07-18-2015, 04:46 PM
For a week, Noah didn't see Aven at all unless the moments when he got a glimpse of her when the living room door opened counted. She didn't want to eat her meals in the kitchen and she stayed locked away from everyone. The other two people in the house knew there was something going on, but neither of them could muster enough courage to ask.
The second week, Aven had returned to eating meals with everyone. Her habit of putting her hair into ponytails was gone and she had returned to using it as a curtain around her cereal bowl. No longer did she steal pieces of Noah's breakfast from his plate and her conversations had returned to short responses; mostly consisting of “whatever.” She had stopped showering and seemed to have returned to the person she had been when he first moved in.
That afternoon, Ayanna had made them lunch and then went out to the office to help Scott. Aven had not come to have her meal and her sister had told both men that she wasn't feeling well. After they both ate their meals, Tristan disappeared into the basement and Noah opened the door to his own unit.
Guilt over took his heart every time he ignored that she was hurting because of him. This was something that he knew would happen if he didn't follow the rules. It was all his fault. The blame echoed around in his mind and was so loud he could barely write. Camille had seen some of his writing and told him most of it was too morbid or just plain awful for a romance novel.
Shutting the door, he decided he would at least try to speak with her. If he apologized then maybe it would give her the comfort that she needed. Opening the living room door, Aven sat at her desk and turned her head to look at who was entering. As soon as she realized who it was, she took off down the hall and into her bedroom.
Noah was so shocked that she had actually ran from him that he didn't react. He just watched her disappear. Making his way down the hall once he recovered he knocked on the door.
“Aven, let's talk.” He waited and when there was no response he attempted to turn the doorknob, but it was locked. “Come on, unlock the door and let's discuss this like adults.”
He imagined she was laying on her bed, face down in her pillow but he couldn't know for certain.
“I apologize if I didn't reply to you in the manner you wanted. You explained your feelings to me and my response was not sensitive. I was just surprised that you would say it at all, I suppose.” He swallowed and waited again for something to tell him that she was listening.
Once a couple seconds had passed and she didn't answer, he continued. “I'm sorry that I don't feel the same way. I am to blame for all of this. I allowed us to get too close and I knew it was wrong after everything you went through. I shouldn't have started any of this with you and I am deeply apologetic. I am a heartless bastard who deserves to be kicked and punched. So, if you would like, come out here and I'll let you hit me to your heart's content.” He demonstrated by punching himself in the chest.
Placing his hand on the door, he sighed audibly when he received no response. “Aven, we are going to have to get along eventually. We live in the same house, so it's important that we come to some arrangement. Maybe I'll miss a few meals a week so that you'll eat more than cereal. Let's work something out like that.”
Stepping away from the door, he released another sigh. “Fine, you aren't ready to talk to me. I get it. When you are, you know where to find me.”
Inside the bedroom, Aven sat at the edge of her bed and stared at the door. Her heart ached to know he was there and it continued to ache when she realized he had left. She had been so stupid, she thought. Why had she picked that moment to say how she felt and why did she bother to say it at all? She could have gone on for a long time the way they were and now it was ruined. All she felt now was heartbreak and despair.
“I don't know what is going on with them.” Ayanna sat in front of Scott's large desk as she looked over the profiles that she had been asked to go through. “Aven is suddenly back to her depressed state and Noah isn't doing anything about it.” She tossed one of the stapled pieces of paper onto his desk and then continued to read through them.
“Maybe they got into a fight. People do that.” Scott picked up what she had thrown at him and read it over. “We've got a ton of red heads.” He dropped it back on his desk.
“Tell her to dye it. She says she'll do some unique things, you should give her a shot.” She sighed. “I don't know. It's been almost three weeks now. Shouldn't they have made up by now if it was just a fight?”
He shrugged his dark blue blazer covered shoulders. “It's between them. You shouldn't get involved, just let them work it out for themselves.”
“I guess.” She threw another stack of papers on his desk. “Black hair. It's just upsetting to see her like this again. I was finally starting to get my big sister back and to know she is this fragile, it's... I don't know. I guess I am just upset.”
“Tristan and you doing alright?” He read over the profile.
“As alright as a dysfunctional relationship can be.” She looked up from what she was reading and chuckled. “I don't know what I am thinking right now. The guy is obviously in love with my sister and I am just being psycho.”
“Maybe that is why you are upset over your sister and Noah. Tristan won't have to use you as a surrogate if they don't get back together.”
Ayanna stared at him for several seconds before clicking her tongue and returning to reading. “You really know how to make a person feel bad, Scott.”
Nervously, he ran his hand through his hair. “I'm sorry that wasn't my intention. What I mean is that you are better than this. You deserve someone that loves you because of you not because you look like your sister or because you won't tell his wife.”
“I know what I deserve, Scott. People deserve a lot of things, but that doesn't mean that they'll get them.” She tossed the rest of the papers on his desk. “The rest sound like they would only hang around for a short time or they are taking this too frivolously. Not worth your time.”
“People will never get what they deserve if they settle for less.” He collected the papers and placed them into a folder. “I'm sure there is a guy out there that really cares about you and every day you pass him by because you are so focused on what makes you unhealthy and unhappy.”
Ayanna grabbed her purse and stood up. “There is no guy like that out there. All men just want something from you and unless you give it to them they leave you.... or hurt you.” She began to walk toward the door. “I have to get home now. There are some chores that I need to get to, so I'll talk to you later.”
“Wait.” He stood up from his chair. Scott didn't know what he was going to say but he just didn't want her to leave yet, especially not on this note. “The reason you can't find that guy is because you aren't looking for him. You spend your life trying to find the men that will use you for whatever reason and ignore those that actually care about you.”
“If you say so, Scott. When did you become such an idealistic romantic? It's kinda sickening.” She snorted before opening the door and heading out into the waiting room.
When the door shut, Scott sat back down in his chair and stared at the door. He didn't know what had happened to hurt the woman he loved, but he wished she would confide in him. He wasn't so idealistic that he thought his love for her would suddenly change her past and make her happy. It still didn't stop him from imagining Ayanna having happiness in her life.
Every day she put on that fake smile and wandered around. People around her thought she was such an upbeat person, but in reality she was rather pathetic and lost. Scott remembered the real happiness in Ayanna when they were in high school. That was the woman he loved and wanted back, but he knew that was someone she could only bring back on her own.
Through the door, Tristan hadn't been able to make out everything that Noah had said to Aven, but he got the gist of it. When Noah appeared in the kitchen, the two men stared at each other before Noah made the first move and headed up into his unit. He didn't know it until he got into his living room, but Tristan was following closely behind him.
“What did you do?” Emotion rarely heard in Tristan's voice was apparent.
Turning slowly around to face the tall blonde, Noah smirked. “I didn't do anything. Aven's suffering is her own doing.” He knew that was partially true even if he felt he was responsible as well. If she just hadn't said anything then things could have gone on the way they were for years. It disappointed him to know that he had lost that outlet.
“Whatever you did take it back!” Tristan snapped and punched the wall beside him lightly enough that it didn't cause any damage.
“It's your chance to comfort her. Run to her rescue and claim your little crush from the clutches of agony.” Noah sat down on the couch and splayed his arms across the back of it.
Staring down at the man for several moments, Tristan couldn't believe the harsh words that he was speaking. “You weren't so tough when you talked to her a moment ago.”
“I don't want to be kicked out.” He lied. “I am not going to treat my landlady like shit just because she was dumb enough to fall in love with her fuck buddy.”
Tristan snorted. “As if I should have expected better from a man who sells himself out like a whore to write filth for some trashy author.”
“Says the pathetic loser who has a way out of this hell hole, but is either too prideful or fearful of women to take the ample opportunities offered to him.” Noah smirked when he noticed the man in front of him was surprised. “Oh yeah, I know all about your offers and how you are too much of a coward to accept them. What's the matter? Do you really think they are beneath you or are you too terrified of any sex or kissing scenes to do it?”
“Shut up.” Tristan hissed.
“Just have Aven put on a wig and be a stand in or hell even Ayanna since you've been tasting of that forbidden fruit these past couple of weeks.” He continued to smirk. “Fucking her sister is really going to get Aven to fall all over you.”
“You're one to talk.”
Noah swallowed hard and then nodded his head. “Yeah, I suppose that is a bit hypocritical of me.”
The silence that surrounded them was comfortable and their argument hadn't felt tense to either man. They both had an understanding with each other's situations even if they both didn't like the way things were playing out.
“She said she loved you?” Tristan broke the silence after a few moments. He realized just how concerned he was now that his temper had passed.
“She said she had feelings for me and it might be love. I told her I was flattered, which apparently was the wrong thing to say.” He folded his arms across his chest. “I do feel badly for her, but she knew that this relationship was not meant to be anything but friendship and sex. If I can work it out with her to have a friendship only, I am willing to try.”
“I see.” Tristan leaned his shoulder against the wall.
“Do me a favor and be her friend until she starts feeling better.”
Standing up straight, Tristan snorted and shook his head. “I would never do you a favor, especially when it comes to this. If anything I am going to do it for her since you are the one who fucked her up.”
“In more ways than one.” He winked and stood up from the couch.
“Now is not the appropriate time for jokes.”
“I passed Ayanna in the hall.” Joseph, Scott's best friend, announced as he entered into the office. “She was in one of her moods.”
Sitting behind his desk where Ayanna had left him, he frowned as his friend came to sit down in the chair that Ayanna had previously occupied.
“And so are you.” He sighed and leaned back carefully in the chair while placing his hands behind his head. “What's up?”
“I semi-confessed and she told me I was an idealistic romantic and that I'm 'kinda' sickening.” He took a sip of his coffee that his secretary had just brought in for him. There was a second cup that had been brought in for Ayanna, but she had left before it arrived. “You can have that if you want, she didn't touch it.” He motioned toward the white coffee mug.
“She puts sugar in her coffee, so no.” Joseph stared at his friend who was looking through a stack of papers on his desk. “Smells like her perfume in here. She always wears too much.”
“I like it.”
“Of course, a love sick fool like you would.” Standing up from the chair, he walked over to the window and stared out over the city. “What are you going to do? About Ayanna, I mean.”
Scott didn't respond right away and seemed to think through his words carefully. “She's in a pathetic relationship with another guy right now, and until she gets that straightened out I don't think I can do anything. As much as people would like to believe, you can't just announce how you feel for someone and because you are the better candidate the woman will suddenly realize how much she doesn't really love the other guy.”
“Those are my favorite movies.” He joked. “If you tell her at least she'll be able to start thinking about it. I mean right now she doesn't even see you as a man, let alone a potential candidate.”
“It doesn't matter right now. Why did you come over anyway?”
Joseph reached into his back pocket and pulled out a couple tickets. “I got another play coming up so I scored you some tickets.” He tossed them onto the desk. “Even if you don't like them, it at least gives you a chance to be alone with Ayanna.”
“How thoughtful.” Scott spoke sarcastically while he scooped up the tickets and tossed them into a top drawer. “I don't know if I want to see her for a while. I am a bit pissed at her right now. The way she is living her life makes me sicker by the day and I am so tired of waiting for her to open her eyes. Did I really think she could just poof one day be the person she once was? Maybe I am just an idiot who loves a girl that doesn't exist anymore.”
“Maybe you are or maybe she needs you to be her friend more than a boyfriend to help her get back to where she was. I mean, you don't even know what happened to her. How can you two be that close and she never said anything?” Joseph sat back down in her chair.
“I know it had to do with Carlin, and I have my suspicions about what happened, but whenever I bring it up she shuts down on me.” Scott looked across the desk at his friend. “Damn dude, it feels like whenever I see you, I am bitching about my love life.”
“Yeah, it does. Why don't you and I go out tonight? Have a few drinks and maybe hook up with some hotties?”
Scott started to shake his head.
“Nope, you aren't allowed to say you are too tired or you have work tomorrow. Let's just forget everything and have a good time. I have been working hard on this play and you have been dealing with your own drama. We both deserve a night to just be screw ups.” He stood up from his chair and headed toward the door. “I'll be here at five o'clock sharp to escort you around the city.”
“If we are going to drink then let's go by cab or find someone to drive us around.”
Rolling his eyes, Joseph chuckled. “Yeah, you missed the whole 'let's be screw ups' part, but I get it. We'll split the cab fare.”
Ayanna had come home and found Aven had locked herself away in her room. She banged on the door a couple times to see if she would respond, when she didn't she decided to leave her alone. She wanted to talk to someone about what was going on and the only person she could think of would be in the basement.
Heading downstairs, she found Tristan in his usual spot on the couch. He had gotten used to her coming down whenever she pleased. As soon as their eyes met, Tristan sighed as he stood up and began to remove his shirt.
“Wait. I didn't come down here for that.” Ayanna felt the tinge of guilt pass over her heart. Whenever she and he were alone in his apartment that meant they were going to sleep together. Tristan still wasn't comfortable enough to satisfy himself, but she hoped he would be in time. “Do you know what's going on with Aven and Noah?”
Tristan knew if he gave her an honest answer or even a false one that Ayanna might try to put the two together again. “It's none of your business.”
“My sister is suffering and Noah looks just fine, so I think it might be my business if just a little.” She crossed her arms.
“Why? Because she is your sister? Does sharing blood with a person mean you have the right to involve yourself in all their problems?” He sat back down on the couch and stared at the television screen.
Ayanna had noticed that Tristan was speaking to her more in the past weeks, but usually only if Aven was the main topic. Once in a while, she could slip in another subject, but as long as he was talking she didn't really mind what it was they were discussing.
“I am just really worried. Aven never tried to kill herself or anything like that, but she does have some bad habits. If you look at her hands, she got a lot of small scars where she would dig her nails into her skin. One time they got so infected and she didn't do anything about it for weeks. Her hands were swollen and red. It was terrifying. Plus you have already seen how she limits her food and she was just starting to come out of that.” Ayanna sat down on the couch beside him and laid her head on his shoulder. She could feel him stiffen when she touched him, but chose to ignore it. “Tristan, see if she'll talk to you. Please?”
“No.”
She lifted her head and looked at him. “Why not?”
“When Aven wants to talk to me, I won't have to beg her to through a door. Leave her alone, she wants some peace and quiet. Neither you nor Noah harassing her will do any good.”
The shock on her face gave way to sadness. “You two seem to understand each other, don't you?”
He didn't know how to answer that particular question and chose silence instead.
Ayanna laid her head back down on his shoulder and once more he stiffened. “Stop it. From the top of my head, you can't even tell the difference between her and me.”
He tried to loosen his body to some degree, but no matter what he knew this wasn't Aven. He knew that he was playing games with himself and how sick it was. She didn't smell like her or sound like her and she certainly didn't give off that calming aura. No matter how much she tried to look like Aven, she wasn't and that truth was always apparent. He wondered why he continued to play this game with her even though he knew it wouldn't work after one night.
Maybe he was just lonely and Ayanna was willing to fill that void for him. Aven and he hadn't watched any movies together since she started having trouble with Noah. Even at his old home there was always Eric around, but down in the basement there was no one but himself. Aven didn't even come down here, but Ayanna was willing enough. He supposed that no matter how annoying she was that this was better than nothing at all.
“Do you have a preference for dinner? I was thinking of ordering pizza. I am too emotionally exhausted to cook. You don't think Noah will mind, do you?”
“I think it will be fine.” He leaned his elbow against the armrest and laid his head in his hand.
Aven slipped in and out of the kitchen after she grabbed a couple slices of pizza. She had wanted to get herself some cereal, but figured it would take too long since Noah would be down soon. She made it back to her room and shut the door behind her only for it to bounce back. Turning her head, she found a shoe blocked the door from closing and attached to that shoe was a man she didn't wish to speak with.
Noah stepped into the bedroom and looked around the girlish room briefly, before turning his attention back to her. “Its been a while since I was in here.”
Tossing her paper plate onto her make-up stand, she glared up at him.
“Eating pizza today. That's good.” Noah had been thinking about what he would say to her all day, and he finally knew that he needed to ensure that her feelings for him died. It wasn't because they were a bother to him; he could easily pretend to care for her back and continue to receive the comfort he had been getting from her. It would be simply easier to just be with her than to end things, but part of him cared for the woman in front of him. He knew that even doctors had to cut in order to heal sometimes and he was prepared to be kicked out if it came to that.
“Leave.” Aven crossed her arms.
“I don't know why you are acting like this. You knew full well that what we were doing would never be about love. You were the one who ruined our good thing by announcing that you had feelings. Do you realize how long our time together could have lasted if you would have just held it in?” Noah wanted to be cruel, but not so much that he would send her all the way back to the beginning. He knew he had helped her in several ways and didn't want that work destroyed.
“Are you done?” She turned her head slightly so she wouldn't have to look at him but kept her arms crossed.
He snorted. “Look at yourself, Aven. You wear pajamas all the time, you barely put your hair up, and I am guessing you are up to bathing maybe twice a week now. Granted that's better than the once a month before. Now look at me. I wear sport's jackets and slacks. My hair is always done properly. I am always shaved and I bathe daily. Do you honestly believe you could have been a good match for me? Don't you think you were being delusional?”
“Fine.” Aven barked. “I'm delusional. I'm crazy. I'm stupid! Ok, are you happy now? Are you satisfied? Are you done berating me now? I'm sorry that I dared to have any feelings for someone so obviously superior to me! I didn't realize that this was medieval England and we all have our positions in life that we should never step out of! How dare I the peasant girl even dream of the great king's love! How dare I!”
“Ok, enough, Aven.” He knew he had taken it too far, but he hoped it wasn't so far that she would be destroyed again. Of course, he hoped he thought too highly of himself and that Aven wouldn't even be affected by this. She was a very strong woman when she wanted to be and he hoped that she would step up during this time.
“No! I see what you are saying now.” She spit onto the wooden floor near his feet. “Disgusting peasant! How dare she! I mean look at how wonderful you are. A sell out writer who ghosts writes trash instead of following his dream. A shut in who refuses to have any feelings for anyone except the woman that shows him no interest at all, because that's safe right? Ayanna won't even reciprocate, so it's easy to have feelings for her.”
Noah swallowed down a lump in his throat. “You noticed that, did you?”
She laughed bitterly. “Go on back to your apartment. Have your little love all by yourself. Sit in agony and just remember what it was like to once love and be loved, while you dream of something you'll never have with my sister. Go ahead. You came here to turn off my feelings for you, well mission accomplished. Now stay the fuck out of my way.”
He nodded his head slowly and stepped out into the hall. As the door was slammed behind him, he felt his heart slowly split in two. He didn't understand why he felt so upset over what Aven had just said to him, but he shoved the emotions down where they belong and made his way back to the kitchen.
“Hello, Eric.” Ayanna smiled as she opened the front door. “Tristan is downstairs.” She stepped aside to allow him in. “We ordered pizza, would you like a slice or two?”
Entering the kitchen, he looked at the two pizza boxes on the table. “Actually, I am starving. I was going to get some burgers on my way home.”
“We got pepperoni with olives and ham with pineapple.”
“The ham one is Tristan, isn't it?” He smirked.
With a chuckle, she nodded her head. “Every one else is eating the pepperoni, but it's got a garlic white sauce, not the tomato.”
“Well, I don't want the ham to go to waste. If you don't mind, I'll take a couple slices off your hands.”
Ayanna reached into the cabinets to grab a paper plate. “You would be doing us all a favor.” Opening the box, she found the pepperoni first and closed it, before going to the second. “It's still warm.” She pulled two slices out for him. “There is more if you want it.” She told him as she offered out the plate to him.
“Thank you kindly. You said Tris was downstairs? I mean I'd hate to steal your food and run...”
She waved her hand to cut him off. “It's fine. Yes, he is downstairs. I am going to shower so if you could lock the doorknob lock when you leave, I'd appreciate it.” She made her way over to the living room door and then disappeared.
Eric headed down the stairs and found Tristan eating his pizza on the couch. The blonde man looked at him briefly before he continued. Sitting down beside his friend, he began to eat his meal as well. “You are the only one that likes ham and pineapple. You should at least allow the second pizza to be half of something they like. That's what considerate people would do.”
“Would considerate people fuck the sister of the girl they like just because you feel bad for her?” The question was asked with such a deadpan tone that it took the other man in the room by surprise briefly.
“Probably not.” Eric couldn't figure out exactly what he meant and decided he just didn't want to know.
“Then I guess I'm not classified as considerate.” He took a bite of his pizza and dropped the rest of the slice on his plate before wiping his hands on a paper napkin. “Did you grab a napkin? This is greasy.”
When Eric realized he didn't have one, Tristan offered him out his spare.
“If you are here to ask me to do a romance movie then forget it. I am not in the mood to have this argument with you today. I have too much personal shit going on right now.”
“I would suspect so.” He exhaled. “Fine, then let's just watch the show and eat our pizza. We haven't hung out in a while anyway.”
“Enjoying your apartment to yourself?” Tristan asked when the show they were watching went to commercial.
“Yeah, bringing home all the babes I can handle.” Eric laughed and Tristan failed to see the sadness in his eyes.
“Good, you were bitching about that and I was tired of hearing it. That's the number one reason I moved out.” Tristan rarely teased, but even though his voice held no emotion his close friend beside him could tell the difference between his humor and bluntness.
Eric stared at him for a few moments. “How are you doing? You haven't called me in a couple weeks.”
“You haven't called me either.”
“I suppose I haven't.” Leaning back on the couch, Eric decided to drop the topic. He didn't want to explain to his friend why he hadn't called, and more importantly he didn't want to know the reason why Tristan had pushed him to the back burner in his life. The truth would hurt too much.
“It's all your fault!” Aven snapped as she spoke on the phone in her bedroom. “You are the one who pushed me into telling him and now it's become like this.”
Jeremy clicked his tongue on the other end of the phone line. “Who is this? Aven? This can't possibly be Aven. She never blames other people for her own actions that's what I admire about her. She always owns up to her own decisions and never allows others to tell her what to do.”
“Whatever.” She sat down on the edge of her bed quickly and the mattress bounced her a couple times before it came to a rest.
“Don't you think it's better this way? I mean I know it sucks and it hurts, but at least you are able to move on. Ayanna told me how much he has helped you, so you should be thankful for that. Now you are going to be able to move on stronger than before.” Jeremy's office chair squeaked. He was still in India since he had been asked to stay another week or two.
“I guess. It doesn't stop myself from feeling embarrassed.”
“There is nothing to be embarrassed by. You told someone how you felt and you were rejected. Some people are too cowardly to do that and just watch the people they want go on without them.” He smiled bitterly because he knew he was talking about himself. “I've always admired that about you. How willing you are to tell people what you feel. People don't have to guess with you or play games. Curtis loved that about you as well.”
“Stop saying you admire me.”
“Should I say I love you instead.” He knew he was just testing the waters with this and in truth he was now playing games, but he wasn't as courageous as she was.
Aven didn't seem to respond one way or another, but then again she never seemed to read much into people's words. “I'm sorry that I got angry with you before. You were right in telling me to say something. He and I could have probably gone on like this for years, and then where would I be at the end of it?”
“I'm sorry that it ended this way, Aven. I don't like knowing you are upset. I wish I could be there right now to take you out and make you feel better.”
She smiled and it could be heard in her voice. “Just hearing you say that makes me feel better. You know though that's not such a bad idea. I should probably find something to do that will get me out of the house and away from Noah.”
“I think that's an excellent idea. With your degree you could find a better job anyway. I know some people at the headquarters there, I bet I could find you something.”
“Thanks, but I want to do this on my own. I know that I have been relying on people a lot in the past and I think I want to start moving forward a bit.”
“Every small step counts. Are you eating better?” He leaned forward in his seat and picked up a pen to play with. He knew it would eventually end up in his mouth.
“Is pizza better?” She looked at her greasy plate that was now empty but still on her make-up desk.
Jeremy laughed. “No one wanted to cook tonight? I remember when your mom would go out with her friends and she would leave us pizza money. Curtis, Scott, your sister, and I would always fight over what kind we would buy, and then by the time we decided the pizza would have arrived already since you ordered behind our backs.”
Aven giggled. “You guys always settled on the same things anyway. I don't know why you bothered to argue about it.”
“I miss those days. Who would have thought that someday we would miss arguing over what pizza to order?” The bittersweetness of his words caught in his throat.
“May I come in?” Ayanna asked as soon as Noah had opened the door completely. The stairway was too narrow for him to step aside and let her in, so he headed up the stairs without shutting the door. Ayanna took that to mean she was welcomed to enter.
Sitting down on his couch, he watched the younger sister come to stand in front of his coffee table. He had a feeling he knew why she was here and he really didn't want to talk about it; not after what Aven had said to him.
“What's going on?”
He lifted an eyebrow in question.
“Between you and Aven. Can't you just make up with her? She's so upset right now and I don't know what happened, but...”
“Right, you don't know what happened. So why would you bother to stick your nose into something that isn't any of your business?” He knew that he was just lashing out to hurt someone because he himself was hurt. He was angry that this woman who reminded him so much of his wife would tell him to be with someone else, though he didn't want to admit it to himself. Ayanna didn't deserve his anger as she was an innocent party in all of this. “I'm sorry.”
Her mouth had been slightly ajar but with his apology her face softened. “I am worried about my sister that's all. She has taken on some of her old habits.”
“We told you before that our relationship was just physical, but your sister tried to make it emotional. At that point it had to end. I am sorry if this has caused Aven to take a couple steps back, but I can not pretend to have feelings for her and allow her to hold me prisoner just because I pity her.”
She swallowed harshly. “Can't you just do it anyway? I know it's really selfish of me to ask that, but eventually Aven will get better and she won't need you anymore, right? So, if you just let yourself be her crutch for just a little while longer, then...”
“No.”
Ayanna bowed her head slowly. “Don't you think you are being cruel and unfair right now? Why would you treat someone who has feelings for you like this? I know you aren't in love with her, but you at least like her, don't you? If you didn't like her then you wouldn't have been able to hang around her or even sleep with her.”
“Men have the ability to sleep with women they loathe, therefore your logic doesn't hold. However, you are correct in stating that I like your sister, but as a friend. It was my fault that I didn't keep her at a distance and it's my fault things are the way they are.” He leaned forward on the couch and placed his elbows on his knees. “That is why I have to put distance between us now or she'll only continue to get hurt. Doing something for a person simply because you pity them is only contributing to their pain.”
“I don't believe that.”
He chuckled and leaned back on the couch again. “Really? Tristan is sleeping with you because he feels sorry for you, isn't he?”
“How do you know that? What did he say?”
Noah shook his head. “He didn't say anything. You just validated a suspicion of mine that's all. Getting back to my original point. How does his pity make you feel? Does it cure all your ills or does it only cause more?”
She stared down at him for several moments before crossing her arms. “Whether I create pain for myself or not is my business. I am doing as I please and this makes me happy.”
“You are a terrible liar.”
Ayanna moistened her lips with her tongue. “You are a very arrogant man who thinks he is so intelligent and above it all. I try to be nice to you because sometimes you give decent advice and because my sister liked you, but now I guess I can say how I truly feel. You are an emotional moron, no you are emotionally blind. I know, because I can recognize myself in you. I know what it feels like to lie to myself and pretend that I don't have any feelings. That's what real pain is. Whatever I am doing with Tristan, at least, I am not denying how I feel anymore. So, fuck you. You aren't as smart as you think you are.” Turning around she stormed down the stairs without saying another word.
Noah was left on the couch wondering where both the sisters had gotten their daggers that day and why they both aimed at his heart.
Aven took her chance to throw away her plate once her sister went to bed and she hoped Noah would be lost in writing upstairs. As she entered the kitchen, the door to the basement opened and she smiled hoping it was Tristan. The agent with a ponytail appeared instead and smiled back at her. He had two paper plates in his own hand.
“Hello.” He looked around the kitchen for the trash can.
“I'll take that for you.” She offered out her hand and he gave her his trash. Walking over to the kitchen sink, she opened the cabinet beneath it to reveal their small trash can. “Ayanna hates seeing trash cans in the kitchen. She says they make them look low class.”
Eric chuckled. “Well, I am heading out. Thank your sister for dinner for me. I didn't get the chance since I was with Tris.”
She nodded her head and watched him open the door as she leaned her backside against the counter. The memory of her conversation with Jeremy earlier that evening entered her mind and she recalled an offer given to her by the agent before. “Um, Eric, right?”
“Yes.” He looked up at her and stepped back into the house since he had halfway exited it.
“You... were you serious about what you said before? I mean that you'd pay me if I got Tristan to do a movie?”
Eric shut the door and made his way across the kitchen to stand closer to her. “Please, don't tease me.”
“Is that a yes?”
He nodded. “How much do you want? I mean it would have to be in percentage form of whatever Tristan made from that movie.”
“I don't want that.” She stopped to think out how she would word herself. “I assume you know that I am a bit of a shut in.” She watched him nod again. “I am trying to move myself forward in life and I was hoping...”
“You don't want to be an actress do you?” His tone had dropped and he sounded underwhelmed with the idea.
“No, especially not after hearing you so disappointed in the idea.”
Eric waved his hands in front of his face and laughed. “I'm sorry. People are constantly trying to get me to make them into some grand star. It's not that you aren't pretty or anything, but I already have one Tristan. I couldn't imagine two.”
“It doesn't matter, I am not one who wants to be in the limelight. What I wanted to know was could you hire me?”
“Huh?”
“Tristan would have to go on sets and be gone for long periods of time while he does movies, right?” She stood up straight to finish asking her favor.
“Yes.”
“Well, couldn't I go with him to get away from here? I'll take any job that you offer. I just don't want to be here.” Aven rocked back and forth on the heels of her feet with her hands folded neatly in front of her. She was nervous and feared he would say no. She hadn't really thought this out so it was even more terrifying to do something without a plan.
“Let me get this straight. You would quit your job now and get paid lower wages to get away from here?”
“Yes.” She nodded her head excitedly.
Eric shrugged his shoulders. “I guess this is good for me since it's difficult to find someone to be Tristan's assistant. They really can't put up with him for very long.”
“So, you accept?”
“Get him to do a movie and I'll hire you.” He held out his hand and she shook it.
“Expect news very soon.”
The second week, Aven had returned to eating meals with everyone. Her habit of putting her hair into ponytails was gone and she had returned to using it as a curtain around her cereal bowl. No longer did she steal pieces of Noah's breakfast from his plate and her conversations had returned to short responses; mostly consisting of “whatever.” She had stopped showering and seemed to have returned to the person she had been when he first moved in.
That afternoon, Ayanna had made them lunch and then went out to the office to help Scott. Aven had not come to have her meal and her sister had told both men that she wasn't feeling well. After they both ate their meals, Tristan disappeared into the basement and Noah opened the door to his own unit.
Guilt over took his heart every time he ignored that she was hurting because of him. This was something that he knew would happen if he didn't follow the rules. It was all his fault. The blame echoed around in his mind and was so loud he could barely write. Camille had seen some of his writing and told him most of it was too morbid or just plain awful for a romance novel.
Shutting the door, he decided he would at least try to speak with her. If he apologized then maybe it would give her the comfort that she needed. Opening the living room door, Aven sat at her desk and turned her head to look at who was entering. As soon as she realized who it was, she took off down the hall and into her bedroom.
Noah was so shocked that she had actually ran from him that he didn't react. He just watched her disappear. Making his way down the hall once he recovered he knocked on the door.
“Aven, let's talk.” He waited and when there was no response he attempted to turn the doorknob, but it was locked. “Come on, unlock the door and let's discuss this like adults.”
He imagined she was laying on her bed, face down in her pillow but he couldn't know for certain.
“I apologize if I didn't reply to you in the manner you wanted. You explained your feelings to me and my response was not sensitive. I was just surprised that you would say it at all, I suppose.” He swallowed and waited again for something to tell him that she was listening.
Once a couple seconds had passed and she didn't answer, he continued. “I'm sorry that I don't feel the same way. I am to blame for all of this. I allowed us to get too close and I knew it was wrong after everything you went through. I shouldn't have started any of this with you and I am deeply apologetic. I am a heartless bastard who deserves to be kicked and punched. So, if you would like, come out here and I'll let you hit me to your heart's content.” He demonstrated by punching himself in the chest.
Placing his hand on the door, he sighed audibly when he received no response. “Aven, we are going to have to get along eventually. We live in the same house, so it's important that we come to some arrangement. Maybe I'll miss a few meals a week so that you'll eat more than cereal. Let's work something out like that.”
Stepping away from the door, he released another sigh. “Fine, you aren't ready to talk to me. I get it. When you are, you know where to find me.”
Inside the bedroom, Aven sat at the edge of her bed and stared at the door. Her heart ached to know he was there and it continued to ache when she realized he had left. She had been so stupid, she thought. Why had she picked that moment to say how she felt and why did she bother to say it at all? She could have gone on for a long time the way they were and now it was ruined. All she felt now was heartbreak and despair.
---***
“I don't know what is going on with them.” Ayanna sat in front of Scott's large desk as she looked over the profiles that she had been asked to go through. “Aven is suddenly back to her depressed state and Noah isn't doing anything about it.” She tossed one of the stapled pieces of paper onto his desk and then continued to read through them.
“Maybe they got into a fight. People do that.” Scott picked up what she had thrown at him and read it over. “We've got a ton of red heads.” He dropped it back on his desk.
“Tell her to dye it. She says she'll do some unique things, you should give her a shot.” She sighed. “I don't know. It's been almost three weeks now. Shouldn't they have made up by now if it was just a fight?”
He shrugged his dark blue blazer covered shoulders. “It's between them. You shouldn't get involved, just let them work it out for themselves.”
“I guess.” She threw another stack of papers on his desk. “Black hair. It's just upsetting to see her like this again. I was finally starting to get my big sister back and to know she is this fragile, it's... I don't know. I guess I am just upset.”
“Tristan and you doing alright?” He read over the profile.
“As alright as a dysfunctional relationship can be.” She looked up from what she was reading and chuckled. “I don't know what I am thinking right now. The guy is obviously in love with my sister and I am just being psycho.”
“Maybe that is why you are upset over your sister and Noah. Tristan won't have to use you as a surrogate if they don't get back together.”
Ayanna stared at him for several seconds before clicking her tongue and returning to reading. “You really know how to make a person feel bad, Scott.”
Nervously, he ran his hand through his hair. “I'm sorry that wasn't my intention. What I mean is that you are better than this. You deserve someone that loves you because of you not because you look like your sister or because you won't tell his wife.”
“I know what I deserve, Scott. People deserve a lot of things, but that doesn't mean that they'll get them.” She tossed the rest of the papers on his desk. “The rest sound like they would only hang around for a short time or they are taking this too frivolously. Not worth your time.”
“People will never get what they deserve if they settle for less.” He collected the papers and placed them into a folder. “I'm sure there is a guy out there that really cares about you and every day you pass him by because you are so focused on what makes you unhealthy and unhappy.”
Ayanna grabbed her purse and stood up. “There is no guy like that out there. All men just want something from you and unless you give it to them they leave you.... or hurt you.” She began to walk toward the door. “I have to get home now. There are some chores that I need to get to, so I'll talk to you later.”
“Wait.” He stood up from his chair. Scott didn't know what he was going to say but he just didn't want her to leave yet, especially not on this note. “The reason you can't find that guy is because you aren't looking for him. You spend your life trying to find the men that will use you for whatever reason and ignore those that actually care about you.”
“If you say so, Scott. When did you become such an idealistic romantic? It's kinda sickening.” She snorted before opening the door and heading out into the waiting room.
When the door shut, Scott sat back down in his chair and stared at the door. He didn't know what had happened to hurt the woman he loved, but he wished she would confide in him. He wasn't so idealistic that he thought his love for her would suddenly change her past and make her happy. It still didn't stop him from imagining Ayanna having happiness in her life.
Every day she put on that fake smile and wandered around. People around her thought she was such an upbeat person, but in reality she was rather pathetic and lost. Scott remembered the real happiness in Ayanna when they were in high school. That was the woman he loved and wanted back, but he knew that was someone she could only bring back on her own.
---***
Through the door, Tristan hadn't been able to make out everything that Noah had said to Aven, but he got the gist of it. When Noah appeared in the kitchen, the two men stared at each other before Noah made the first move and headed up into his unit. He didn't know it until he got into his living room, but Tristan was following closely behind him.
“What did you do?” Emotion rarely heard in Tristan's voice was apparent.
Turning slowly around to face the tall blonde, Noah smirked. “I didn't do anything. Aven's suffering is her own doing.” He knew that was partially true even if he felt he was responsible as well. If she just hadn't said anything then things could have gone on the way they were for years. It disappointed him to know that he had lost that outlet.
“Whatever you did take it back!” Tristan snapped and punched the wall beside him lightly enough that it didn't cause any damage.
“It's your chance to comfort her. Run to her rescue and claim your little crush from the clutches of agony.” Noah sat down on the couch and splayed his arms across the back of it.
Staring down at the man for several moments, Tristan couldn't believe the harsh words that he was speaking. “You weren't so tough when you talked to her a moment ago.”
“I don't want to be kicked out.” He lied. “I am not going to treat my landlady like shit just because she was dumb enough to fall in love with her fuck buddy.”
Tristan snorted. “As if I should have expected better from a man who sells himself out like a whore to write filth for some trashy author.”
“Says the pathetic loser who has a way out of this hell hole, but is either too prideful or fearful of women to take the ample opportunities offered to him.” Noah smirked when he noticed the man in front of him was surprised. “Oh yeah, I know all about your offers and how you are too much of a coward to accept them. What's the matter? Do you really think they are beneath you or are you too terrified of any sex or kissing scenes to do it?”
“Shut up.” Tristan hissed.
“Just have Aven put on a wig and be a stand in or hell even Ayanna since you've been tasting of that forbidden fruit these past couple of weeks.” He continued to smirk. “Fucking her sister is really going to get Aven to fall all over you.”
“You're one to talk.”
Noah swallowed hard and then nodded his head. “Yeah, I suppose that is a bit hypocritical of me.”
The silence that surrounded them was comfortable and their argument hadn't felt tense to either man. They both had an understanding with each other's situations even if they both didn't like the way things were playing out.
“She said she loved you?” Tristan broke the silence after a few moments. He realized just how concerned he was now that his temper had passed.
“She said she had feelings for me and it might be love. I told her I was flattered, which apparently was the wrong thing to say.” He folded his arms across his chest. “I do feel badly for her, but she knew that this relationship was not meant to be anything but friendship and sex. If I can work it out with her to have a friendship only, I am willing to try.”
“I see.” Tristan leaned his shoulder against the wall.
“Do me a favor and be her friend until she starts feeling better.”
Standing up straight, Tristan snorted and shook his head. “I would never do you a favor, especially when it comes to this. If anything I am going to do it for her since you are the one who fucked her up.”
“In more ways than one.” He winked and stood up from the couch.
“Now is not the appropriate time for jokes.”
---***
“I passed Ayanna in the hall.” Joseph, Scott's best friend, announced as he entered into the office. “She was in one of her moods.”
Sitting behind his desk where Ayanna had left him, he frowned as his friend came to sit down in the chair that Ayanna had previously occupied.
“And so are you.” He sighed and leaned back carefully in the chair while placing his hands behind his head. “What's up?”
“I semi-confessed and she told me I was an idealistic romantic and that I'm 'kinda' sickening.” He took a sip of his coffee that his secretary had just brought in for him. There was a second cup that had been brought in for Ayanna, but she had left before it arrived. “You can have that if you want, she didn't touch it.” He motioned toward the white coffee mug.
“She puts sugar in her coffee, so no.” Joseph stared at his friend who was looking through a stack of papers on his desk. “Smells like her perfume in here. She always wears too much.”
“I like it.”
“Of course, a love sick fool like you would.” Standing up from the chair, he walked over to the window and stared out over the city. “What are you going to do? About Ayanna, I mean.”
Scott didn't respond right away and seemed to think through his words carefully. “She's in a pathetic relationship with another guy right now, and until she gets that straightened out I don't think I can do anything. As much as people would like to believe, you can't just announce how you feel for someone and because you are the better candidate the woman will suddenly realize how much she doesn't really love the other guy.”
“Those are my favorite movies.” He joked. “If you tell her at least she'll be able to start thinking about it. I mean right now she doesn't even see you as a man, let alone a potential candidate.”
“It doesn't matter right now. Why did you come over anyway?”
Joseph reached into his back pocket and pulled out a couple tickets. “I got another play coming up so I scored you some tickets.” He tossed them onto the desk. “Even if you don't like them, it at least gives you a chance to be alone with Ayanna.”
“How thoughtful.” Scott spoke sarcastically while he scooped up the tickets and tossed them into a top drawer. “I don't know if I want to see her for a while. I am a bit pissed at her right now. The way she is living her life makes me sicker by the day and I am so tired of waiting for her to open her eyes. Did I really think she could just poof one day be the person she once was? Maybe I am just an idiot who loves a girl that doesn't exist anymore.”
“Maybe you are or maybe she needs you to be her friend more than a boyfriend to help her get back to where she was. I mean, you don't even know what happened to her. How can you two be that close and she never said anything?” Joseph sat back down in her chair.
“I know it had to do with Carlin, and I have my suspicions about what happened, but whenever I bring it up she shuts down on me.” Scott looked across the desk at his friend. “Damn dude, it feels like whenever I see you, I am bitching about my love life.”
“Yeah, it does. Why don't you and I go out tonight? Have a few drinks and maybe hook up with some hotties?”
Scott started to shake his head.
“Nope, you aren't allowed to say you are too tired or you have work tomorrow. Let's just forget everything and have a good time. I have been working hard on this play and you have been dealing with your own drama. We both deserve a night to just be screw ups.” He stood up from his chair and headed toward the door. “I'll be here at five o'clock sharp to escort you around the city.”
“If we are going to drink then let's go by cab or find someone to drive us around.”
Rolling his eyes, Joseph chuckled. “Yeah, you missed the whole 'let's be screw ups' part, but I get it. We'll split the cab fare.”
---***
Ayanna had come home and found Aven had locked herself away in her room. She banged on the door a couple times to see if she would respond, when she didn't she decided to leave her alone. She wanted to talk to someone about what was going on and the only person she could think of would be in the basement.
Heading downstairs, she found Tristan in his usual spot on the couch. He had gotten used to her coming down whenever she pleased. As soon as their eyes met, Tristan sighed as he stood up and began to remove his shirt.
“Wait. I didn't come down here for that.” Ayanna felt the tinge of guilt pass over her heart. Whenever she and he were alone in his apartment that meant they were going to sleep together. Tristan still wasn't comfortable enough to satisfy himself, but she hoped he would be in time. “Do you know what's going on with Aven and Noah?”
Tristan knew if he gave her an honest answer or even a false one that Ayanna might try to put the two together again. “It's none of your business.”
“My sister is suffering and Noah looks just fine, so I think it might be my business if just a little.” She crossed her arms.
“Why? Because she is your sister? Does sharing blood with a person mean you have the right to involve yourself in all their problems?” He sat back down on the couch and stared at the television screen.
Ayanna had noticed that Tristan was speaking to her more in the past weeks, but usually only if Aven was the main topic. Once in a while, she could slip in another subject, but as long as he was talking she didn't really mind what it was they were discussing.
“I am just really worried. Aven never tried to kill herself or anything like that, but she does have some bad habits. If you look at her hands, she got a lot of small scars where she would dig her nails into her skin. One time they got so infected and she didn't do anything about it for weeks. Her hands were swollen and red. It was terrifying. Plus you have already seen how she limits her food and she was just starting to come out of that.” Ayanna sat down on the couch beside him and laid her head on his shoulder. She could feel him stiffen when she touched him, but chose to ignore it. “Tristan, see if she'll talk to you. Please?”
“No.”
She lifted her head and looked at him. “Why not?”
“When Aven wants to talk to me, I won't have to beg her to through a door. Leave her alone, she wants some peace and quiet. Neither you nor Noah harassing her will do any good.”
The shock on her face gave way to sadness. “You two seem to understand each other, don't you?”
He didn't know how to answer that particular question and chose silence instead.
Ayanna laid her head back down on his shoulder and once more he stiffened. “Stop it. From the top of my head, you can't even tell the difference between her and me.”
He tried to loosen his body to some degree, but no matter what he knew this wasn't Aven. He knew that he was playing games with himself and how sick it was. She didn't smell like her or sound like her and she certainly didn't give off that calming aura. No matter how much she tried to look like Aven, she wasn't and that truth was always apparent. He wondered why he continued to play this game with her even though he knew it wouldn't work after one night.
Maybe he was just lonely and Ayanna was willing to fill that void for him. Aven and he hadn't watched any movies together since she started having trouble with Noah. Even at his old home there was always Eric around, but down in the basement there was no one but himself. Aven didn't even come down here, but Ayanna was willing enough. He supposed that no matter how annoying she was that this was better than nothing at all.
“Do you have a preference for dinner? I was thinking of ordering pizza. I am too emotionally exhausted to cook. You don't think Noah will mind, do you?”
“I think it will be fine.” He leaned his elbow against the armrest and laid his head in his hand.
---***
Aven slipped in and out of the kitchen after she grabbed a couple slices of pizza. She had wanted to get herself some cereal, but figured it would take too long since Noah would be down soon. She made it back to her room and shut the door behind her only for it to bounce back. Turning her head, she found a shoe blocked the door from closing and attached to that shoe was a man she didn't wish to speak with.
Noah stepped into the bedroom and looked around the girlish room briefly, before turning his attention back to her. “Its been a while since I was in here.”
Tossing her paper plate onto her make-up stand, she glared up at him.
“Eating pizza today. That's good.” Noah had been thinking about what he would say to her all day, and he finally knew that he needed to ensure that her feelings for him died. It wasn't because they were a bother to him; he could easily pretend to care for her back and continue to receive the comfort he had been getting from her. It would be simply easier to just be with her than to end things, but part of him cared for the woman in front of him. He knew that even doctors had to cut in order to heal sometimes and he was prepared to be kicked out if it came to that.
“Leave.” Aven crossed her arms.
“I don't know why you are acting like this. You knew full well that what we were doing would never be about love. You were the one who ruined our good thing by announcing that you had feelings. Do you realize how long our time together could have lasted if you would have just held it in?” Noah wanted to be cruel, but not so much that he would send her all the way back to the beginning. He knew he had helped her in several ways and didn't want that work destroyed.
“Are you done?” She turned her head slightly so she wouldn't have to look at him but kept her arms crossed.
He snorted. “Look at yourself, Aven. You wear pajamas all the time, you barely put your hair up, and I am guessing you are up to bathing maybe twice a week now. Granted that's better than the once a month before. Now look at me. I wear sport's jackets and slacks. My hair is always done properly. I am always shaved and I bathe daily. Do you honestly believe you could have been a good match for me? Don't you think you were being delusional?”
“Fine.” Aven barked. “I'm delusional. I'm crazy. I'm stupid! Ok, are you happy now? Are you satisfied? Are you done berating me now? I'm sorry that I dared to have any feelings for someone so obviously superior to me! I didn't realize that this was medieval England and we all have our positions in life that we should never step out of! How dare I the peasant girl even dream of the great king's love! How dare I!”
“Ok, enough, Aven.” He knew he had taken it too far, but he hoped it wasn't so far that she would be destroyed again. Of course, he hoped he thought too highly of himself and that Aven wouldn't even be affected by this. She was a very strong woman when she wanted to be and he hoped that she would step up during this time.
“No! I see what you are saying now.” She spit onto the wooden floor near his feet. “Disgusting peasant! How dare she! I mean look at how wonderful you are. A sell out writer who ghosts writes trash instead of following his dream. A shut in who refuses to have any feelings for anyone except the woman that shows him no interest at all, because that's safe right? Ayanna won't even reciprocate, so it's easy to have feelings for her.”
Noah swallowed down a lump in his throat. “You noticed that, did you?”
She laughed bitterly. “Go on back to your apartment. Have your little love all by yourself. Sit in agony and just remember what it was like to once love and be loved, while you dream of something you'll never have with my sister. Go ahead. You came here to turn off my feelings for you, well mission accomplished. Now stay the fuck out of my way.”
He nodded his head slowly and stepped out into the hall. As the door was slammed behind him, he felt his heart slowly split in two. He didn't understand why he felt so upset over what Aven had just said to him, but he shoved the emotions down where they belong and made his way back to the kitchen.
---***
“Hello, Eric.” Ayanna smiled as she opened the front door. “Tristan is downstairs.” She stepped aside to allow him in. “We ordered pizza, would you like a slice or two?”
Entering the kitchen, he looked at the two pizza boxes on the table. “Actually, I am starving. I was going to get some burgers on my way home.”
“We got pepperoni with olives and ham with pineapple.”
“The ham one is Tristan, isn't it?” He smirked.
With a chuckle, she nodded her head. “Every one else is eating the pepperoni, but it's got a garlic white sauce, not the tomato.”
“Well, I don't want the ham to go to waste. If you don't mind, I'll take a couple slices off your hands.”
Ayanna reached into the cabinets to grab a paper plate. “You would be doing us all a favor.” Opening the box, she found the pepperoni first and closed it, before going to the second. “It's still warm.” She pulled two slices out for him. “There is more if you want it.” She told him as she offered out the plate to him.
“Thank you kindly. You said Tris was downstairs? I mean I'd hate to steal your food and run...”
She waved her hand to cut him off. “It's fine. Yes, he is downstairs. I am going to shower so if you could lock the doorknob lock when you leave, I'd appreciate it.” She made her way over to the living room door and then disappeared.
Eric headed down the stairs and found Tristan eating his pizza on the couch. The blonde man looked at him briefly before he continued. Sitting down beside his friend, he began to eat his meal as well. “You are the only one that likes ham and pineapple. You should at least allow the second pizza to be half of something they like. That's what considerate people would do.”
“Would considerate people fuck the sister of the girl they like just because you feel bad for her?” The question was asked with such a deadpan tone that it took the other man in the room by surprise briefly.
“Probably not.” Eric couldn't figure out exactly what he meant and decided he just didn't want to know.
“Then I guess I'm not classified as considerate.” He took a bite of his pizza and dropped the rest of the slice on his plate before wiping his hands on a paper napkin. “Did you grab a napkin? This is greasy.”
When Eric realized he didn't have one, Tristan offered him out his spare.
“If you are here to ask me to do a romance movie then forget it. I am not in the mood to have this argument with you today. I have too much personal shit going on right now.”
“I would suspect so.” He exhaled. “Fine, then let's just watch the show and eat our pizza. We haven't hung out in a while anyway.”
“Enjoying your apartment to yourself?” Tristan asked when the show they were watching went to commercial.
“Yeah, bringing home all the babes I can handle.” Eric laughed and Tristan failed to see the sadness in his eyes.
“Good, you were bitching about that and I was tired of hearing it. That's the number one reason I moved out.” Tristan rarely teased, but even though his voice held no emotion his close friend beside him could tell the difference between his humor and bluntness.
Eric stared at him for a few moments. “How are you doing? You haven't called me in a couple weeks.”
“You haven't called me either.”
“I suppose I haven't.” Leaning back on the couch, Eric decided to drop the topic. He didn't want to explain to his friend why he hadn't called, and more importantly he didn't want to know the reason why Tristan had pushed him to the back burner in his life. The truth would hurt too much.
---***
“It's all your fault!” Aven snapped as she spoke on the phone in her bedroom. “You are the one who pushed me into telling him and now it's become like this.”
Jeremy clicked his tongue on the other end of the phone line. “Who is this? Aven? This can't possibly be Aven. She never blames other people for her own actions that's what I admire about her. She always owns up to her own decisions and never allows others to tell her what to do.”
“Whatever.” She sat down on the edge of her bed quickly and the mattress bounced her a couple times before it came to a rest.
“Don't you think it's better this way? I mean I know it sucks and it hurts, but at least you are able to move on. Ayanna told me how much he has helped you, so you should be thankful for that. Now you are going to be able to move on stronger than before.” Jeremy's office chair squeaked. He was still in India since he had been asked to stay another week or two.
“I guess. It doesn't stop myself from feeling embarrassed.”
“There is nothing to be embarrassed by. You told someone how you felt and you were rejected. Some people are too cowardly to do that and just watch the people they want go on without them.” He smiled bitterly because he knew he was talking about himself. “I've always admired that about you. How willing you are to tell people what you feel. People don't have to guess with you or play games. Curtis loved that about you as well.”
“Stop saying you admire me.”
“Should I say I love you instead.” He knew he was just testing the waters with this and in truth he was now playing games, but he wasn't as courageous as she was.
Aven didn't seem to respond one way or another, but then again she never seemed to read much into people's words. “I'm sorry that I got angry with you before. You were right in telling me to say something. He and I could have probably gone on like this for years, and then where would I be at the end of it?”
“I'm sorry that it ended this way, Aven. I don't like knowing you are upset. I wish I could be there right now to take you out and make you feel better.”
She smiled and it could be heard in her voice. “Just hearing you say that makes me feel better. You know though that's not such a bad idea. I should probably find something to do that will get me out of the house and away from Noah.”
“I think that's an excellent idea. With your degree you could find a better job anyway. I know some people at the headquarters there, I bet I could find you something.”
“Thanks, but I want to do this on my own. I know that I have been relying on people a lot in the past and I think I want to start moving forward a bit.”
“Every small step counts. Are you eating better?” He leaned forward in his seat and picked up a pen to play with. He knew it would eventually end up in his mouth.
“Is pizza better?” She looked at her greasy plate that was now empty but still on her make-up desk.
Jeremy laughed. “No one wanted to cook tonight? I remember when your mom would go out with her friends and she would leave us pizza money. Curtis, Scott, your sister, and I would always fight over what kind we would buy, and then by the time we decided the pizza would have arrived already since you ordered behind our backs.”
Aven giggled. “You guys always settled on the same things anyway. I don't know why you bothered to argue about it.”
“I miss those days. Who would have thought that someday we would miss arguing over what pizza to order?” The bittersweetness of his words caught in his throat.
---***
“May I come in?” Ayanna asked as soon as Noah had opened the door completely. The stairway was too narrow for him to step aside and let her in, so he headed up the stairs without shutting the door. Ayanna took that to mean she was welcomed to enter.
Sitting down on his couch, he watched the younger sister come to stand in front of his coffee table. He had a feeling he knew why she was here and he really didn't want to talk about it; not after what Aven had said to him.
“What's going on?”
He lifted an eyebrow in question.
“Between you and Aven. Can't you just make up with her? She's so upset right now and I don't know what happened, but...”
“Right, you don't know what happened. So why would you bother to stick your nose into something that isn't any of your business?” He knew that he was just lashing out to hurt someone because he himself was hurt. He was angry that this woman who reminded him so much of his wife would tell him to be with someone else, though he didn't want to admit it to himself. Ayanna didn't deserve his anger as she was an innocent party in all of this. “I'm sorry.”
Her mouth had been slightly ajar but with his apology her face softened. “I am worried about my sister that's all. She has taken on some of her old habits.”
“We told you before that our relationship was just physical, but your sister tried to make it emotional. At that point it had to end. I am sorry if this has caused Aven to take a couple steps back, but I can not pretend to have feelings for her and allow her to hold me prisoner just because I pity her.”
She swallowed harshly. “Can't you just do it anyway? I know it's really selfish of me to ask that, but eventually Aven will get better and she won't need you anymore, right? So, if you just let yourself be her crutch for just a little while longer, then...”
“No.”
Ayanna bowed her head slowly. “Don't you think you are being cruel and unfair right now? Why would you treat someone who has feelings for you like this? I know you aren't in love with her, but you at least like her, don't you? If you didn't like her then you wouldn't have been able to hang around her or even sleep with her.”
“Men have the ability to sleep with women they loathe, therefore your logic doesn't hold. However, you are correct in stating that I like your sister, but as a friend. It was my fault that I didn't keep her at a distance and it's my fault things are the way they are.” He leaned forward on the couch and placed his elbows on his knees. “That is why I have to put distance between us now or she'll only continue to get hurt. Doing something for a person simply because you pity them is only contributing to their pain.”
“I don't believe that.”
He chuckled and leaned back on the couch again. “Really? Tristan is sleeping with you because he feels sorry for you, isn't he?”
“How do you know that? What did he say?”
Noah shook his head. “He didn't say anything. You just validated a suspicion of mine that's all. Getting back to my original point. How does his pity make you feel? Does it cure all your ills or does it only cause more?”
She stared down at him for several moments before crossing her arms. “Whether I create pain for myself or not is my business. I am doing as I please and this makes me happy.”
“You are a terrible liar.”
Ayanna moistened her lips with her tongue. “You are a very arrogant man who thinks he is so intelligent and above it all. I try to be nice to you because sometimes you give decent advice and because my sister liked you, but now I guess I can say how I truly feel. You are an emotional moron, no you are emotionally blind. I know, because I can recognize myself in you. I know what it feels like to lie to myself and pretend that I don't have any feelings. That's what real pain is. Whatever I am doing with Tristan, at least, I am not denying how I feel anymore. So, fuck you. You aren't as smart as you think you are.” Turning around she stormed down the stairs without saying another word.
Noah was left on the couch wondering where both the sisters had gotten their daggers that day and why they both aimed at his heart.
---***
Aven took her chance to throw away her plate once her sister went to bed and she hoped Noah would be lost in writing upstairs. As she entered the kitchen, the door to the basement opened and she smiled hoping it was Tristan. The agent with a ponytail appeared instead and smiled back at her. He had two paper plates in his own hand.
“Hello.” He looked around the kitchen for the trash can.
“I'll take that for you.” She offered out her hand and he gave her his trash. Walking over to the kitchen sink, she opened the cabinet beneath it to reveal their small trash can. “Ayanna hates seeing trash cans in the kitchen. She says they make them look low class.”
Eric chuckled. “Well, I am heading out. Thank your sister for dinner for me. I didn't get the chance since I was with Tris.”
She nodded her head and watched him open the door as she leaned her backside against the counter. The memory of her conversation with Jeremy earlier that evening entered her mind and she recalled an offer given to her by the agent before. “Um, Eric, right?”
“Yes.” He looked up at her and stepped back into the house since he had halfway exited it.
“You... were you serious about what you said before? I mean that you'd pay me if I got Tristan to do a movie?”
Eric shut the door and made his way across the kitchen to stand closer to her. “Please, don't tease me.”
“Is that a yes?”
He nodded. “How much do you want? I mean it would have to be in percentage form of whatever Tristan made from that movie.”
“I don't want that.” She stopped to think out how she would word herself. “I assume you know that I am a bit of a shut in.” She watched him nod again. “I am trying to move myself forward in life and I was hoping...”
“You don't want to be an actress do you?” His tone had dropped and he sounded underwhelmed with the idea.
“No, especially not after hearing you so disappointed in the idea.”
Eric waved his hands in front of his face and laughed. “I'm sorry. People are constantly trying to get me to make them into some grand star. It's not that you aren't pretty or anything, but I already have one Tristan. I couldn't imagine two.”
“It doesn't matter, I am not one who wants to be in the limelight. What I wanted to know was could you hire me?”
“Huh?”
“Tristan would have to go on sets and be gone for long periods of time while he does movies, right?” She stood up straight to finish asking her favor.
“Yes.”
“Well, couldn't I go with him to get away from here? I'll take any job that you offer. I just don't want to be here.” Aven rocked back and forth on the heels of her feet with her hands folded neatly in front of her. She was nervous and feared he would say no. She hadn't really thought this out so it was even more terrifying to do something without a plan.
“Let me get this straight. You would quit your job now and get paid lower wages to get away from here?”
“Yes.” She nodded her head excitedly.
Eric shrugged his shoulders. “I guess this is good for me since it's difficult to find someone to be Tristan's assistant. They really can't put up with him for very long.”
“So, you accept?”
“Get him to do a movie and I'll hire you.” He held out his hand and she shook it.
“Expect news very soon.”