07-18-2015, 04:43 PM
Aven awoke in the small bedroom that she had become accustomed to seeing when her eyes first opened in the morning. Normally, Noah would be laying beside her but that morning he was sitting at the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. When she sat up, he felt her movement and looked briefly over his shoulder at her.
“I am sorry.” There was emotion in his voice that she wasn't used to hearing. “I don't remember much but what I do... it's not good.”
Scooting down to the end of the bed, she placed her hands on his shoulders while sitting up in the bed on her knees. “It's alright. We are supposed to use each other.”
Noah turned his head to look up at her and she pulled his face into her bare chest. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he held back his tears. “She wasn't even depressed.” He finally spoke after several silent seconds.
“Your wife?”
“It's not like I could have helped her by seeing the signs.” He inhaled deeply.
Aven could feel his breath on her bare skin and her heart ached with sympathy for the man in her arms.
He hugged her more tightly. “She was a nurse. She worked in the cancer ward of the hospital and had started helping patients end their lives. Eventually, she started helping those that didn't even ask for it, because they were unable to. I didn't even know what she was doing, but the hospital was close to finding out. She was scared of being caught and going to jail.”
She swallowed hard and began to stroke his hair.
“She chose to do that, knowing someday she would be caught, instead of living a life with me. I chased her throughout high school and through most of college. I never took my eyes off of her and when she finally agreed to date me, I couldn't contain my excitement. For so long, she was my focus and now I am empty.”
Aven didn't know what to say to the man, but she wanted to say something to help ease him. “I know. I live in your world too.”
Noah had never really talked about his wife's death before not even to Camille. He wondered why he felt so comfortable telling this strange woman everything. He concluded that she understood since she had lost someone so important to her and felt the deep guilt and anger that he lived with. He admitted to himself that under normal circumstances he wouldn't say anything, but his emotions needed an outlet. Aven had said herself that she was meant to be used.
Looking up at her, his eyes caught on her lips and for a moment he thought to kiss her. Instead, he pushed her gently away and returned his head to his hands. Aven sat down on the bed and looked at the man in front of her. “I didn't use a condom.”
“You didn't finish anyway and my period just ended, we should be fine.” She reached out her hand and began to gently rub his back. “Shall I bring breakfast up here for you?”
Dropping his hands, he turned his head to look at her. “Will you eat with me, then?”
Nodding her head, she dropped her feet to the ground making herself even with him on the bed. “I'll get it then.” She leaned forward and placed a kiss gently on his lips, and immediately realized her mistake. As Noah sat up straight with shock on his face, her hand flew over her mouth and her eyes widened. “Sorry. I just got caught up...”
Noah grabbed her hand that covered her mouth and with his other hand pulled her face toward his own. The voice in the back of his mind told him that it was a bad idea as he passionately kissed the woman in front of him. He ignored it as he nudged her to lay on the bed and move further up it without releasing each other's lips. This was something else he was going to have to apologize over.
Aven also knew that they were making a mistake, but her heart fluttered as she received Noah's attention. Its sound drowned out any thoughts she had of how this would affect her or how this would end badly. She just wanted one moment with him where he pretended to be in love with her and where their time spent in bed seemed genuine, even if she knew she was just manipulating a broken man.
The door upstairs opened and Tristan's heart dropped once he saw the woman step out. The past few days had been such a relief and he thought that their relationship was finally over. Not wanting to give away his disappointment, he tried not to make any eye contact with her.
“Where is Ayanna?” She asked the man who was sitting at the kitchen table.
He motioned with his head toward a note in front of him. Aven's eyes followed where he was motioning and she walked over tot he table to grab it.
“Went out? She has a chore to do!” The emotion in her voice surprised Tristan, and more so when she stomped one foot. “Today is not the day.”
Aven knew this meant that making breakfast would fall to her. She didn't want to bring Noah cold cereal while he was in this state and she turned to stare into the kitchen. She hadn't cooked since her mother and Curtis died. For a moment, she wondered if Tristan was any good at cooking, but decided she couldn't have him do it since he paid for his meals to be made for him.
Swallowing, she opened the fridge and looked at what they had. “French omelets?”
Tristan lifted a single eyebrow and wondered what exactly she was going to do.
“I can sauté some mushrooms and onions. We also have some bacon.” She began to pull the ingredients out. “If you like spicy they can have some jalapeños and there is also some pickled asparagus.”
“Uh, cheese, bacon, and mushrooms, please.” He finally managed to answer as he wondered what she was up to.
“What about some green onion for color?” She watched him nod. “Ok, this shouldn't take long. Do you want some coffee while you wait?”
“I can get it myself.” He stood up and walked over to the coffee machine.
When he had poured his cup he returned to his original spot to watch what was about to unfold. He knew that Ayanna had said that Aven was an excellent cook, but he also knew she hadn't cooked in a couple of years. It made him question why suddenly she was ready to make them all a meal. Jealousy in his heart told him that this was Noah's doing, but he wanted to ignore it.
He didn't want to ignore it because he didn't like the thought, but rather he didn't want to focus on it while he watched her. As she broke the first eggs, she looked somewhat content with herself. There was a slight smile on the edge of her lips and she seemed to be enjoying it. His heart beat slightly faster and he realized that he was falling deeper already for this woman. Every day brought something knew to him that made his boyish heart ache pleasurably.
After a few minutes, his omelet was placed in front of him and she returned to making the other two. The flat, folded in half chunk of egg looked appetizing so he cut into it with his fork.
Once he had half chewed his first bite, Aven spoke. “Is it alright?”
“It's delicious.” He informed her with a mouthful of food. “Your sister's omelets are always basically scrambled eggs with other junk in it.”
Aven chuckled. “She just doesn't have the patience to do it this way.”
Tristan didn't like that Aven seemed so happy that morning and it made him wonder what had happened between her and Noah. She had been rather gloomy since he started locking himself away, but Tristan's selfish heart had found contentment that Noah was blocking her from being in his life. It seemed like those days were over and soon Noah would monopolize his comfortable person again.
“Ok, I'll be upstairs.” Aven told him with a plate in each hand. “If you want another one use the intercom.”
Before he could swallow down his food and tell her he wanted a second one just to keep her from leaving, she had already gone through the upstairs door. It was left open since she couldn't shut it with her filled hands. Once Tristan had finished his meal, he shut the door and headed back down into his dungeon.
Ayanna sat in the uncomfortable chairs at her chosen beauty parlor. Scott had called earlier to ask what she was doing and had invited himself along claiming he needed to get his hair trimmed. His hair looked fine to Ayanna, but she decided that he just wanted to hang out with her.
The salon had a sweet yet bitter odor to it from all the hair care products. People quickly paid for their services and would rush out, while those being worked on would chat with their stylist. Directly in front of them was the cashier desk and a woman sitting calmly behind it on a stool. She filed her nails until it came time to take someone's payment. She looked more bored than those who were in the waiting area.
“We should go on a camping trip next weekend.” Scott suggested while the woman beside him flipped through a magazine. He enjoyed camping with Ayanna because it was always just the two of them. He invited other people but asked them to disappear after a point.
“I can't do stuff like that anymore, Scott. I have to cook and clean for the tenants now.” She tossed the magazine on the table beside her.
“Didn't you skip out on cooking this morning?”
She shrugged her shoulders. “Only one meal, and it was because they could only schedule me in at this time.” She sighed as she leaned back in her chair. “I hope Noah doesn't get too pissed off. Ah, whatever. I'll take his abuse if I have to. This is more important to me than his breakfast.”
“What if we invite the tenants and Aven to go with us?” He knew this was a desperate tactic because he couldn't tell them to get lost, but he was seeing less of Ayanna lately and wanted some time with her.
“I don't think either one will go for it. Tristan certainly wouldn't unless Aven suggested it to him. Whatever I want him to do is always a no.” She crossed her arms and leaned forward.
Scott tried not to show his disappointment. “So, what are you getting done?”
“Going to have a big change I think. It'll take a lot longer than your trim.” Her eyebrows came together and she turned to look at him. “How did you get an appointment anyway?”
“I didn't. They said I could wait until someone has time.”
She nodded her head in memory of what he had told her earlier. “That's right.”
“How are things going with Tristan?” He didn't really want to ask, but he knew that he needed to hear the answer. It wasn't good for his heart to sit in this curiosity and worry.
“We are about to have a big development, I think.” She smiled and clicked her tongue as she rocked back and forth in her chair.
“What do you mean by that?”
She turned her head and kept smiling at him. “You'll see.”
He didn't think he would like where this was going. For several moments, he stared at the black haired beauty beside him. He remembered when she changed her hair color a year earlier because she wanted to be different than her sisters. He had hated the change at first, but had gradually gotten used to it and now he couldn't even remember her with a different color. In his memories, her hair was always black.
“Ayanna?” A woman stepped out into the waiting area and smiled at the woman who stood up. “This way please.”
Scott watched her disappear around the corner and sighed as he leaned back in his chair. He had a feeling that he knew what she was planning on doing, and he didn't like it at all. Ayanna was always this cool beauty and he had hated her sister for how she monopolized and treated her. Now he was starting to see that Ayanna was emotional and illogical at times. He thought that knowing this about her would put him off, but instead he found himself thinking and worrying about her even more.
“You still aren't done with that book?” Noah asked as he typed up his summary for another of Camille's stories.
Aven was on the bed behind him reading Tristan's boy band biography. “I don't have much time to read, so I only get a couple pages in here and there. It's a big book. The font is pretty small.” She turned the book so that he could see the pages.
Standing up from the computer chair, he sat down on the bed beside her. He was done interviewing her and knew he could go on without her from now on, but he couldn't bring himself to say it. He had to admit that he liked her company. Autumn would often sit quietly in the room while he typed up his stories. It was comforting to be able to share those quiet moments with someone, even if they were both doing something else.
“You seem to be back to yourself.” Aven put her bookmark in the book and set it to the side.
“Yeah, I checked out there for a while. I think I drank most of my wine.”
She chuckled. “You look pretty bloated.”
Noah patted his belly and chuckled along with her. He didn't know how to tell her that he remembered some what of what he had done that night. He had called her Autumn, but eventually he figured out that it wasn't. His drunk mind made the decision that it must have been Ayanna. However when he woke up it was no surprise to him that Aven was laying beside him.
“Those omelets earlier, that wasn't Ayanna's cooking, was it?” He didn't wait for her to respond. “You should cook more.”
“It felt nice to do it again. I forgot how much I love cooking and how happy I get when someone enjoys it.” She smiled widely which was alien to the man sitting next to her.
Noah smiled back at her.
“What are you writing now?” She motioned with her head toward his laptop.
“Some of Camille's crap. Futuristic romance. Just another trash novel, it'll only take a couple weeks to complete.”
“Seemed like the last one took longer.” Aven sat up straighter on the bed and pressed her back against the head board behind her.
“It was one of her more serious books. She has a couple pen names and I write for them all.” His sigh sounded like that of a defeated man.
Aven smirked and playfully ran her hand through his hair. “Don't look so downtrodden. It pays the bills until your next big break. I think it's better than what Tristan is doing. He refuses to do anything that he doesn't deem to be manly. He won't take on any romantic movies, even though people are willing to give him a great sum of money.”
“I don't know. Selling your pride is a lot more painful than you might think. Also, I don't think it's because it's not manly enough.”
Aven cocked her head to the side as if she was asking him to explain further.
“Haven't you noticed? He's shy as hell. I bet the idea of any kiss or sex scenes drives him to run in fear.”
“Uh, I guess you are right.”
“For someone who can read people so easily, you've really dropped the ball on him.” Noah teased.
“I don't read people very well at all. It's just that you are so transparent.” She picked her book back up and began to read when she decided that the conversation was over.
The man sitting beside her didn't like her response. It was only him that she could read well? He hid himself well from others and this strange woman just figures him out in an instant. Swallowing down his confused feelings, Noah returned to his computer chair and began to finish up his summary.
His mind stayed with the woman sitting behind him as he tried to figure out what exactly he was doing with her now. They weren't in love but they were passed just being friends with benefits. It was a strange gray area of simple comfort and understanding that he was beginning to regret ever finding.
The three members of the household that sat at the lunch table stared at the woman who was preparing their meal. Her hair now matched that of her sister's and made it slightly more difficult to tell them apart. She smiled the entire time she prepared their sandwiches, as if she was just bursting at the seams with a secret.
When she finally sat down, everyone began to eat their meal. Aven had chosen cereal again despite Noah's attempts to get her to try a sandwich. Tristan remembered the night before and how Ayanna had said she could pretend she was Aven. A dark cloud hung over his head as he thought that this hair color change might have something to do with him.
“What made you dye your hair?” Noah finally asked.
Ayanna shrugged her shoulders gently and smiled. “I just got tired of dying it black. This is my natural color, so I won't have to deal with it anymore.”
Noah looked across the table at the other man and Tristan shrugged with what looked like shock and worry in his face. This had something to do with the boy band member and Noah knew it.
“After you dye it such a dark color from your natural, when the roots start to grow it's very noticeable. I was dying my hair once a month, sometimes more. It was annoying.” Ayanna continued to explain when she noticed the looks between the men. “I have so much to do already that I don't want to deal with my hair too much.”
Aven didn't seem bothered by her sister's hair color change and ate her meal silently. Noah turned his attention to his lunch; his inner sense of being disturbed by this development.
Neither noticed when Ayanna slid her hand onto Tristan's knee and tried to work her way up. He grabbed her hand and pushed it away as soon as he felt her touch before scooting closer towards Aven.
“My friend, Scott, wants to know if you all would like to go camping next weekend?” Ayanna tried to ignore the disappointment she felt by Tristan's rejection and changed the subject.
“No.” Aven responded and everyone else answered similarly.
“I didn't think you guys would. Oh well, I asked because he wanted me to go and I can't go since I make everyone meals.” She had hoped that the guys would tell her not to worry or that Aven would agree to cook. “You made breakfast, didn't you, Aven?”
She looked up from her bowl to her sister.
“Tristan told me. French omelets. I'm jealous that I wasn't here. You always made the best breakfast.” Ayanna hadn't eaten much of her sandwich.
“It was very good. I told her that she should cook more often.” Noah jumped into the conversation when it was clear that Aven wasn't going to answer.
“Hey! Are you saying my food isn't any good?” She stuck out her tongue playfully.
“I didn't mean...”
Ayanna giggled. “I am just kidding I know how good of a cook my sister is.”
The room fell silent while everyone returned to their lunch. It felt awkward for everyone except Aven who really had no idea what was going on between her sister and Tristan.
“Noah, we should have a drink together tonight. If you don't mind.” Ayanna asked right before she took a drink of water.
“I believe Aven works late tonight, so I have time.”
She smiled. “Great, after dinner then?”
“It's a date.”
Aven disliked hearing the way Noah phrased that, but she remained silent. There was nothing she could say that wouldn't make her look jealous or as if she was misunderstanding their relationship. She was whether she admitted to it or not, and it was coming close to the point where she knew she would have to talk to Noah about it. If not, nothing would ever change.
Aven shook her head as she stood over the sink and washed their dishes. There weren't very many but she wondered how she had been convinced to do this. Ayanna had promised to do all the chores and she was finding herself doing them more often. She had thought about just leaving them, but when Ayanna announced she had to run an errand and asked her to do it, she had agreed without really thinking it through.
Tristan stood beside her and dried what little dishes there were. Once again, he stood too close and tried to touch her whenever she offered him something to dry.
“Ugh, my back.” Aven said as she stretched it out after handing him the last dish.
“Did you hurt it?”
“No, it's from my bad posture of sitting in front of a computer too much.” She sighed. “I need to get some weights and work on my back muscles.”
“I have some weights downstairs. What do you need five pounds? I think that's the lowest I have.” He asked as he put the last dish away.
Aven smiled. “Thanks.”
He motioned for her to follow him downstairs and then she waited in his living room. It was somewhat sad to see the state of his apartment. She knew he could be making a living and be surrounded by nice things, but he just refused to do so.
Tristan appeared from his bedroom and offered out two red plastic coated dumbbells. “Keep them for as long as you need them. I only use the eight or higher.”
“Thank you.” She took the weights from him. “You work out a lot then?”
“Clears my head. I don't do it as much since I moved here, because it can be loud sometimes.” He was trying to think of a way to get her to stay down there with him. In the kitchen they were in danger of Ayanna and Noah walking in on them, but people rarely came into his portion of the house. “I can rub out any knots for you.” As soon as he spoke the words, he realized how strange the offer was coming from a tenant or even a male friend.
“Could you?” Aven didn't seem to take his offer the way he had envisioned. “I have a couple in between my shoulder blades.
“Sure.” He grabbed a kitchen chair that sat up against the wall and didn't have any table to go with it. “Straddle that.”
“Can I take off my shirt so you won't give me rug burns?” She grabbed a button on the front of her pajama top.
Tristan nodded his head in response. The question had both terrified and excited him. It also would later anger him when he thought that she didn't mind being partially nude in front of him. Did that mean that she didn't even see him as a man?
He swallowed when Aven pulled off her pajama top to reveal a sports bra underneath. She straddled the chair and waited for him to begin. Touching her bare back send all sorts of jolts through his system and what he thought would only take a couple minutes lasted more than half an hour. He didn't want to stop and let her leave.
His heart beat quickly and his breaths shortened. He could feel himself becoming aroused as images of kissing her back among other acts entered his mind. Through his moments of lust came moments of logic and he wondered how he had gotten himself into this situation. More importantly, he wondered why Aven would allow him to do this at all. Couldn't she just ask Noah to rub her back? Of course, then again, he had been the one to offer.
“You're pretty good at this.” Aven finally spoke and then made a slurping sound. “I'm drooling on myself.”
Tristan chuckled as he watched her wipe some drool from her lips. “Are you good?”
She nodded. “Thanks. I appreciate that. I've asked Noah before but he only does it for a couple seconds and then says his hands hurt.”
“Well, anytime.” Tristan was on his knees and had been during most of the massage. He didn't want to stand up and reveal what the simple act of touching her had done to him.
“Thanks for the weights. I'm going to head back up.”
Noah watched as the woman beside him put her wine glass to her lips. Normally they drank wine in the kitchen downstairs, but Aven had complained that their conversation was annoying her. They made their way upstairs to his living room which had only been cleaned up an hour earlier. There were still hints of his hissy fit laying around, and he had warned her to keep her shoes on due to broken glass.
“I keep asking myself...” She continued. “what am I doing? It's obvious that Tristan doesn't have feelings for me, so why do I keep trying? It's almost like I can't help myself.”
“We all do stupid things for love.” He tried to reassure her.
Ayanna looked up from her wine glass and into his eyes. “How do you keep from falling in love with Aven? You two seem pretty close, but I wouldn't say you act as if you are lovers.”
“It's easy to not fall in love when your eyes are turned elsewhere.”
“You mean you have someone else you like?” She held her wine glass in her hand as she leaned back on the black leather sofa. “Does Aven know?”
“I would assume she does. I am unable to hide much from her.” He took a big swig of his glass of red wine before putting it down on the coffee table.
Several times, Noah thought to himself how close they were to a bedroom and how close they had to sit on his couch. He would catch the thoughts quickly and toss them aside. There was nothing he could do with this woman. He had slept with her sister and he knew that meant there would never be anything between them. That was why it hurt to have a conversation with her, though he didn't really believe he would say anything even if Aven had not been made into his wall.
He couldn't say that he honestly knew Ayanna so he couldn't really pinpoint why his thoughts drifted toward her, other than the obvious that she had moments where she reminded him of Autumn.
“I actually told him that he can call me Aven.” She laughed bitterly to herself.
Noah's heart dropped. “You know about that do you?”
She looked up at him and grinned pathetically. “So I guess it's only Aven that doesn't notice?” She took another sip of her wine.
“She either doesn't notice or doesn't care. Why do you care for Tristan so much? He doesn't seem to offer you anything.”
Ayanna shrugged her shoulders. “Scott thinks it's because I am sick in the head. That I took care of Aven for so long and now that she is getting better that I am looking for another wounded bird.”
“You should seriously consider why you have feelings for him. Once you understand where they come from, you'll be able deal with him better. Isn't it sad that you can't say one thing to me about why you have feelings? Like you admire something about him or...”
“Do I need a reason to love someone?”
Noah chuckled. “As much as the romanticized world wants to tell you no, the answer is yes. We all love people for a reason. We don't often bring people into our lives especially romantic lives who we don't have something in common with.”
“What do you have in common with Aven?”
He took another gulp of his wine as he thought the question over. “We both know what it means to lose someone who is the focal point of our lives. We both feel guilt over their loss.”
“That doesn't sound like a good foundation to start a relationship. I mean it's seems tragic.” Ayanna sat forward some.
“Well, we use each other for that very reason. It's not like we plan on having a real relationship with one another.”
She looked at his face while she thought over her words. “I don't know. You two spend more time together than I ever did with a fuck buddy. Maybe both of you are just ignoring it.”
Noah snorted to cover up his disdain for the woman he admired from afar. He disliked entirely that she would suggest he had feelings for her sister. That would never happen.
“Did I wake you?” Aven asked when she heard Jeremy's tired voice come through on the other end of the phone.
“No, it's noon over here.”
She stood up from her desk and walked over to the couch to sit down. Jeremy had told her in an email to call him once she was done with working that evening. She had said it would be around two in the morning, but he didn't seem to mind.
“You sound tired that's why I asked.” She pulled her feet under her and put the blanket that was normally on the back of the couch over her legs.“How much longer until you move here?”
There was some laughter in his voice when he spoke. “A couple weeks if that. I am just finishing up and training my replacement.”
“I can't wait to start hanging out with you again.”
“Aven?” He listened to her moaned response. “Are you seeing someone?”
“No, well kinda, but not really.”
Jeremy chuckled at her answer. “How do you kinda date someone?”
“There is someone that I think I might like, but he only sees me as someone he can sleep with. We aren't really a couple or anything.” It felt so comfortable to be honest with Jeremy and it felt like no years had separated them.
“So you do have feelings for someone then?” He paused briefly before he continued. “You know that not telling him how you feel will get you no where fast.”
“I know. I am just afraid that if I say anything then we won't see each other anymore, and I guess that really bothers me.” She swallowed down any emotion that might come up.
“You know I like to think of the extremes. What is worse never telling him how you feel and finding out years later when it's too late that he cared for you too or telling him now and the relationship ending?” He sounded like he was chewing on a pen which had been an old habit of his when he was at a desk working.
“I guess telling him now would save me heartache in the future, but I would have to suffer through it sooner as well.”
“Aren't you suffering already?” His heart ached to know that she was dealing with this, but it hurt more for himself as he had wanted her answer to be that there was no one in her life. He couldn't expect that to happen, not when Aven was as beautiful as she was. No one just leaves a girl like that alone for long.
“You don't know what I have been going through.” She could feel herself becoming angry as he challenged her to work through her fear.
“Yes, I do. Ayanna told me everything.” Jeremy's voice was calm and soothing. “Curtis would be really pissed off at you. I am really pissed off. I don't know what you think you are doing to yourself, but this helps nothing. He and your mom loved you and this is how you treat yourself when they are gone.”
“I don't need a lecture, Jeremy. If you are going to pull this shit then I will just hang up.” She tossed the blanket off of her and walked over to her computer chair so she could put the phone on the charger if she did hang up.
He sighed with the slight sound of frustration in his voice and when he spoke it sounded like he had removed the pen from his mouth.“You brought it up. I thought that meant I could speak my mind. I see you still aren't ready to hear the truth.”
She hit the button to end the call and tossed the phone on it's charger. It was her damn body and she could do whatever the hell she wanted to it. Jeremy didn't have to deal with what she had gone through. He just disappeared and barely sent any word about himself to her, as if she was nothing to him without Curtis around. She had thought he was her friend, but she knew the truth when he left.
Tristan sat in the dark on his couch. The television was off and the only noise that permeated throughout the room was the humming sound of his mini-refrigerator. Once in a while, he could hear Aven's footsteps in her living room and the kitchen, or the sound of her chair moving against the floor. They were light sounds and one had to listen carefully for them. He wondered if this made him creepy, even though it wasn't his initial intent.
Whether it was creepy or not, he really didn't care, but it did bother him to feel the heart ache. Every noise she made there was chance she was going to see Noah. She wouldn't come downstairs to visit him or even tell him goodnight. Her destination was never going to be him. No matter how much he hoped or stared, she wasn't going to notice his presence.
How Noah managed to catch her notice was beyond him. She had disliked him from the moment he moved in, and yet now she was sleeping with him. Over their daily meals, he could see her steal glances toward the man to her right, but her eyes never wandered toward him.
This is what hopelessness feels like. Those words were all he could think at times like this. He was too afraid to mention anything to her, and too involved to just let the feelings go. There would have to be a point when he could no longer tolerate this intensity and would need to release it. Eventually, he knew he would have to try to take her or leave her.
“I'm coming down.” Ayanna's voice had a slight echo as she spoke from the top of the stairs. When she appeared, she turned on a small lamp near the stairway. “You think I am crazy, don't you?”
Tristan stood up from the couch, but didn't move toward the woman. With what little light there was, Ayanna looked a great deal like her sister. “I suppose.”
“Maybe I am.” She chuckled bitterly. “I loved a man once... like a normal love. Not the one night stands and pay my phone bill loves, but the real 'I want to be with you forever' love. He betrayed me.”
“I see.”
A tear fell to her cheek and she quickly wiped it away. “I bought this red set of sexy underwear that I was going to wear for him. We had waited six months and I finally knew it was time. I had slept with guys before, but this one was special to me.” She sighed. “I felt connected to him on an emotional level like I never felt with anyone before. When he came over that night, he was angry over something and drunk. He forced himself on me and then left. We never talked again.”
Tristan didn't know what to say so he decided on silence. He had no idea why she was telling him any of this and he felt somewhat emotionless about the entire issue.
“I was raped.” She offered a bitter smile. “I never said that to anyone before, and you better not tell anyone either. I guess what I am trying to say is that I know what it feels like to feel so close to a person and for them to destroy all your hopes and dreams.” Ayanna turned the light off and began to move across the room towards him.
She stopped in front of him and placed her hands on his upper arms. “We can comfort each other just as much as she and Noah do. Look,” Ayanna tussled her hair and smiled up to him. He could barely make out her facial features. “I dyed my hair back to it's original color. You can pretend that I'm her, alright?”
Tristan swallowed a lump down in his throat.
“You can even call out her name. I don't care. Just don't let me be alone.” There was another bitter chuckle from her. “I sound so insane.” She paused briefly. “It doesn't matter. I'll be crazy.”
Standing on her tip toes, she placed a light kiss on his lips and then waited to see if he would react. Tristan didn't know what to do as some part of him just wanted to agree with what she was offering. He knew it was a lie and that they would only be fooling themselves, but as she came in for another kiss, he responded. Whether it was against his will or not, he didn't care any longer. He was just tired of having this strange emotion toward someone who didn't even bother to look his way.
“What do think about Ayanna's hair color?” Noah asked after Aven had settled down and began to finish up her book.
“That's just my sister.” She turned the page as she laid down on her side on the bed. Noah was sitting in front of his lap top in the computer chair. “She dyed it purple and green for a year. After a while, she gets bored and goes back to her genetic color.”
He wondered if Aven knew about Tristan's feelings for her and he wanted to ask, but there was a tightness in his chest that wouldn't allow him to. “You really think that's all there is?” He wanted to get a sense of what Aven might know before bringing any subject up.
“Who knows with her.” She seemed to be completely uninterested in the topic at hand as she continued to read.
Noah decided to drop the subject and return to writing up his character profiles to email to Camille. She liked to approve them before he could start writing. He didn't know why as every book had pretty much the same exact characters and anything different or exciting she would want it under played or removed.
Aven looked at him over her book and watched as he concentrated on his writing. There were times when she would talk to him while he was typing and he would hear nothing. Even if he was writing some romance novel that he loathed, he would still get lost in the story and characters. She had come to admire that trait in him.
Whenever she worked, she was constantly thinking about what she would do when she finished. Her heart and mind were never in it and this was only for her next paycheck. Noah truly lost himself and found joy in what he did. He may complain about the romance novels taking over his life and being a black stain, but he still took it seriously when it came to actually writing.
“Why did you decide to become a writer?” She asked when he paused in his typing.
Noah turned his chair toward her and seemed to think. “For as long as I can remember I was writing stories and telling them to the other kids growing up. I won a few competitions in school as well. I don't think I ever seriously considered any other career.”
“Is that the story you tell the media or is that the real answer?”
He smiled widely. “Both. What about you? Why did you decide on computers?”
“My mother said I was good at computers and it would make me money if I was serious about it.” She slowly closed her book. “I guess she forgot to mention love and passion.”
“You won't get very far working tech support from your living room that's for certain.” He teased. “Ever think about getting a job in the outside world?”
“Sometimes, but then I realize how much I dislike other people and think I would prefer to be poor.” Aven smirked.
“Well, there is some passion in you after all. People who would rather suffer than give up what they desire are people to be admired... even if it's not wanting to be around others.” He wrote something down in his notebook as he spoke.
The silence fell between them and Noah returned to typing out his summaries, but Aven sat quietly and watched him. Her heart sped up and dropped when she realized the distance between them. She thought of Jeremy's words and knew that they were correct, no matter how terrifying the circumstances were.
“Noah, I think... I think I might have feelings for you. Like almost love.” She waited with her breath caught in her throat.
He was silent and she thought maybe he had been lost in his own little world, until he finally spoke. “I'm flattered.”
He didn't know what else to say without upsetting her, even though he knew those words wouldn't be much better. When she didn't respond, he returned to typing and he heard Aven get up from the bed.
“Uh, I am going to get some water.” She excused herself, both knew she wouldn't be returning to his apartment that evening.
“I am sorry.” There was emotion in his voice that she wasn't used to hearing. “I don't remember much but what I do... it's not good.”
Scooting down to the end of the bed, she placed her hands on his shoulders while sitting up in the bed on her knees. “It's alright. We are supposed to use each other.”
Noah turned his head to look up at her and she pulled his face into her bare chest. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he held back his tears. “She wasn't even depressed.” He finally spoke after several silent seconds.
“Your wife?”
“It's not like I could have helped her by seeing the signs.” He inhaled deeply.
Aven could feel his breath on her bare skin and her heart ached with sympathy for the man in her arms.
He hugged her more tightly. “She was a nurse. She worked in the cancer ward of the hospital and had started helping patients end their lives. Eventually, she started helping those that didn't even ask for it, because they were unable to. I didn't even know what she was doing, but the hospital was close to finding out. She was scared of being caught and going to jail.”
She swallowed hard and began to stroke his hair.
“She chose to do that, knowing someday she would be caught, instead of living a life with me. I chased her throughout high school and through most of college. I never took my eyes off of her and when she finally agreed to date me, I couldn't contain my excitement. For so long, she was my focus and now I am empty.”
Aven didn't know what to say to the man, but she wanted to say something to help ease him. “I know. I live in your world too.”
Noah had never really talked about his wife's death before not even to Camille. He wondered why he felt so comfortable telling this strange woman everything. He concluded that she understood since she had lost someone so important to her and felt the deep guilt and anger that he lived with. He admitted to himself that under normal circumstances he wouldn't say anything, but his emotions needed an outlet. Aven had said herself that she was meant to be used.
Looking up at her, his eyes caught on her lips and for a moment he thought to kiss her. Instead, he pushed her gently away and returned his head to his hands. Aven sat down on the bed and looked at the man in front of her. “I didn't use a condom.”
“You didn't finish anyway and my period just ended, we should be fine.” She reached out her hand and began to gently rub his back. “Shall I bring breakfast up here for you?”
Dropping his hands, he turned his head to look at her. “Will you eat with me, then?”
Nodding her head, she dropped her feet to the ground making herself even with him on the bed. “I'll get it then.” She leaned forward and placed a kiss gently on his lips, and immediately realized her mistake. As Noah sat up straight with shock on his face, her hand flew over her mouth and her eyes widened. “Sorry. I just got caught up...”
Noah grabbed her hand that covered her mouth and with his other hand pulled her face toward his own. The voice in the back of his mind told him that it was a bad idea as he passionately kissed the woman in front of him. He ignored it as he nudged her to lay on the bed and move further up it without releasing each other's lips. This was something else he was going to have to apologize over.
Aven also knew that they were making a mistake, but her heart fluttered as she received Noah's attention. Its sound drowned out any thoughts she had of how this would affect her or how this would end badly. She just wanted one moment with him where he pretended to be in love with her and where their time spent in bed seemed genuine, even if she knew she was just manipulating a broken man.
The door upstairs opened and Tristan's heart dropped once he saw the woman step out. The past few days had been such a relief and he thought that their relationship was finally over. Not wanting to give away his disappointment, he tried not to make any eye contact with her.
“Where is Ayanna?” She asked the man who was sitting at the kitchen table.
He motioned with his head toward a note in front of him. Aven's eyes followed where he was motioning and she walked over tot he table to grab it.
“Went out? She has a chore to do!” The emotion in her voice surprised Tristan, and more so when she stomped one foot. “Today is not the day.”
Aven knew this meant that making breakfast would fall to her. She didn't want to bring Noah cold cereal while he was in this state and she turned to stare into the kitchen. She hadn't cooked since her mother and Curtis died. For a moment, she wondered if Tristan was any good at cooking, but decided she couldn't have him do it since he paid for his meals to be made for him.
Swallowing, she opened the fridge and looked at what they had. “French omelets?”
Tristan lifted a single eyebrow and wondered what exactly she was going to do.
“I can sauté some mushrooms and onions. We also have some bacon.” She began to pull the ingredients out. “If you like spicy they can have some jalapeños and there is also some pickled asparagus.”
“Uh, cheese, bacon, and mushrooms, please.” He finally managed to answer as he wondered what she was up to.
“What about some green onion for color?” She watched him nod. “Ok, this shouldn't take long. Do you want some coffee while you wait?”
“I can get it myself.” He stood up and walked over to the coffee machine.
When he had poured his cup he returned to his original spot to watch what was about to unfold. He knew that Ayanna had said that Aven was an excellent cook, but he also knew she hadn't cooked in a couple of years. It made him question why suddenly she was ready to make them all a meal. Jealousy in his heart told him that this was Noah's doing, but he wanted to ignore it.
He didn't want to ignore it because he didn't like the thought, but rather he didn't want to focus on it while he watched her. As she broke the first eggs, she looked somewhat content with herself. There was a slight smile on the edge of her lips and she seemed to be enjoying it. His heart beat slightly faster and he realized that he was falling deeper already for this woman. Every day brought something knew to him that made his boyish heart ache pleasurably.
After a few minutes, his omelet was placed in front of him and she returned to making the other two. The flat, folded in half chunk of egg looked appetizing so he cut into it with his fork.
Once he had half chewed his first bite, Aven spoke. “Is it alright?”
“It's delicious.” He informed her with a mouthful of food. “Your sister's omelets are always basically scrambled eggs with other junk in it.”
Aven chuckled. “She just doesn't have the patience to do it this way.”
Tristan didn't like that Aven seemed so happy that morning and it made him wonder what had happened between her and Noah. She had been rather gloomy since he started locking himself away, but Tristan's selfish heart had found contentment that Noah was blocking her from being in his life. It seemed like those days were over and soon Noah would monopolize his comfortable person again.
“Ok, I'll be upstairs.” Aven told him with a plate in each hand. “If you want another one use the intercom.”
Before he could swallow down his food and tell her he wanted a second one just to keep her from leaving, she had already gone through the upstairs door. It was left open since she couldn't shut it with her filled hands. Once Tristan had finished his meal, he shut the door and headed back down into his dungeon.
---***
Ayanna sat in the uncomfortable chairs at her chosen beauty parlor. Scott had called earlier to ask what she was doing and had invited himself along claiming he needed to get his hair trimmed. His hair looked fine to Ayanna, but she decided that he just wanted to hang out with her.
The salon had a sweet yet bitter odor to it from all the hair care products. People quickly paid for their services and would rush out, while those being worked on would chat with their stylist. Directly in front of them was the cashier desk and a woman sitting calmly behind it on a stool. She filed her nails until it came time to take someone's payment. She looked more bored than those who were in the waiting area.
“We should go on a camping trip next weekend.” Scott suggested while the woman beside him flipped through a magazine. He enjoyed camping with Ayanna because it was always just the two of them. He invited other people but asked them to disappear after a point.
“I can't do stuff like that anymore, Scott. I have to cook and clean for the tenants now.” She tossed the magazine on the table beside her.
“Didn't you skip out on cooking this morning?”
She shrugged her shoulders. “Only one meal, and it was because they could only schedule me in at this time.” She sighed as she leaned back in her chair. “I hope Noah doesn't get too pissed off. Ah, whatever. I'll take his abuse if I have to. This is more important to me than his breakfast.”
“What if we invite the tenants and Aven to go with us?” He knew this was a desperate tactic because he couldn't tell them to get lost, but he was seeing less of Ayanna lately and wanted some time with her.
“I don't think either one will go for it. Tristan certainly wouldn't unless Aven suggested it to him. Whatever I want him to do is always a no.” She crossed her arms and leaned forward.
Scott tried not to show his disappointment. “So, what are you getting done?”
“Going to have a big change I think. It'll take a lot longer than your trim.” Her eyebrows came together and she turned to look at him. “How did you get an appointment anyway?”
“I didn't. They said I could wait until someone has time.”
She nodded her head in memory of what he had told her earlier. “That's right.”
“How are things going with Tristan?” He didn't really want to ask, but he knew that he needed to hear the answer. It wasn't good for his heart to sit in this curiosity and worry.
“We are about to have a big development, I think.” She smiled and clicked her tongue as she rocked back and forth in her chair.
“What do you mean by that?”
She turned her head and kept smiling at him. “You'll see.”
He didn't think he would like where this was going. For several moments, he stared at the black haired beauty beside him. He remembered when she changed her hair color a year earlier because she wanted to be different than her sisters. He had hated the change at first, but had gradually gotten used to it and now he couldn't even remember her with a different color. In his memories, her hair was always black.
“Ayanna?” A woman stepped out into the waiting area and smiled at the woman who stood up. “This way please.”
Scott watched her disappear around the corner and sighed as he leaned back in his chair. He had a feeling that he knew what she was planning on doing, and he didn't like it at all. Ayanna was always this cool beauty and he had hated her sister for how she monopolized and treated her. Now he was starting to see that Ayanna was emotional and illogical at times. He thought that knowing this about her would put him off, but instead he found himself thinking and worrying about her even more.
“You still aren't done with that book?” Noah asked as he typed up his summary for another of Camille's stories.
Aven was on the bed behind him reading Tristan's boy band biography. “I don't have much time to read, so I only get a couple pages in here and there. It's a big book. The font is pretty small.” She turned the book so that he could see the pages.
Standing up from the computer chair, he sat down on the bed beside her. He was done interviewing her and knew he could go on without her from now on, but he couldn't bring himself to say it. He had to admit that he liked her company. Autumn would often sit quietly in the room while he typed up his stories. It was comforting to be able to share those quiet moments with someone, even if they were both doing something else.
“You seem to be back to yourself.” Aven put her bookmark in the book and set it to the side.
“Yeah, I checked out there for a while. I think I drank most of my wine.”
She chuckled. “You look pretty bloated.”
Noah patted his belly and chuckled along with her. He didn't know how to tell her that he remembered some what of what he had done that night. He had called her Autumn, but eventually he figured out that it wasn't. His drunk mind made the decision that it must have been Ayanna. However when he woke up it was no surprise to him that Aven was laying beside him.
“Those omelets earlier, that wasn't Ayanna's cooking, was it?” He didn't wait for her to respond. “You should cook more.”
“It felt nice to do it again. I forgot how much I love cooking and how happy I get when someone enjoys it.” She smiled widely which was alien to the man sitting next to her.
Noah smiled back at her.
“What are you writing now?” She motioned with her head toward his laptop.
“Some of Camille's crap. Futuristic romance. Just another trash novel, it'll only take a couple weeks to complete.”
“Seemed like the last one took longer.” Aven sat up straighter on the bed and pressed her back against the head board behind her.
“It was one of her more serious books. She has a couple pen names and I write for them all.” His sigh sounded like that of a defeated man.
Aven smirked and playfully ran her hand through his hair. “Don't look so downtrodden. It pays the bills until your next big break. I think it's better than what Tristan is doing. He refuses to do anything that he doesn't deem to be manly. He won't take on any romantic movies, even though people are willing to give him a great sum of money.”
“I don't know. Selling your pride is a lot more painful than you might think. Also, I don't think it's because it's not manly enough.”
Aven cocked her head to the side as if she was asking him to explain further.
“Haven't you noticed? He's shy as hell. I bet the idea of any kiss or sex scenes drives him to run in fear.”
“Uh, I guess you are right.”
“For someone who can read people so easily, you've really dropped the ball on him.” Noah teased.
“I don't read people very well at all. It's just that you are so transparent.” She picked her book back up and began to read when she decided that the conversation was over.
The man sitting beside her didn't like her response. It was only him that she could read well? He hid himself well from others and this strange woman just figures him out in an instant. Swallowing down his confused feelings, Noah returned to his computer chair and began to finish up his summary.
His mind stayed with the woman sitting behind him as he tried to figure out what exactly he was doing with her now. They weren't in love but they were passed just being friends with benefits. It was a strange gray area of simple comfort and understanding that he was beginning to regret ever finding.
---***
The three members of the household that sat at the lunch table stared at the woman who was preparing their meal. Her hair now matched that of her sister's and made it slightly more difficult to tell them apart. She smiled the entire time she prepared their sandwiches, as if she was just bursting at the seams with a secret.
When she finally sat down, everyone began to eat their meal. Aven had chosen cereal again despite Noah's attempts to get her to try a sandwich. Tristan remembered the night before and how Ayanna had said she could pretend she was Aven. A dark cloud hung over his head as he thought that this hair color change might have something to do with him.
“What made you dye your hair?” Noah finally asked.
Ayanna shrugged her shoulders gently and smiled. “I just got tired of dying it black. This is my natural color, so I won't have to deal with it anymore.”
Noah looked across the table at the other man and Tristan shrugged with what looked like shock and worry in his face. This had something to do with the boy band member and Noah knew it.
“After you dye it such a dark color from your natural, when the roots start to grow it's very noticeable. I was dying my hair once a month, sometimes more. It was annoying.” Ayanna continued to explain when she noticed the looks between the men. “I have so much to do already that I don't want to deal with my hair too much.”
Aven didn't seem bothered by her sister's hair color change and ate her meal silently. Noah turned his attention to his lunch; his inner sense of being disturbed by this development.
Neither noticed when Ayanna slid her hand onto Tristan's knee and tried to work her way up. He grabbed her hand and pushed it away as soon as he felt her touch before scooting closer towards Aven.
“My friend, Scott, wants to know if you all would like to go camping next weekend?” Ayanna tried to ignore the disappointment she felt by Tristan's rejection and changed the subject.
“No.” Aven responded and everyone else answered similarly.
“I didn't think you guys would. Oh well, I asked because he wanted me to go and I can't go since I make everyone meals.” She had hoped that the guys would tell her not to worry or that Aven would agree to cook. “You made breakfast, didn't you, Aven?”
She looked up from her bowl to her sister.
“Tristan told me. French omelets. I'm jealous that I wasn't here. You always made the best breakfast.” Ayanna hadn't eaten much of her sandwich.
“It was very good. I told her that she should cook more often.” Noah jumped into the conversation when it was clear that Aven wasn't going to answer.
“Hey! Are you saying my food isn't any good?” She stuck out her tongue playfully.
“I didn't mean...”
Ayanna giggled. “I am just kidding I know how good of a cook my sister is.”
The room fell silent while everyone returned to their lunch. It felt awkward for everyone except Aven who really had no idea what was going on between her sister and Tristan.
“Noah, we should have a drink together tonight. If you don't mind.” Ayanna asked right before she took a drink of water.
“I believe Aven works late tonight, so I have time.”
She smiled. “Great, after dinner then?”
“It's a date.”
Aven disliked hearing the way Noah phrased that, but she remained silent. There was nothing she could say that wouldn't make her look jealous or as if she was misunderstanding their relationship. She was whether she admitted to it or not, and it was coming close to the point where she knew she would have to talk to Noah about it. If not, nothing would ever change.
---***
Aven shook her head as she stood over the sink and washed their dishes. There weren't very many but she wondered how she had been convinced to do this. Ayanna had promised to do all the chores and she was finding herself doing them more often. She had thought about just leaving them, but when Ayanna announced she had to run an errand and asked her to do it, she had agreed without really thinking it through.
Tristan stood beside her and dried what little dishes there were. Once again, he stood too close and tried to touch her whenever she offered him something to dry.
“Ugh, my back.” Aven said as she stretched it out after handing him the last dish.
“Did you hurt it?”
“No, it's from my bad posture of sitting in front of a computer too much.” She sighed. “I need to get some weights and work on my back muscles.”
“I have some weights downstairs. What do you need five pounds? I think that's the lowest I have.” He asked as he put the last dish away.
Aven smiled. “Thanks.”
He motioned for her to follow him downstairs and then she waited in his living room. It was somewhat sad to see the state of his apartment. She knew he could be making a living and be surrounded by nice things, but he just refused to do so.
Tristan appeared from his bedroom and offered out two red plastic coated dumbbells. “Keep them for as long as you need them. I only use the eight or higher.”
“Thank you.” She took the weights from him. “You work out a lot then?”
“Clears my head. I don't do it as much since I moved here, because it can be loud sometimes.” He was trying to think of a way to get her to stay down there with him. In the kitchen they were in danger of Ayanna and Noah walking in on them, but people rarely came into his portion of the house. “I can rub out any knots for you.” As soon as he spoke the words, he realized how strange the offer was coming from a tenant or even a male friend.
“Could you?” Aven didn't seem to take his offer the way he had envisioned. “I have a couple in between my shoulder blades.
“Sure.” He grabbed a kitchen chair that sat up against the wall and didn't have any table to go with it. “Straddle that.”
“Can I take off my shirt so you won't give me rug burns?” She grabbed a button on the front of her pajama top.
Tristan nodded his head in response. The question had both terrified and excited him. It also would later anger him when he thought that she didn't mind being partially nude in front of him. Did that mean that she didn't even see him as a man?
He swallowed when Aven pulled off her pajama top to reveal a sports bra underneath. She straddled the chair and waited for him to begin. Touching her bare back send all sorts of jolts through his system and what he thought would only take a couple minutes lasted more than half an hour. He didn't want to stop and let her leave.
His heart beat quickly and his breaths shortened. He could feel himself becoming aroused as images of kissing her back among other acts entered his mind. Through his moments of lust came moments of logic and he wondered how he had gotten himself into this situation. More importantly, he wondered why Aven would allow him to do this at all. Couldn't she just ask Noah to rub her back? Of course, then again, he had been the one to offer.
“You're pretty good at this.” Aven finally spoke and then made a slurping sound. “I'm drooling on myself.”
Tristan chuckled as he watched her wipe some drool from her lips. “Are you good?”
She nodded. “Thanks. I appreciate that. I've asked Noah before but he only does it for a couple seconds and then says his hands hurt.”
“Well, anytime.” Tristan was on his knees and had been during most of the massage. He didn't want to stand up and reveal what the simple act of touching her had done to him.
“Thanks for the weights. I'm going to head back up.”
---***
Noah watched as the woman beside him put her wine glass to her lips. Normally they drank wine in the kitchen downstairs, but Aven had complained that their conversation was annoying her. They made their way upstairs to his living room which had only been cleaned up an hour earlier. There were still hints of his hissy fit laying around, and he had warned her to keep her shoes on due to broken glass.
“I keep asking myself...” She continued. “what am I doing? It's obvious that Tristan doesn't have feelings for me, so why do I keep trying? It's almost like I can't help myself.”
“We all do stupid things for love.” He tried to reassure her.
Ayanna looked up from her wine glass and into his eyes. “How do you keep from falling in love with Aven? You two seem pretty close, but I wouldn't say you act as if you are lovers.”
“It's easy to not fall in love when your eyes are turned elsewhere.”
“You mean you have someone else you like?” She held her wine glass in her hand as she leaned back on the black leather sofa. “Does Aven know?”
“I would assume she does. I am unable to hide much from her.” He took a big swig of his glass of red wine before putting it down on the coffee table.
Several times, Noah thought to himself how close they were to a bedroom and how close they had to sit on his couch. He would catch the thoughts quickly and toss them aside. There was nothing he could do with this woman. He had slept with her sister and he knew that meant there would never be anything between them. That was why it hurt to have a conversation with her, though he didn't really believe he would say anything even if Aven had not been made into his wall.
He couldn't say that he honestly knew Ayanna so he couldn't really pinpoint why his thoughts drifted toward her, other than the obvious that she had moments where she reminded him of Autumn.
“I actually told him that he can call me Aven.” She laughed bitterly to herself.
Noah's heart dropped. “You know about that do you?”
She looked up at him and grinned pathetically. “So I guess it's only Aven that doesn't notice?” She took another sip of her wine.
“She either doesn't notice or doesn't care. Why do you care for Tristan so much? He doesn't seem to offer you anything.”
Ayanna shrugged her shoulders. “Scott thinks it's because I am sick in the head. That I took care of Aven for so long and now that she is getting better that I am looking for another wounded bird.”
“You should seriously consider why you have feelings for him. Once you understand where they come from, you'll be able deal with him better. Isn't it sad that you can't say one thing to me about why you have feelings? Like you admire something about him or...”
“Do I need a reason to love someone?”
Noah chuckled. “As much as the romanticized world wants to tell you no, the answer is yes. We all love people for a reason. We don't often bring people into our lives especially romantic lives who we don't have something in common with.”
“What do you have in common with Aven?”
He took another gulp of his wine as he thought the question over. “We both know what it means to lose someone who is the focal point of our lives. We both feel guilt over their loss.”
“That doesn't sound like a good foundation to start a relationship. I mean it's seems tragic.” Ayanna sat forward some.
“Well, we use each other for that very reason. It's not like we plan on having a real relationship with one another.”
She looked at his face while she thought over her words. “I don't know. You two spend more time together than I ever did with a fuck buddy. Maybe both of you are just ignoring it.”
Noah snorted to cover up his disdain for the woman he admired from afar. He disliked entirely that she would suggest he had feelings for her sister. That would never happen.
---***
“Did I wake you?” Aven asked when she heard Jeremy's tired voice come through on the other end of the phone.
“No, it's noon over here.”
She stood up from her desk and walked over to the couch to sit down. Jeremy had told her in an email to call him once she was done with working that evening. She had said it would be around two in the morning, but he didn't seem to mind.
“You sound tired that's why I asked.” She pulled her feet under her and put the blanket that was normally on the back of the couch over her legs.“How much longer until you move here?”
There was some laughter in his voice when he spoke. “A couple weeks if that. I am just finishing up and training my replacement.”
“I can't wait to start hanging out with you again.”
“Aven?” He listened to her moaned response. “Are you seeing someone?”
“No, well kinda, but not really.”
Jeremy chuckled at her answer. “How do you kinda date someone?”
“There is someone that I think I might like, but he only sees me as someone he can sleep with. We aren't really a couple or anything.” It felt so comfortable to be honest with Jeremy and it felt like no years had separated them.
“So you do have feelings for someone then?” He paused briefly before he continued. “You know that not telling him how you feel will get you no where fast.”
“I know. I am just afraid that if I say anything then we won't see each other anymore, and I guess that really bothers me.” She swallowed down any emotion that might come up.
“You know I like to think of the extremes. What is worse never telling him how you feel and finding out years later when it's too late that he cared for you too or telling him now and the relationship ending?” He sounded like he was chewing on a pen which had been an old habit of his when he was at a desk working.
“I guess telling him now would save me heartache in the future, but I would have to suffer through it sooner as well.”
“Aren't you suffering already?” His heart ached to know that she was dealing with this, but it hurt more for himself as he had wanted her answer to be that there was no one in her life. He couldn't expect that to happen, not when Aven was as beautiful as she was. No one just leaves a girl like that alone for long.
“You don't know what I have been going through.” She could feel herself becoming angry as he challenged her to work through her fear.
“Yes, I do. Ayanna told me everything.” Jeremy's voice was calm and soothing. “Curtis would be really pissed off at you. I am really pissed off. I don't know what you think you are doing to yourself, but this helps nothing. He and your mom loved you and this is how you treat yourself when they are gone.”
“I don't need a lecture, Jeremy. If you are going to pull this shit then I will just hang up.” She tossed the blanket off of her and walked over to her computer chair so she could put the phone on the charger if she did hang up.
He sighed with the slight sound of frustration in his voice and when he spoke it sounded like he had removed the pen from his mouth.“You brought it up. I thought that meant I could speak my mind. I see you still aren't ready to hear the truth.”
She hit the button to end the call and tossed the phone on it's charger. It was her damn body and she could do whatever the hell she wanted to it. Jeremy didn't have to deal with what she had gone through. He just disappeared and barely sent any word about himself to her, as if she was nothing to him without Curtis around. She had thought he was her friend, but she knew the truth when he left.
Tristan sat in the dark on his couch. The television was off and the only noise that permeated throughout the room was the humming sound of his mini-refrigerator. Once in a while, he could hear Aven's footsteps in her living room and the kitchen, or the sound of her chair moving against the floor. They were light sounds and one had to listen carefully for them. He wondered if this made him creepy, even though it wasn't his initial intent.
Whether it was creepy or not, he really didn't care, but it did bother him to feel the heart ache. Every noise she made there was chance she was going to see Noah. She wouldn't come downstairs to visit him or even tell him goodnight. Her destination was never going to be him. No matter how much he hoped or stared, she wasn't going to notice his presence.
How Noah managed to catch her notice was beyond him. She had disliked him from the moment he moved in, and yet now she was sleeping with him. Over their daily meals, he could see her steal glances toward the man to her right, but her eyes never wandered toward him.
This is what hopelessness feels like. Those words were all he could think at times like this. He was too afraid to mention anything to her, and too involved to just let the feelings go. There would have to be a point when he could no longer tolerate this intensity and would need to release it. Eventually, he knew he would have to try to take her or leave her.
“I'm coming down.” Ayanna's voice had a slight echo as she spoke from the top of the stairs. When she appeared, she turned on a small lamp near the stairway. “You think I am crazy, don't you?”
Tristan stood up from the couch, but didn't move toward the woman. With what little light there was, Ayanna looked a great deal like her sister. “I suppose.”
“Maybe I am.” She chuckled bitterly. “I loved a man once... like a normal love. Not the one night stands and pay my phone bill loves, but the real 'I want to be with you forever' love. He betrayed me.”
“I see.”
A tear fell to her cheek and she quickly wiped it away. “I bought this red set of sexy underwear that I was going to wear for him. We had waited six months and I finally knew it was time. I had slept with guys before, but this one was special to me.” She sighed. “I felt connected to him on an emotional level like I never felt with anyone before. When he came over that night, he was angry over something and drunk. He forced himself on me and then left. We never talked again.”
Tristan didn't know what to say so he decided on silence. He had no idea why she was telling him any of this and he felt somewhat emotionless about the entire issue.
“I was raped.” She offered a bitter smile. “I never said that to anyone before, and you better not tell anyone either. I guess what I am trying to say is that I know what it feels like to feel so close to a person and for them to destroy all your hopes and dreams.” Ayanna turned the light off and began to move across the room towards him.
She stopped in front of him and placed her hands on his upper arms. “We can comfort each other just as much as she and Noah do. Look,” Ayanna tussled her hair and smiled up to him. He could barely make out her facial features. “I dyed my hair back to it's original color. You can pretend that I'm her, alright?”
Tristan swallowed a lump down in his throat.
“You can even call out her name. I don't care. Just don't let me be alone.” There was another bitter chuckle from her. “I sound so insane.” She paused briefly. “It doesn't matter. I'll be crazy.”
Standing on her tip toes, she placed a light kiss on his lips and then waited to see if he would react. Tristan didn't know what to do as some part of him just wanted to agree with what she was offering. He knew it was a lie and that they would only be fooling themselves, but as she came in for another kiss, he responded. Whether it was against his will or not, he didn't care any longer. He was just tired of having this strange emotion toward someone who didn't even bother to look his way.
---***
“What do think about Ayanna's hair color?” Noah asked after Aven had settled down and began to finish up her book.
“That's just my sister.” She turned the page as she laid down on her side on the bed. Noah was sitting in front of his lap top in the computer chair. “She dyed it purple and green for a year. After a while, she gets bored and goes back to her genetic color.”
He wondered if Aven knew about Tristan's feelings for her and he wanted to ask, but there was a tightness in his chest that wouldn't allow him to. “You really think that's all there is?” He wanted to get a sense of what Aven might know before bringing any subject up.
“Who knows with her.” She seemed to be completely uninterested in the topic at hand as she continued to read.
Noah decided to drop the subject and return to writing up his character profiles to email to Camille. She liked to approve them before he could start writing. He didn't know why as every book had pretty much the same exact characters and anything different or exciting she would want it under played or removed.
Aven looked at him over her book and watched as he concentrated on his writing. There were times when she would talk to him while he was typing and he would hear nothing. Even if he was writing some romance novel that he loathed, he would still get lost in the story and characters. She had come to admire that trait in him.
Whenever she worked, she was constantly thinking about what she would do when she finished. Her heart and mind were never in it and this was only for her next paycheck. Noah truly lost himself and found joy in what he did. He may complain about the romance novels taking over his life and being a black stain, but he still took it seriously when it came to actually writing.
“Why did you decide to become a writer?” She asked when he paused in his typing.
Noah turned his chair toward her and seemed to think. “For as long as I can remember I was writing stories and telling them to the other kids growing up. I won a few competitions in school as well. I don't think I ever seriously considered any other career.”
“Is that the story you tell the media or is that the real answer?”
He smiled widely. “Both. What about you? Why did you decide on computers?”
“My mother said I was good at computers and it would make me money if I was serious about it.” She slowly closed her book. “I guess she forgot to mention love and passion.”
“You won't get very far working tech support from your living room that's for certain.” He teased. “Ever think about getting a job in the outside world?”
“Sometimes, but then I realize how much I dislike other people and think I would prefer to be poor.” Aven smirked.
“Well, there is some passion in you after all. People who would rather suffer than give up what they desire are people to be admired... even if it's not wanting to be around others.” He wrote something down in his notebook as he spoke.
The silence fell between them and Noah returned to typing out his summaries, but Aven sat quietly and watched him. Her heart sped up and dropped when she realized the distance between them. She thought of Jeremy's words and knew that they were correct, no matter how terrifying the circumstances were.
“Noah, I think... I think I might have feelings for you. Like almost love.” She waited with her breath caught in her throat.
He was silent and she thought maybe he had been lost in his own little world, until he finally spoke. “I'm flattered.”
He didn't know what else to say without upsetting her, even though he knew those words wouldn't be much better. When she didn't respond, he returned to typing and he heard Aven get up from the bed.
“Uh, I am going to get some water.” She excused herself, both knew she wouldn't be returning to his apartment that evening.