Noah was half asleep. He consciously knew that Aven was laying beside him, but it was a slow memory to regain. He wondered if he should have kissed her during their intimate moments the night before, but had chosen not to in order to keep distance between them. At no point did Aven attempt to kiss him so it had worked out.
It had been an interesting experience as Aven in those brief moments didn't look like herself. She wasn't some wild animal between the sheets, but he thought that maybe that was the woman who had lived here before. Her eyes seemed to hold some secret and he felt like the butt of a joke, but during those moments it had been alluring and he had wanted to know more about her.
A chuckle brought him completely into reality and he turned to find a nude Aven sitting on the edge of the bed with a stack of printing paper in her hands. He immediately recognized it as his manuscript for Camille.
Flipping around on the bed as quickly as he could, he snatched the papers away. “That's private!” He snapped.
“You just had your dick inside me. That's pretty private too.” She reached over and removed the papers from his grasp. “Besides, you knew I was coming up here. Why leave it out? I thought it was for me, since you seem to leave things out in order to get me to talk.” She motioned toward the empty spot on his desk where his wife's picture used to be.
He had put the photo away after her last visit as he didn't want to see her face when he awoke every morning. “You figure people out pretty quickly, don't you?”
“You ghost write romance novels then?” She put the manuscript back on his desk.
“It pays the bills.” Normally, he would stray away from this topic but she was showing some interest in him so he would brave it.
“I see.” She dropped the subject. “I fell asleep. If there is a next time, I'll leave before morning.”
“Do as you please. It doesn't matter.” Noah sat up and leaned against the pillows. The dark brown comforter slid down his chest to his waist.
Aven had noticed that he only had a small patch of chest hair between his pecks and was rather hairless.
Noah knew the rules for sleeping with a woman but not wanting a real relationship. There should be no gifts, no cuddling, no sleeping together, no intimacy at all. This situation was a little different because he actually needed to know about her, but he also needed distance. He already knew this was a mistake and part of him had hoped that Aven would decide that they shouldn't continue.
Her back was still to him. She was still nothing but skin and bones he had thought both the night before and now in the morning light. “Did it help?” He asked after a few moments of silence.
“I guess so.”
Sitting up, he crawled across the bed and brushed her hair to her right shoulder as he began to kiss the now bare left one. As he kissed and nipped from her shoulder up her neck to her ears, he kept thinking that this was a violation of the fuck buddy rules.
In his life at the moment, he had very little time to go out and find someone to be with. He also couldn't imagine bringing a woman here. He was a private person and his roommates would know more about him than he wanted them to know. As long as Aven didn't cross the line into the territory of feelings, this would be fine.
His hands slid around her chest to cup her breast as he continued to nibble at her ear. Aven's own hands covered his own and pulled them away, before she stood up and began to dress.
“Breakfast will be ready soon. They are both down there.”
“We will say we had an early interview.” He began to locate his own clothes.
“Last night was a lot of fun, wasn't it?” Ayanna asked as she made a simple breakfast of bacon, eggs, and toast.
Tristan sat at the dining table and glanced over at the living room door from time to time. His mind was playing tricks on him causing him to hear the sound of the door creak as it was opened. After hearing Ayanna's question, he grunted a reply.
“Do you only watch action? Do you like horror? We could watch that some times. I know you wouldn't like romantic comedies. Oh, what about regular comedies? You know guy stuff?”
“I guess.” He replied but secretly hoped that he would never have to watch a movie with the annoying woman again.
Ayanna smiled widely. “Really? I'll pick something out. We have a lot of movies. I never understood why Aven only watched yours.”
Walking over to the table, she placed the plate in front of him. Tristan reached out to pull the plate closer and his hand briefly touched her own.
Ayanna felt an electric shock from the touch and her heart began to beat quickly. She stared down at him for a moment as she tried to figure out what it was her body was trying to tell her. It couldn't possibly be what she thought it was, not for this male version of Aven.
“Bacon is burning.” Tristan said seemingly unaware of the inner turmoil she was going through.
The upstairs door opened and it's sound tricked Tristan for a moment. He had great hopes that it was Aven until he realized it was the wrong door. His disappointment turned into rage when he realized it was in fact the woman he was waiting for. She still looked a mess, but he thought it looked even worse. Following closely behind her, Noah appeared and shut his apartment door.
Ayanna took notice that they both appeared from the same apartment and seemed to wait for an explanation.
“Early interview.” Aven told her before heading into her own area of the house, presumably to wash up.
Noah sat down at the table across from Tristan and gave him a brief grin to say hello. “Smells burnt, Ayanna.”
She chuckled at what he thought was his comment, but in reality Ayanna had figured it all out in one glance. “Yeah, I burnt a couple pieces. Don't worry, I'm not going to serve them.”
Aven soon reappeared and sat down at the table with the boys. Her bowl of cereal was already in front of her and all she needed to do was add some milk. Noah had received his breakfast while she had been gone and watched her prepare her own.
As she leaned forward to hide from the world with her hair, a piece of bacon appeared over her bowl. She looked up at Noah.
“It can't be worse for you than slim jims.” He told her.
Tristan and Ayanna both stopped to see if she would actually accept the food from him. Aven stared at it for a couple seconds then looked up at Noah. “No.”
He opened his mouth briefly in an attempt to argue, but decided against it. With a shrug, he brought the piece of bacon back over to his plate. He didn't expect he could fix everything in one night or with sleeping with her at all, but he had to test it.
On the other side of the table, Tristan was basking in Noah's defeat. He didn't have any power over her which he hoped meant that she carried no feelings for him. If that was so, then perhaps they really did have an interview this morning.
Ayanna, however, knew better. She could just look at her sister and tell that she was hiding something. Normally, when Aven went to bed she was awaken by her using the bathroom and slamming her door, but that had not occurred last night. She began to eat her breakfast and attempt to hide her knowing grin from the others.
After showering, Aven managed to put her hair in a ponytail which meant she was forced to brush it. Normally, she would have allowed it to dry as is but she felt the need to do something with it that day. Deodorant and a fresh pair of pajamas were applied to her body in her bedroom.
Sitting on the bed, she had pulled out a picture of herself with Curtis and her mother. They were sitting on a bench and she was between them. Smiles covered their faces. Aven could still remember the nice old man's face that they had asked to take the picture for them. She remembered that they had gone hiking that day which had been a hobby they had picked up for their mother's health. The three of them even jogged together every morning.
Her face in the picture and the face in the mirror seemed nothing alike. In the picture, her curls were pulled back for the hike, but she could tell that she had put something in her hair to keep the curls from becoming frizz. She also wore make-up, but what was most noticeable was her weight. Her cheeks were filled in unlike the pot holes on her face now.
The girl in that picture never once thought she would become the person she is now. She had always been introverted, but she always thought she would have her mom and Curtis to keep her from going too far. She never thought she would be sleeping with an almost complete stranger in an effort to give herself a moment's reprieve.
What was she doing? She asked that the entire way up to his bedroom and the entire way down. Noah was right though, it did help her to forget those memories. Memories that kept replaying in her mind. The phone call and the long trip to the hospital. The bodies laid out for family members to give their last goodbyes.
Curtis had left his abusive family and told them he never wanted to see them again, so she had been the only person to say goodbye to him. She and his two close friends were the only people at his funeral.
All she could think of was all the times her mother and Curtis made plans for the future and how she had stolen them away. She should have been the one to go out, it was her mistake. She should have been the one to die. They were better people than she was; they deserved to live. Instead, they went because she complained of a non-existent headache.
She knew now she had to live her life in punishment for her mistakes. Though she wondered why she was allowing herself a moment's dullness when she slept with Noah. She didn't love him and he annoyed her to no end, but she had allowed him to become intimate with her.
It had to be because he was so relentless in trying to get her to answer his questions. He also had argued against her eating only cereal and her ability to ignore everyone at the table. He had gotten upset with Ayanna over not making their meals. It felt like he was a real burst of emotion and energy in this house. He didn't seem bothered that she constantly glared at him and gave him the cold shoulder. He wanted her attention and whether it was for a book or not, Aven somewhat liked it.
It reminded her how Curtis tried to get her attention. Growing up, boys would ask her out and if she said yes they would laugh at her. It got to the point that she would always say no without even thinking if the person was serious about it. Curtis hounded her for weeks trying to get her to say yes. She finally did just so he could laugh and walk away, but instead he smiled widely and asked her a time and date. In that moment, some of his black hair had fallen into his eyes but he fumbled around for his notebook to write down her information instead of attending to the annoying hair.
Noah wasn't interested in her for any romantic reason and she held no feelings for him, but that was really the whole point. She wasn't sleeping with him to create emotion, but instead to forget it. Noah also seemed in need of an outlet to become numb. The look in his eyes when he looked at his wife's photo had to be the same as hers now.
Putting the photo of her mother and Curtis back in the drawer, she looked at herself in the vanity mirror. “You fucking suck. I hate you.” She mumbled before leaving the room.
Tristan wanted the man across the table dead. He kept trying to tell himself that it wasn't what it appeared, but he knew in his heart that it was. How dare this ridiculous human being touch her, he thought. She was his comfortable person. She was beautiful and quiet. She never had any expectation of him and now she was tainted by this moron.
This idiot who wouldn't shut his mouth; that was so afraid of the silence that he had to fill it with every random thought in his mind. A complete tool that always wore slacks and a button up shirt.
“I feel like you are angry with me.” Noah had been talking about the weather and making jokes about the girls.
Tristan wondered if his usually cool face had betrayed him. “Why?”
“You aren't even giving me grunts. Am I wrong?”
“Yes.”
Noah shrugged his shoulders and grinned. “I was thinking about going for a walk today since the weather is so nice. Maybe a nice picnic at that park down the block. Ah, maybe not a picnic today, maybe this weekend. We could all go, it...”
“No, thanks.” Tristan continued to seethe without the other man's knowledge.
He wanted so badly to demand that he not touch his comfortable person again that she belonged to him. He was sick of her being stolen and being forced to watch movies with the annoying bitch. What was so hard about watching a movie and following along? Why did she have to ask questions every five minutes? What was wrong with that woman?
“I have told you that I am using Aven for a character, haven't I?” Noah sat back in his chair. “I was thinking that maybe I would set the story here in the house in the characters natural surrounding.”
“Why are you here?” Tristan asked.
“Huh?” Noah wasn't certain if he was asking why he was in the room or in the house, but either way the response was not what he was expecting.
“I am waiting for Aven. You can't have her.”
A moment of knowing passed over Noah's eyes. “Oh, I see. No, I want to talk to Ayanna. She is taking a shower and said she'd be right back. Didn't you hear that? Guess not. You and Aven have your own little worlds that you disappear to. Don't worry, I am not trying to steal your girlfriend.”
“She is not my girlfriend.” He spoke calmly and without any feeling, but on the inside Tristan's mind was a raging river of emotion.
Noah looked at the man sitting across from him. He came up with a theory and wanted to test it. “Good, otherwise I'd feel guilty about what I did to her last night.”
Tristan jumped to his feet and slammed his hands on the table, which caused Noah to smirk immediately. “Don't speak...”
“Is everything alright?” Ayanna asked as she stepped into the kitchen. She could see clearly that something was wrong with Tristan, he looked angry. She had heard them talking as she walked down the hall, but hadn't made out anything they were saying.
“Is Aven ready?” Tristan asked.
“Oh, are you two going to watch a movie together?” Ayanna asked as she looked into the living room and spotted her on the couch. She had been walking down the hall with her, so she thought she was heading to the kitchen. “She looks like she is waiting for you.”
Tristan rushed passed her and sat down on the couch quickly. Ayanna shut the door and looked down at a smirking Noah.
“Were you two fighting?” She lowered her voice.
“Just something between the two men.” He winked at her.
Ayanna pulled out seven tapioca containers along with a cylinder container of something else. It wasn't marked, but Noah had thought he had seen her use the cylinder container when she poured Aven's cereal.
Looking into the living room, Ayanna ensured that her sister was engaged in the movie before sitting down at the table. “I add nutritional supplements to her tapioca.” She whispered and slowly took the lid off the containers and peeled back the plastic protective coating. She only removed it half way before adding a couple tablespoons and stirring it back in. She then attempted to press the plastic coating back down with it's already present glue.
“I see.” Noah thought that it would be an interesting tid bit for his story.
“You and her are sleeping together, aren't you?” Ayanna asked with her voice down low, even though the people in the living room probably couldn't hear them over the movie.
“I'm sorry.” He thought he was in trouble and decided to apologize right away to smooth things over. “I...”
“It's alright.” She grinned. “Aven showing any human interaction at all is fine by me, and sleeping with someone has to mean something. I mean she only ever slept with Curtis her entire life.” She chuckled. “I hope she opens up to you. It would be nice if someone managed to break down that wall of hers.”
Noah didn't know what emotion was the most important in those moments. He felt uneasy that he was only the second person that Aven had slept with, but there was another emotion mixed in with that. He didn't like that Ayanna was alright with him sleeping with her sister. The feeling almost felt like jealousy, but he couldn't decide who or what it was toward.
“The fact that she is willing to sleep with you must mean she feels something. I was beginning to lose all hope.” Ayanna smiled as she continued to mix the white powder in with the tapioca.
He didn't have the heart to tell her that having sex with her sister wasn't emotional for either of them. “Yeah.”
“It was the best decision in the world to have you two guys move in here. I really thought we should only have girls, but it seems like there are a lot of single men willing to pay top dollar.” She exhaled happily. “I am so happy that it worked out.” She giggled. “Wouldn't it be funny if Tristan and I ended up a couple too?”
“It would be something.” Noah felt himself becoming annoyed but tried to hold it in.
“Not that I am thinking about settling down or anything.” She continued. “I am not a one man woman, and I don't really plan to be any time soon.”
He recalled that she liked to sleep around and she had even told him once or twice that she would get the rich married men to pay a bill or two for her. In truth, she was somewhat of a prostitute, but it was somehow legal for her to do it that way.
There was a melancholy to this girl's eyes even when she was smiling. At first, he thought it had to do with her sister and the death of her mother, but the more he thought about it the less likely his theory became. He felt he shared a kindred soul with Ayanna. She seemed to hide her past with smiles and chatter just like he did.
He wondered if he just made up this sad past for Ayanna because he wanted her to be like him. There was something about her that was so familiar. He had already thought that she reminded him of his wife at times, but there was something that he couldn't put his finger on. That's why he decided that she had to be hiding a secret from him. Not that he had any right to know her secrets.
A knock echoed through the kitchen and Ayanna stood up to answer the door. She opened it and smiled at Eric. “Come in.”
He stepped inside and pointed toward Tristan's door as he made his way to it.
“Oh, he's in our living room with Aven.”
Eric looked at the other door. “Well, I will just have to interrupt their date night for a moment.” He smiled playfully at Ayanna before entering into the living room.
The first thing that Eric noticed was that they sat on opposite ends of the couch as if they were afraid they would touch each other on accident. Tristan had his elbow on the arm rest and his cheek laying against his fist. Aven's legs were crossed and she was tucked neatly into the corner of the couch.
“Sorry to interrupt.” Eric announced himself and the video was immediately paused on a frame with a car exploding.
Tristan looked at the man who came to stand in front of him. He smiled and gave a quick greeting to Aven. “Do you want to go downstairs to talk? It'll only take a second.”
“No, say what you need to and leave.”
Eric realized that he was a third wheel in those moments and simply grinned. “I'm afraid that every one I talked to about you has said you aren't what they are looking for. Even if you bulked up quite a bit, they still think your face is too soft. You just aren't an action star, Tristan.”
“I'm not doing romantic comedies.” He continued to hold his position on the couch in the very same manner that he did when Eric had walked in.
“It's money. It will pay your bills until you can get...”
“No.”
Aven sat quietly and stared at the paused frame on the television. She could hear everything and was even actively listening, but she knew she had no part in this conversation.
“What about a made for TV drama? It's three episodes.”
“On a woman's channel?”
Eric sighed which was the only answer that Tristan needed. “These are the only roles being offered to you right now. You can't continue to live on random appearances. That well is beginning to dry up. It's romantic comedies or 'Would you like fries with that?' Do you understand?”
Tristan remained silent.
“Aven, you are his girlfriend, right?”
“She's not my girlfriend.” Tristan interjected immediately.
“Tell him that he needs to start doing work no matter what is given to him. He isn't that big of a star that he can be choosy anymore.”
Aven turned her head and looked at Tristan, “It's none of my business.” After speaking, she turned her head back and began to stare at the paused frame once again.
Tristan smirked at his agent.
Tossing his hands in the air, Eric spun around once in frustration. “Come on, man. Do you know how hard I am working to get you something? What if in the romantic comedy, you do a lot of action like sequences? Like if you are an assassin or something? Would that be a good compromise?”
“No.”
“You're killing me, Tristan.” He sighed. “I'm leaving. You think about what I said. Your appearance money is drying up, it's almost gone. You have got to do something and this is the only work available to you right now. I could get you into a musical on a few local levels, but other than that...” He waved off the rest of his sentence as he walked out of the room.
Tristan looked over at Aven. “Thanks for not getting involved.”
“It's really none of my business.” She motioned toward the television to tell him to turn it back on.
He complied but had lost interest in the movie. He didn't even attempt to hide the fact that he was looking at her. She had said it was none of her business and one part of him had loved that. However, he felt annoyed that she wasn't more interested in his life. She also had no reaction when she was called his girlfriend which was the most annoying moment of that entire conversation.
Folding his arms, he leaned back on the couch and began to watch the movie again. She was comfortable to him, but why did it feel like she could take him or leave him?
“And how as it?” Camille's voice came through the phone, but her tone told Noah that she had been drinking.
“Surprising.”
There was no response from the woman on the other end of the line as Noah sat on his couch. “It wasn't like she was wild or anything, but I expected her to basically lay there and act as if I was raping her.”
“She participated then?”
“Mhm.” Noah leaned back on the couch with a deep sigh. “It was right not to kiss her, wasn't it?”
“That is probably for the best, and if she tries you might want to put a stop to the whole thing. I mean unless kissing isn't important to you and her, but... ugh... I don't know what I am talking about. I mean you two have gone to the ultimate intimate moment, so if she is going to get her feelings tangled into this, it might be too late.” Camille was smoking, he could hear her taking deep breaths and releasing whenever there was a pause. If she was smoking that meant she was out on her balcony.
“I just wish she'd eat some more. She's so thin that I feel like I am going to break her.”
“Maybe that's what she wants.” She joked.
He released a second sigh. “I am very curious to know why I was chosen to do this. Isn't it interesting that I bring it up and suddenly she's asking me to sleep with her?”
“The girl is weird. We've established that. She also has no shame. A normal person might have taken some time to think it over before bringing anything like that up. They would want to word themselves correctly, but obviously this girl doesn't.”
“I thought there was something going on with her and the other roommate, but it seems it's only feelings from his side.” Sitting forward, he took a drink of his red wine. “Although, there was an interesting development.”
“Oh?”
“She washed herself and even put her hair back. There might be an attractive girl under all that depression.”
“You aren't making developments of your own, are you?” She took another hit from her cigarette.
“What?”
“Sounds like you might give a shit about this woman a little.”
Noah snorted. “No, not her.”
“The other one?”
He was silent as he tried to figure out an answer for even himself.
“I see. Still on the fence. She is the one that keeps reminding you of Autumn, isn't she?” The sound of her sliding door opening told him that she had finished with her cigarette, and was heading back in for more wine.
“I am not interested in anything serious, you know that. It's probably that the girl does remind me of her that I am getting flustered.”
Camille cleared her throat. “A slight change of subject. Have you thought of a plot?”
“No, not yet.”
He could hear a smile in her voice in the next sentence she spoke. “I have a suggestion, if you like?” She continued. “Darling, you have the entire plot and characters all around you.”
“Excuse me?”
“You, the two girls, and the guy. It sounds to me like you are all pretty damn interesting. Just write everything down then add a fictional spin to it... or if there is enough drama without the fiction...”
“I see.” He thought over it for a moment. “I think I like that idea.”
A knock echoed up the stairs and he looked at the time. “I think Aven is here. I'll talk to you later.”
“Of course. Love you.”
He hung up the phone to answer the door as quickly as he could.
Tristan had just witnessed a moment that overwhelmed him and he knew would happen again. Aven getting up from the couch and going to Noah's apartment. It felt like he had been stabbed in the heart as he watched his comfortable person disappear behind that large wooden door.
Throwing himself on the couch, he covered his eyes with his arm while his leg hung off the side. This was all his father's fault. He had no idea how to talk to people or get a girl interested in him, because of that man. He also would have never gotten into this line of work if that damnable old man hadn't fallen sick and then died on him anyway.
His mind shifted to his conversation with Eric and he wondered if Aven judged him based on that conversation. Did she think now that he was a weakling because all he was offered was those cheesy chick flicks?
It seemed everyday he cared more about what that woman thought of him, and he was constantly thinking more about her. Sometimes she would pull her feet onto the couch and he would think of ways to accidentally touch them. It wasn't that he liked feet, but that he just wanted some sort of skin contact with her.
In twenty seven years, he had never been interested in the girls around him. He had slept with a few that had thrown themselves on him and even then it had taken his band mates to convince him. All the women were so uncomfortable so full of thoughts that they couldn't keep to themselves. They all had opinions and judgments to pass. When he wasn't the prince they decided he should be in their own heads, then the yelling and cruel comments would start. He didn't understand why he had to change to be who they wanted, when they didn't seem to do the same for him.
None of them had been comfortable. Aven was comfortable. For the first time in his life since his father had passed, he had found a comfortable person. He didn't have to pretend to care about her day or listen to her stories. He didn't have to go into any details about his day or life either. They just sat quietly together and made small random comments from time to time.
However, she wasn't just like his father. This was a woman. She had small dainty hands and lips he watched closely whenever they moved. He actually wanted to be with this girl in the way that other girls had forced themselves upon him. He just didn't know how.
How was it that Noah, whom she couldn't stand, was with her now? He was doing the very things that Tristan could only imagine doing to that woman. That was his comfortable person and she was supposed to be his friend. Ayanna was better suited for Noah, if he just had to have a person to sleep with. She seemed to be slutty enough. Why did it have to be Aven? He just didn't understand and the more he thought about it the more angry he became.
“Hey.” His heart pounded in his chest with excitement when he heard the voice. Sitting up quickly, he was met with disappointment when his eyes fell upon Ayanna.
“You didn't knock. This is my apartment.”
Ayanna was holding a sandwich in her hand. “I did knock, but you didn't answer. I should have taken the hint, I'm sorry. I forget that you're a man and you don't want some woman walking in on you. I mean I lived with my mom and two sisters my whole life in this house and...”
“What do you need?”
“Oh.” She made her way over to him and offered out the sandwich. “You didn't eat much all day, so I thought you might be hungry.”
Tristan took it from her to be polite, even though he wasn't hungry. “Thanks.”
Ayanna smiled and looked slightly overjoyed that he had taken it. She rocked back on her feet and swung her hands for a moment as she looked over his apartment. “Your place is very different from Noah's.”
“My stuff is hand me downs.” He stared at her as he waited for her to leave. “You should go to bed.”
She nodded her head and quickly ran up the stairs. Tristan knew that cutesy move. He'd seen it a thousand times before. “That girl better not get any ideas.” He mumbled to himself as he tossed the sandwich and plate onto the couch beside him.
Aven noticed the photo on his desk as she sat down on the computer chair. Noah had taken his wife's photo out again and she wondered if he had been doing the same thing as she had done earlier. Was he wondering what on Earth he was doing right now?
“Did you take it out for me to ask?”
Noah was laying on the bed and looked at his wife's face. Standing up in the tight room, he picked up the photo and placed it back in the desk. “No, I was just...”
“I understand.”
Noah laid back down on the bed and placed one arm behind his head. “She killed herself.”
“I see.” She wasn't the type to ask questions and believed people would tell what they wanted her to know.
“I have guilt too.” He looked over at the woman in the computer chair. “I was so caught up in meeting a deadline that I didn't realize that the shower had been running for three hours. When I went to check on her, she was already gone.”
Aven had nothing to say in response. She had heard all the little sayings people liked to say and all the false comforts that told her she wasn't responsible, but they didn't help in the least.
“She came home from work, kissed me like usual, and then went to take a shower. Didn't give me any hints that she was about to do that. Not that I would have noticed, I was so caught up in finishing that stupid romance novel. I just wanted it gone and out of my way.” He swallowed. “If I had just checked on her sooner, I might have been able to do something.”
Noah didn't know why he had chosen to talk to Aven about this. It might have been that she was so willing to express her pains to him that he felt it was safe to discuss his with her. He never talked to anyone about his wife not even her close friend, Camille.
“Tristan is offered movie deals and passing them up.” Aven's comment caught him off guard. “He says he won't do romantic comedies. It is strange, isn't it? You write novels that you loathe for money and he refuses to make movies that he can't stand. I wonder which one of you is right. Starve for your pride or feed your self loathing.”
“There is no right or wrong, just what is right for yourself. Besides, his name is linked to those movies, mine is not to those books.” Noah wondered why she had suddenly changed the subject but decided he had enough of talking about his wife anyway.
“I guess so.”
“What's our age difference?” It was his turn to randomly change the subject.
“I am twenty eight. I have told you that before.”
He nodded his head and remembered that he had written it down, “Only four years then.” He looked up at the ceiling, “Are you staying the night or just talking?”
“I might.”
“It would be a shame to let your freshly bathed body go to waste.” After talking about his wife, he now was the one that wanted to forget.
He sat up and moved to the edge of the bed. Taking her hand, he tugged lightly to get her to move to the bed. Aven did as he wanted and as soon as she sat down, he began kissed her neck and unbuttoning her pajama top. When the cloth revealed her bare shoulder, Noah bit down gently on the flesh before pushing her back onto the bed.
Aven knew that this night was for Noah as she could tell the difference already in his touch. The night before had been more unsure and gentle, but tonight Noah seemed to be searching for his own moment of peace. She was fine with it as she could understand since she had been there the night before. They were using each other and as long as they both knew it there would be no problems.
“It's been so long since I actually felt my heart race like that. I feel like I am back in high school.” Ayanna told Scott over the phone.
She was laying on her bed with the black puppy beside her as she rubbed her belly.
“I don't know, Ayanna.” Scott was also laying in his bed as was their nightly ritual. “It seems kind of odd.”
“What? Why?”
“I mean this other roommate steals your sister away, and suddenly you are replacing her with a guy that has a very similar personality. Don't you think you might be co-dependent?”
She fell silent for a moment. “I thought you might be happy that I am considering a serious relationship.”
“Now, it's serious? You were just saying it was a school girl crush.”
She snorted. “And what good is a crush if you don't act on it? If only you know about your feelings then they don't exist anywhere but in your own mind. You have to express your feelings in order for other people to understand they are there. If I don't try to get him to see that I have these emotions then they were worthless to have.”
“What if he rejects you? Weren't your feelings worthless anyway?”
Ayanna sat up in bed and dangled her feet off the side. “No, because another person acknowledged you had them.”
“Won't it be awkward? You live with him.” He was trying not to raise his voice. “Not only will the two of you feel uncomfortable around each other, you will probably make the other two feel the same way.”
She began to walk around her room. The puppy laid on the bed and watched her walk back and forth. “That's a road I'll cross then. Besides, it's not like I am going to say anything soon. I want to make sure that I am ready for this and not just jump into it.”
“You can't be serious. Don't you see what you are doing? You are replacing one psycho for another, but this new one you can sleep with.”
“My sister is not a psycho!” She shouted.
“I'm sorry. Wrong choice of words.” He could hear her sniffling on the other end of the phone line. “Ayanna, I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to use that word. I was in the heat of the moment and... it will never happen again. I know how much you love your sister and how much you want her to get better. I'm very, very, truly, deeply sorry.”
“I'm going to bed.” She hung up her phone and turned it off before laying back down on the bed.
Ayanna knew in some form that Scott was right, but her feelings were real enough. It wasn't as if she was in love or anything, but it had been a long time since she felt something for a man. She couldn't explain her feelings for Tristan in those moments. She knew they might be childish or even sick, but she felt safe around him. It felt like he wouldn't do anything to her against her will and that was something she had been looking for. Someone who wasn't pushy and who didn't have one thing on their mind.
Ever since Carlin, she hadn't been able to trust any man with any amount of charm or friendliness. That is what got her into trouble. She loved him and wanted to marry him someday, but then he betrayed her. She had never told anyone what he had done and most of the family thought he had cheated on her.
She still remembered her mother giving her a speech about how all men aren't cheaters, and that she should move passed him. She wished it was that easy. She wanted everything to come to an end, but every man simply brought back the memory.
She had been willing to sleep with him. She had set out her lingerie, plucked and shaved every out of place hair, and did her hair and make-up. She had waited six months to sleep with him and it was going to be their first time.
Instead, Carlin destroyed not only the night but her life in general when he showed up. The sound of her own voice begging him to stop and the smell of alcohol on his breath was something she could never forget.
It had been an interesting experience as Aven in those brief moments didn't look like herself. She wasn't some wild animal between the sheets, but he thought that maybe that was the woman who had lived here before. Her eyes seemed to hold some secret and he felt like the butt of a joke, but during those moments it had been alluring and he had wanted to know more about her.
A chuckle brought him completely into reality and he turned to find a nude Aven sitting on the edge of the bed with a stack of printing paper in her hands. He immediately recognized it as his manuscript for Camille.
Flipping around on the bed as quickly as he could, he snatched the papers away. “That's private!” He snapped.
“You just had your dick inside me. That's pretty private too.” She reached over and removed the papers from his grasp. “Besides, you knew I was coming up here. Why leave it out? I thought it was for me, since you seem to leave things out in order to get me to talk.” She motioned toward the empty spot on his desk where his wife's picture used to be.
He had put the photo away after her last visit as he didn't want to see her face when he awoke every morning. “You figure people out pretty quickly, don't you?”
“You ghost write romance novels then?” She put the manuscript back on his desk.
“It pays the bills.” Normally, he would stray away from this topic but she was showing some interest in him so he would brave it.
“I see.” She dropped the subject. “I fell asleep. If there is a next time, I'll leave before morning.”
“Do as you please. It doesn't matter.” Noah sat up and leaned against the pillows. The dark brown comforter slid down his chest to his waist.
Aven had noticed that he only had a small patch of chest hair between his pecks and was rather hairless.
Noah knew the rules for sleeping with a woman but not wanting a real relationship. There should be no gifts, no cuddling, no sleeping together, no intimacy at all. This situation was a little different because he actually needed to know about her, but he also needed distance. He already knew this was a mistake and part of him had hoped that Aven would decide that they shouldn't continue.
Her back was still to him. She was still nothing but skin and bones he had thought both the night before and now in the morning light. “Did it help?” He asked after a few moments of silence.
“I guess so.”
Sitting up, he crawled across the bed and brushed her hair to her right shoulder as he began to kiss the now bare left one. As he kissed and nipped from her shoulder up her neck to her ears, he kept thinking that this was a violation of the fuck buddy rules.
In his life at the moment, he had very little time to go out and find someone to be with. He also couldn't imagine bringing a woman here. He was a private person and his roommates would know more about him than he wanted them to know. As long as Aven didn't cross the line into the territory of feelings, this would be fine.
His hands slid around her chest to cup her breast as he continued to nibble at her ear. Aven's own hands covered his own and pulled them away, before she stood up and began to dress.
“Breakfast will be ready soon. They are both down there.”
“We will say we had an early interview.” He began to locate his own clothes.
---***
“Last night was a lot of fun, wasn't it?” Ayanna asked as she made a simple breakfast of bacon, eggs, and toast.
Tristan sat at the dining table and glanced over at the living room door from time to time. His mind was playing tricks on him causing him to hear the sound of the door creak as it was opened. After hearing Ayanna's question, he grunted a reply.
“Do you only watch action? Do you like horror? We could watch that some times. I know you wouldn't like romantic comedies. Oh, what about regular comedies? You know guy stuff?”
“I guess.” He replied but secretly hoped that he would never have to watch a movie with the annoying woman again.
Ayanna smiled widely. “Really? I'll pick something out. We have a lot of movies. I never understood why Aven only watched yours.”
Walking over to the table, she placed the plate in front of him. Tristan reached out to pull the plate closer and his hand briefly touched her own.
Ayanna felt an electric shock from the touch and her heart began to beat quickly. She stared down at him for a moment as she tried to figure out what it was her body was trying to tell her. It couldn't possibly be what she thought it was, not for this male version of Aven.
“Bacon is burning.” Tristan said seemingly unaware of the inner turmoil she was going through.
The upstairs door opened and it's sound tricked Tristan for a moment. He had great hopes that it was Aven until he realized it was the wrong door. His disappointment turned into rage when he realized it was in fact the woman he was waiting for. She still looked a mess, but he thought it looked even worse. Following closely behind her, Noah appeared and shut his apartment door.
Ayanna took notice that they both appeared from the same apartment and seemed to wait for an explanation.
“Early interview.” Aven told her before heading into her own area of the house, presumably to wash up.
Noah sat down at the table across from Tristan and gave him a brief grin to say hello. “Smells burnt, Ayanna.”
She chuckled at what he thought was his comment, but in reality Ayanna had figured it all out in one glance. “Yeah, I burnt a couple pieces. Don't worry, I'm not going to serve them.”
Aven soon reappeared and sat down at the table with the boys. Her bowl of cereal was already in front of her and all she needed to do was add some milk. Noah had received his breakfast while she had been gone and watched her prepare her own.
As she leaned forward to hide from the world with her hair, a piece of bacon appeared over her bowl. She looked up at Noah.
“It can't be worse for you than slim jims.” He told her.
Tristan and Ayanna both stopped to see if she would actually accept the food from him. Aven stared at it for a couple seconds then looked up at Noah. “No.”
He opened his mouth briefly in an attempt to argue, but decided against it. With a shrug, he brought the piece of bacon back over to his plate. He didn't expect he could fix everything in one night or with sleeping with her at all, but he had to test it.
On the other side of the table, Tristan was basking in Noah's defeat. He didn't have any power over her which he hoped meant that she carried no feelings for him. If that was so, then perhaps they really did have an interview this morning.
Ayanna, however, knew better. She could just look at her sister and tell that she was hiding something. Normally, when Aven went to bed she was awaken by her using the bathroom and slamming her door, but that had not occurred last night. She began to eat her breakfast and attempt to hide her knowing grin from the others.
---***
After showering, Aven managed to put her hair in a ponytail which meant she was forced to brush it. Normally, she would have allowed it to dry as is but she felt the need to do something with it that day. Deodorant and a fresh pair of pajamas were applied to her body in her bedroom.
Sitting on the bed, she had pulled out a picture of herself with Curtis and her mother. They were sitting on a bench and she was between them. Smiles covered their faces. Aven could still remember the nice old man's face that they had asked to take the picture for them. She remembered that they had gone hiking that day which had been a hobby they had picked up for their mother's health. The three of them even jogged together every morning.
Her face in the picture and the face in the mirror seemed nothing alike. In the picture, her curls were pulled back for the hike, but she could tell that she had put something in her hair to keep the curls from becoming frizz. She also wore make-up, but what was most noticeable was her weight. Her cheeks were filled in unlike the pot holes on her face now.
The girl in that picture never once thought she would become the person she is now. She had always been introverted, but she always thought she would have her mom and Curtis to keep her from going too far. She never thought she would be sleeping with an almost complete stranger in an effort to give herself a moment's reprieve.
What was she doing? She asked that the entire way up to his bedroom and the entire way down. Noah was right though, it did help her to forget those memories. Memories that kept replaying in her mind. The phone call and the long trip to the hospital. The bodies laid out for family members to give their last goodbyes.
Curtis had left his abusive family and told them he never wanted to see them again, so she had been the only person to say goodbye to him. She and his two close friends were the only people at his funeral.
All she could think of was all the times her mother and Curtis made plans for the future and how she had stolen them away. She should have been the one to go out, it was her mistake. She should have been the one to die. They were better people than she was; they deserved to live. Instead, they went because she complained of a non-existent headache.
She knew now she had to live her life in punishment for her mistakes. Though she wondered why she was allowing herself a moment's dullness when she slept with Noah. She didn't love him and he annoyed her to no end, but she had allowed him to become intimate with her.
It had to be because he was so relentless in trying to get her to answer his questions. He also had argued against her eating only cereal and her ability to ignore everyone at the table. He had gotten upset with Ayanna over not making their meals. It felt like he was a real burst of emotion and energy in this house. He didn't seem bothered that she constantly glared at him and gave him the cold shoulder. He wanted her attention and whether it was for a book or not, Aven somewhat liked it.
It reminded her how Curtis tried to get her attention. Growing up, boys would ask her out and if she said yes they would laugh at her. It got to the point that she would always say no without even thinking if the person was serious about it. Curtis hounded her for weeks trying to get her to say yes. She finally did just so he could laugh and walk away, but instead he smiled widely and asked her a time and date. In that moment, some of his black hair had fallen into his eyes but he fumbled around for his notebook to write down her information instead of attending to the annoying hair.
Noah wasn't interested in her for any romantic reason and she held no feelings for him, but that was really the whole point. She wasn't sleeping with him to create emotion, but instead to forget it. Noah also seemed in need of an outlet to become numb. The look in his eyes when he looked at his wife's photo had to be the same as hers now.
Putting the photo of her mother and Curtis back in the drawer, she looked at herself in the vanity mirror. “You fucking suck. I hate you.” She mumbled before leaving the room.
---***
Tristan wanted the man across the table dead. He kept trying to tell himself that it wasn't what it appeared, but he knew in his heart that it was. How dare this ridiculous human being touch her, he thought. She was his comfortable person. She was beautiful and quiet. She never had any expectation of him and now she was tainted by this moron.
This idiot who wouldn't shut his mouth; that was so afraid of the silence that he had to fill it with every random thought in his mind. A complete tool that always wore slacks and a button up shirt.
“I feel like you are angry with me.” Noah had been talking about the weather and making jokes about the girls.
Tristan wondered if his usually cool face had betrayed him. “Why?”
“You aren't even giving me grunts. Am I wrong?”
“Yes.”
Noah shrugged his shoulders and grinned. “I was thinking about going for a walk today since the weather is so nice. Maybe a nice picnic at that park down the block. Ah, maybe not a picnic today, maybe this weekend. We could all go, it...”
“No, thanks.” Tristan continued to seethe without the other man's knowledge.
He wanted so badly to demand that he not touch his comfortable person again that she belonged to him. He was sick of her being stolen and being forced to watch movies with the annoying bitch. What was so hard about watching a movie and following along? Why did she have to ask questions every five minutes? What was wrong with that woman?
“I have told you that I am using Aven for a character, haven't I?” Noah sat back in his chair. “I was thinking that maybe I would set the story here in the house in the characters natural surrounding.”
“Why are you here?” Tristan asked.
“Huh?” Noah wasn't certain if he was asking why he was in the room or in the house, but either way the response was not what he was expecting.
“I am waiting for Aven. You can't have her.”
A moment of knowing passed over Noah's eyes. “Oh, I see. No, I want to talk to Ayanna. She is taking a shower and said she'd be right back. Didn't you hear that? Guess not. You and Aven have your own little worlds that you disappear to. Don't worry, I am not trying to steal your girlfriend.”
“She is not my girlfriend.” He spoke calmly and without any feeling, but on the inside Tristan's mind was a raging river of emotion.
Noah looked at the man sitting across from him. He came up with a theory and wanted to test it. “Good, otherwise I'd feel guilty about what I did to her last night.”
Tristan jumped to his feet and slammed his hands on the table, which caused Noah to smirk immediately. “Don't speak...”
“Is everything alright?” Ayanna asked as she stepped into the kitchen. She could see clearly that something was wrong with Tristan, he looked angry. She had heard them talking as she walked down the hall, but hadn't made out anything they were saying.
“Is Aven ready?” Tristan asked.
“Oh, are you two going to watch a movie together?” Ayanna asked as she looked into the living room and spotted her on the couch. She had been walking down the hall with her, so she thought she was heading to the kitchen. “She looks like she is waiting for you.”
Tristan rushed passed her and sat down on the couch quickly. Ayanna shut the door and looked down at a smirking Noah.
“Were you two fighting?” She lowered her voice.
“Just something between the two men.” He winked at her.
---***
Ayanna pulled out seven tapioca containers along with a cylinder container of something else. It wasn't marked, but Noah had thought he had seen her use the cylinder container when she poured Aven's cereal.
Looking into the living room, Ayanna ensured that her sister was engaged in the movie before sitting down at the table. “I add nutritional supplements to her tapioca.” She whispered and slowly took the lid off the containers and peeled back the plastic protective coating. She only removed it half way before adding a couple tablespoons and stirring it back in. She then attempted to press the plastic coating back down with it's already present glue.
“I see.” Noah thought that it would be an interesting tid bit for his story.
“You and her are sleeping together, aren't you?” Ayanna asked with her voice down low, even though the people in the living room probably couldn't hear them over the movie.
“I'm sorry.” He thought he was in trouble and decided to apologize right away to smooth things over. “I...”
“It's alright.” She grinned. “Aven showing any human interaction at all is fine by me, and sleeping with someone has to mean something. I mean she only ever slept with Curtis her entire life.” She chuckled. “I hope she opens up to you. It would be nice if someone managed to break down that wall of hers.”
Noah didn't know what emotion was the most important in those moments. He felt uneasy that he was only the second person that Aven had slept with, but there was another emotion mixed in with that. He didn't like that Ayanna was alright with him sleeping with her sister. The feeling almost felt like jealousy, but he couldn't decide who or what it was toward.
“The fact that she is willing to sleep with you must mean she feels something. I was beginning to lose all hope.” Ayanna smiled as she continued to mix the white powder in with the tapioca.
He didn't have the heart to tell her that having sex with her sister wasn't emotional for either of them. “Yeah.”
“It was the best decision in the world to have you two guys move in here. I really thought we should only have girls, but it seems like there are a lot of single men willing to pay top dollar.” She exhaled happily. “I am so happy that it worked out.” She giggled. “Wouldn't it be funny if Tristan and I ended up a couple too?”
“It would be something.” Noah felt himself becoming annoyed but tried to hold it in.
“Not that I am thinking about settling down or anything.” She continued. “I am not a one man woman, and I don't really plan to be any time soon.”
He recalled that she liked to sleep around and she had even told him once or twice that she would get the rich married men to pay a bill or two for her. In truth, she was somewhat of a prostitute, but it was somehow legal for her to do it that way.
There was a melancholy to this girl's eyes even when she was smiling. At first, he thought it had to do with her sister and the death of her mother, but the more he thought about it the less likely his theory became. He felt he shared a kindred soul with Ayanna. She seemed to hide her past with smiles and chatter just like he did.
He wondered if he just made up this sad past for Ayanna because he wanted her to be like him. There was something about her that was so familiar. He had already thought that she reminded him of his wife at times, but there was something that he couldn't put his finger on. That's why he decided that she had to be hiding a secret from him. Not that he had any right to know her secrets.
A knock echoed through the kitchen and Ayanna stood up to answer the door. She opened it and smiled at Eric. “Come in.”
He stepped inside and pointed toward Tristan's door as he made his way to it.
“Oh, he's in our living room with Aven.”
Eric looked at the other door. “Well, I will just have to interrupt their date night for a moment.” He smiled playfully at Ayanna before entering into the living room.
---***
The first thing that Eric noticed was that they sat on opposite ends of the couch as if they were afraid they would touch each other on accident. Tristan had his elbow on the arm rest and his cheek laying against his fist. Aven's legs were crossed and she was tucked neatly into the corner of the couch.
“Sorry to interrupt.” Eric announced himself and the video was immediately paused on a frame with a car exploding.
Tristan looked at the man who came to stand in front of him. He smiled and gave a quick greeting to Aven. “Do you want to go downstairs to talk? It'll only take a second.”
“No, say what you need to and leave.”
Eric realized that he was a third wheel in those moments and simply grinned. “I'm afraid that every one I talked to about you has said you aren't what they are looking for. Even if you bulked up quite a bit, they still think your face is too soft. You just aren't an action star, Tristan.”
“I'm not doing romantic comedies.” He continued to hold his position on the couch in the very same manner that he did when Eric had walked in.
“It's money. It will pay your bills until you can get...”
“No.”
Aven sat quietly and stared at the paused frame on the television. She could hear everything and was even actively listening, but she knew she had no part in this conversation.
“What about a made for TV drama? It's three episodes.”
“On a woman's channel?”
Eric sighed which was the only answer that Tristan needed. “These are the only roles being offered to you right now. You can't continue to live on random appearances. That well is beginning to dry up. It's romantic comedies or 'Would you like fries with that?' Do you understand?”
Tristan remained silent.
“Aven, you are his girlfriend, right?”
“She's not my girlfriend.” Tristan interjected immediately.
“Tell him that he needs to start doing work no matter what is given to him. He isn't that big of a star that he can be choosy anymore.”
Aven turned her head and looked at Tristan, “It's none of my business.” After speaking, she turned her head back and began to stare at the paused frame once again.
Tristan smirked at his agent.
Tossing his hands in the air, Eric spun around once in frustration. “Come on, man. Do you know how hard I am working to get you something? What if in the romantic comedy, you do a lot of action like sequences? Like if you are an assassin or something? Would that be a good compromise?”
“No.”
“You're killing me, Tristan.” He sighed. “I'm leaving. You think about what I said. Your appearance money is drying up, it's almost gone. You have got to do something and this is the only work available to you right now. I could get you into a musical on a few local levels, but other than that...” He waved off the rest of his sentence as he walked out of the room.
Tristan looked over at Aven. “Thanks for not getting involved.”
“It's really none of my business.” She motioned toward the television to tell him to turn it back on.
He complied but had lost interest in the movie. He didn't even attempt to hide the fact that he was looking at her. She had said it was none of her business and one part of him had loved that. However, he felt annoyed that she wasn't more interested in his life. She also had no reaction when she was called his girlfriend which was the most annoying moment of that entire conversation.
Folding his arms, he leaned back on the couch and began to watch the movie again. She was comfortable to him, but why did it feel like she could take him or leave him?
---***
“And how as it?” Camille's voice came through the phone, but her tone told Noah that she had been drinking.
“Surprising.”
There was no response from the woman on the other end of the line as Noah sat on his couch. “It wasn't like she was wild or anything, but I expected her to basically lay there and act as if I was raping her.”
“She participated then?”
“Mhm.” Noah leaned back on the couch with a deep sigh. “It was right not to kiss her, wasn't it?”
“That is probably for the best, and if she tries you might want to put a stop to the whole thing. I mean unless kissing isn't important to you and her, but... ugh... I don't know what I am talking about. I mean you two have gone to the ultimate intimate moment, so if she is going to get her feelings tangled into this, it might be too late.” Camille was smoking, he could hear her taking deep breaths and releasing whenever there was a pause. If she was smoking that meant she was out on her balcony.
“I just wish she'd eat some more. She's so thin that I feel like I am going to break her.”
“Maybe that's what she wants.” She joked.
He released a second sigh. “I am very curious to know why I was chosen to do this. Isn't it interesting that I bring it up and suddenly she's asking me to sleep with her?”
“The girl is weird. We've established that. She also has no shame. A normal person might have taken some time to think it over before bringing anything like that up. They would want to word themselves correctly, but obviously this girl doesn't.”
“I thought there was something going on with her and the other roommate, but it seems it's only feelings from his side.” Sitting forward, he took a drink of his red wine. “Although, there was an interesting development.”
“Oh?”
“She washed herself and even put her hair back. There might be an attractive girl under all that depression.”
“You aren't making developments of your own, are you?” She took another hit from her cigarette.
“What?”
“Sounds like you might give a shit about this woman a little.”
Noah snorted. “No, not her.”
“The other one?”
He was silent as he tried to figure out an answer for even himself.
“I see. Still on the fence. She is the one that keeps reminding you of Autumn, isn't she?” The sound of her sliding door opening told him that she had finished with her cigarette, and was heading back in for more wine.
“I am not interested in anything serious, you know that. It's probably that the girl does remind me of her that I am getting flustered.”
Camille cleared her throat. “A slight change of subject. Have you thought of a plot?”
“No, not yet.”
He could hear a smile in her voice in the next sentence she spoke. “I have a suggestion, if you like?” She continued. “Darling, you have the entire plot and characters all around you.”
“Excuse me?”
“You, the two girls, and the guy. It sounds to me like you are all pretty damn interesting. Just write everything down then add a fictional spin to it... or if there is enough drama without the fiction...”
“I see.” He thought over it for a moment. “I think I like that idea.”
A knock echoed up the stairs and he looked at the time. “I think Aven is here. I'll talk to you later.”
“Of course. Love you.”
He hung up the phone to answer the door as quickly as he could.
---***
Tristan had just witnessed a moment that overwhelmed him and he knew would happen again. Aven getting up from the couch and going to Noah's apartment. It felt like he had been stabbed in the heart as he watched his comfortable person disappear behind that large wooden door.
Throwing himself on the couch, he covered his eyes with his arm while his leg hung off the side. This was all his father's fault. He had no idea how to talk to people or get a girl interested in him, because of that man. He also would have never gotten into this line of work if that damnable old man hadn't fallen sick and then died on him anyway.
His mind shifted to his conversation with Eric and he wondered if Aven judged him based on that conversation. Did she think now that he was a weakling because all he was offered was those cheesy chick flicks?
It seemed everyday he cared more about what that woman thought of him, and he was constantly thinking more about her. Sometimes she would pull her feet onto the couch and he would think of ways to accidentally touch them. It wasn't that he liked feet, but that he just wanted some sort of skin contact with her.
In twenty seven years, he had never been interested in the girls around him. He had slept with a few that had thrown themselves on him and even then it had taken his band mates to convince him. All the women were so uncomfortable so full of thoughts that they couldn't keep to themselves. They all had opinions and judgments to pass. When he wasn't the prince they decided he should be in their own heads, then the yelling and cruel comments would start. He didn't understand why he had to change to be who they wanted, when they didn't seem to do the same for him.
None of them had been comfortable. Aven was comfortable. For the first time in his life since his father had passed, he had found a comfortable person. He didn't have to pretend to care about her day or listen to her stories. He didn't have to go into any details about his day or life either. They just sat quietly together and made small random comments from time to time.
However, she wasn't just like his father. This was a woman. She had small dainty hands and lips he watched closely whenever they moved. He actually wanted to be with this girl in the way that other girls had forced themselves upon him. He just didn't know how.
How was it that Noah, whom she couldn't stand, was with her now? He was doing the very things that Tristan could only imagine doing to that woman. That was his comfortable person and she was supposed to be his friend. Ayanna was better suited for Noah, if he just had to have a person to sleep with. She seemed to be slutty enough. Why did it have to be Aven? He just didn't understand and the more he thought about it the more angry he became.
“Hey.” His heart pounded in his chest with excitement when he heard the voice. Sitting up quickly, he was met with disappointment when his eyes fell upon Ayanna.
“You didn't knock. This is my apartment.”
Ayanna was holding a sandwich in her hand. “I did knock, but you didn't answer. I should have taken the hint, I'm sorry. I forget that you're a man and you don't want some woman walking in on you. I mean I lived with my mom and two sisters my whole life in this house and...”
“What do you need?”
“Oh.” She made her way over to him and offered out the sandwich. “You didn't eat much all day, so I thought you might be hungry.”
Tristan took it from her to be polite, even though he wasn't hungry. “Thanks.”
Ayanna smiled and looked slightly overjoyed that he had taken it. She rocked back on her feet and swung her hands for a moment as she looked over his apartment. “Your place is very different from Noah's.”
“My stuff is hand me downs.” He stared at her as he waited for her to leave. “You should go to bed.”
She nodded her head and quickly ran up the stairs. Tristan knew that cutesy move. He'd seen it a thousand times before. “That girl better not get any ideas.” He mumbled to himself as he tossed the sandwich and plate onto the couch beside him.
---***
Aven noticed the photo on his desk as she sat down on the computer chair. Noah had taken his wife's photo out again and she wondered if he had been doing the same thing as she had done earlier. Was he wondering what on Earth he was doing right now?
“Did you take it out for me to ask?”
Noah was laying on the bed and looked at his wife's face. Standing up in the tight room, he picked up the photo and placed it back in the desk. “No, I was just...”
“I understand.”
Noah laid back down on the bed and placed one arm behind his head. “She killed herself.”
“I see.” She wasn't the type to ask questions and believed people would tell what they wanted her to know.
“I have guilt too.” He looked over at the woman in the computer chair. “I was so caught up in meeting a deadline that I didn't realize that the shower had been running for three hours. When I went to check on her, she was already gone.”
Aven had nothing to say in response. She had heard all the little sayings people liked to say and all the false comforts that told her she wasn't responsible, but they didn't help in the least.
“She came home from work, kissed me like usual, and then went to take a shower. Didn't give me any hints that she was about to do that. Not that I would have noticed, I was so caught up in finishing that stupid romance novel. I just wanted it gone and out of my way.” He swallowed. “If I had just checked on her sooner, I might have been able to do something.”
Noah didn't know why he had chosen to talk to Aven about this. It might have been that she was so willing to express her pains to him that he felt it was safe to discuss his with her. He never talked to anyone about his wife not even her close friend, Camille.
“Tristan is offered movie deals and passing them up.” Aven's comment caught him off guard. “He says he won't do romantic comedies. It is strange, isn't it? You write novels that you loathe for money and he refuses to make movies that he can't stand. I wonder which one of you is right. Starve for your pride or feed your self loathing.”
“There is no right or wrong, just what is right for yourself. Besides, his name is linked to those movies, mine is not to those books.” Noah wondered why she had suddenly changed the subject but decided he had enough of talking about his wife anyway.
“I guess so.”
“What's our age difference?” It was his turn to randomly change the subject.
“I am twenty eight. I have told you that before.”
He nodded his head and remembered that he had written it down, “Only four years then.” He looked up at the ceiling, “Are you staying the night or just talking?”
“I might.”
“It would be a shame to let your freshly bathed body go to waste.” After talking about his wife, he now was the one that wanted to forget.
He sat up and moved to the edge of the bed. Taking her hand, he tugged lightly to get her to move to the bed. Aven did as he wanted and as soon as she sat down, he began kissed her neck and unbuttoning her pajama top. When the cloth revealed her bare shoulder, Noah bit down gently on the flesh before pushing her back onto the bed.
Aven knew that this night was for Noah as she could tell the difference already in his touch. The night before had been more unsure and gentle, but tonight Noah seemed to be searching for his own moment of peace. She was fine with it as she could understand since she had been there the night before. They were using each other and as long as they both knew it there would be no problems.
---***
“It's been so long since I actually felt my heart race like that. I feel like I am back in high school.” Ayanna told Scott over the phone.
She was laying on her bed with the black puppy beside her as she rubbed her belly.
“I don't know, Ayanna.” Scott was also laying in his bed as was their nightly ritual. “It seems kind of odd.”
“What? Why?”
“I mean this other roommate steals your sister away, and suddenly you are replacing her with a guy that has a very similar personality. Don't you think you might be co-dependent?”
She fell silent for a moment. “I thought you might be happy that I am considering a serious relationship.”
“Now, it's serious? You were just saying it was a school girl crush.”
She snorted. “And what good is a crush if you don't act on it? If only you know about your feelings then they don't exist anywhere but in your own mind. You have to express your feelings in order for other people to understand they are there. If I don't try to get him to see that I have these emotions then they were worthless to have.”
“What if he rejects you? Weren't your feelings worthless anyway?”
Ayanna sat up in bed and dangled her feet off the side. “No, because another person acknowledged you had them.”
“Won't it be awkward? You live with him.” He was trying not to raise his voice. “Not only will the two of you feel uncomfortable around each other, you will probably make the other two feel the same way.”
She began to walk around her room. The puppy laid on the bed and watched her walk back and forth. “That's a road I'll cross then. Besides, it's not like I am going to say anything soon. I want to make sure that I am ready for this and not just jump into it.”
“You can't be serious. Don't you see what you are doing? You are replacing one psycho for another, but this new one you can sleep with.”
“My sister is not a psycho!” She shouted.
“I'm sorry. Wrong choice of words.” He could hear her sniffling on the other end of the phone line. “Ayanna, I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to use that word. I was in the heat of the moment and... it will never happen again. I know how much you love your sister and how much you want her to get better. I'm very, very, truly, deeply sorry.”
“I'm going to bed.” She hung up her phone and turned it off before laying back down on the bed.
Ayanna knew in some form that Scott was right, but her feelings were real enough. It wasn't as if she was in love or anything, but it had been a long time since she felt something for a man. She couldn't explain her feelings for Tristan in those moments. She knew they might be childish or even sick, but she felt safe around him. It felt like he wouldn't do anything to her against her will and that was something she had been looking for. Someone who wasn't pushy and who didn't have one thing on their mind.
Ever since Carlin, she hadn't been able to trust any man with any amount of charm or friendliness. That is what got her into trouble. She loved him and wanted to marry him someday, but then he betrayed her. She had never told anyone what he had done and most of the family thought he had cheated on her.
She still remembered her mother giving her a speech about how all men aren't cheaters, and that she should move passed him. She wished it was that easy. She wanted everything to come to an end, but every man simply brought back the memory.
She had been willing to sleep with him. She had set out her lingerie, plucked and shaved every out of place hair, and did her hair and make-up. She had waited six months to sleep with him and it was going to be their first time.
Instead, Carlin destroyed not only the night but her life in general when he showed up. The sound of her own voice begging him to stop and the smell of alcohol on his breath was something she could never forget.