07-18-2015, 04:35 PM
Her back was a creamy white. The sun hadn't kissed it in several years. Coupled with her strawberry blonde hair she gave off a sickly complexion. Just under her left shoulder blade was a small mole that he had stared at the past couple of nights when she had turned her back to him.
Noah's finger tips ran gently down the smooth skin of the thin woman laying next to him. When he worked his hand back up, he placed his palm down and soon the movement turned into a massage of sorts.
He didn't realize how lonely he actually was until Aven started staying in his room. They had been sleeping together for nearly three weeks at this point. He despised her when she came to his room but at the same time he looked forward to it. He couldn't put his finger on the reasons just yet.
“I fell like I am going to break you.” Noah finally spoke when he realized that she was awake.
“You won't.” Her sleepy voice brought a small smirk to his lips.
“You should eat more for my peace of mind.” He didn't mean for it to sound as caring as the words came out. In truth, he thought the fragile body was sickly and unappealing, but he knew he couldn't speak the truth of it.
“I'll add more slim jims into the mix.”
“Why?”
Aven turned around on the bed to face him, her thin arm barely covered the nipples of her breast. He didn't think she was trying to hide them from him, but simply that was how her arm had rested. “It's sick.”
“What?”
“The reason is sick.”
Noah watched her face as she thought over her words carefully. She looked uncertain and maybe even ashamed of herself in those moments. It wasn't a look that he had ever seen on her face before.
“After they died that was all we had. I didn't like tapioca or slim jims, so all I ate was the cereal.” She looked into his eyes, “When my sister started to complain, I ate those things anyway so she felt better.”
“You don't even like what you are eating? Then why eat it?”
“Because that's all we had. I don't deserve anything else. If I had done what I was asked to do that day then...” She cut herself off because he already knew the rest.
He scooted closer to her and when they're bodies were almost touching, he pulled her head toward his throat. Resting his chin on top of her head, he began to stroke her hair. Cuddling was not on the list of things friends with benefits should be doing, but he found it difficult to just ignore her at times. People who wanted to sleep with each other and not have a relationship weren't even supposed to talk much, but he was breaking that rule as well. He just hoped Aven was stronger than most women when it comes to such intimacies.
“I know it doesn't matter when I say it, but I think you deserve it. I think you deserve a break from time to time from your punishments.”
“They don't get a break from death.” Aven mumbled.
“No, I don't suppose they do.” He sighed as he continued to stroke her hair.
He didn't know if he pitied this girl or sympathized with her. After his wife's death, he had several punishments for himself. He didn't write for an entire year until Camille forced him to. She had brought him back from the dark abyss he was wallowing in. He wondered why Aven hadn't found her way out yet. Had no one tried to help or was she truly that far gone?
The breakfast table was set and the group had taken their places around it. Noah could feel Tristan's glaring eyes even as he spoke with Ayanna and avoiding the boy's glances all together. Aven was eating her cereal more slowly than usual, but she still maintained the hunched position.
“A-Aven.” Tristan stumbled out her name. He wanted to ask her this in private, but jealousy got the better of him and he wanted to say it in front of Noah.
She looked up from her cereal bowl briefly.
“My agent can't go with me to an event. Will you come?” He had never talked much at the table so when his voice was heard, everyone silenced themselves and listened in.
Aven didn't respond immediately which gave way for Ayanna to attempt to answer in a polite manner for her sister. “Oh, honey. Aven, doesn't like...”
“I'll go.”
Ayanna sat in shock for a moment unsure of why her sister would step foot outside. She had been trying for years to get her to do anything with her outside. “You will? That's... that's great.” She was dealing with her own jealousy at that time. “What kind of event is it?” Part of her hoped his answer would make her sister change her mind.
“Book signing. Some writer wrote a biography about the band. It says we wrote it though.” Tristan answered but seemed uncomfortable speaking for that long.
“Ah, so the writer was commissioned to ghost write for you.” Noah nodded his head knowingly. “That's what I do.”
“Um, what would Aven have to do?”
“Just come along. I dislike going alone.” In truth, he needed someone he was close to in order to be his comfortable blanket. Whenever he felt uneasy, he could turn to that person for comfort. Eric always came to these events with him, but he believed he had canceled so he would be forced to take someone else or go alone. The latter was not an option.
“I could have come.” Ayanna informed him. “I still can if Aven is uncomfortable going.”
“I'll go.” Aven repeated.
“Are you sure?”
“She says she wants to go. Let her go.” Noah interrupted before Aven could answer. “It'll be good for her to get out and be around other people.”
“I guess so.” Ayanna felt uneasy with this change in her sister's behavior. She knew that the many changes she had seen such as more showers, sleeping with a man, and leaving the house were good for her, but she also knew that would mean changes for her too. What if Aven didn't need her anymore in the future? What would happen to her then?
“Sounds like it'll be fun for you two.” Noah added and continued to eat his meal.
“Should she wear a dress or something formal?” Ayanna asked.
Tristan shrugged his shoulders. “Something presentable. I go in regular clothes.”
“What would Eric wear? A suit? I am sure we have something like that.” Ayanna could hardly eat her breakfast, she was so nervous about the whole ordeal. “I'll help you find something after breakfast, Aven. What time is this?”
“Starts at ten, then lunch, then continues until three or four.”
Ayanna nodded her head frantically, “Ok, then we have to hurry up and get you guys out the door. There is only one? Book signings are normally multiple locations.”
“This one is within driving distance. Others I will go with Eric.”
“Oh, so you'll be out of town soon?”
Tristan gave a nod, he was tired of talking to the annoying woman already.
“Every thing looks too big on you.” Ayanna sighed as she sorted through her sister's clothes. “You haven't bought anything since you lost all this weight.”
Aven was standing next to her bed. When she heard her sister's words, her hand automatically went to her stomach and her eyes stared down. Had she really lost so much weight? She had noticed that most of her clothes were loose, but not to the point that she thought was too noticeable.
In one day, two people have made mention of how thin she was, but neither of them said it in a way that made it sound good. Stepping to the side slightly, she looked at herself in the vanity mirror. She was wearing only her underwear and a bra. Her head cocked to the side as she checked herself over. She looked like she was anorexic, she had thought to herself.
“You are anorexic.” Ayanna responded back as she continued to dig through the closest.
Aven didn't realize she had spoke out loud. “I'm not doing this to lose weight nor do I have a warped body image.”
“Whatever. You eat so little in a day. Last I counted, you barely break a thousand calories a day. You don't even eat a full serving of cereal for your three meals, and you only eat half a slim jim and half the container of tapioca. Those are your snacks.” Ayanna turned around to face her with a summer dress in hand. “No, it'll show your shoulders.” She put it back. “I guess the skirt suit would be best. It will cover your arms and fill you out a bit. I'll get some safety pins to help hold it up.”
“Why not the black flower pattern dress there and the mint jacket from the suit? You can tie it together with the black belt hanging over there.” Aven picked up the jacket from the bed.
“Your legs will still show.”
“My legs look pretty normal.”
Ayanna looked down at her sister's legs after she grabbed the dress from the closest. Holding the dress up to Aven's body, she gave a nod. “Alright, but you'll need to fill them out with some heels.”
She had forgotten how nice of a dresser Aven had been before the accident. Even though Aven didn't really like going out, she was always well dressed and manicured. Never was there a hair our of place or a chipped nail. Her make-up was perfect which made both of her sister's jealous, because they could never get it just right.
Ayanna remembered that Aven would do her make-up whenever she went to a party or on a date. Her sister had even done it for her prom. She didn't bother to pay someone for her hair and make-up when her sister could do it better than a professional and actually care about the end result.
As she watched Aven get dressed, a dark feeling sunk deep in her chest. Sometimes, she would recall her real eldest sister and she would become so enraged with the shell left behind. She could never say that Aven was strong but she had always been there when it counted. Now, Aven wasn't even able to stand up for herself and she had become so fragile. Ayanna feared telling her any bad news because she knew it would be the end of her sister.
“It looks nice.” Ayanna was holding back tears as Aven sat down at her vanity to put on her make-up. “Are you going to be able to cover up those bags under your eyes?”
Aven looked up at her sister who had come to stand next to her. “I will. Can you find me some shoes?”
“Open toe?” She turned back around to the closest and quickly wiped a tear away from her cheek.
Moments before she had been jealous that Tristan was able to get her sister to go out, but now she couldn't have been happier but more depressed. She was getting a glimpse of a sister that she hadn't seen in years, but she was also losing her place.
“We should go to a wine bar this weekend... together.” Ayanna offered as she picked up a pair of heels from the closest floor.
“I don't like drinking.”
Even though she was rejected, Ayanna felt somewhat happy with the response. Aven had given her a reason not to go instead of just telling her no.
“What about a nice café lunch?”
“Maybe.”
That answer was good enough for Ayanna and she stopped pushing at that moment. She didn't want to make her sister feel like she was forcing her as that would only make her retreat.
Tristan had become nervous which was usual for him at public speaking events, but today it wasn't over the event. Aven was standing beside him in the back room as they were briefed by the book store manager about their schedule.
He wanted to look perfect in front of her, so he had forcefully pushed aside any uneasy emotion he had over the event. Normally, he would chew his nails and rock on the balls of his feet. He half expected Aven to have some sort of tick over the situation like he would, but she was steady. She didn't even seem bothered when several people pushed passed her, which would have driven him nuts to have so many people touch him.
When the manager finished speaking, they were told that they had five minutes before it began. Tristan turned to her and when she didn't notice, he placed his hand on her upper arm briefly. Aven partially grinned as her eyes turned to him.
“It'll be boring for you at this point.”
“I have a book I want to buy, so I'll be at the coffee shop reading it when it's time for lunch.” She meant the Star Bucks that was stationed in the center of the book store.
“I didn't know you had a girlfriend now.” Gus, the dark haired band mate, appeared next to Tristan.
“No shit.” Spencer approach them and looked her over briefly. “You look too good for our friend.” He tossed his arm over Tristan's shoulder and smiled.
“Looks can be deceiving.” Aven responded.
Tristan pushed his band mate's arm off his shoulder. “She's not my girlfriend. Just a friend.” He felt horrified that this topic was beginning to pop up whenever he was with her.
Both Spencer and Gus seemed to ignore him completely.
“I'm Gus and this is Spencer, and you are?”
“Aven.” She looked down at the hand offered to her, but refused to take it.
“Ah, Tris has already poisoned your mind about us.” Gus chuckled. “Oh well, whatever he told you about us is probably true.”
Both men laughed. Their other band mate was standing across the room and didn't seem interested in coming over. Aven noticed him but didn't understand why.
“I do have a question though.” Spencer began. “When we were on the road, Tris always had girls all over him. I guess chicks dig the silent types, but they...”
“Shut up.” Tristan snapped.
Spencer again ignored him. “They always say that he can't finish.”
Aven raised an eyebrow. She didn't want to be part of this conversation, as she could already tell she was going to learn something about Tristan that he didn't want others to know.
“Yeah, in bed. I always asked the girls and they always said he couldn't seal the deal. Get it?”
“He doesn't ejaculate. Doesn't get to the pleasure point.” Gus explained further when Aven continued to look confused.
The entire conversation Tristan had his eyes closed and his head rolled back slightly as the embarrassment kicked in. He wanted to look perfect, but he had forgotten in front of his band mates that was impossible.
“Maybe there was something wrong with them.” Aven finally spoke. “I hear pretty women are the worst in bed, because they think they can just get by on their looks alone. They just lay there and let someone else do the work. Maybe Tristan needs more than a corpse.”
Gus and Spencer laughed at her response. “So, you are saying he's fine and it works?”
“She's not my girlfriend.” Tristan put himself between the two men and Aven.
“What a pity.” Spencer spat. “And here I thought we were going to get a real answer.”
“Yeah, she worked us all up too.”
Ayanna waved at Scott from across the café. He hadn't paid for the entire place that day so it was slightly more crowded than when he usually brought her there. As she approached the table, Scott noticed that there was a man following behind her. His hair was black with a slight curl, and he stood quite tall.
“Scott, this is Noah. Noah, Scott.” Ayanna introduced them before sitting down.
Noah shook the other man's hand and sat down between the two individuals. It was a small round table, so everyone was sitting next to each other.
“I didn't know you were bringing someone else.” Scott could feel the disappointment mound in his chest.
“Don't worry. I am paying for myself.” Noah teased.
“Oh, it's not that. I just...”
“Weren't expecting me. Yes, I apologize it was on short notice.” Noah looked at Ayanna. “I told you it would be polite to call and tell him first.”
Ayanna giggled. “Tristan and Aven went out for the afternoon, and I didn't want to leave Noah all alone. I insisted that he come. I practically had to drag him out of the house kicking and screaming.”
“It's true.”
Scott nodded his head. No excuse would alleviate the disappointment in his heart. Even if he talked to Ayanna every night, he often didn't see her for days at a time. This was his rare opportunity to explain his feelings to her and here she was pulling other people into their moments together.
“It's alright. The more the merrier, right?” Scott cleared his throat and waited as they looked over the menu.
After a few moments, everyone had ordered and their was an awkward silence at the table. Noah could tell that he wasn't wanted there by the other man, as the side glances he gave were equal to the ones he got at home from Tristan. It didn't take much to realize that this best friend of Ayanna's was a secret admirer.
He also couldn't help but chuckle to himself over the situation. He now had two men jealous over his presence with two different women. The only difference was this particular girl invoked feelings in him at random moments, when she reminded him of his wife. He didn't really know how he felt about the jealousy that was sent his way, but he still wanted to test it out. After all, Ayanna and now this man were part of his book, whether they knew it or not.
Reaching out his hand, he gently squeezed Ayanna's knowing that Scott would watch his every move. “What did you order?”
“Asian chicken sandwich.” Ayanna answered. “You can try some when it gets here. I know it sounds very plain and ordinary, but it's really good here.”
“I'll hold you to it then.” He continued to sit with his hand on her own, which was strange even for Ayanna but she didn't retract it. She had seen Noah touch her sister while sitting at the table, so she figured it was just a habit of his.
“We are going to see a movie afterward, Scott. Do you want to come along?” Ayanna asked.
“Yes.” He answered before he even thought the question over. He would have to cancel some appointments, but he wasn't going to leave her alone with this guy. A thought occurred to him that Ayanna had told him days before that she had an interest in Tristan. “How are things going with Tristan?” He wanted to let this other guy know he wasn't in the running either.
“Eh. He's a tough one to crack.”
“Have yourself an interest in Tristan, do you?” Noah asked and continued to hold her hand. He didn't seem bothered by the information on the outside. It did cause him to stir inwardly, but he knew that Tristan was locked onto Aven and the odds were no one could shake him off.
“Maybe a little. I really haven't decided on anything yet. I mean I am not interested in anything serious, so what's the point?”
Noah nodded. “Indeed, what is.” He smirked at Scott, whose eyes kept coming back to the hands on the table.
Aven followed Tristan into a small Mexican restaurant that was attached to the mall near the book store. The sleeping Mexican painting and the other decorations were stereotypical to the style of such a place. The two sat down in a booth near the back so that they would be away from the rest of the patrons.
The book signing wasn't exactly packed and there had been talk that it would end early. It really did seem that the boy band's days of fame were over, and that his other band mates were trying to revive their money source.
Sitting down at the table, they both looked over the menu. “You don't have to order anything.” Tristan told her, knowing that she only had a select few items that she ate.
“I want to.” Her eyes remained on the menu as she sat across the booth from him. When she could feel his eyes on her, she decided to explain. “Ayanna and Noah both commented that I am too thin.” She sighed. “I am going to try to eat something else. See if I can.”
He nodded his head.
“Don't tell them. I know you won't judge or try to force me.”
Did that mean she felt comfortable around him? He could feel his heart race slightly with her simple words. She trusted him enough that she was willing to do the unusual with him as her witness. His moment of victory was only short lived when he recalled what his band mates had said to her earlier. His face flushed red as he recalled. “Uh, about earlier.”
“I won't tell anyone. You should have just let me lie and say that it wasn't true.” She set the menu down.
“I didn't know you would.” He still felt bothered by what had been said and felt the need to explain himself. “I don't feel comfortable. I can't relax around them.”
“You don't have to explain.”
“I've never felt comfortable and the guys always pushed them on me. I let them do whatever and then pushed them off.”
Aven sighed and decided to change the subject. “I bought your book.” She reached into the book store shopping bag. “I wanted to buy Noah's but they have to order it, so I got yours instead.”
“I didn't write it.” He knew what she was doing and decided to jump the subject, even if it made him uncomfortable for her to walk away thinking what she did. He had briefly been happy when she mentioned that she bought the book, but she had torn that away with the mention of Noah.
“I know. I am still going to read it.”
Tristan shrugged his shoulders. “I don't even know what it says. I wasn't interviewed for very long by the author. It's mostly the guys telling him things about me. Probably more crap like today.”
“I'll keep it in mind.” She looked around for a server, but couldn't find any. “They seem like bullies.”
“I am told that's how guys are with each other.”
“You don't know first hand?”
Tristan shrugged. “I never had any friends growing up. My father was a bit of a hermit and he home schooled me. We lived in a cabin in the mountains and pretty much took care of ourselves out there. We only went into town for supplies once in a while. During the winter when people came to the other cabins near by for skiing, I wasn't allowed to play with their kids. My father always said they would corrupt me.”
It was the most that Aven had ever heard him talk, but those few sentences made him more understandable. She had thought he had a troubled past due to being in the boy band, but it seemed that was only the public image of who he was. There was far more trouble brewing from his own childhood.
“Must have been difficult.”
Tristan nodded in agreement even though he hated that response. He didn't know why he bothered telling her all that, but the story spilled out before he could stop himself. He was semi-glad that he was able to explain himself slightly to her, however.
“You and your friend seem very close.” Noah told Ayanna as he pulled into his usual parking spot outside their home.
“Yes, we have been friends for twelve years.” She told him as she unbuckled her safety belt then opened the car door.
Noah wondered if she knew about the feelings that her friend had for her. They were obvious enough to him within the first few seconds of meeting him, but Ayanna seemed oblivious. The question, however, was she willfully oblivious? Did she purposely ignore the man's feelings because she didn't reciprocate and feared their relationship would end or was she afraid of having a real relationship with a man?
Once out of his car, he set the alarm and began to walk up the driveway beside Ayanna. He knew he shouldn't have gone to lunch with her that day, as it was only bringing him more into her world. Her blissful attitude reminded him so much of Autumn that he couldn't help at times but want to be around her. It was dangerous, especially considering the relationship he had started with her sister. More importantly, he didn't want to have anything serious with anyone again.
“Jeremy!” Ayanna shouted out and ran toward the porch.
Noah looked up at the man standing on the porch. He wore a dark blue suit and tie while glasses framed his face. His golden brown hair was cut short in a business-like fashion, but his eyes were a bright green, something that seemed almost inhuman.
Jeremy hugged Ayanna and spun her around a couple times, before setting her back on the porch. “I was just about to leave. I guess no one is home.”
“Yeah, you came on a bad day, we all went out.” She noticed that Jeremy was looking at Noah, and remembered that she had to introduce them. “Jeremy, this is Noah, he's our tenant. Noah, Jeremy is like a brother to us. He was best friends with Aven's boyfriend.”
The two men shook hands briefly. Ayanna didn't know if she should have introduced Noah as her sister's boyfriend so she went with tenant.
“Come inside, you'll be shocked how the house is set up now.” She removed her keys from her purse to open the door.
“Oh, I don't want to disturb...”
“Nonsense, Aven will be home soon. She'll be shocked to see you. In a good way. Besides, you have to tell me everything.” The door opened and Ayanna practically skipped into the house.
“There isn't much to tell.”
“How long are you in town for?” She asked as she closed the door behind everyone.
“A couple days, then I will be back in two months.”
“Really?”
When everyone was inside, Ayanna and Jeremy found their way to the kitchen table and Noah decided to go up to his room. He didn't want to get in the way of their reunion as it seemed they hadn't seen each other in a while.
As he made his way upstairs, a thought occurred to him. Women didn't come around this house. The two girls never made mention of female friends nor had he ever seen any around. It was only men that the girls had allowed into their lives. He questioned whether that was a conscious choice or not on their part.
Aven didn't have any friends, but Ayanna seemed to be more social. In the time he had lived here, she had gone out to bars to drink with friends but it seemed she only went when Scott asked her. At times, he thought that perhaps Ayanna was just as lonely and depressed as her sister, but that she hid it from the world.
Sitting down on his couch, he could hear Ayanna laugh downstairs in the kitchen. A small part of him was upset that their time together was cut short, but a larger part of him was more relieved. He needed to keep a distance from her. He had to maintain a professional relationship towards these people, after all they were his muses.
He didn't want to take her home. As soon as they were home, Aven would go to Noah's side and it would be a long time before he got a chance like this. The book signing had ended early and he had suggested that they walk around the mall to window shop. He loathed being out in public, but he couldn't think of any other way to keep her beside him.
She seemed hesitant when he first asked her, but eventually agreed without a single objection. She had taken the term 'window shopping' to heart and merely looked through the windows of all the stores. When he asked if she wanted to go in she had declined.
For lunch, she barely ate what she had ordered, but it was strange to see her eat anything but her usual. He could see that she felt bad about the food not being eaten, and had eaten it himself. Afterwards, he told her a cheesy line about eating what she wouldn't whenever she tried to eat something different. She had merely nodded her head and gave a brief, weak grin.
Walking side by side, his eyes kept looking down to her hand that dangled beside him. It would be strange to just take her hand, he had told himself. Normal people just don't grab someone's hand and hold it. Of course, what did he really know about normal? He had asked himself.
His knuckles hand bumped into her hand a couple times. He had hoped that she would give him some signal that it was alright to hold her hand, but she had merely moved it out of the way.
The mall was fairly busy and they had to remain close in order not to lose each other. The crowds of people randomly walked each way and offered no free path in or out of places. It felt like he was suffocating with all those people around him, but he didn't want to give up Aven just yet so he pushed through it.
“Aven?” He spoke her name without even thinking about what he was going to ask her. He just wanted her to look at him.
“Hmm?” She had been looking at a dress behind the glass, and slowly turned her eyes to him.
“Are... we are friends, aren't we?” He had no idea why that was the question that he blurted out, but there was nothing he could do to take it back.
It almost seemed like the question knocked her off balance for a moment, before she answered. “Yes, I think so. Don't you?”
“Yes.” He was quiet for a moment as she returned to looking into the window. “Friends... friends should go out and do stuff, right?”
She turned her attention back to him. “Some friends do. Aren't we doing something now?”
“But in the future. I can ask, can't I?” Tristan kept telling himself that these questions made him look lonely and desperate. He had been told in the past that such questions weren't really asked, but Aven had just learned about his past. It would be alright to be socially awkward around her and she wouldn't judge, because he didn't judge her.
“Ask me to hang out with you?”
He nodded and could feel his heart racing as he waited the brief milliseconds that it would take her to answer him.
Aven's grinned softly, “Sure. I'd like that.” Her eyes returned to the window. “It's comfortable around you, even if its crowded in here.”
She had said the word comfortable and he felt as if all his blood had rushed to his head. His comfortable person thought that he was comfortable too. He wanted to keep the conversation flowing for the first time in his life and blurted out the first thing that came to mind. “I hate crowds.”
Her head jerked toward him. “Me too. Let's get out of here then.”
“Do we have to go home?”
“No. Do you want to walk around the park?” She pointed toward where the exits of the mall would be.
“Yes.”
Ayanna smiled at Jeremy when she heard the keys jingling in the lock. Aven and Tristan had been gone a great deal longer than she had expected, which was making things awkward between her and their visitor.
Jeremy had stood up from his chair as the door opened and Tristan was the first to enter, he looked at the stranger in the kitchen blankly. He didn't come to his senses until he heard someone squeal behind him. Aven raced into the man's arms and threw her own around his neck. Jeremy gave her a couple spins before he put her down and kissed her forehead.
“I can't believe you are here!” Aven spoke excitedly which came as a shock to Tristan and Ayanna, who never saw her add much emotion to her voice or actions. “I've missed you so much!”
“Same here. You are looking a little thin though.” Jeremy looked her over briefly. “I could barely recognize you.”
“Five seconds in and he's already nagging you.” Ayanna laughed. “Jeremy, this is Tristan, our other tenant. Jeremy is a family friend.”
Tristan didn't even both to shake the hand offered to him and quickly went downstairs. He had just enjoyed a long walk with hardly any spoken word with Aven, and she had promised to watch a movie with him that night. However, he knew that it probably wouldn't come to fruition with this intruder in the house.
“He's anti-social, don't take it personally.” Ayanna informed him. “Well, I am going to get everything ready for dinner, so why don't you two head into the living room and catch up.”
Aven and Jeremy made their way to the couch. “How long are you here for? When do you have to go back?”
“Only two days.” He watched her smile fade. “I will be back in two months though.” He smiled when she looked excited again. “I am moving back for good. I just came here to check out how my house construction was going.”
Aven clasped her hands together. “Really?”
“Yep, everything is set up in China and India, so they are bringing me back here. Promised me that I wouldn't be sent away anymore due to my promotion.”
“That's great, Jeremy. I am really happy.” She was trying to hold back tears.
Jeremy had been her and Curtis' closest friend, but he was sent away to help set up some factories and prep new bases of operations for his company. They were informed that he would be leaving for some time just days before Curtis and her mother died. Within two weeks, she lost Jeremy as well. It felt like her whole world had changed in that one night and she would never be able to find normality again.
His hand rested on her knee. “I am really sorry that I left so soon after...” He cut himself off. “I tried really hard to get sent back here, but they kept growing and said they needed me to get everything off the ground.”
“It's alright. I have always understood.” She lied because she didn't want him to feel bad, but in truth she had felt abandoned. He loved his work and she knew he couldn't just quit because of her, but part of her had hoped that he would have done something. “You stopped calling. That made me pretty pissed.”
“Yeah, I'm sorry. After a while, it felt awkward. Like we had become strangers, but now I see that wasn't true.” He sighed.
“Last we talked you were engaged.”
“She got tired of all my traveling and the wedding never happened.” He leaned back on the couch and tossed his head back. “It feels like everything has changed here. You know I expected Curtis to open the door when I got here. It took me a moment to realize... well, you know.”
“I wish sometimes I could forget that he's gone.”
Noah was sitting on the edge of his bed near the door with his head in his hands. He looked up at Aven when she appeared into the doorway and leaned against the frame. “Your friend left?”
“Yes.”
Reaching out his hand, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her into his lap where he wrapped his arms around her shoulders and hugged her tightly. “Let's just sleep tonight, just like this.”
Aven was shocked to feel her heart skip a beat at that command. “What's wrong?”
“Just a long day.” He continued to hold her. In truth, he felt emotionally drained after being with Ayanna all day. He was starting to think he might like her more than he should, and he had to put something between himself and her. Of course, he had already done that with Aven and he thought that perhaps that was the reason he had slept with her to begin with.
“Tristan and I went to the park.”
“Did you?”
She leaned her back against his chest and settled into his touch. “We walked around. Didn't talk much.”
Aven tried to calm her heart as she told herself that he didn't mean this the way she was interpreting it. He was just tired and had acted in this rather intimate way because he was feeling lonely. Sometimes, he would do things that would trick her heart into thinking he had feelings for her, but she was always able to talk her mind and heart out of it. She was nothing more than an outlet for him, and she had to ensure that was all he would be to her.
She wished that he didn't treat her so kindly and that he would ask her to go to her own bedroom at night. She knew she should do it on her own, but she liked the feeling of a warm body lying next to her. Her sleep at night had improved a great deal now that Noah slept beside her, and she didn't want to give it up.
“I'm going to shower.” She tried to stand up, but Noah wouldn't release her.
He kissed her shoulder and then inhaled. “You smell good.”
“I've been walking around in the heat. I doubt that.”
He chuckled, “It's an improvement over what you smelled like when I first moved in here.”
Aven smirked even though he couldn't see her face. There were times when she had to catch herself from kissing his lips. He had made it pretty obvious from the start that they wouldn't be sharing anything like that, but sometimes she had to actively prevent herself from doing it. Her heart was beginning to feel like a jumbled mess and she wondered how long she could go on like this.
She could never love Noah or have any sort of relationship with him. He had made that clear to her and she had told him the same. In fact, she still clearly remembered how much she despised being around him when he first moved in, but now she couldn't wait to get home to see him. She knew it was because he would offer her that moment to forget, but it was starting to become more than a simple get-away.
This was going to have to end soon in one way or the other. Until then she had to keep telling herself that it was just sex. She was a fool to believe that she would keep love and sex apart, especially when Noah was only the second man she had ever slept with. It might have happened if she had kept her distance from him, but instead the two of them seemed to be getting closer with each passing day.
It couldn't be helped. Noah needed to know about her and she was only willing to share when he was. It felt fair that way and like she wasn't the constant center of attention.
“How do we end this?” Aven asked and when she got no answer, she assumed that Noah didn't understand the question. “What we are doing with each other.”
“Just say stop.”
“Say stop and we can both just walk away free?”
“Yes, do you want to stop?” He released her slightly so that she could turn her head and look at him.
“Do you?”
“No.” The answer was sincere, but it was because she was a wall for him. Something he could protect himself with from his own feelings.
Noah's finger tips ran gently down the smooth skin of the thin woman laying next to him. When he worked his hand back up, he placed his palm down and soon the movement turned into a massage of sorts.
He didn't realize how lonely he actually was until Aven started staying in his room. They had been sleeping together for nearly three weeks at this point. He despised her when she came to his room but at the same time he looked forward to it. He couldn't put his finger on the reasons just yet.
“I fell like I am going to break you.” Noah finally spoke when he realized that she was awake.
“You won't.” Her sleepy voice brought a small smirk to his lips.
“You should eat more for my peace of mind.” He didn't mean for it to sound as caring as the words came out. In truth, he thought the fragile body was sickly and unappealing, but he knew he couldn't speak the truth of it.
“I'll add more slim jims into the mix.”
“Why?”
Aven turned around on the bed to face him, her thin arm barely covered the nipples of her breast. He didn't think she was trying to hide them from him, but simply that was how her arm had rested. “It's sick.”
“What?”
“The reason is sick.”
Noah watched her face as she thought over her words carefully. She looked uncertain and maybe even ashamed of herself in those moments. It wasn't a look that he had ever seen on her face before.
“After they died that was all we had. I didn't like tapioca or slim jims, so all I ate was the cereal.” She looked into his eyes, “When my sister started to complain, I ate those things anyway so she felt better.”
“You don't even like what you are eating? Then why eat it?”
“Because that's all we had. I don't deserve anything else. If I had done what I was asked to do that day then...” She cut herself off because he already knew the rest.
He scooted closer to her and when they're bodies were almost touching, he pulled her head toward his throat. Resting his chin on top of her head, he began to stroke her hair. Cuddling was not on the list of things friends with benefits should be doing, but he found it difficult to just ignore her at times. People who wanted to sleep with each other and not have a relationship weren't even supposed to talk much, but he was breaking that rule as well. He just hoped Aven was stronger than most women when it comes to such intimacies.
“I know it doesn't matter when I say it, but I think you deserve it. I think you deserve a break from time to time from your punishments.”
“They don't get a break from death.” Aven mumbled.
“No, I don't suppose they do.” He sighed as he continued to stroke her hair.
He didn't know if he pitied this girl or sympathized with her. After his wife's death, he had several punishments for himself. He didn't write for an entire year until Camille forced him to. She had brought him back from the dark abyss he was wallowing in. He wondered why Aven hadn't found her way out yet. Had no one tried to help or was she truly that far gone?
---***
The breakfast table was set and the group had taken their places around it. Noah could feel Tristan's glaring eyes even as he spoke with Ayanna and avoiding the boy's glances all together. Aven was eating her cereal more slowly than usual, but she still maintained the hunched position.
“A-Aven.” Tristan stumbled out her name. He wanted to ask her this in private, but jealousy got the better of him and he wanted to say it in front of Noah.
She looked up from her cereal bowl briefly.
“My agent can't go with me to an event. Will you come?” He had never talked much at the table so when his voice was heard, everyone silenced themselves and listened in.
Aven didn't respond immediately which gave way for Ayanna to attempt to answer in a polite manner for her sister. “Oh, honey. Aven, doesn't like...”
“I'll go.”
Ayanna sat in shock for a moment unsure of why her sister would step foot outside. She had been trying for years to get her to do anything with her outside. “You will? That's... that's great.” She was dealing with her own jealousy at that time. “What kind of event is it?” Part of her hoped his answer would make her sister change her mind.
“Book signing. Some writer wrote a biography about the band. It says we wrote it though.” Tristan answered but seemed uncomfortable speaking for that long.
“Ah, so the writer was commissioned to ghost write for you.” Noah nodded his head knowingly. “That's what I do.”
“Um, what would Aven have to do?”
“Just come along. I dislike going alone.” In truth, he needed someone he was close to in order to be his comfortable blanket. Whenever he felt uneasy, he could turn to that person for comfort. Eric always came to these events with him, but he believed he had canceled so he would be forced to take someone else or go alone. The latter was not an option.
“I could have come.” Ayanna informed him. “I still can if Aven is uncomfortable going.”
“I'll go.” Aven repeated.
“Are you sure?”
“She says she wants to go. Let her go.” Noah interrupted before Aven could answer. “It'll be good for her to get out and be around other people.”
“I guess so.” Ayanna felt uneasy with this change in her sister's behavior. She knew that the many changes she had seen such as more showers, sleeping with a man, and leaving the house were good for her, but she also knew that would mean changes for her too. What if Aven didn't need her anymore in the future? What would happen to her then?
“Sounds like it'll be fun for you two.” Noah added and continued to eat his meal.
“Should she wear a dress or something formal?” Ayanna asked.
Tristan shrugged his shoulders. “Something presentable. I go in regular clothes.”
“What would Eric wear? A suit? I am sure we have something like that.” Ayanna could hardly eat her breakfast, she was so nervous about the whole ordeal. “I'll help you find something after breakfast, Aven. What time is this?”
“Starts at ten, then lunch, then continues until three or four.”
Ayanna nodded her head frantically, “Ok, then we have to hurry up and get you guys out the door. There is only one? Book signings are normally multiple locations.”
“This one is within driving distance. Others I will go with Eric.”
“Oh, so you'll be out of town soon?”
Tristan gave a nod, he was tired of talking to the annoying woman already.
---***
“Every thing looks too big on you.” Ayanna sighed as she sorted through her sister's clothes. “You haven't bought anything since you lost all this weight.”
Aven was standing next to her bed. When she heard her sister's words, her hand automatically went to her stomach and her eyes stared down. Had she really lost so much weight? She had noticed that most of her clothes were loose, but not to the point that she thought was too noticeable.
In one day, two people have made mention of how thin she was, but neither of them said it in a way that made it sound good. Stepping to the side slightly, she looked at herself in the vanity mirror. She was wearing only her underwear and a bra. Her head cocked to the side as she checked herself over. She looked like she was anorexic, she had thought to herself.
“You are anorexic.” Ayanna responded back as she continued to dig through the closest.
Aven didn't realize she had spoke out loud. “I'm not doing this to lose weight nor do I have a warped body image.”
“Whatever. You eat so little in a day. Last I counted, you barely break a thousand calories a day. You don't even eat a full serving of cereal for your three meals, and you only eat half a slim jim and half the container of tapioca. Those are your snacks.” Ayanna turned around to face her with a summer dress in hand. “No, it'll show your shoulders.” She put it back. “I guess the skirt suit would be best. It will cover your arms and fill you out a bit. I'll get some safety pins to help hold it up.”
“Why not the black flower pattern dress there and the mint jacket from the suit? You can tie it together with the black belt hanging over there.” Aven picked up the jacket from the bed.
“Your legs will still show.”
“My legs look pretty normal.”
Ayanna looked down at her sister's legs after she grabbed the dress from the closest. Holding the dress up to Aven's body, she gave a nod. “Alright, but you'll need to fill them out with some heels.”
She had forgotten how nice of a dresser Aven had been before the accident. Even though Aven didn't really like going out, she was always well dressed and manicured. Never was there a hair our of place or a chipped nail. Her make-up was perfect which made both of her sister's jealous, because they could never get it just right.
Ayanna remembered that Aven would do her make-up whenever she went to a party or on a date. Her sister had even done it for her prom. She didn't bother to pay someone for her hair and make-up when her sister could do it better than a professional and actually care about the end result.
As she watched Aven get dressed, a dark feeling sunk deep in her chest. Sometimes, she would recall her real eldest sister and she would become so enraged with the shell left behind. She could never say that Aven was strong but she had always been there when it counted. Now, Aven wasn't even able to stand up for herself and she had become so fragile. Ayanna feared telling her any bad news because she knew it would be the end of her sister.
“It looks nice.” Ayanna was holding back tears as Aven sat down at her vanity to put on her make-up. “Are you going to be able to cover up those bags under your eyes?”
Aven looked up at her sister who had come to stand next to her. “I will. Can you find me some shoes?”
“Open toe?” She turned back around to the closest and quickly wiped a tear away from her cheek.
Moments before she had been jealous that Tristan was able to get her sister to go out, but now she couldn't have been happier but more depressed. She was getting a glimpse of a sister that she hadn't seen in years, but she was also losing her place.
“We should go to a wine bar this weekend... together.” Ayanna offered as she picked up a pair of heels from the closest floor.
“I don't like drinking.”
Even though she was rejected, Ayanna felt somewhat happy with the response. Aven had given her a reason not to go instead of just telling her no.
“What about a nice café lunch?”
“Maybe.”
That answer was good enough for Ayanna and she stopped pushing at that moment. She didn't want to make her sister feel like she was forcing her as that would only make her retreat.
---***
Tristan had become nervous which was usual for him at public speaking events, but today it wasn't over the event. Aven was standing beside him in the back room as they were briefed by the book store manager about their schedule.
He wanted to look perfect in front of her, so he had forcefully pushed aside any uneasy emotion he had over the event. Normally, he would chew his nails and rock on the balls of his feet. He half expected Aven to have some sort of tick over the situation like he would, but she was steady. She didn't even seem bothered when several people pushed passed her, which would have driven him nuts to have so many people touch him.
When the manager finished speaking, they were told that they had five minutes before it began. Tristan turned to her and when she didn't notice, he placed his hand on her upper arm briefly. Aven partially grinned as her eyes turned to him.
“It'll be boring for you at this point.”
“I have a book I want to buy, so I'll be at the coffee shop reading it when it's time for lunch.” She meant the Star Bucks that was stationed in the center of the book store.
“I didn't know you had a girlfriend now.” Gus, the dark haired band mate, appeared next to Tristan.
“No shit.” Spencer approach them and looked her over briefly. “You look too good for our friend.” He tossed his arm over Tristan's shoulder and smiled.
“Looks can be deceiving.” Aven responded.
Tristan pushed his band mate's arm off his shoulder. “She's not my girlfriend. Just a friend.” He felt horrified that this topic was beginning to pop up whenever he was with her.
Both Spencer and Gus seemed to ignore him completely.
“I'm Gus and this is Spencer, and you are?”
“Aven.” She looked down at the hand offered to her, but refused to take it.
“Ah, Tris has already poisoned your mind about us.” Gus chuckled. “Oh well, whatever he told you about us is probably true.”
Both men laughed. Their other band mate was standing across the room and didn't seem interested in coming over. Aven noticed him but didn't understand why.
“I do have a question though.” Spencer began. “When we were on the road, Tris always had girls all over him. I guess chicks dig the silent types, but they...”
“Shut up.” Tristan snapped.
Spencer again ignored him. “They always say that he can't finish.”
Aven raised an eyebrow. She didn't want to be part of this conversation, as she could already tell she was going to learn something about Tristan that he didn't want others to know.
“Yeah, in bed. I always asked the girls and they always said he couldn't seal the deal. Get it?”
“He doesn't ejaculate. Doesn't get to the pleasure point.” Gus explained further when Aven continued to look confused.
The entire conversation Tristan had his eyes closed and his head rolled back slightly as the embarrassment kicked in. He wanted to look perfect, but he had forgotten in front of his band mates that was impossible.
“Maybe there was something wrong with them.” Aven finally spoke. “I hear pretty women are the worst in bed, because they think they can just get by on their looks alone. They just lay there and let someone else do the work. Maybe Tristan needs more than a corpse.”
Gus and Spencer laughed at her response. “So, you are saying he's fine and it works?”
“She's not my girlfriend.” Tristan put himself between the two men and Aven.
“What a pity.” Spencer spat. “And here I thought we were going to get a real answer.”
“Yeah, she worked us all up too.”
---***
Ayanna waved at Scott from across the café. He hadn't paid for the entire place that day so it was slightly more crowded than when he usually brought her there. As she approached the table, Scott noticed that there was a man following behind her. His hair was black with a slight curl, and he stood quite tall.
“Scott, this is Noah. Noah, Scott.” Ayanna introduced them before sitting down.
Noah shook the other man's hand and sat down between the two individuals. It was a small round table, so everyone was sitting next to each other.
“I didn't know you were bringing someone else.” Scott could feel the disappointment mound in his chest.
“Don't worry. I am paying for myself.” Noah teased.
“Oh, it's not that. I just...”
“Weren't expecting me. Yes, I apologize it was on short notice.” Noah looked at Ayanna. “I told you it would be polite to call and tell him first.”
Ayanna giggled. “Tristan and Aven went out for the afternoon, and I didn't want to leave Noah all alone. I insisted that he come. I practically had to drag him out of the house kicking and screaming.”
“It's true.”
Scott nodded his head. No excuse would alleviate the disappointment in his heart. Even if he talked to Ayanna every night, he often didn't see her for days at a time. This was his rare opportunity to explain his feelings to her and here she was pulling other people into their moments together.
“It's alright. The more the merrier, right?” Scott cleared his throat and waited as they looked over the menu.
After a few moments, everyone had ordered and their was an awkward silence at the table. Noah could tell that he wasn't wanted there by the other man, as the side glances he gave were equal to the ones he got at home from Tristan. It didn't take much to realize that this best friend of Ayanna's was a secret admirer.
He also couldn't help but chuckle to himself over the situation. He now had two men jealous over his presence with two different women. The only difference was this particular girl invoked feelings in him at random moments, when she reminded him of his wife. He didn't really know how he felt about the jealousy that was sent his way, but he still wanted to test it out. After all, Ayanna and now this man were part of his book, whether they knew it or not.
Reaching out his hand, he gently squeezed Ayanna's knowing that Scott would watch his every move. “What did you order?”
“Asian chicken sandwich.” Ayanna answered. “You can try some when it gets here. I know it sounds very plain and ordinary, but it's really good here.”
“I'll hold you to it then.” He continued to sit with his hand on her own, which was strange even for Ayanna but she didn't retract it. She had seen Noah touch her sister while sitting at the table, so she figured it was just a habit of his.
“We are going to see a movie afterward, Scott. Do you want to come along?” Ayanna asked.
“Yes.” He answered before he even thought the question over. He would have to cancel some appointments, but he wasn't going to leave her alone with this guy. A thought occurred to him that Ayanna had told him days before that she had an interest in Tristan. “How are things going with Tristan?” He wanted to let this other guy know he wasn't in the running either.
“Eh. He's a tough one to crack.”
“Have yourself an interest in Tristan, do you?” Noah asked and continued to hold her hand. He didn't seem bothered by the information on the outside. It did cause him to stir inwardly, but he knew that Tristan was locked onto Aven and the odds were no one could shake him off.
“Maybe a little. I really haven't decided on anything yet. I mean I am not interested in anything serious, so what's the point?”
Noah nodded. “Indeed, what is.” He smirked at Scott, whose eyes kept coming back to the hands on the table.
---***
Aven followed Tristan into a small Mexican restaurant that was attached to the mall near the book store. The sleeping Mexican painting and the other decorations were stereotypical to the style of such a place. The two sat down in a booth near the back so that they would be away from the rest of the patrons.
The book signing wasn't exactly packed and there had been talk that it would end early. It really did seem that the boy band's days of fame were over, and that his other band mates were trying to revive their money source.
Sitting down at the table, they both looked over the menu. “You don't have to order anything.” Tristan told her, knowing that she only had a select few items that she ate.
“I want to.” Her eyes remained on the menu as she sat across the booth from him. When she could feel his eyes on her, she decided to explain. “Ayanna and Noah both commented that I am too thin.” She sighed. “I am going to try to eat something else. See if I can.”
He nodded his head.
“Don't tell them. I know you won't judge or try to force me.”
Did that mean she felt comfortable around him? He could feel his heart race slightly with her simple words. She trusted him enough that she was willing to do the unusual with him as her witness. His moment of victory was only short lived when he recalled what his band mates had said to her earlier. His face flushed red as he recalled. “Uh, about earlier.”
“I won't tell anyone. You should have just let me lie and say that it wasn't true.” She set the menu down.
“I didn't know you would.” He still felt bothered by what had been said and felt the need to explain himself. “I don't feel comfortable. I can't relax around them.”
“You don't have to explain.”
“I've never felt comfortable and the guys always pushed them on me. I let them do whatever and then pushed them off.”
Aven sighed and decided to change the subject. “I bought your book.” She reached into the book store shopping bag. “I wanted to buy Noah's but they have to order it, so I got yours instead.”
“I didn't write it.” He knew what she was doing and decided to jump the subject, even if it made him uncomfortable for her to walk away thinking what she did. He had briefly been happy when she mentioned that she bought the book, but she had torn that away with the mention of Noah.
“I know. I am still going to read it.”
Tristan shrugged his shoulders. “I don't even know what it says. I wasn't interviewed for very long by the author. It's mostly the guys telling him things about me. Probably more crap like today.”
“I'll keep it in mind.” She looked around for a server, but couldn't find any. “They seem like bullies.”
“I am told that's how guys are with each other.”
“You don't know first hand?”
Tristan shrugged. “I never had any friends growing up. My father was a bit of a hermit and he home schooled me. We lived in a cabin in the mountains and pretty much took care of ourselves out there. We only went into town for supplies once in a while. During the winter when people came to the other cabins near by for skiing, I wasn't allowed to play with their kids. My father always said they would corrupt me.”
It was the most that Aven had ever heard him talk, but those few sentences made him more understandable. She had thought he had a troubled past due to being in the boy band, but it seemed that was only the public image of who he was. There was far more trouble brewing from his own childhood.
“Must have been difficult.”
Tristan nodded in agreement even though he hated that response. He didn't know why he bothered telling her all that, but the story spilled out before he could stop himself. He was semi-glad that he was able to explain himself slightly to her, however.
---***
“You and your friend seem very close.” Noah told Ayanna as he pulled into his usual parking spot outside their home.
“Yes, we have been friends for twelve years.” She told him as she unbuckled her safety belt then opened the car door.
Noah wondered if she knew about the feelings that her friend had for her. They were obvious enough to him within the first few seconds of meeting him, but Ayanna seemed oblivious. The question, however, was she willfully oblivious? Did she purposely ignore the man's feelings because she didn't reciprocate and feared their relationship would end or was she afraid of having a real relationship with a man?
Once out of his car, he set the alarm and began to walk up the driveway beside Ayanna. He knew he shouldn't have gone to lunch with her that day, as it was only bringing him more into her world. Her blissful attitude reminded him so much of Autumn that he couldn't help at times but want to be around her. It was dangerous, especially considering the relationship he had started with her sister. More importantly, he didn't want to have anything serious with anyone again.
“Jeremy!” Ayanna shouted out and ran toward the porch.
Noah looked up at the man standing on the porch. He wore a dark blue suit and tie while glasses framed his face. His golden brown hair was cut short in a business-like fashion, but his eyes were a bright green, something that seemed almost inhuman.
Jeremy hugged Ayanna and spun her around a couple times, before setting her back on the porch. “I was just about to leave. I guess no one is home.”
“Yeah, you came on a bad day, we all went out.” She noticed that Jeremy was looking at Noah, and remembered that she had to introduce them. “Jeremy, this is Noah, he's our tenant. Noah, Jeremy is like a brother to us. He was best friends with Aven's boyfriend.”
The two men shook hands briefly. Ayanna didn't know if she should have introduced Noah as her sister's boyfriend so she went with tenant.
“Come inside, you'll be shocked how the house is set up now.” She removed her keys from her purse to open the door.
“Oh, I don't want to disturb...”
“Nonsense, Aven will be home soon. She'll be shocked to see you. In a good way. Besides, you have to tell me everything.” The door opened and Ayanna practically skipped into the house.
“There isn't much to tell.”
“How long are you in town for?” She asked as she closed the door behind everyone.
“A couple days, then I will be back in two months.”
“Really?”
When everyone was inside, Ayanna and Jeremy found their way to the kitchen table and Noah decided to go up to his room. He didn't want to get in the way of their reunion as it seemed they hadn't seen each other in a while.
As he made his way upstairs, a thought occurred to him. Women didn't come around this house. The two girls never made mention of female friends nor had he ever seen any around. It was only men that the girls had allowed into their lives. He questioned whether that was a conscious choice or not on their part.
Aven didn't have any friends, but Ayanna seemed to be more social. In the time he had lived here, she had gone out to bars to drink with friends but it seemed she only went when Scott asked her. At times, he thought that perhaps Ayanna was just as lonely and depressed as her sister, but that she hid it from the world.
Sitting down on his couch, he could hear Ayanna laugh downstairs in the kitchen. A small part of him was upset that their time together was cut short, but a larger part of him was more relieved. He needed to keep a distance from her. He had to maintain a professional relationship towards these people, after all they were his muses.
---***
He didn't want to take her home. As soon as they were home, Aven would go to Noah's side and it would be a long time before he got a chance like this. The book signing had ended early and he had suggested that they walk around the mall to window shop. He loathed being out in public, but he couldn't think of any other way to keep her beside him.
She seemed hesitant when he first asked her, but eventually agreed without a single objection. She had taken the term 'window shopping' to heart and merely looked through the windows of all the stores. When he asked if she wanted to go in she had declined.
For lunch, she barely ate what she had ordered, but it was strange to see her eat anything but her usual. He could see that she felt bad about the food not being eaten, and had eaten it himself. Afterwards, he told her a cheesy line about eating what she wouldn't whenever she tried to eat something different. She had merely nodded her head and gave a brief, weak grin.
Walking side by side, his eyes kept looking down to her hand that dangled beside him. It would be strange to just take her hand, he had told himself. Normal people just don't grab someone's hand and hold it. Of course, what did he really know about normal? He had asked himself.
His knuckles hand bumped into her hand a couple times. He had hoped that she would give him some signal that it was alright to hold her hand, but she had merely moved it out of the way.
The mall was fairly busy and they had to remain close in order not to lose each other. The crowds of people randomly walked each way and offered no free path in or out of places. It felt like he was suffocating with all those people around him, but he didn't want to give up Aven just yet so he pushed through it.
“Aven?” He spoke her name without even thinking about what he was going to ask her. He just wanted her to look at him.
“Hmm?” She had been looking at a dress behind the glass, and slowly turned her eyes to him.
“Are... we are friends, aren't we?” He had no idea why that was the question that he blurted out, but there was nothing he could do to take it back.
It almost seemed like the question knocked her off balance for a moment, before she answered. “Yes, I think so. Don't you?”
“Yes.” He was quiet for a moment as she returned to looking into the window. “Friends... friends should go out and do stuff, right?”
She turned her attention back to him. “Some friends do. Aren't we doing something now?”
“But in the future. I can ask, can't I?” Tristan kept telling himself that these questions made him look lonely and desperate. He had been told in the past that such questions weren't really asked, but Aven had just learned about his past. It would be alright to be socially awkward around her and she wouldn't judge, because he didn't judge her.
“Ask me to hang out with you?”
He nodded and could feel his heart racing as he waited the brief milliseconds that it would take her to answer him.
Aven's grinned softly, “Sure. I'd like that.” Her eyes returned to the window. “It's comfortable around you, even if its crowded in here.”
She had said the word comfortable and he felt as if all his blood had rushed to his head. His comfortable person thought that he was comfortable too. He wanted to keep the conversation flowing for the first time in his life and blurted out the first thing that came to mind. “I hate crowds.”
Her head jerked toward him. “Me too. Let's get out of here then.”
“Do we have to go home?”
“No. Do you want to walk around the park?” She pointed toward where the exits of the mall would be.
“Yes.”
---***
Ayanna smiled at Jeremy when she heard the keys jingling in the lock. Aven and Tristan had been gone a great deal longer than she had expected, which was making things awkward between her and their visitor.
Jeremy had stood up from his chair as the door opened and Tristan was the first to enter, he looked at the stranger in the kitchen blankly. He didn't come to his senses until he heard someone squeal behind him. Aven raced into the man's arms and threw her own around his neck. Jeremy gave her a couple spins before he put her down and kissed her forehead.
“I can't believe you are here!” Aven spoke excitedly which came as a shock to Tristan and Ayanna, who never saw her add much emotion to her voice or actions. “I've missed you so much!”
“Same here. You are looking a little thin though.” Jeremy looked her over briefly. “I could barely recognize you.”
“Five seconds in and he's already nagging you.” Ayanna laughed. “Jeremy, this is Tristan, our other tenant. Jeremy is a family friend.”
Tristan didn't even both to shake the hand offered to him and quickly went downstairs. He had just enjoyed a long walk with hardly any spoken word with Aven, and she had promised to watch a movie with him that night. However, he knew that it probably wouldn't come to fruition with this intruder in the house.
“He's anti-social, don't take it personally.” Ayanna informed him. “Well, I am going to get everything ready for dinner, so why don't you two head into the living room and catch up.”
Aven and Jeremy made their way to the couch. “How long are you here for? When do you have to go back?”
“Only two days.” He watched her smile fade. “I will be back in two months though.” He smiled when she looked excited again. “I am moving back for good. I just came here to check out how my house construction was going.”
Aven clasped her hands together. “Really?”
“Yep, everything is set up in China and India, so they are bringing me back here. Promised me that I wouldn't be sent away anymore due to my promotion.”
“That's great, Jeremy. I am really happy.” She was trying to hold back tears.
Jeremy had been her and Curtis' closest friend, but he was sent away to help set up some factories and prep new bases of operations for his company. They were informed that he would be leaving for some time just days before Curtis and her mother died. Within two weeks, she lost Jeremy as well. It felt like her whole world had changed in that one night and she would never be able to find normality again.
His hand rested on her knee. “I am really sorry that I left so soon after...” He cut himself off. “I tried really hard to get sent back here, but they kept growing and said they needed me to get everything off the ground.”
“It's alright. I have always understood.” She lied because she didn't want him to feel bad, but in truth she had felt abandoned. He loved his work and she knew he couldn't just quit because of her, but part of her had hoped that he would have done something. “You stopped calling. That made me pretty pissed.”
“Yeah, I'm sorry. After a while, it felt awkward. Like we had become strangers, but now I see that wasn't true.” He sighed.
“Last we talked you were engaged.”
“She got tired of all my traveling and the wedding never happened.” He leaned back on the couch and tossed his head back. “It feels like everything has changed here. You know I expected Curtis to open the door when I got here. It took me a moment to realize... well, you know.”
“I wish sometimes I could forget that he's gone.”
---***
Noah was sitting on the edge of his bed near the door with his head in his hands. He looked up at Aven when she appeared into the doorway and leaned against the frame. “Your friend left?”
“Yes.”
Reaching out his hand, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her into his lap where he wrapped his arms around her shoulders and hugged her tightly. “Let's just sleep tonight, just like this.”
Aven was shocked to feel her heart skip a beat at that command. “What's wrong?”
“Just a long day.” He continued to hold her. In truth, he felt emotionally drained after being with Ayanna all day. He was starting to think he might like her more than he should, and he had to put something between himself and her. Of course, he had already done that with Aven and he thought that perhaps that was the reason he had slept with her to begin with.
“Tristan and I went to the park.”
“Did you?”
She leaned her back against his chest and settled into his touch. “We walked around. Didn't talk much.”
Aven tried to calm her heart as she told herself that he didn't mean this the way she was interpreting it. He was just tired and had acted in this rather intimate way because he was feeling lonely. Sometimes, he would do things that would trick her heart into thinking he had feelings for her, but she was always able to talk her mind and heart out of it. She was nothing more than an outlet for him, and she had to ensure that was all he would be to her.
She wished that he didn't treat her so kindly and that he would ask her to go to her own bedroom at night. She knew she should do it on her own, but she liked the feeling of a warm body lying next to her. Her sleep at night had improved a great deal now that Noah slept beside her, and she didn't want to give it up.
“I'm going to shower.” She tried to stand up, but Noah wouldn't release her.
He kissed her shoulder and then inhaled. “You smell good.”
“I've been walking around in the heat. I doubt that.”
He chuckled, “It's an improvement over what you smelled like when I first moved in here.”
Aven smirked even though he couldn't see her face. There were times when she had to catch herself from kissing his lips. He had made it pretty obvious from the start that they wouldn't be sharing anything like that, but sometimes she had to actively prevent herself from doing it. Her heart was beginning to feel like a jumbled mess and she wondered how long she could go on like this.
She could never love Noah or have any sort of relationship with him. He had made that clear to her and she had told him the same. In fact, she still clearly remembered how much she despised being around him when he first moved in, but now she couldn't wait to get home to see him. She knew it was because he would offer her that moment to forget, but it was starting to become more than a simple get-away.
This was going to have to end soon in one way or the other. Until then she had to keep telling herself that it was just sex. She was a fool to believe that she would keep love and sex apart, especially when Noah was only the second man she had ever slept with. It might have happened if she had kept her distance from him, but instead the two of them seemed to be getting closer with each passing day.
It couldn't be helped. Noah needed to know about her and she was only willing to share when he was. It felt fair that way and like she wasn't the constant center of attention.
“How do we end this?” Aven asked and when she got no answer, she assumed that Noah didn't understand the question. “What we are doing with each other.”
“Just say stop.”
“Say stop and we can both just walk away free?”
“Yes, do you want to stop?” He released her slightly so that she could turn her head and look at him.
“Do you?”
“No.” The answer was sincere, but it was because she was a wall for him. Something he could protect himself with from his own feelings.