken and he abandoned the plan or was he telling Blaine everything?
“Come quickly.” Kerani told me as she yanked on my arm and I tried to awaken myself from the sleep induced state that I was in.
Standing from the bed, Kerani pulled me from the room and into the hall. We walked to Durril’s bedroom door and she opened it without knocking. My jaw dropped at what I witnessed.
It was bare. His clothing and all of his personal items were gone. It looked like nothing more then a guest room. Slowly, I turned my eyes to Kerani to find out what had happened.
“They came before Lord Blaine went to bed. They packed up his things and Durril was ushered out of the manor.” She had a tight hold on my hand and I could feel her nails digging into my skin. “They were extremely quiet and I heard them tell Durril that if he wished to keep his life, he would utter not one word.”
Turning around, I hiked up the edge of my nightgown and ran down the stairs as quickly as my feet would carry me. I found Blaine in the dining room and he stood as I entered into the room.
“What are you doing wandering the halls dressed like that?” He asked me as he threw down his napkin on the table and walked toward me.
“Durril, what happen to him?”
Blaine frowned at my question, “That is none of your concern. Go upstairs and dress yourself properly.”
“You didn’t have him killed, did you?” I didn’t want Durril to die, I just wanted everything that he was doing to stop. I had prayed the entire run down the stairs that this wasn’t sure.
“He is alive and well. If he behaves himself, he will remain that way for some time to come.” The harshness in his face suddenly released and he grinned down at me. “You are a silly woman to think I would bring harm to my brother. You needn’t worry, all is well. Now, go back upstairs and get dressed. I don’t want the servants to start rumors about the lady of the house running around in the nude.”
I was hardly nude and back home my mother and I walked around in our nightgown in the morning all the time. We even ate breakfast in them, but here it was not allowed. We weren’t suppose to leave our rooms without being properly dressed. I gave a nod to my husband as I worriedly walked from the room.
“Everything is fine.” Blaine assured me again when I looked back at him.
Walking back up the stairs, I looked at Kerani who was standing by the bedroom door. “Is Lord Durril alright?” She asked as I walked into the bedroom.
“He says that he will be.” I told her as I sat down on the bed.
She shut the door behind me and came to stand in front of me. “What is wrong? Why do you look like you have been sentenced to death?”
“It can’t be that easy can it?” I asked.
“What can’t be?”
My eyes slowly lifted to look up at her. “To almost kill my husband and then to have all my problems solved by others. It can’t be that easy. I should be caught and killed, shouldn’t I? That’s what the god of justice does, doesn’t he?”
Kerani nodded, “He does, but perhaps justice has been served and he sees no need to go further. He is a god after all, he knows better then we do.”
My eyes dropped to the hands that rest on my lap. “It’s not possible. This can not be over. I have done something atrocious and it can not end as if I have done nothing at all.”
Kerani stroked the top of my head before she went to gather my clothing for the day. I turned to stare out the window and frowned. There had to be more coming. It could not be this easy, it just couldn’t be. There had to be another storm coming, one that would engulf and drown me.
That storm never came for me, though I waited for it everyday of my life afterward. Vaughn was born a healthy and happy baby a few months later. He seemed no worse for wear over the troubles and tribulations that I had been through during my pregnancy. I often joked to Kerani that the entire ordeal had made him a stronger person, as he grew up to be the type of boy who could break bones without shedding a tear. He eventually became a knight like his father and worked closely with the king.
Navia, my daughter, was born two years after my son. She was a delicate child that her older brother doted over and ensured no one bothered. They were the first of six children that Blaine and I would have together. All our sons became knights and our daughters were married to high standing members of society.
Juliska and Gideon never troubled me again. Eventually I joined my husband on his many trips to the capital, where I joined the snobby women who looked down upon Juliska and her husband. Of course, the other women did so in order to seem better than they were, while I did it as a small victory over them. Juliska became pregnant after a couple years and many rumors speculated that her husband was not the father. Of course, I suspected it from the beginning, but kept my lips tight. My silence for their silence was the deal that was made between us.
Lord Bernal remarried a year after Maita’s death. I think to this day that Blaine believed that he murdered his wife, but he knew there was nothing that could be done. Maita’s death had to be nothing to him, though I know he struggled with it from time to time when he brought up memories of her. Considering that his sister had asked him to take care of her, I didn’t get angry over the emotional attachment that he had to the woman. Though it could have been my own guilt for what I had done to her, but I kept the guilt to myself.
To this day, I do not know what happened to Durril. I know that he wrote my husband from time to time, but I was never allowed to read the letters. I had heard a couple rumors of what became of him. The most common was that he was sent to the port city where he became the captain of the guards and eventually married a well-to-do woman. Though she had no title, she was a merchant’s daughter and there was plenty of money for the both of them. I will never know if it was true, but I decided long ago that I did not care.
My entire life I waited for the truth of what I had done to be revealed, but it never was. I always suspected that Durril had told Blaine everything, but Blaine had been willing to forget. My suspicious were slightly confirmed when Blaine demanded that I have the oleanders removed from my garden shortly after our son was born. He said that they were poisonous and when the boy got older he might eat it, but I suspected it just reminded him of memories he wished forgotten. In truth, they were memories I wished buried as well.
We spent the majority of our days traveling from Mureal to the manor and back again. Blaine and I were close in our own way, but I don’t believe we ever trusted each other completely. There were plenty of reasons not to, so I never pushed the issue.
I tried to be the best wife I could possibly be for him, just in case one day the truth was revealed. There was also the guilt that I felt in my heart for what I had done. Not only had I tried to kill my husband, but I had taken part in killing a woman even if it were an accident.
From the day Durril left, my life had been unremarkable and completely average to any woman in a similar station. I met with my family several times after the war ended, and didn’t inform them of any of the drama that they were unaware of. I was almost glad that the war had occurred so I was unable to send them messages, though at the same time during those horrific events I had wanted them to come and rescue me from it all.
I never could believe that it all ended so quickly and without my death, but I took it as the gods helping to save me from myself. I took joy out of everything from that point on, because in my mind I was living on borrowed time.